Luna Catalina (ENG)

Chapter 4

The months following the Washington incident are a blur in my memory. I remember my body not responding to me and not finding the will to go on living. I functioned like an automaton. I ate every day or two when one of my brothers, Cas or Miguel forced me to. The nights were endless, I could barely sleep for an hour or two. And I hated myself. I blamed myself constantly for what had happened. There were days I blamed myself for not being good enough for Richard to want me as his Luna. Other days I blamed myself for not being able to defend myself, for being so weak. It was all my fault. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror without feeling disgust. I couldn't stop remembering his hands touching me all over my body. 

And I hit rock bottom. I fell into an abyss. 

But when something sinks, it always comes up. I swam and swam, and many times I felt I couldn't swim any more, but in the end, I managed to get back to the surface, to breathe. I have to admit that not all the credit goes to me. My brothers, Cas and Miguel were very attentive to me and didn't leave me alone for a moment. In addition, Lucas convinced me to visit a psychologist. I will always be grateful to him for convincing me to go. There is nothing more important than mental health. 

When I was strong enough, I went back to training. I hadn't forgotten my promise to learn to defend myself. To never feel vulnerable again. I found that training was my air bubble. They were the hours in the day when I could inhibit myself and think about absolutely nothing. I started to love my workouts and built up the hours. I would go two hours earlier to run and exercise. And then I would always convince Miguel, Cas or my brothers Juan and Nico to stay a few more hours training with me. 

I am very proud of myself. Of how far I have come. Although Marcos and Lucas don't want to admit it, I have become the best warrior of the pack. I have managed to defeat Nico, Juan and Miguel on many occasions, and they are supposed to be the best warriors in the pack after the Alpha and Beta. Every year our pack holds a competition to name the General of the army. The werewolf who is appointed General is recognized as the best warrior in the pack and becomes the person in charge of leading and organizing the army, answering only to the Alpha and Beta. 

The position is currently held by my brother Nico. I wanted to try last year. But Marcos and Lucas felt that I wasn't psychologically prepared and wouldn't let me. This year, no matter what my brothers say, I'm going to compete and win. 

I took a breath and tried to get all these thoughts out of my head. The wind had picked up and I was starting to get cold. I snuggled further into my blanket. It was then that I noticed I was crying. I quickly wiped the tears from my face. I always promised myself that I would never cry again. But every now and then my feelings would get out of control again and I couldn't help but break down. 

I was so deep in thought that I hadn't noticed the huge figure that had approached me. By the time I realized it was there it was only a few feet away. I stood up quickly and took up a defensive position. Slowly the figure came closer, and I could see it more clearly. It was a huge wolf. I had never seen such a big wolf in my life. It was spectacularly beautiful. It had grey fur, almost the same color as silver. Its chest and paws were white. His eyes were a deep dark blue.

I was paralysed. Not with fear. I felt no fear at all. On the contrary. An absolute peace had invaded my body. I felt the pain that had been dragging me down for years slowly disappear. What was going on? I didn't understand anything. 

I didn't move an inch. I kept my eyes fixed on the huge wolf. Electra was jumping and screaming in my head. She seemed excited, but I couldn't understand why. 

Suddenly the wolf began to transform. He became the most spectacular man my eyes had ever seen. The Greek gods would be envious of this man if they saw him. He was towering and had a spectacularly athletic body. I don't know who this man was, but he certainly must have spent a large part of his day training. His skin was tanned. His hair, light brown, fell messily. It was long, but not long enough to be considered long hair. But the most striking thing was undoubtedly his eyes. They were grey. Silver. The same color as the fur of the wolf I had just seen in front of me. 

I don't know how long I stared into the man's eyes. But the trance I was in was broken when a new gust of wind blew. That gust of wind brought with it a smell of eucalyptus and rain that made every muscle in my body relax. And suddenly it hit me. All the pieces clicked together in my head. I could finally understand what Electra had been screaming in my head for so long. "Mate. Mate. Mate. Mate. Mate. Mate."

"-Mate"- I heard the Greek god say, without taking his eyes off mine. 

Nonononono, this can't be happening. This is impossible. How is it possible. I took several breaths. Calming myself down. I had to get some perspective on the situation. I had to manage to think objectively. Without being influenced by my feelings. When I managed to calm down, I realized that the man was naked. Without taking my eyes off him, I picked up the blanket I had been wrapped in minutes before and threw it to him. 

I continued to stare at him. All my senses alert. This time I was ready. Any wrong move from this man would be met with a response from me. 

-“Who are you?" he asked me.

It took me a while to answer. My head was thinking at full speed. Who was this man and where did he come from? How was it possible that he was in our territory without anyone noticing him, except...?

-“You must be Alpha Kayden," he nodded and looked at me questioningly, "My name is Catalina. I am the younger sister of Alpha Marcos and Beta Lucas".

He nodded again and took a step towards me. I quickly put my fists up, ready to attack if he took another step.

-“I'm not going to hurt you," Kayden said. His voice was music to my ears, and it made my whole-body tremble. But I managed to hide it. 

I wasn't going to let my guard down. Not this time. So, I didn't move an inch.

"I have spoken to your wolf. Our second mate is good. Catalina give him a chance," I heard Electra say as she wagged her tail. I quickly blocked her out of my head. The last thing I need right now is a wolf behaving like a teenage girl in front of the first cute guy she's ever seen in her life.

When Kayden saw that I wasn't letting my guard down he stepped back, which made me relax a little.

-“I can't accept you as my mate," Kayden suddenly said.

What?! Did I hear right? My second chance mate is rejecting me? This has got to be a sick joke. How is that even possible? My second chance mate and he rejects me within 3 minutes of seeing me. I wish I could file a complaint form to the Moon Goddess. She either is laughing at me or hasn't looked too closely when choosing my mates.

-“Why?" I heard the sound leave my lips and it sounded alien to me, as if it was someone else asking the question.

-“Why what?" he replied, c*****g his head to one side.

But is this guy joking? Breathe Catalina, breathe, I repeated to myself. "Don't let him reject us, it's worth it. I can see that. Catalina don't let him reject us," I heard Electra whining in my head. It's not like it's my fault, I thought, growling.

-“Why are you rejecting the person who is supposed to be your half the second you meet her," I managed to say at last. 

-“Because I can't have a mate”.

-“Why?" I repeated. 

He stared at me. He looked like he was about to say something, but he seemed to regret it and fell silent again. We spent a few minutes like that. Watching us in silence. Finally, he took a step towards me, and without taking his eyes off me said, "I, Kayden Williamson, Alpha of the Blood Moon Pack, reject you, Catalina Alix, daughter of Guillermo Alix, Alpha of the Golden Sunset Pack."

And again, the pain seized my body. I fell to my knees. I felt the bond that had formed between us the moment we saw each other break. Breaking my heart at the same time. Pain and anger consumed me. I hadn't even asked for a second chance. Every time Cas mentioned the possibility of meeting my second chance, I stopped her. I wouldn't even allow myself to dream about the idea. Fate had been cruel to me and I wasn't one to question it. I had let it be. I hadn't told anyone about Richard except Cas and Miguel because I knew they would keep my secret. I had been good. My life was training and hanging out with Cas. I hadn't done anything bad to anyone. Then, why did something like that have to happen to me? It wasn't fair. Electra kept howling in my head. It wouldn't let me think straight.

I couldn't go through that pain again. I couldn't. I knew without a doubt that this time I would not survive. 

I don't know where I got the strength, but I managed to get up and looked at Kayden. What I saw left me speechless. Was he in pain? Was he suffering? And if he was in pain, why, for rejecting me? If rejecting me was causing him pain, why was he doing it?

-“No," I said when I found my voice. 

Kayden looked at me in bewilderment. He couldn't seem to believe what he was hearing.

-“No?" he repeated.”- When he got no response from me he continued, "I reject you just minutes after discovering you're my mate, knowing you're going to suffer. I watch you suffer; I feel that pain through the mate-bond, I do nothing, and yet you refuse to accept my rejection?”.

He no longer looked so surprised. He looked irritated, almost angry. But I wasn't about to give in. I deserved an explanation at the very least. I was tired of being trampled by life over and over again. I had always sat and cried and watched the bad things in my life happen. But no, not this time. This time I was the one who was going to handle it.

-“I think I deserve an explanation," I replied, trying to sound calm, "I don't think you have the right to come here and reject me without even knowing me. You know nothing about me. And yet you won't even give me a chance. I want to know why" - I stared at him waiting for an answer, but he didn't reply. He just stared at me without any kind of expression on his face, "Alright, I see you still don't have the answer. So, I'm going to leave. The day you justifiably answer my question I will accept your rejection. Until you don't have your answer, don't look for me".

I turned quickly before Kayden had time to respond and walked into the house. I had managed to act like I was in control of the situation, in control of my feelings. Pretending I was fine was a game I had reached expert level at over the past two years. But the truth was that I was not fine, not fine at all. My head was absolute chaos right now. Electra kept howling in my head in pain from the rejection of our mate. And I couldn't get my thoughts and feelings in order. I felt as if someone was pressing very hard on my chest, preventing me from breathing. At the same time, I felt a huge pain in my heart, as if it was going to explode at any moment. But I kept walking. I felt that if I stopped, I would never be able to move again.

 I went up the stairs two by two, and three by three and ran to the bottom of the hallway. I knocked loudly and repeatedly on the door. No one answered. She must be asleep. This is no time to sleep, I thought, as I kept pounding on her door. Finally, the door opened. I had clearly woken her up. Cas was in her pajamas and rubbing her eyes with her hands. 

-"What the f**k are you do-" Cas didn't get to finish the sentence. He studied me up and down. –“What happened?" he asked with clear concern.

-“You were right, Alpha Kayden was my second-chance mate."-Cas's mouth opened so wide it looked like his jaw was going to unhinge. She was in shock and unresponsive. - "Casandra"-I called out to her.

-“Oh my God, what happened?" She finally answered, looking at me. I kept quiet; I didn't know where to start telling her the events of the night. "Come in and we'll talk"- Cas said stepping away from the door and letting me in.

I told her everything that had happened. And I cried and cried. I cried so hard, letting the pain wash over me. The pain of being rejected for the second time joined the pain that had been with me since the day I met Richard. Cas hugged and comforted me, swearing that she was going to kill Kayden the moment she saw him. And so, we spent the rest of the night. At some point I fell asleep, exhausted from the night's events. I don't know how long I slept, but I was awakened by a hysterical Casandra.

- "It's 7:05!!! We had to be downstairs at 7! Run Catalina, put on your uniform and let's go!"- Cas shouted at me.

Shit. I quickly got up and ran to my room to get my uniform. I got dressed as fast as I could, washed my face, brushed my hair and put it up in a braid to be comfortable during training. I went out into the hallway where I met an already uniformed Cas, and we ran to the training field. As we approached, I could see that the warm-up was over, and the warriors were in pairs, facing each other. I looked at the clock. It was 7:30. s**t, I thought in my head again. Marcos is going to kill us. 

The figures of the warriors became sharper as we got closer. They were all perfectly uniformed and giving their all-in training. Our uniform consisted of a khaki green short-sleeved T-shirt, military-looking pants with pockets along the leg, and black military boots. Unlike most werewolves, in addition to learning to fight hand-to-hand, in our pack we also learned to fight with weapons. In our trouser pockets we carried silver daggers of different sizes, as well as syringes filled with wolfbane. It was mandatory to wear the uniform both in training and on patrol shifts. It was also mandatory to wear it constantly when you were on a mission in foreign terrain. 

Finally, I spotted the figures of Marcos and Lucas. To their right were Kayden and a blond man, who must have been their Beta. As we approached, Marcos glared at me. Cas and I stopped in front of the four of them and bowed our heads in respect:

-“You're late," I heard Marcos say and raised my head, "Alpha Zayden, Beta Ian, this is my sister Catalina Alix, one of the leaders of our army, and this is Casandra Muñoz..."

- "Mate"

At that very instant every muscle in my body tensed. It felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest. And that's when I realized that it wasn't Kayden who had spoken, but Ian, his Beta. I looked at Cas and couldn't believe what was happening. She was tense, her eyes were wide open, and she was staring at Ian. I then looked at Kayden and saw that he was analyzing Cas closely. But there was no emotion of any kind on his face. I see that he also knew how to play at hiding his feelings. 

-“Well," Marcos said, clearing his throat. “Catalina, Casandra, you are late, you know what that means, don't you?

-“Yes sir," Cas and I answered in unison.

-“15 minutes running for every 5 minutes late for training. You are 30 minutes late. Therefore, you have to run an hour and a half."- Marcos pointed out.

-“But sir, the training ends in an hour and a half. We won't have a chance to fight if we run all that time".

-“Catalina, you should have arrived on time," Marcos replied furiously. I looked at Lucas for help, but he shook his head.

I nodded, there was nothing to do when Marcos was like that. I grabbed Cas by the arm, making her break eye contact with Ian. I heard Ian growl, but I didn't care. We started running. I clenched my fists tightly trying to contain the rage that was consuming me. 

-“Are you mad at me?" -I turned in surprise to look at Cas.

-" Why would I be mad at you?"-I answered without understanding what he was referring to.

- "Because Ian is my mate, and he's Alpha Kayden's Beta.  Look Cat, if you want, I can reject him, if you feel uncomfortable I..."

- "Don't even think about it"-I cut her off- "Cas I don't mind at all that your mate is Kayden's Beta. I'm so glad you finally found him. I just hope he makes you happy and treats you the way you deserve. I'm so happy for you, I promise." I said smiling at her. 

"Catalina, Cassandra, you are grounded, this is not a tea and gossip get together. Shut up and run." I heard my brother Marcos in my head. Werewolves in the same pack are able to communicate telepathically. I growled and shut up. 

I kept running, willing the rage to fade from the physical exertion. I was furious. But not because of Cas and Ian. I was furious because I had promised myself to prove to Kayden in this training the mistake  he had made by rejecting me. I was going to show him how much I was worth. I wanted him to see that I was an excellent warrior, the best in my pack. And all I had gotten was for him to watch me run around the training field for an hour and a half.