"FOREVER AMEN - CHUI..."

YOU DON'T STAND AGAINST A FORCE THAT SHIELDED YOU

“ You know we can’t keep ordering food every time we need to eat Chui,” Nilla said as she picked what they had ordered for dinner from the delivery man. She was a traditional African woman who believed in whipping fresh meals daily. She believed in eating whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted. She also loved cooking, so it was not a big deal to her.

“ Well, you’re right, however, I can’t cook, I’m not really good at it even if I tried.” Robert was a terrible cook. One day he had tried to fix Nilla some soup. It was one of the worst things Nilla had tasted. However, he was good at frying an egg, at least he wasn’t useless in totality.

“ I will also get to be as busy as you are from next month, Chui,” Nilla said.

“ What are you up to, boss lady?”

“ I got my response from Nairobi university. I will pursue Business Administration, Foundation Certification in Professional Marketing. I will start from certificate level as I did not do well in my fourth form. Later, I can proceed to getting a bachelors degree.” Nilla had always wanted to further her education and not just stop at high school certificate. She did not perform well in the high school national examinations. She had a rough time and persisting to the end could as well be counted as a success. Robert knew this.

“ That’s so awesome Nini, I’m so proud of you. You are growing so fast and you got my blessings. Also, must you start from a certificate level? What is the cut-off point for the course?” Robert thought going for three years at the certificate level and three years for the bachelors level on the same course meant Nilla spending more time in school. He thought it would be a good idea if Nilla just went for a bachelors degree for once and be done.

“ Well, for public universities, it is impossible to start from a bachelors degree level, especially where one did not do so well like me in this case. However, they normally have a program called parallel course, which is meant for those who do not meet the government requirements for the courses they wish to pursue. However, they are so expensive, and I do not want to take any loans for my education while I still have Brian’s fees as well as my high school fee balance to complete paying.”

“ Wait, you have a high school student loan?”

“ No, in Kenya, student loans are mostly meant for higher learning institutions, not high schools. My dad did not pay my third and forth form school fees. He said I was old enough to get married instead of stressing him about paying school fees for a girl. He thought sacrificing for a boy would be worth it, which I even find funny, since he has never helped with Brian’s education. So, for me to get my fourth form certificate, I have to clear my school fee arrears in order for my former school to hand over my certificate. I really respect that school since they gave me a chance to complete high school.”

“ How much?”

“ How much what?”

“ Everything.”

“Mmmmmhhh???”

“ Your high school fee areas, the course you’d wish to pursue at a private university and Brian’s fees?”

Nilla was not going to take it. Robert was kind to her, but she was never going to take advantage of his kindness. That would be too much to take from a man. His friendship was enough. With a proper plan, she could pull it off. She decided to change the topic and Robert knew that she did.

Nilla had always found a way of reciprocating whatever Robert did for her. Sometimes, he had a hard time letting her understand that friendship was not about being even. Out of nowhere, she started talking about the flowers she had received and how she would keep them fresh for a longer period. “ You’re a smart girl, you always know how to take care of anything, the flowers will be fine. Also, how much would everything cost?” Robert said, not wanting Nilla to deviate from the topic at hand.

“ Chui, being your friend doesn’t mean you should spend your hard-earned money on me. I like our friendship as it is and none of us deserves to do too much for the other. It’s not fair.”

“ You do realize there are moments when you also do too much?”

“ like when?”

“ Like when you suggested taking me to that beautiful village in Mombasa, and you did. You handled it all by yourself. Nini, you just let me exist as you took care of me. No one has ever done that for me, you know. Whenever you cook as if it’s not a big deal, it is! When I got that cold, and you mothered the grown man in me, you are full of service towards me and yet you hate it whenever I want to help. Not fair”

“ Robert Craig Cohen, shut up.”

Nilla said as she walked to the kitchen to get anything she could to put her flowers in. She felt uncomfortable taking instead of working hard towards what she wanted. She could not accept the offer. It was too much. She never answered Robert’s question about how much it would be to clear any school fee that she had not. It was getting late and they decided to rest. Nilla was about to get into her room when Robert let out a naughty cough. “ What now?” Nilla said as she turned and rolled her eyes.

“ My hug…” Robert said.

“ This is not an airport where we hug people goodbye, Chui.” Robert insisted that he wanted a hug.

“My goal in this life is to soften little Nini up. I want you to collect every hug you missed growing up, you know,” Robert said.

“ You mean you want me to be as soft as you people.” Many people had the belief that wazungu were too soft. Nilla was among them. Robert always laughed at that. Nilla hugged him good night, a part of her loved being seen and held with care. Robert had started being intentional about changing Nilla’s view of men and life in general. She was a good person. She deserved it.

Morning came, and after spending the weekend at Robert’s place, Nilla realized she did not have anything to wear to work. She only had the clothes she had worn on Friday. She had been wearing Robert’s clothes and did not think of what she would wear on Monday. They both stood staring at each other, figuring out what to do next. Going back to Nilla’s place was impossible considering the heavy morning traffic jam as well as the distance. “ I’ll throw my pants and top into the washer then dryer. I’ll add one of your shirts on top since I can’t wear the exact coat I had on Friday. Crazy women are already coming up with all sorts of weird narratives about our relationship.” Nilla said as she headed to the laundry room.

“ Are you for real? How do you know that?” Robert asked.

“ Well, you remember my friend Wambo, the one who wanted me to date her husband’s best friend? We fell out because I said no to the man. After that, she saw us leave work together, and she concluded you are the reason why I think I’m woman enough to say no to whatever she asks me to do.”

“ Say what again? I’m so sorry Nini. That’s one controlling friend you got.”

“ I felt the same. Well, on the day Sarah died, she really verbally abused me in my office. I left work early, so I could cry to Sarah only to find out that she had passed on. It was such a dark day.”

“ Did you report to the HR? That’s so unacceptable, Nini.”

“Chui, under no circumstances should you stand against the same force that shielded you at a point.”

“ Even if the force is no longer on your side?”

“ Yes, you just walk away. Anyone who contains you when you can’t do the same for yourself, is always above you.”

“ I beg to differ…”

“ How so?”

“ Letting anyone walk all over you. Just because they helped you at a point in life is not okay, Nini. Anyone who would want you to compromise any bit of yourself just because they helped you at a point, wasn’t really helping to begin with. They were on business. A point might come when you will be required to stand up against the same force that helped you before. It’s for your sanity, you know.”

“Look at you, I could never think that such wise words could come from you, you know” Nilla said as they laughed. That was her way of acknowledging that Robert was right.

“ I’m an old man Nini, you know, drink from the wisdom I’ve collected through the years.” Robert said as he attempted to make a silly dance move. Nilla took her clothes from the dryer, and they headed back to her room. She decided to pick one of Robert’s shirts which she manipulated into something that its owner could not recognize. No one could know that it was a man’s shirt. She had decided to turn Robert’s shirt into a top as wearing the one she had on Friday would only make bossy Wambo to keep running her mouth, worse should she see her coming out of Robert’s car.