"FOREVER AMEN - CHUI..."

YOU ARE NEW TO ME

It had been three months after Sarah’s passing and Nilla was still having a very rough time coming to terms with Sarah’s death. She would cry and often call Sarah’s husband. Joris was taking it a day at a time and was slowly healing. Nilla, on the other hand, was having a very hard time as Sarah’s death brought back every bad memory she had experienced due to separation through death in her childhood.

One morning, in the office, Norbert the HR walked in to her crying. He had noticed how sad Nilla had been and just when he decided to go ask what was going on, he found her crying. After begging Nilla to tell him what was happening, Nilla finally opened up on her loss. Norbert recommended a therapist. Nilla, at first, did not buy the idea of telling her problems to a stranger and, as if that was not enough, paying the stranger for letting them into her business. However, Norbert explained to her the benefits of seeing a therapist, and she finally accepted to go.

A month after Nilla started seeing a therapist, she started improving. She knew she was getting better. Norbert told her how much better she looked. This was during the company annual general meeting and Robert overheard him. “ Nilla, I am so proud of you! You look much better now. In fact, you are even smiling today. Congratulations!” Norbert said.

“ I must really thank you for pushing me to go see a therapist. I was hurting so bad. Asante.”

“ Dr. Hussein is very good at what he does. He also walked with me through grief after my divorce five years ago.”

“ I’m so sorry Norbert, you don’t look like someone who was once left outside to be rained on.” Nilla and Norbert laughed. Their friendship grew during Nilla’s first four months at the company. Nilla had already made peace to amicably coexist with the pain of losing Sarah.

Meeting was over, and it was very late in the evening. Nilla had decided to visit the washrooms before hailing a taxi home. She was doing her business at the ladies’ when she had Wambo, her former friend, and Mary, the head of accounting talk about her.

“ True, she really has lost weight. Seems Mr. Cohen no longer needs her services. Girls can really be delusional at that age, you know. I really can’t believe she thought she had hit the jackpot with a player like Cohen.” That was Wambo.

“ She should be happy that, unlike Kenyan bosses who fire you after getting what they want, Cohen hasn’t fired her yet.” Mary added. Mary was still interested in Robert. She had been sending him signals but, for whatever reason, Robert just refused to respond. She was not going to give up easily. The hatred that both Mary and Wambo felt towards Nilla was what made their friendship strong. Nilla heard it all. She did not care at all of what they thought of her, in fact, her grieving period had made her forget about her fallout with Wambo. The two finished and left the washroom.

Nilla’s phone rang, it was Robert. He felt that it had been a while since they sat down to check on each other. Nilla was hesitant as she knew Robert would want her to ride home with him. She was already tired of Wambo and her narrative and was not planning on fattening it any further. She did not pick up. She had gotten to the company pavilion when the receptionist came for her. “ Excuse me miss Nilla, someone is asking for you, I do not know her name.” She said. Nilla did not know of any lady who could be looking for her, but she assumed it was maybe someone from the company who maybe wanted something regarding the meeting that had just concluded, considering she was the lead marketing head. On reaching the exit, it was Robert. He was with two other ladies and three men. They were waiting for Nilla, after which they would go partying. Nilla did not have a choice but to join in. One of the ladies had her birthday.

At the party, Robert took himself to sit next to Nilla. “ I know sometimes we get so caught in our busy lives, we forget to check on each other. This is me, asking you, how have you been, little one?” He asked.

“ I have been okay, I’m so grateful. How about you Chui?”

“ I’m good… I’m sorry I know I’m intruding… I overheard you talk about visiting a therapist, everything okay?”

“ Yes! I’m okay now. Sarah’s death has been too hard on me, but now getting better.”

“ I really I’m so sorry I did not see you struggle. I’m even ashamed I didn’t notice. Please, forgive me.” Robert had not been much in Kenya, the phone calls and texts they exchanged did really well at concealing Nilla’s struggle with grief.

“ Do not be sorry Chui, my happiness and healing are personal duties. Outsourcing those from anyone would be absurd!” Nilla said, her English got better and better by the day.

“What would you want to do tomorrow?” Robert asked. He was willing to do anything to make her happy.

“ I guess doing something outside the house would make me feel good,” Nilla said.

They left the party at four in the morning and went straight to Robert’s place. Nilla was following Robert to his room as they talked. Reaching Robert’s room, she threw herself in his bed. “ Ooohhh Chui! This bed is everything! It’s so cozy! And super, super comfortable! I want this bed! I want it!” She said jokingly as Robert smiled down at her. “ Okay, you’ll sleep there, I’ll go to your room.” Robert said as he walked into his closet to change. He was willing to do anything to make her grieving easier. That night, Nilla slept in Robert’s bed.

In the morning, Nilla woke up to abdominal cramps and blood stains on Robert’s sheets. It was that time of the month when she had visited the moon. Confused about what to do, she sat on the toilet seat as she figured out her next move. Robert noticed that she had been sleeping for too long and decided to check on her.

“ I’m on the toiled seat, Chui, it’s a terrible morning for me and I do not know what to do.” Nilla said.

“ Want me to come in?” Robert replied.

“ I don’t know…” she had barely finished talking when Robert opened the door. Robert had agreed to rush to the supermarket outside the gate to get Nilla her lady towels. Two boxes, each containing twelve packets, were brought.

Nilla had done taking her bath when Robert walked in. He had brought flowers and chocolates as well. “ That’s too many of them, Chui! Thank you though” Nilla said. Robert was clueless. He had never experienced such a thing with anyone before. Nilla felt cared for. “ Your favorite ice cream is in the fridge too, "Robert said. Nilla made the room clean and then decided to join Robert downstairs.

“ So you mean Fatuma doesn’t come on Saturdays?” Nilla was asking for the housekeeper. Robert just looked at her smiling. “ What is it? Why are you looking at me like that?” Nilla had worn Robert’s T-shirt and shorts, and he thought it was cute. “You look cute in everything oversized, you know.” He said, laughing. “ You are so big! Thank god the shorts have laces. I don’t know what I could have worn honestly.” Nilla said.

“ Just do the same thing I did with your place. Carry some clothes and leave them here for days like this.” Robert had been carrying his clothes and leaving them at Nilla’s place whenever he visited her, something that made Nilla buy another clothes rack, meant for his clothes and shoes. It was a great idea, and Nilla would do just that to avoid wearing oversize clothes while at Robert’s place.

Nilla had decided to sleep in as she was having terrible cramping. Robert had gone golfing with his friends and they were back. Nilla did not hear them come back and when she walked to the kitchen, their eyes caught her while she was on the stairs heading down. Nilla paused for a while then decided to go say hello to them. Robert introduced her. “ Hey guys, this is my friend Nilla, Nini, these are my friends, of course you have met Rick before, this one is Fredrick and this tall one is Musa.” Nilla was always shy when meeting strangers. She said hello and immediately turned to go back upstairs when Robert asked if she needed anything. Nilla quickly said no and decided to make herself scarce. “ We are just friends… yet she is in your clothes you dog!” Rick decided to narrate how he had met Nilla and Rick previously. The boys went on and on about how cunning Robert was to leave a beautiful woman by herself for two hours while he went to the milk chain for a fix.

“ She’s young and very beautiful, yet you want her to just have you as you distribute yourself to others? You’re cruel, you know” Musa said as they all laughed.

“ Let’s get it clear, she is my best friend, I respect her and nope there is nothing going on between us!” Robert was so fast to defend their friendship.

“ Bulshit! Here in Kenya, we always say, having a beautiful woman as a best friend and having a sugar cane as a walking stick is the same thing, you are bound to chew it at a point.” Musa said as the rest joined in hearty laughter. Robert was not amused at all. He just looked at them in silence, not knowing what to say.

“ Also, since when did she replace me as your best friend? Isn’t it beyond words what having a beautiful young woman warming your bed can make us do and say?” Fredrick said as the rest joined in another loud laughter.

“ Okay, you idiots say whatever you will, but please lower your stupid voices. I don’t want her thinking I’m also as brainless as you all are.” Robert said as he made his way to the kitchen. He figured out Nilla could have wanted ice cream, another move that made his friends turn him into a local source of entertainment.

“ You boys are having so much fun. I can hear your laughter all the way up here.” Nilla was on her laptop watching an English movie. She always did that to improve her English. “ You can hear us talk?” Robert was hoping Nilla did not hear a single word uttered by his friends.

“ No not really, just the laughter. What are you boys laughing at so passionately though?”

“ Oooh nothing worth listening to, trust me. Here, I brought you these…” Robert handed the tins of ice cream in his hands to Nilla and then walked back to his friends.

“ Gentlemen, we have clearly lost a soldier, who would have thought that Bob could ever soften up to a woman like this?” Fredrick kept going as they all laughed, Musa wiping tears from his eyes.

“ If you want to know how bad it is, just look at how quiet he is! Oooh god! Is it that bad Bob?”Rick asked amidst laughter. To fall in love was to imprison oneself according to them.

“You rascal, how old is she? Eighteen? Seventeen? I normally don’t judge, but today I am judging you! You can’t confuse her with that best friend title. What is she getting in return? Huh?” Rick said as the rest went quiet, waiting for Robert to defend himself.

“ She is twenty-two, and again, nothing is going on between us. We are good friends, that’s it.” Robert said, trying to convince his friends.

“ Well, on the age part, I might believe you, Africans are never in a hurry to age, but still, what is it that the two of you have in common? We haven’t known you to be someone who lets a woman sleep and wake up in any of your houses. How special is this Nini?” Fredrick said as the rest nodded their heads in agreement.

“ Nothing, I just love her company. It’s something I’ve never experienced before. And I really hope you bozos believe me when I say we are not getting nasty. Please. She’s a cutie.” Robert said.

“ A cutie??? Do you listen to yourself Bob?” Musa said. Tired of explaining himself, Robert decided to be quiet and let his friends think whatever they wanted to. They prepared to go out after hours of pulling Robert's leg. Robert made sure Nilla had ordered what she wanted to eat that night and told her that he was going out.

Robert had come from being wild with his friends. Nilla had gone downstairs to watch her favorite movie series. She always loved watching the TV as it was big and sleeping on the comfy sofa always made her feel good. When Robert walked into the living room, he found Nilla asleep with the TV on. He switched off the TV and carried her to bed. Robert was putting Nilla down slowly on his bed, his friends' words coming back to his head. He also did not know when he came to care so much for a woman. Perhaps it’s because he had never met one so authentic, so reciprocative, so raw with words and emotions as the one who was in his arms. He put her down. Nilla’s eyes slightly opened. “ Chui….” She said in a prolonged whisper as she closed her eyes to sleep. Robert pulled the blanket over her. He was still seated beside Nilla, his mind recollecting their first meeting, up to where they were in that moment. She was many things to him, but he sure did not see her in the way his friends purported. Their different worlds and different views of life, somehow made them meet at a central point, a place none of them could not clearly explain.

Nilla felt someone next to her. She quickly turned and saw Robert. He had fallen asleep next to Nilla without intending. Nilla did not want to wake him up, she threw the blanket over him and turned the other way to continue with her sleep when she immediately felt uncomfortable and decided to go change her sanitary pads in the bathroom. Seeing how messy she was, she decided to just take a bath. She came back and found Robert seated in bed. Unlike Nilla, he wasn’t a heavy sleeper. “ I’m so sorry I woke you up Chui. Pole sana." Nilla apologized as she headed to the closet to change. “ It’s okay. I might just need a bath too, sorry I don’t know how I ended up asleep in your bed.” Robert said, as Nilla smiled.

“ What did you do now? Why do you have that silly smile on your face, huh? Robert asked. Nilla was smiling because he had called his bed her bed.

“ So which country are you going to next? And when?” Nilla asked Robert as they both headed down for breakfast. “ Not yet known, let’s just say… you are stuck with me for the time being. I also love the Kenyan weather, that’s one of the reasons why I always prefer coming back here to any other of my places.” Robert answered.

“ That’s bad, because I was expecting you to say, you love Kenya because you have got a whole human being, a proper human being, a noble human who the gods sent to you… I’m hurt” Nilla said as she pushed Robert away from her.

“ But I haven’t finished yet, short one. Also, I really love your friendship. It’s a place where I can be myself. I have never had a female friend with whom I shared so many parts of myself. The past eight months have been great, really. I love the way we serve each other, laugh together and everything that we do to push our moments together. So, yeah, my human is one of the things I love about Kenya.” Nilla felt good. She looked at Robert as her eyes widened.

“ You are my favorite person too, Chui,” Nilla said.

“ Does that mean I’ll get a hug today?” Robert always teased Nilla of not wanting to hug anyone. He always said that Nilla hugged like she was ready to run. She was not brought up being held or spoken to softly, much as she had learned to assure Robert and Brian as much as she could, a trait she learned from Robert, she still, however, had a problem when it came to hugging anyone. She had only hugged Robert twice and each time, she did it as if being held made her skin burn. Being held was a foreign concept to her.

“ I don’t like hugging anyone, Chui, I would rather check myself into any hospital for ICU services.” Nilla said, rolling her eyes.

“ You know I knew it was so bad when you hadn’t seen me for two months, only for you to stare at me in your office and say, Chui, karibu sana…” Robert was imitating Nilla while shaking his head. Nilla took the water bottle from the dining table, poured some into her hands and splashed it on Robert’s face.

“ Yeah, that’s how a paraffin stove is put out back in the village…” she said running, obviously knew Robert was going for her. While running, she felt a sharp pain on her abdomen.

" Are you okay Nini?” Robert said, gently putting his hands across Nilla’s shoulder.

“ Just having terrible cramps, I’ll be fine. I have never had such terrific period cramps, you know,” Nilla said.

“ Terrific? Are they awesome compared to the ones before?” Robert asked.

“ What do you mean awesome? Pain can never be awesome, Chui…”

“ But you said they are terrific?”

“Yes, cramps are terrific, to mean terrible and horrific - terrific…”

“ Whaaattt!!! I’m pretty sure terrific means something else.” Robert said as he carried Nilla to the sofa. She didn’t need it but he just loved how close they’d grown.

“ You mean to tell me that all this while I have been using the word terrific wrongly? I’m glad I used it in front of you, because the world would have laughed at me. You, Chui, are not allowed to show your teeth regarding this matter.” Nilla said as Robert laughed so hard, tears forming in his eyes. He had never heard of an explanation so wrong yet, made sense like that before. Nilla stared at him wanting to swallow him. He did not care. He just kept laughing.

"How much are the flowers?" Robert asked the man who was selling flowers outside the estate gate. They had decided to take an evening walk to help with easing Nilla's period cramps. The flower vendor had pestered Robert to get the flowers for his woman. Robert's condition was getting a hug from Nilla before she could get her flowers. Nilla hugged him, not trying to run away that time. "Did you die?" Robert asked Nilla as he gave her the flowers.

"Honestly Chui, why did you want the hug so badly? You are being weird in my honest opinion," Nilla said as she smelled her flowers.

" When you were grieving, I did not know how to handle you, honestly. I felt like holding you and comforting you, yet I felt like there was a huge barrier between us. Secondly, when you were happy about how far you had come in life, you know with your English, your home and work, I really wished I could hug you and tell you how proud I was of you, yet I couldn't and the latest one, I had not seen you in two months, and yet, when I came to your office, you just starred at me saying karibu Chui...like, woman, I missed you! Why can't you just be normal and hug me!" Robert said, throwing his hands in the air.

"Your best friend grew like a weed, all these things are new to me, you are new to me, a calm man, happy man and a man who hugs...all new. " Nilla said as she put her hand into Roberts elbow after he stretched out for her.