Just a ghost girl

Prologue

I don't remember much of the accident or anything that happened during that day. Actually, I have some kind of memory loss and everything in the past year is quite foggy. My childhood memories are as clear to me as childhood memories can be so it is some kind of memory loss that affects only the near future.

What I do remember about the accident are more feelings than memories. I remember standing outside Base IV (which is f*******n, by the way, ever to leave the base without permission and/or transportation) near the highway that leads to the other bases. My heart was pounding and I was really scared. Never before have felt I that much fear in my life. I still get chills when I think about that moment.

There were at least two other people with me trying to run away. But no matter how much I try, I cannot remember their names or faces. The two of them started to cross the highway but I hesitated for some reason that I cannot currently remember. They went without me and I stayed behind watching after them.

The next thing I remember is that I'm laying on the ground car on top of me, middle of the highway. So I probably went after those culprit friends of mine since I ended up hit by a car on the highway. My hand was under the car tire that was closest to me. But I didn't feel anything and that is the scariest part of the memory. I lay down thee watch my hand that is under a car tire and I cannot feel a thing, not a thing.

That's all I remember. I don't even remember why I was trying to run away. People say that since I'm fifteen (in two months sixteen) I must have done it for attention or trying my boundaries. Because that is what teens do they like to break rules. Maybe that was it but in my earlier memories, I don't seem like a girl that break the rules. I'm more like a girl that tells the teacher if classmates break rules. The teacher's pet would have been a very good word to describe me.

The accident was quite severe. I haven't seen the results yet but I have been told it is a miracle that I'm alive. I had over 20 broken bones, some of them shattered into little pieces and almost every organ of mine was damaged. Except for my brains. For some reason, my head didn't have any damage at all, which is probably the only reason I'm still alive.

They say I'm lucky that the medical science is extremely excellent in our base that they will be able to heal me almost back to how I used to be. The bad news is that they have to keep in a coma for a year to be able to do all the treatments my mess of body needs. And again they say I'm lucky since the science is so well ahead in our base because I don't have to miss that year of my life just laying down in a coma. They have plugged me into a computer so that I can live in the base as a hologram or as a ghost-like I like to say.

So for the next year, I would be the ghost of Base IV. It was quite cool to be a hologram. I could disappear whenever I wanted. And I was able to go through walls or rather I could enter the room from any angle I liked. I had scared so many people already on my first day when I had just tried what I could do. And I probably had still a lot to learn.

I cannot touch anything and if people try to touch me they just go through me. Little boys like to throw things through me. I don't feel a thing so it doesn't bother me that much. Only if they managed to hit my face might lose vision for a second. I have yelled at them a couple of times when that has happened so now it is their goal to make the ghost angry.

I could create other holograms like changing my outfit or have a teddy bear on my hands. Since I didn't need to eat as a hologram I sometimes created an apple just for fun. It's not really that funny but when you are a hologram you sometimes get very very bored. And when I say sometimes it is almost all the time that I'm bored.

There is no place in the Base that I hadn't looked up already. Almost nothing interesting ever happens. Living in the Base is quite simple there is hardly anything worth seeing happening. And since I couldn't attend on anything all I could do was to watch. Some moments when I felt very left out I thought maybe it would have been easier to just be in a coma. But only in the darkest moment.

Although there were three places I wasn't allowed to. The two upper floors of the base. There were the base leaders rooms and control room of the base. You would have to work there to be able to go there. The underground floor was also prohibited from me, but so it was from most of the people that lived at the base. And then the treatment room where my body was.

Like a hologram, I couldn't feel a thing but I had these ghost feelings so when I moved my arm I could kind of feel it. It's hard to describe and very different from how I feel about my own body. There is no connection between me and my body so I don't know what kind of experiments or treatments they are doing to me. They could be torturing me and I wouldn't know a thing.

The reason I'm not allowed to go to the treatment room is that they are scared of how would I react if I saw how bad condition I really was. If I insisted they would allow me to go in but only with some professional people who would be able to help if I would collapse or something. For the first weeks, I have been too scared to go in, because of the pain.

As I said, I cannot feel a thing so it is very odd that I have this clawing feeling of pain inside me. It feels like something is trying to tear me apart. It is a very distant feeling and if I think about it too much I got tears in my eyes. I don't know what the pain is, I haven't asked, because I don't want to know. I'm a scary cat, I know. But the pain feels just so overwhelming when I'm not supposed to feel anything that it is just easier to leave it to be than, try to forget about it.

Maybe later I have enough courage to go to the room and see myself. And maybe the pain faints away while time pass. Some part of me doesn't believe it, but I can hope, right?