"FOREVER AMEN - CHUI..."

SEPARATION...

“ I’ll need to pick up my clothes. I know very well leaving Langata will be hard.” Everyone knew Robert was right. Their first stop was Robert’s house where they spent hours and then left for Nilla’s place.

Nilla fixed the family dinner. Everyone helped with one thing or another. Having been to a Kenyan boarding school for long, Brian’s appetite was obviously very high and for that reason, Nilla prepared a meal that would be confused for that of a traditional African gathering where food was cooked and people ate like tomorrow was never promised. Nilla and Robert knew that Brian was going to eat like he was going to be paid for it.

The three had finished their dinner and Nilla was done doing the dishes. Immediately she started cleaning the floor, Nilla got a call from her friend Julia. She knew what it was about. “ Hello Nini, how’re you?” Julia asked. Nilla was not going to explain herself to Wambo or Julia. She had already made up her mind. Much as she never wanted Wambo to feel like she was ungrateful, she deeply felt that putting her life as a tool for experiment was self sabotage. “ Hey Julia, how are you?” Nilla said.

“ Woah! So it’s no longer Juju anymore? You just call me Julia? Okay….” Julia said. Nilla was already tired from the day she had already had and was not going to add anymore to it. She was quiet as Julia kept on saying hello and calling her name. She hang up.

Nilla gave out a loud sigh. “I’m just tired of all this, it’s been a hard day.” Nilla whispered to herself, not realizing that Robert was standing behind her.

“ Anything the matter?” Robert asked as he looked back, making sure Brian in the living room did not hear them. He locked the kitchen door as he moved closer to Nilla.

“ It’s really nothing, trust me.” Nilla said, as her shaky voice betrayed her.

“ I’m afraid I do not believe you, Nini.” Robert pulled the tall kitchen stool which was standing in the corner and sat, his face repeating the question he had just asked Nilla.

“ Fine. I’m gonna ask you a question and, please, be honest with me. Do not withhold your judgment just because we are friends, okay? So, when I first joined Plutex, of course I was struggling with a lot. My English, everything to do with the work, even friendships. But I found two friends after a short while, and they’ve been good to me. However, our friendship has been having rough tides of late, and it all leaves me wondering whether I am ungrateful or just a bad person, you know.” Robert sat up as he could obviously tell from Nilla’s voice that she was truly broken. Nilla continued pouring her heart out.

“Well, my friend Wambo, we work with her at Plutex. She introduced me to her husband’s best friend. The thing is, I do not like him. I do not find him attractive at all. I made it clear to them that the relationship won’t work out as my spirit doesn’t vouch for him yet, it seems like everyone is pushing me to date him, not caring about what and how I feel. Well, I know they have been good to me, but I truly feel that gambling with my peace and trading parts of me as a token of appreciation to my friends is true self-hate. I don’t know…”

“ Have you met this Nick in person? How’s his personality in your judgment?” Robert asked, looking at Nilla in her eyes and wagging his hands gently, like the free life coach he was at the moment.

“ Yes I have, I can’t stand him in person either. He kept commenting on my body shape, which I really hated. He was also insisting that I should hug him, which I didn’t. While talking to him, he was talking about what he would allow his woman to do and the things he wouldn’t allow. Chui, I have been through hell with a controlling man in my younger years and another controlling one is what I do not want. Besides, even if I liked him, I still do not want to date. I really love having no relationship stress and honesty, I want to heal myself so that the man whom I will fall in love with is able to get a healed human being and someone with no strong links whatsoever with the broken bits of her past.” Nilla was nodding her head all through as her big eyes became bigger.

“ No, you are not a bad friend. I really love how you know what you want and are willing to stand by it. You do not have to date a man you do not like just because your friends say so. Do not betray the girl within. Do not place your peace on a bargaining table. You deserve everything your heart desires and now, being by yourself is one of those things, all I can tell you is, you have done nothing wrong, Nini.” Robert was holding Nilla’s hand, in an attempt to assure her that she had done so well standing by her values. Brian walked in and immediately out, as he thought he had interrupted an intimate moment between them. They smiled as they both walked out of the kitchen. Nilla had found the answer she was looking for. She always trusted Robert, and she was sure that cutting Nick off completely was what she needed. She would deal with whatever her friends threw her way. She was ready.

Nilla could hear Robert and Brian fighting on who would take which part of the bunk bed. They settled on Brian flying on the upper deck and Robert on the lower. Suddenly, Nick texted her. She blocked his number after deleting their message blocks. She was not going to explain to him that he would never hear from her again. Whatever they both had was not an airport which needed departure announcements. He would use his head to fill in the gaps. As for Wambo and Julia, they were also women and if any of them wanted Nick, she could date him.

Nilla got up so early to prepare breakfast. She always loved cooking for her little family. The boys were up at 6 AM. Robert took a bath and then joined Nilla at the table. “ You have summoned yourself here, why?” Robert asked Brian, who had also brought himself to the table without being called. They both laughed. “ Let’s just say, I love you both so much, I could not just watch you two struggle with breakfast. Surely I’m not that heartless,” Brian said as everyone laughed.

“ We are off to work. Remember to study, we will want to see what you’ve done for the day, that’s clear buddy?” Robert told Brian. Brian always respected Robert, and always never wanted him to think that he took his kindness for granted. “ I will not let you down. I will study and also make sure dinner will be ready on time.” Brian answered. “ I might not be back for dinner as I will be meeting with friends. Maybe I’ll see you over the weekend,” Robert answered as they headed to the car.

Wambo was standing on the veranda off of the building where Julia worked. She had been busy narrating to Julia how prideful Nilla had become and how she thought it was because she was sleeping with the boss. “ Wait Wambo, that really looks like Nilla and your boss. They are coming from his car.” Julia said, pointing at Nilla with her lips pulled forward. “ You see! My mouth has not even dropped and there she is with the boss. How did they even meet? When did they even meet?” Wambo asked, trying to find answers to her questions. She was now fully invested in whatever was going on between Nilla and the boss. What irked her more was that Nilla had the guts to block Nick, and this made her loose the cash Nick had promised her. Wambo was those friends who, in their minds, always ranked their friends according to their position in life when they first met. When she met Nilla, Nilla was shy, unsure and obviously naive. One day Nilla had gone to her place after work since they did not have much time to practice English and work challenges as well. That was when Nilla met Nick. Nick was a man ‘whose pants could never settle on his waist’ whenever he saw an attractive woman. Wambo knew this, yet, because of the promise of money, she still turned Nilla into a good for profit. Nilla dodged a bullet. All Nick wanted was to add Nilla to the list of the women he had toyed with, and Nilla’s strong stand on being true to herself was what saved her.

“ Well, seems she’s grown now, she’s become a proper city girl. I just can’t believe she called Nick old, yet your boss seems way older than him, you know? Or is it because he is mzungu? You know they age a little faster?” Julia said, adding fuel to the already burning fire.

“ A donkey’s thank you to its owner is indeed a kick, a hard kick at that. I will, however, make it hard for her at Plutex. She thinks warming the boss’s bed is all she needs to succeed in life, as the rest of us work tirelessly. What a lie! You know, she did not know a thing at all about marketing! Yet, she was put in charge of an entire department with a team under her! Norbert had to do the hard work in the first few months, and she was the one to get paid in turn! These are the ‘ small girl with big God’ type of women. Ooh how I hate such!” Wambo was cursing and frothing at the mouth. All the while, her only problem being, how dare Nilla think she was now worthy of making her own decisions, worthy of blocking Nick, worthy of walking away after she had picked her from the gutters and made her a proper functional human being! A war had just begun. She had started a journey that would teach Nilla a lesson.

Nilla sat at her desk as she went through the deliverables for the day. Wambo walked in. Nilla raised her head then pushed it back to the papers on her desk. It was morning and too early to let her energy go forth for something that did not make any sense to her.

“It must be nice holding a global motor assembling company between your thighs, Nini, not everyone gets as lucky as you, you know. Some of us have to go to school, write numerous cover letters and CVs just to be accepted for volunteering positions. You know, that is what we do for months, even years, before we can get a paying job which will need our years of experience. But, you, all you need is your extremely feminine body and cute, innocent personality to break the ceiling. Power to you, your highness.” Wambo went directly for Nilla’s throat with words. Her words cut so deep. Nilla was hurt and yet, did not want to retaliate. She was so poor at slanging matches.

“ Please let me know when you are done. Say what is in your mind and leave.” She had rattled a snake with her response.

“ Of course I will. I will say whatever is in my chest! What will you do? Huh? Ask your sugar daddy to fire me? At least I’m not like you who rose through horizontal engineering! Helloo!” Nilla had been through it in life and the only thing that hurt her at that moment was that Wambo was willing to tear her into pieces just because she turned a man down. She did not understand what was going on?

“ You can disrespect me all you want, but leave Robert out of this. He has no idea of what is going on. Mop the floor with me, I can take it, but, if you dare mention his name to push whatever narrative you’ve started, I will call security on you. I mean it.” Nilla thought it was unfair for Robert to be dragged in to a rumor that would tarnish both their names.

“ Go ahead! Go ahead and call security on me, you filthy girl from the village. You think Nick could even take someone like you seriously? You were just another thing to be conquered. Just like all the other men, he also only saw the figure and the face. I know he must have noticed your uneducated self beneath your horrible English. And ooohh! What did you call Mr Cohen? Robert? That’s too informal for someone you’re not having bedmington with, don’t you think, Nini?” Wambo had only one mission that morning, to make Nilla question her worth as a human being. She succeeded. By the time she walked out of Nilla’s office, Nilla was distraught. She cried like a child. She was in shock. By midday, Nilla had to take the day off just to pull herself together.

“ You are home so early, daughter of mama. You also don’t look okay, what is wrong?” Brian asked, worry plastered all over his face. “I'm having a terrible headache, son of mama. The doctor says it’s because I spend so much time staring into my laptop a lot, but, I will be fine. “ She was a smart liar. She went to her room and cried her heart out. A thought then came to her mind. She decided to call Sarah.

On that day, Sarah’s husband picked up her call. “ Hello sir, how are you? My name is…”

“ Nilla, Sarah always told me a lot about you.” Joris was Sarah’s husband, and he had heard a lot about Nilla from his wife. “ Oooh Joris, I didn’t think you knew me, though I also know you. How’s Sarah? We haven’t spoken in two days now, and I really want to ask about the baby!” Nilla was excited, her excitement was cut short as soon as she noticed Joris’ face change.

Sarah had passed on during labor.She had a pregnancy complication. Both she and the baby did not make it. Nilla let out a loud scream. Brian heard her and rushed to her room. Joris and his family were planning for Sarah's funeral.

“ Get out Brian please, I want to be alone. Please! Please!”

Nilla always cried from the pits of her belly. She cried passionately. She was on the floor and was sure life would never be the same for her. Not knowing what to do, Brian called Robert. He arrived shortly after, only to find Nilla locked up in her room.

Sarah was like a big sister to Nilla. She went through a rough moment of denial. She loved Sarah deeply. She had never had a sister-like bond with anyone before. Her heart was broken. A part of her died. Why did people keep leaving her? What was wrong with her? Her friends Wambo and Julia did not want her for turning down a man. Sarah, the only woman who had genuinely loved and taken good care of her in Nairobi, had left for good, never to return. Nilla cried at the thought of never having a genuine moment with Sarah again. She cried because she never had the chance to see her in her last moments. She cried because it was unfair for a sweet person like Sarah to sleep outside in the cold forever. Every thought tore her apart. Her phone rang again. It was Joris. He could see how wretched Nilla had become. They spent time talking about Sarah. He also needed someone to talk to. Sarah had left a message for Nilla. That message would carry her through tough moments. It helped heal a part of her soul that, even in her last moments, Sarah thought of her. Nilla and Joris promised each other that they would be calling to have a sobbing session whenever any of them felt like it. His call made things a little better. Nilla had gone through different stages of separation within a day. She had gone through separation from self, when she had to stand her ground and not let the people-pleasing part of her rob her of her peace and values. She had gone through separation by deceit when she made up her mind to cut off her two friends who deemed it fit for her to be a pawn in their game. She had faced the worst part of separation, which was by death, the worst of them all. Staring at the ceiling blankly with only tears flowing freely, she felt empty. It was unfair and too much for one person. She thought to herself.

Nilla was brought back to reality when the door opened. Brian had found a spare key to her room. The two boys rushed to her, worried because they had never seen her like that before. Their pity made her cry even more. Brian held Nilla’s right hand and Robert the left. They stared at her in silence, as if they did not want to interrupt her sad moment yet, at the same time wanting so badly to be told what was going on.

“ I’m so sorry for making you boys worried. Please forgive me.” Nilla said as she spoke with a quiver. “ No, not at all Nini, we love you, and we are here for you.” No man had ever told Nilla that he loved her, all through her life. Growing up in a Kenyan village, no parent was ever heard telling their child that they were loved. It just never crossed their minds that such a word was even needed. On the other hand, Nilla’s father was an abusive drunk so, assuming parents did tell their kids that they were loved, there was no way Nilla was ever going to hear ‘ I love you’. Nilla’s marriage was also not a place of an ounce of like, let alone love, so she had never heard of it. Robert telling her that they loved her made her eyes brighten. He might have done it out of culture and norm considering where he came from, but, it sounded great to both Nilla and Brian. “ Yes Nini, we love you.” Brian echoed as he moved closer to his sister.

Nilla broke down, explaining to the boys what had happened to Sarah and her baby. They knew how much Sarah meant to her. That day, they tried all they could to make her feel better.

“ Chui, don’t you have a meeting by the way? Also, you are supposed to be leaving for another work trip. How about you go prepare yourself?” Nilla asked after making sure the boys had their dinner, which was prepared by Brian. “ No need, I can not leave leaving you in this state.” Robert answered.

“ I am a girl of the jungle, trust me, I only need a few days alone, and I will bounce back like never before.”

Robert sensed that Nilla needed some time by herself and did not want to be too much in her space. He excused himself and left.