He Called Me Princess. Disaster Engagement Series Book 3 Lynn Smith

Episode 16

POV Fran

It’s literally been the worst few months of my life. At the beginning of this year I was so optimistic I was actually planning on telling Lydia how I felt about her at Chris and Carms wedding and now she engaged to someone else. When he announced they were getting married I thought my life had ended. My whole world came tumbling down round about me. She was meant to be with me not him. I remember the first time I realised I loved her. We were about six years old and I was sent outside to play on my own because Mum had one of her boyfriends over, it was pouring with rain and I was stuck outside kicking the ball against the wall. The sun started to come out and Lydia appeared like a vision in her pink toto, pink dance shoes and her hair on top of her head in a bun with a pink bow. She was so clean and perfect and I was standing in shoes that were too small and odd socks. I was starving my mum haven’t fed me because she was drunk and Lydia skipped up to me and said “are you hungry Fran?” “she took my filthy hand but she didn’t seem to mind “do you want to come to my house for dinner?” she was so lovely and clean I wanted to run away because I was embarrassed but she didn’t care “why are you wearing that stuff?” I asked “I was at my dance class” “why?” I asked “because I’m a girl Fran” and she did a little spin, there was a rainbow in the sky and the sunshine made her look like an angel and she was my guardian angel. I think it was the first time I released she wasn’t a boy and that she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. Her mum my auntie Elaine came down with a camera and said “right you two, I want a photo of you together” I stood staring at Lydia as she twirled in her toto and I just stood with my football under my arm mesmerised at how beautiful she was. I was still mesmerized to this day at how perfect she was. This wasn’t the way things were meant to work out, she was meant to be with me but I only had myself to blame, I never had the bottle to let her know how I felt and now she was with Tommy and I had missed my chance. I went to her house to look over the album and I noticed another folder on her laptop it was full of love songs she had written and recorded recently. And something went off in my head, I couldn’t watch her spending her life with him and I certainly didn’t want to listen to songs she had wrote about him. The only thing I could do was leave the band, I didn’t have a choice, this was the final nail in the coffin. It was the push that I needed to move on. When she arrived home she was as bubbly and beautiful as she had ever been, and it torn at my soul that it wasn’t me that was making her happy. I was down stairs in the studio when she came in, she gave me a big kiss and cuddle and I didn’t want to let her go. I asked her to sit down so we could speak and she could tell I had something big to tell her. She had that worried look on her face, I hated when she looked worried it reminded me of all the terrible things that had happened to her. “Lydia I’ve been listening to the tracks and they aren’t half bad but I found the other songs you have written” “yeah I wrote a few songs a whole ago, I was thinking we could maybe sell them, make a mint” “your heart isn’t in this Lydia and we both know it” “that’s not true Fran” “it is and it’s ok, we are all moving in different directions, right now the big man has been offered another movie and Chis has little waterfall and your getting married it’s not the right time for us to be planning a tour or a album release when you guys have different commitments, I was thinking we should do a few things on our own” “Fran what do you mean, where has this all come from?” “We aren’t kids any more Gorgeous, we can’t be living in each other’s pockets. you’ll be planning your wedding and I was thinking of doing a bit of traveling, maybe I don’t know” “so that’s it the bands finished” “no just a break until we can all give it our full attention” “there’s more to this Fran what’s the matter?” “Tommy won’t want you travelling around when you guys are married, then you two will want kids” “I’m not ready to have a family and I haven’t spoken to Tommy about the band but he knows that it’s our life and he’ll understand the way things work” “I don’t think he will Gorgeous, when you two get married he will want a normal married life” she stared at me like I had grew another head “the band didn’t need to stop when Chris got married and had waterfall but all of a sudden we can’t be in the band if I’m married, it doesn’t make sense. I think it’s me...you have a problem with me” I took her beautiful face in my hands and she couldn’t lift her eyes to meet mines I could tell she was suppressing tears. “it’s not you, don’t ever think that” a huge tear dropped onto her cheek “then it’s Tommy you have a problem with” “yeah ok it is Tommy” “why?” “It’s not him, it’s you being with him, he’s not right for you” “what?” “It’s just I don’t think he’s good enough for you” “why? is it because you think he’s a ladies man? The big man said he shagged about but I thought he was just exaggerating as usual, he’s always making up stuff” I had a laugh to myself, the big man walked around as if she hung on his every word and now she was telling me she knew he was full of s**t and it made me smile.”it’s not that gorgeous, I don’t think he gets how amazing your are, and how talented and how loved you are. I don’t think he knows that your special that your caring and your perfect. I think that he does love you but he doesn’t know you the way I know you” she put her tiny little hands on my chest “Fran you and me have a bond that no one can come close too, Michael said you were a shadow over my life and that I would never be happy as long as I put you first. He was right I do always put you first but I want to put you first” this was it!!! this is as good a time as any to tell her that I’m in love with her, this was the best time to ask her to choose either me or Tommy and if she chose him then I would go and let them be together in peace but if she chose me then she would be making me the happiest man alive then she said “please don’t leave me Francis” I wiped a tear from her cheek “your my soul mate Fran, I couldn’t live everyday without you” “I think we’re soul mates too” I rubbed my thumb over her full bottom lip and she said “your like my brother” the words were like a knife through my heart, she was looking up at me and begging me to stay in the band but I knew if I did that I would have to watch him love her and watch her love him back and that was one thing I couldn’t do. I had to move on with my life. I had to start putting myself first, I couldn’t let my love for her ruin any chance of a life that I might have. “I’m not leaving you, I just think we should do our own thing for a while. I put my heart and soul into this band and maybe I just need a rest before I burn out, I know I’m being selfish but it’s something I need to do” “your not being selfish, you deserve to find out who you are without having to look after the three of us, without having to look after me” “I would love to look after you but you’ve got Tommy for that now” she burst out crying “come on Gorgeous don’t cry” “what if he can’t look after me? You said if I split up with him again I’ve not to come running to you” I started to laugh “if he’s not looking after you then I will hunt him down and break his legs,” “does this mean I need to look after Chris and the big man without you because I’m not sure if I’m ready for that kind of responsibility” Even when she was crying she made me smile, I wanted to kiss her so badly she put her hand on top of mine and the glint from her diamond engagement ring caught my eye and I looked at it. It was a symbol of her love for him and I had to get as far away from them as possible “I’m going to leave tonight Gorgeous get a flight maybe go to Thailand, remember the four of us went to Thailand it was one of the happiest times of my life” “why are you leaving so soon?” I shrugged my shoulders “There’s no point hanging about” “you need to tell the boys we should have a band meeting before you go” “I will call in and see them both” she jumped onto my knee and hugged me “I hope you find what your looking for Fran” “me too” “I love you Francis” “I love you more gorgeous” I left her house and organised a flight for that night. I went to see Chris he cried for about half and hour before I could get any sense out of him, I explained it was too hard for me to be around Lydia and he understood. I said goodbye to Carmela, we had became so close and she tried to get me to stay but she knew it was for the best. Then I went to see the big man he was shocked “listen mate you need to do what’s right for you but I’m not giving up, I’m not letting him have her and I will do it with or without you” “we’ve lost big man” “I’m not giving up that easily, he’s not going to know what’s hit him” “I need to move on mate” “I’m going to miss you Franco” I left that night and I had packed a bag with a few things and I took my guitar I decided to leave my phone so I could call Lydia and the boys but they couldn’t call me just until I was feeling a bit better. The only other thing I took was a photo frame with a photo of me and her. I’ve got my football under my arm and she’s twirling in her toto. I wondered if I would ever look at anyone the way that six year old boy was looking at her.