The Muse

XI

Espanyana’s P.O.V

   More tears start to fall, blurring my vision as I begin to bring myself up the grey tiled staircase. I move swiftly down the narrow halls, quickly bringing myself to my room.

    As soon as the door closes behind me, I immediately find myself falling to my knees as my emotions start to completely overtake me.

    There’s a tight, restricting feeling growing within my chest, one that I haven’t felt in such a long time. 

Fear- something that I had hoped to never feel again...

      I allow my body to hunch itself over, as I continue to weep over the wooden floors beneath me. 

Maybe I did take it too far tonight. I wish I could just go back in time and change the sequence of events. 

For starters, I would’ve never tried to attach that mans soul to Natalia. 

That was rude, selfish and disrespectful of me to do to her. Not only that, but it’s quite literally the entire reason for everything going wrong tonight. 

If I never would’ve done that, then maybe he never would’ve dropped his glass on my foot, causing me to bleed.

It almost feels as if me bleeding was karma. It’s unsettling to me how those chain of events played out, so I don’t know, I just feel like something is trying to tell me that I was wrong in a sense.

I also regret altering the realities, that was very mundane of me.

Natalia was right. I’ve completely exposed who I am and where I am to deities in connection with Dane.

And now... when it matters most- I have no protection. Against him, or his men. 

It’s almost as if I’m feeding myself to the wolves at this point, and I’m not sure what to do about it. 

            More tears continue to flood my eyes as I think about the circumstances in which I shall be under.

I know for a fact that those two girls from the club tonight were of the damned, and there’s not a doubt in my mind that they are of the vamp race. They made that very, blatantly obvious when they spoke about the tasting of my blood. 

By indulging in my blood they gained confirmation that there were indeed witches of asmodeus’s bloodline present tonight; which alone can cause an uproar within the underworld. 

But, the mentioning of its disappearance will only cause chaos, as all signs will point to it belonging to me. 

Im not sure what those two girls did with the information they received tonight. But if they’ve followed the preternatural law, then there’s not a doubt in my mind that Dane is already making his arrival here in Sin City.

        There’s a cold shiver that runs down my spine at the thought of him, causing me to cry out even harder. 

I’m not ready to face him 

I can’t let myself be found 

Dane has been searching for me for more than 3 years now, I can’t even begin to imagine what he has planned for me when I’m finally back in his possession. 

Tears continue to fall from my eyes and stain the wooden floors beneath me as I allow myself to become engulfed with the feelings of fear and regret. 

I regret everything I’ve ever done. 

All of it 

If I could take it all back I would 

I absolutely hate myself for the things that I’ve done, and I just keeping making matters worse. 

          I take a deep breath and sit my body upright in attempts to calm my frantic breathing, as all my thoughts in correlation with Dane become too much to bare. I stare out my window at the moon peeking through the glass, trying to find some sense of peace in knowing that if I have no one else; at least I’ll always have the moons protection with me.

          Once I feel a bit more at ease I then bring myself to my feet, allowing my blurred vision to guide me to my bed. I immediately climb my way into my sheets, not even bothering to change out of my clothes as I soak in my last night in this safe haven. 

           My eyes slowly close shut, as I allow my emotionally drained body to relax against the plush mattress before eventually drifting off into a deep slumber. 

 The next morning. 

          I slowly peel my eyes apart as the suns sharp rays burn my retinas from the light spilling into my room. I quickly pull myself out of the bed before swiftly shutting my blinds and closing my black laced curtains in efforts to conceal as much light as possible. 

          Once I was content with the state of darkness filling my space I then bring myself over to my vanity in order to admire my reflection. I sit myself down in my wooden chair infront of the mirror, looking up at my appearance. 

I look f*****g dreadful. 

          My eyes are swollen and completely bloodshot from all my consistent crying last night and my skin appears flushed, making me look undead. 

Not even my usual lustful appearance can make me feel better right now. 

          I release a slight breath of air before rising to my feet and going into my bathroom, no longer wanting to look at myself 

                    “Ignite the light” I call out, causing the candles hanging on the wall to burst into flames. 

            I bring myself over to my stone bathtub, turning on the warm water in order to fill the bowl. I then grab my jar full of Himalayan salt, before sprinkling it into the water and allowing it to dissolve. 

             I watch as the tub begins to fill itself before pouring in a stream of tigers blood bath soap, allowing the foam from the soap to rise to the surface. Once I was satisfied with its volume, I then turn off the running water before stripping myself of all my clothing. 

            My body brings itself to the stone structure before stepping into the water and allowing myself to become surrounded by its warmth. I slowly close my eyes as I completely relax my body in my own state of vulnerability. 

            As I soak in the sediments around me, my mind can’t help but to take me back to everything that occurred last night. 

I can’t bring myself to face Natalia, not after her turning her back on me. 

I know what I did was reckless, but if the tables were turned I would never push her away like she’s doing me.

Only cowards turn their backs on family.

Only cowards leave those in danger to fend for themselves. 

Coward... that’s what she is.

A f*****g coward

I should kill her.

I should take everything that she has away from her, for good. 

Leave her with nothing

Not even a life. 

I could kill her if I wanted to, I know I’m stronger than her. She has no Godly power left, she’s completely defenseless against me. It would be so easy. 

         My eyes quickly shoot open at my callous thoughts, feeling the sin of murder completely take over me. 

Fuck her, she wants to leave me out to die? 

Fine. 

You first.

         My body rises from the water, having me quickly step out of the tub before wrapping myself in my robe and exiting the bathroom. 

         I quietly slip through my bedroom door, allowing the smell of freshly cooked food to violate my nostrils as I find myself in the narrow halls. 

No way she’s really feasting at a time like this.

I knew she never cared for me, because if she did then the thought of me leaving her would completely destroy her appetite. 

         I feel more anger and betrayal pump through my bloodstream as I continue my journey downstairs. As I reach the bottom of the staircase, I cautiously begin to make my approach towards the kitchen; hiding myself in the darkness filling the space. 

                 “Espanyana.” Natalia calls out, causing a cold chill to run up my spine. 

I remain silent, completely halting my movements as I stay hidden in the room beside the kitchen. 

                   “Espanyana, why are you hiding? We need to talk.” She calls out once again.

Talk? What is there to talk about? You betrayed me, I don’t want to talk to you. 

                     “Espanyana, please.” 

    I take a deep breath before giving in and preparing myself to face Natalia. After a few moments of contemplation I finally step into the kitchen, seeing Natalia sitting at the dining table with a full plate in front of her. 

   My eyes narrow at the sight as I look over at all the food that she’s prepared in celebration. 

                    “What is there to even talk about? You want to abandon me, fine. I’ll leave.” I say in distain as I look over at her with hatred.

      Natalia makes deep eye contact with me before extending her hand in order to offer me a plate.

                      “Eat. You must be hungry.” She says, avoiding my words.

       I release a huff of air before digressing and grabbing a plate. I make my way over to all the food before filling my plate with different fruits and herbs before making my way to the end of the dining table, across from Natalia. 

      Once I take my seat, I immediately set my plate down before me, having my eyes focus themselves onto her.

                       “You must understand why I have to do this.” She speaks, causing me to immediately grow more frustrated.

How could I ever understand something so foul. 

       I instantly stab my fork into my pineapple, pretending as of it were her as I bring the fruit up to my lips; biting down on it viciously. 

                        “How could I EVER understand that you would want to abandon me. You know that the stakes are high right now, you know that Dane is closer than he’s ever been and yet you want to throw me out? Allow me to get killed at any moment?! We’re stronger together. We only have each other. Yet you turn your back on me.” I hiss, as I can feel my eyes beginning to dilate from my unfiltered rage and betrayal.

       Natalia leans back in her chair, bringing her glass of intoxicated verbena to her lips as she listens to me speak. 

                         “You are right, Dane is closer than he’s ever been. I can feel his presence nearing as we speak. But you brought him to us. You can’t expect me to always save you when you cause some type of destruction. I can’t risk my life for you anymore. You have to learn to deal with your own problems.” She says calmly as she moves the tip of her ring finger along the mouth of her wine glass. 

                        “Risk your life?! What have you done to risk your life other than staying locked up in this house while I go out and bring power in for the both of us.” I defend, waiting to hear her response as I bring a forkful of fruits up to my lips. 

                        “Aligning myself with you puts me at risk everyday. I never had to stay here with you ya know. But I did so, out of pity for you.” She speaks, causing me to grow offended.

                        “Pity?! I don’t need your pity.” I grit. 

                        “But isn’t that what you need right now? For me to pity you and allow for you to stay here underneath my protection.” She asks condescendingly

Fuck you

                        “I’m stronger than you, and you know that.” I say lowly as I feel myself beginning to lose control over my emotions. 

                        “Are you though?” She questions curiously, tempting my rage even more so. 

       I immediately rise from my seat, hearing the chair scrape against the wooden floors as I grip onto the knife beside my plate; throwing it at her with full force. But just as the knife was about to reach her, it stops mid air, floating in between space and time.

       Natalia moves her hand to the left, causing the knife to fall off the side of the table; making a loud clattering sound in the process. Before I even have time to really process what’s going on, I feel my throat slowly beginning to close shut; restricting all of my airways. 

       I look across the table at Natalias unbothered form in shock as I begin to wheeze and struggle to refill my lungs with air. 

                     “You come down here, eat the food in which I’ve prepared, all with the intent to kill?” She questions as she watches me continue to struggle and gasp for air. 

      My eyes drop down to the cross pendant around her neck, seeing it now shine golden as I feel blood beginning to fall from my nose. 

                     “You’ve underestimated me for the last time.” She calls out as the entire house begins to shake. 

                    “F-f**k y-you” I manage to get out; and with that, the force around my neck releases, causing me to drop to the ground as my lungs wrack against my ribs in desperation for air. 

       I hear Natalia’s footsteps as she walks around the glass table in order to reach me. She stands over my body, sipping her wine glass as she looks down at me struggle. 

                   “I pray Dane has mercy on you for when he finds you. You’re clearly too weak to cause any real damage, so I’d suggest purifying your conscience before it’s too late.” She states before placing her glass down on the table next to us.

                   “As of now, you are banished. Never to seek refuge on this holy ground ever again. Now you must leave... with nothing.” She calls out. 

      Before I have time to process her words, every single window and door within this house flies open at once, creating a loud- ear shattering sound. 

     I immediately open my mouth to speak, wanting to apologize for my emotional outburst, but before I can even formulate any words there’s a large force that engulfs my entire being; dragging me out of the house at lightning speed. 

      My eyes close shut in fear as I scream out for Natalia, but it was no use. Once I finally opened my eyes, I found myself being thrown outside, having the door slam shut in my face. 

      Tears cloud my vision as I immediately rise to my feet before going to bang on the door in order to let me back in. But as soon as I raise my fist to knock on the door, the salt rinsed iron instantly burns my skin, causing smoke to appear as the entire first layer of my skin has been depleted. 

     I drop down onto my knees, cradling my fist as the pain is just too much to bare. My vision is completely blurred as I try to process my new fate. 

Now, I have nothing, no where to go, with no one by my side. 

I’m completely and utterly alone, with the king of damnation closer than ever before