The Stoner & The Blind Girl

Part 2

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"Living is easy with eyes closed."

-John Lennon

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It was an average day in Maryland. Do you know what I mean? When Mother Nature just decides to piss on everyone's day with terrible weather, or at least that's my opinion.

It was gross outside.

It was wet, freezing cold, and a chilling wind was blowing through the air and cooling my nose, the tips of my ears, and my fingers.

My nose was bright red not only three steps out my front door from the blast of icy chilled wind.

I hate the weather here in Maryland during winter. It's far too cold. And, it's far too wet.

My mother made me wear a large black winter jacket, green ear muffs, soft grey mittens, and a scarf my late great aunt had knitted for me when she had lived with us. She couldn't remember my name but somehow could remember how to knit…

I felt stiff like I could barely walk due to all I was wearing. I did like the gray gloves; they did a good job of keeping my fingers from turning black and falling off.

We (Devon, Levi, Michael, and I) were all sitting in a semi-circle behind the football field bleachers talking and joking around. My butt was cold from the snow. Mostly all that was happening was Michael smoking a joint as Levi and Devon kept cover making sure no one saw.

While they were smoking and freezing I wasn't in the mood to do so. I didn't really feel like getting high, especially right before school started. But when Michael passed me the joint I still took a couple of puffs before passing it to Levi.

Emma had been on my mind more than usual lately and it was irritating me. Not her but my new found obsession with thinking about her. And what she was doing, and who she was with. I couldn't get her out of my mind.

Levi began animatedly talking about some football game he had watched yesterday. Yup, he is high. I know he is since he had clearly forgotten that we were with him yesterday and watched the game with him but he acted it out as if none of us have ever seen football before.

I stopped listening by the time the third word left out of his mouth. I knew soon we would get busted or end up skipping school today all together.

That's when I noticed her, Emma, sitting on a bench on the other side of the school football field alone. As her cousin talked to a group of girls with her back turned several feet away.

I couldn't stop myself from getting up and walking towards her. I carefully sat my bag on the bench next to her.

Emma flinched in her seat and dropped the book she was holding. She bent over and began running her fingers over the ground looking for it. I could see the book only a few inches away from where she ran her figures over feeling around.

I wanted to help her or at least say sorry for making her drop her book but I couldn't bring myself to.

Instead, I just bit my tongue and watched before sitting down next to her.

I wouldn't have said sorry had it been anyone else, heck I wouldn't have cared. Why should she be different? I began to feel a hollowness in my chest. I felt bad.

Why was she different?

This is the closest I've ever been to her, I could make out the side of her face. I didn't know what to say so I remained quiet.

I know by now she knows I'm here. Neither of us did anything about it as we both sat still and quietly. Emma no longer reaching for her book which was still on the ground.

She wouldn't even know me if I told her who I was. The only sound between us was our breathing and the white puff of oxygen we breathed out every now and again against the cold air.

"Who's there?" I heard a timid voice ask. I turned to her, I was startled. She was looking at me Okay, more like facing my direction. I couldn't see her eyes through her dark glasses. Her voice was nearly a whisper.

I'm being stupid it's not like she can look at me.

"Ugh...Daniel...." I answered softly to her. I felt weird and on edge.

"Daniel Fisher?" She guessed now facing me completely. I guess she does know me. How?

"Yeah.." I answered as my eyes traced over her pale face, her small nose, and lips pink.

She frowned. "What do you want?" Her voice was guarded as if trying to protect herself, but more than anything she sounded scared.

Why she would be is a mystery to me.

I'm not an intimidating person at least I don't think of myself as intimidating. I might not be perfect and a little rough around the edges, but I like to think of myself as a generally nice person.

But thinking about the way people tend to treat her, she did have every right to be scared but not of me specifically.

I would be scared too if I couldn't see and suddenly someone came up to me.

Her skin looked so smooth and soft, her skin nearly white from the cold. Like a porcelain doll.

Maybe it's my curiosity or my misunderstanding of personal boundaries, but I couldn't help but reach out and brush my fingertip across her right hand.

She jerked back, shying away from my touch and she moved towards the other end of the bench.

She probably thinks I'm some weirdo, then again I might be because I didn't really think that one through.

"What were you doing over here?" This time my tone is much softer as I took a deep breath. I pointed to her book so she could see it and instantly felt like an i***t.

"I was reading," Emma said with a tone like it should have been obvious and if she could she'd probably roll her eyes too. Can blind people roll their eyes?

"You can...read?" I asked in astonishment. And, as soon as I did I realized how dumb and ignorant I must sound to her.

"No, technically I can't but it's f*****g braille dumbass." She said strongly, any trace of the timid girl she was a few seconds ago gone. Her voice only holding annoyance and anger.

Her cheeks and nose became red from anger. She looked kind of like Rudolph, so I snorted a laugh.

She was always sitting looking so quiet and sweet. Heck, even when I see her talk to her cousin she never seemed to let out more than a one-word response.

It was kind of a miracle to get her to say two words let alone an entire insult. "Okay I'm sorry, I meant how do you read?" I said apologizing as I smiled at her.

Emma was quiet for a moment as if deciding if I was worth a response.

"On the pages there are bumps. And there is a bump for each letter in the alphabet. I can run my fingers over them." She finally answered.

I bent down and picked up the book she was once held, I opened it. And just like she said the white pages were covered in bumps. So I ran my fingers over a page of bumps wondering what on earth it could say.

After a moment of running my fingers over the pages again and still not understanding, I placed the book on her lap which she quickly grasped and held to her chest, well to her green jacket. "What are you reading?" I asked wanting to hear her voice again.

"Eleanor & Park," Emma replied as she let out a heavy breath.

"My sister read that once, it's about some red-headed girl and an Asian kid right?" I lied, to tell the truth, I read the book. And, I don't have a sister. I just didn't want to let my fondness of the girly story show.

"It's my favorite book. I like love stories. I like how different each one can be. But, if my star crossed lover drank poison because he thought I was dead I wouldn't stab myself. I'd probably just cry." Emma said with a smile on her face. She's talking about Romeo and Juliet. I read it once for my English class back in 9th grade.

Luckily, this time I had enough of a filter not to ask her if she could cry. I'm not exactly the most sympathetic or intelligent person but I know when to shut my mouth. Or at least I knew half the time.

I nod even though she couldn't see me.

Unlike Romeo, if I thought the love of my life died I'd probably find a nice spot away on a sunny island away from everyone and everything and smoke enough weed that I wouldn't be able to feel anything anymore. I might contemplate between suicide and life.

I like painting though. I would miss that. So while I live the rest of my life in solitude I would at least find berries and use the juice to paint across cave walls or something.

Emma sighed before rubbing her hands together before asking me "Why are you talking to me?"

I didn't know how to respond. I don't know why. All I know is that I was and I didn't regret it at all.

"What do you mean?" I knew what she meant and what she was asking. But, I felt like if I acknowledged the fact nearly everyone avoided her because she was blind and that was why she had no friends that it would ruin the conversation.

"We never talk. So, why are you talking to me?" Emma asked curiously as she began to touch the ends of her waist-length brown hair.

I don't know how to answer her without sounding creepy or rude. So, I thought for a moment.

Before finally settling for an answer and saying "You're never with anyone. I thought maybe you deserved some company for a change." I tried lightening the mood by adding "and I might be a little high." Which is definitely a possibility. My mind was racing, yet felt foggy too.

I probably smoked a bit too much of Michael's blunt. I smoke most morning with the guys. It's like my version of coffee, it wakes me up.

I tried not to smoke too much earlier but I have to be high, at least when I'm high I grow a pair and I tend to be able to talk to people I'd normally never talk to. So I have to be high right now that or crazy.

I looked around the snow-covered area we sat by it was still a bit early to go to first period which I am dreading. School is stupid and boring.

It's also a huge reason I smoke so much. Weed helps me get through my lessons.

Why I needed to be high to finally talk to her I don't know. She not some killer and doesn't have some contagious disease, she just can't see.

I bit my tongue and tasted smoke still lingering as well as blood from the bite. She was considering my answer as she stopped playing with her hair and put her book in her bag that I hadn't noticed was next to her.

"I like being alone." She shrugs easily. There was a bit of sadness seeping in between her words. It must be lonely.

The green jacket she wore was huge on her and was unzipped showing a simple cotton shirt, her hands uncovered, and I couldn't see her ears through her hair but I had a feeling they were red.

I looked over to her cousin who was still talking to a group of people, but now by the school steps. Emma's cousin looked cozy in a blue jacket and a hat, her hands in her pocket.

I wonder why Emma was sitting out here in the first place. Her skin now almost a bluish cream color, her cheeks and face pale while her nose was a fiery red. Her lips now lacking color altogether. I'm sure her cousin could have taken Emma inside to read.

The blistering cold wind howling harsher than earlier. I know she can feel it too. From what I do know being blind usually heightens other senses, but she's sitting like it's no big deal.

The sky was gray and I couldn't spot the sun.

"I enjoy alone time, too. But, being lonely sucks." I finally replied to her

She kind of turned towards my direction before saying "I hate people." Simply before turning away from me. She began to squirm it wasn't hard to tell she was getting uncomfortable with the topic.

Too late to back out from the conversation now, I thought to myself.

"People are assholes," I said nodding my head in agreement knowing she couldn't see me. I really need a smoke. "You don't have asthma or anything do you?" I asked as an afterthought.

People with asthma can't be around when you smoke or something right?

Emma shakes her head as a smile crossed her lips. She reached into her bag and pulled out her folded up cane "Does asthma look like my problem?" She asked almost laughing.

I almost smiled too, almost. But, her tone lets me know she was slightly offended so I corrected myself "That's not what I meant. I just need to smoke and I don't want you to die of the smoke or something."

Normally, I'd just light up a smoke without giving a damn. I feel like I have to be more cautious with her. Like she was fragile; breakable. I know she's not a little kid, but she as vulnerable as one.

She pulled her cane so it was now a full-length stick before shrugging and saying "Go ahead, I have worse problems than a little smoke to deal with."

She does know second-hand smoke can kill, right? I thought as I pulled out a cigarette.

"Problems worse than dying?" I asked lighting the cigarette and putting it in my mouth.

I took a deep long drag before taking it out of my mouth and exhaling.

"Much worse." She said smiling again with a small laugh. Her laugh was like bells. She looked beautiful when she smiles.

I felt proud I made her not only smile but laugh. Then again even if I didn't, I'm going to take credit for her current state of amusement and pretend like I did.

I put the cigarette back in my mouth and took another long drag. The smoke burned my lungs in the familiar way I craved.

As I blow the air out I took the cigarette out of my mouth and twirled it in between my fingers. I might be in front of the school but it's not like the teachers really care; that's the only upside to this crappy school. The only one that gives a s**t is the principal.

Our conversation ended as the school bell rang. Emma got up without any help. And with her bag on her back, she used her stick and walked away with I guess memory to get to the front door where her cousin stood waiting.

I liked talking to her.

It was much better than talking to any of my friends. Mostly, because all they talk about is getting high and television.

Emma's more than that though. She's better. Emma's romance books and sarcastic humor. I like it a lot.

Talking to her was like a drug and I want to talk to her again.

I never tried meth or anything nearly that hard, but I wonder if it feels like how I felt right now after a conversation with Emma. My head is swimming and I can't wait to do it again.

I dropped my cigarette to the ground and stumped it out before heading over to the school doors.

I need to talk to her again, soon.