"FOREVER AMEN - CHUI..."

I AM WORKING ON IT,SUPER HARD

Saturday came and Nilla and Brian arrived at Kileleshwa to pick Robert up. Nilla had hailed a safari van. She did not want Robert to chip in, in any way. " Hello Robert, this is Brian, my brother. Son of mama, this is my good friend, Robert ," Nilla said.

“Good morning sir, nice to meet you” Brian said.

" Please call me Robert, Brian. Nice to meet you too. How was your first term at school? I’ve heard a lot about you " Robert said.

“Whatever you heard, I assure you, the good ones are true, the bad ones are just jealousy from my sister's end, ignore” Robert could tell his English was way better than Nilla's. They both laughed as they got inside the van.

The Nairobi safari went on smoothly. It was time for them to leave when Robert suggested they go to his house, since they still needed to head to the National Theater in the morning. “ But we do not have clothes at your place...” Nilla said. "Then let’s go get them, then head back to Kileleshwa "Robert said. Nilla asked the tour van driver if he could drop them home and he agreed. From there, she could hail a taxi to Robert’s place. When they got home, Nilla quickly decided to fix a meal for the three of them. Brian and Robert sat talking about boarding school life. Robert, yet again, noticed how he was an open book just like Nilla. They laughed in between their story. “ By the way Robert, you only have a microwave and a fridge in your kitchen, no pots, no cooker, how about we carry some food for tomorrow?” Nilla asked. “ You know I’m obsessed with your cooking, unfair as that is to you, I’m afraid I will say a big yes” Robert said. “Have you tried her maandazis? ”Brian asked. “ Not yet, but I hope someday, maybe”，Robert responded. They finished and made for Kileleshwa.

Brian fell in love with the scenery of that part of the country. It was peaceful, green, and he could see monkeys playing all over. “ Is this still Kenya?” He asked Robert.

“ Yes Brian, it is” Robert answered.

“ I asked him the same question when I first came to visit him. It’s so beautiful over here” Nilla said.

They got to Robert’s house and Brian could not hide the excitement in his voice. He loved everything he saw. Robert kept smiling at him. “Let’s have a house tour in that case”, Robert said. Both Brian and Nilla followed him upstairs. Nilla had never been to this part of his house out of respect, of course. In most parts of her village, it was very wrong to go to the private parts of people’s houses uninvited. Sometimes, even when told to, it was always wrong to enter anybody's bedroom. Robert's house was beautiful, it was a two-storey building with two more bedrooms on the upper floor. He had a private study room filled with books. The bedroom where he slept had a very big walk-in closet where his clothes were beautifully arranged. Nilla and Brian were in awe. "Robert, should you want a twenty-two-year-old bouncing baby girl and a fourteen-year-old bouncing baby boy, please consider us for the first cohort." Brian said as everyone burst in laughter. He seemed to have gotten too comfortable with Robert. Robert was also very friendly and that made it easy for Brian to be loose. "You are welcome to stay as long as you want, I will be in Kenya for two months before I leave," Robert said. "Don't be silly, the kid was just joking" Nilla said as they all headed downstairs.“ Can I watch a movie please? It’s okay, you do not have to say yes, sir.” Brian said. “ First, yes, you can help yourself, and, secondly, it is Robert, not sir.” Robert answered. “ Nilla and I will go for a little shopping at the supermarket just outside the gate.” He added. “ I’m coming too” Brian said as he went for his shoes. Walking around that beautiful place was a chance he would not let pass him by. They all walked to the supermarket just a few minutes outside the estate villas' main gate. Nilla had been quiet all the way to the supermarket and just let the boys tell their stories. She was brought back to the present when Brian called her name. The boys were talking about the correct pronunciation of the word 'chui', which is the Swahili for leopard. Turns out Robert was giving it an English pronunciation, yet, Swahili words are all pronounced just as they are written; in lower case or exactly in the sounds of phonetics. He was adamant about his pronunciation, which came out as ‘chai’ instead of ‘ ch-oo-ii’. He was also having a good time going over the same thing with Brian and asking meaningless questions. Nilla just grinned and went quiet again. They immediately knew something was amiss. What was it?

“ Nini, are you okay? You seem to be sad, daughter of mama.” Brian asked. “I’m okay son of mama, did you two decide whether it is chai or ch-oo-ii?” Nilla answered, not wanting her distress to ruin a great evening. They got to the supermarket, still with the boys arguing. “ We know you’re from school and that boys your age are always hungry. I want you to pick anything you want. Think of everything you missed while in school.” Robert told Brian. Brian picked up a cart and off he went, leaving Nilla and Robert behind. “ Are you okay, Nini?” Robert asked as he gave a silly smile. It was his first time calling Nilla ‘Nini’. “I’m okay, Chui” Nilla said.

“ Ooohh, so now that’s what you’ve decided to call me?” Robert said.

“ It will always remind you of the correct pronunciation for leopard in Swahili” Nilla said as Robert dragged a shopping cart.

“ I'm done with my shopping." Brian joined Nilla and Robert, who were also done with their shopping. He always had manners and was careful not to let greed make him dent the pocket of a kind man who had decided to do good by him. “ Add more”, Robert said. “ No, thank you, these are enough for me”, Brian said. Robert took Brian’s cart and went on a shopping spree. Nilla had told him to get him school essentials instead of just clothes , perfume, snacks and non-imported items. “ Woah! Fifty thousand shillings!” That’s too much! We could take some back, you know" Nilla said as the screen read the shopping total. She felt a sense of shame making Robert spend all that on her and Brian. Robert just smiled as he pushed his cart and signaled Brian to push his to the checkout counter. They decided to leave their shopping at the supermarket, to be delivered when they got home.

“ You know you really didn’t have to spend that much, really” Nilla said as they walked out of the supermarket.

“ I doubt it was much though. Also, there’s literally nothing in the fridge, it’s okay Nini, nothing to worry about.” Robert said as he made a silly face after calling Nilla ‘Nini’ again. “ Alright Chui, if you say so.” Nilla said, as Brian supported her in giving Robert a new nickname. As they approached the main gate of the estate villas, Nilla’s mood suddenly changed. She stopped talking. The boys noticed the change in her mood. Just as Brian opened his mouth to ask what was going on once again, a loud barking was heard from one of the neighbors' compound. A dog was barking continuously. Brian immediately knew. He went as if to hold Nilla’s hand. Nilla moved two steps back. She was not about to ruin Robert’s evening with her fear of dogs. “ I’m okay,” she said as she let out a forced smile. They finally got to Robert’s place. The shopping was delivered twenty minutes later. Nilla helped in unpacking them. There were five different chocolates for her. Robert had also picked a lot of ready to eat foods to be frozen.

It was almost nine pm and Nilla was getting sleepy. Robert told her that she would have the bedroom next to his upstairs, and since Brian liked the one where Nilla had spent the night the last time she was there, he would take it. Nilla went to her room after telling Brian, who had an ice cream in his hands and was busy watching a movie,to have a good night. Robert followed Nilla upstairs to usher her into her new room. “ Short one, how are you? Really? Please, talk to me”, Robert asked in a soft, concerning tone. “ It’s really nothing, I am okay now, really” Nilla said, as she was unable to hide the discomfort in her face. The window of that room was facing the compound from where the dog kept barking. She looked terrified. She saw that Robert did not buy her little lie of being okay. “ Robert, I have a terrible fear of dogs, especially when they bark like that.” Nilla said. “ I’ll lock the window. That way, you won’t hear it bark, I’m so very sorry. If you want me to stay longer, I can” Robert said. “ No, I don’t want to keep you up for long." Nilla said. “ No, let me get my laptop, we could catch a sitcom, how about that?” Robert asked. “ What’s that?”

“Let me get my laptop, you’ll see for yourself "Robert went to get his laptop, they caught a sitcom and after wishing Nilla a goodnight, he left for sleep.

Morning came. Nilla woke up to a wet bed. It would happen to her whenever the barking of any dog reminded her of the past. She had a traumatic reaction that night. This was the third time this happened to her. The two times this had happened to her before, the first time was when Brian had gone to visit a friend back in Mombasa and Nilla had to pass through a homestead where dogs barked from the other side of the gate. It was around ten in the evening and when she reached home, she was scared and was trembling. The following morning, she woke up to her bedding wet. The second time was when she heard dogs barking at each other back in Zimmerman where they lived and Brian had just joined school. The third time was at Robert’s house, where she was, somehow afraid of sleeping alone because of the angry dog barks she kept hearing all night.

Nilla took the bedding and headed to the laundry room where she washed them, took the clothes rack that was placed on the balcony and hung the bedding. On her way back to her room, she saw Robert waiting for her outside her room. “ I found your door open but couldn’t see you anywhere. Everything okay?” Robert asked. Nilla was dumbfounded. She had just messed up his bedding and his mattress was soaking wet. She could get the smell of urine from where she stood and was well sure that Robert could get it too.

“ Robert, I beg for your forgiveness, please, please, my good friend. I didn’t intend to wet your bed. Please do not be angry. I have already washed the bedding clean. I am planning on airing the mattress on the bedroom balcony. I’m very sorry." Nilla said with tears rolling down her cheeks.

“ Nini, I’m not angry at all. I’m very much okay. Besides, it’s just a bed, no need for crying over it, okay?” Robert said as he reached for Nilla’s hand. He knew something was wrong. He helped Nilla get the mattress to the balcony where it would dry up in the sun that shone on the balcony. Nilla felt so embarrassed. She did not understand how she gets uneasy whenever she hears a dog barking so loud. All she wanted to do was leave Robert’s place, and maybe, disappear forever… Robert excused himself and went downstairs. Nilla proceeded to have a tear party in the shower. She did not realize that she had been there for long until she heard Brian’s voice calling her name. She grabbed her towel and got out of the shower. “ Daughter of mama, we are running late, chap chap, you’re the only one keeping us here. We will not get seats if you keep up with this pace. " Brian said. “ Well, get out and let me get myself ready son of mama." Nilla said with her head turned away from Brian, she didn’t want him to know that she had been crying. Worse yet, she did not want him to know that she had just wet Robert’s bed. Surely it was embarrassing.

The day at the National Theater went well. Robert had a lot of fun learning about different Kenyan cultures. He got to learn that Kenya has got forty-three different tribes, including Indians and Somalis. He got to learn that different tribes have got different accents and cultures too. He got to try out different cultural foods. It was time to leave and Nilla suggested that she needed to go back home. Brian, on the other hand, insisted on going back to Robert's place, citing that his shopping was there and, since he only had a day left to school, he had to go pick them up. Nilla knew he was never coming home that day. She was grateful, since she really needed time alone to soak in embarrassment. “ Let us drop you home then proceed to Kileleshwa, Robert offered. Robert’s chauffeur had brought them to the National Theater in the morning. Nilla declined as she had already hailed a taxi. Robert really wanted to talk to her. He really wanted to make sure that she knew that whatever happened was not her fault and definitely, not a big deal. Yet, he did not know how he could talk to her away from Brian. Maybe the next time they had time together, he would.

It was Monday morning in the office, Robert knocked on Nilla's door. "Come in," she said. “ Nini, how are you? How have you been since the last time I saw you?” Robert was being silly. Nilla smiled. Then she folded her face, making her big eyes smaller.” You mean since yesterday? I’m very fine, thank you for asking.” She spoke in a demure tone as she expressed herself in a shy manner. Robert grabbed a chair that was seated on the corner of the room and placed it directly opposite Nilla. “ I know this isn’t the correct time, please, can we talk?” He asked .

“ Is this about Brian? Did something happen? I’m so sorry” Nilla said, as she noticed a change in Robert’s voice. “ No… no, Nini, he’s a good boy, we both know you did a great job with him…. Can we talk about yesterday please?” Robert asked.

“ I am genuinely embarrassed, and I really don’t know what to say. I’m truly sorry dear friend, please.” Nilla said.

“ The thing is, I notice how big of a deal you took it to be, but I think it’s not.”

“ The truth is, I really didn’t expect that. I don’t know how I forgot about it and how it only happens whenever I hear a dog bark. I read somewhere that it’s called trauma response…”

" Trauma response? I’m sorry "

“ Yes, it happens whenever I come across a group of dogs, or when I hear a dog bark, I’m so scared of dogs. I hadn’t realized that it is because of the hurt I experienced years ago. I am working on it though.”

“ You were hurt by a dog? What happened? You do not have to answer if you don’t want to.”

“Yes, I was. No, I believe the least I can do is to make you understand why a full woman wet your bed… I got married so young, and I thought it would be a safe place for me and Brian. You remember when I told you that it has always just been the two of us since our mama slept? ... Life was hard. The woman our baba married made it even tougher. Chui, it was hard getting a simple meal, and I knew that the child mama left me with would die if he went for days without eating. I was just tired of having to steal food for Brian and me. That would also have us beaten whenever our father’s wife realized that we had stolen food. So, when I was done with my fourth form, after the national examination, I thought, that maybe, if I also got married, I would have a husband who would bring food home and that way, since I would be the wife, I would have a say on who gets to eat, you know, just like my father's wife did.I finally saw myself having sure meals and I saw Brian being happy and not always crying because og hunger. I knew it was the only way Brian would get to be a child finally. So, I got married at sixteen years old. It was good at first, and I thought I had hit the jackpot. I thought the gods had seen the smoke from my fire signal and responded. Maybe I lit the fire using the wrong woods. Maybe mama had forgotten about me in her sleep.” Nilla said as she made a hum of sympathy. Robert had sadness in his face. He did not expect Nilla’s story to be this sad. A child married at sixteen just so she could provide food for her brother! How sad! He moved to where she was seated and held her hand softly, rubbed it as she paused then went back to his seat to hear more. She smiled, a smile that tried hard to conceal the unfairness that this cruel world had served her.

“ With time, my husband turned to be what my father was to mama. He started beating me. Well, I am not a lazy person, neither am I weak. I used to think that it is not bad for a husband to beat his wife, and it took a few months to realize that being beaten is not okay. I was always in pain. Brian was then nine years old and I would see how terrified he became whenever I was beaten. Can you imagine I had to train myself not to cry just for him to think it wasn’t so bad? My husband would beat me because, according to him, there was no way I could look beautiful and be faithful to him, so, to scare me, he would beat me whenever he felt like it. My wake-up call was when I became pregnant and still the beatings wouldn’t stop. This day he came home drunk, asked for food and, since the pregnancy wasn’t kind to me, I asked Brian to warm his food and serve him. It was a sad night. Brian and I received heavy blows of fists. I remember asking my mum to just come and take us. I do not know how I managed to get out of that hut. I remember Brian lying still on the floor after being hit with a stool. My left leg was broken. My white dress had turned red, the baby was coming prematurely. I noticed my abdomen had glass driven in it, yet, I was too shocked to perceive the pain. I screamed for help as I kept running until I could not. It was three in the morning. Robert, a pack of dogs…. They…. I wasn’t dead yet, I saw the dogs rush towards my helpless self like I was some… some worthless prey who was just picked by the roadside at the start of life… I saw them lick my blood, and I was sure I was next. I knew that finally the hard life was over, that I would finally rest. The only pain I was sure I would feel before I slept for good, was not knowing whether Brian would make it or not. I woke up the following day in a hospital bed. Brian was holding my hand. Turns out the villagers heard my scream and decided to come. Brian also woke up a few minutes after passing out. Nothing was done to my husband, since everyone believed there was nothing wrong with a man beating his wife. They only thought he went a bit overboard. I lost the baby, and luckily, I was saved from the dogs just on time. Our father refused to come see us at the hospital, saying I only needed to make things right with my husband. When I got better, I decided never to let Brian experience violence again. I knew I also deserved better. That is how we moved to Mombasa for a fresh start. I do realize I do not have any excuse for bed-wetting at my big age, but my dear friend, I promise you, I am working on it, super hard.” Nilla said as she made a silly face, another attempt to hide her sadness.

“ Wow! I just… Nini, I… ooohhh my god! I’m so sorry! I’m sorry you went through that!” Robert was in disbelief. He felt sad. He had never heard of such a sad story before and, worse, never known of anyone who had been through hell in real life. “ I know I have never done this before, but I’m coming over there to hug you.” Robert said as he got up to where Nilla was.