NOTHING INSIDE
326 Words
thought I understood it.
The silence.
The distance.
The way everything feels... less.
But I was wrong.
It's not just that things feel less.
It's that some things don't feel at all.
I noticed it today.
Not for the first time...
But clearly.
Someone in class was crying.
Not quietly.
Not the kind people try to hide.
This was loud.
Real.
Messy.
Everyone reacted.
Some rushed over.
Some looked concerned.
Some just stared.
I watched.
Waiting.
For something.
A reaction.
A feeling.
Anything.
Nothing came.
I understood what was happening.
I knew she was upset.
I knew she needed comfort.
I knew what people were supposed to do.
But I didn't feel the need to move.
It was like watching a scene in a movie.
You understand it.
You recognize it.
But you're not inside it.
That's when it became clear.
I don't experience things the way others do.
Not anymore.
Or maybe...
I never did.
Later, she (my friend) told me what happened.
She explained everything.
Why the girl was crying.
What led to it.
I listened.
Nodded.
Said the right things.
"That's really sad," I told her.
She looked at me for a moment.
Like she was searching for something.
Then she nodded.
"Yeah... it is."
But I don't think she believed me.
And I don't blame her.
Because I didn't feel it.
I said the words.
Used the right tone.
But inside-
There was nothing.
Not sadness.
Not concern.
Just... awareness.
I think that's the difference between me and everyone else.
They feel first.
Then they understand.
I understand first.
And sometimes...
that's all there is.
I tried to remember what it felt like.
To actually feel something.
I couldn't.
Not clearly.
It's like trying to remember a dream after you wake up.
You know it was there...
But you can't reach it anymore.
That should scare me.
I think.
But it doesn't.
And maybe that's the problem.
Or maybe...
That's the solution.
- Writer
