Him, Her, And Me

Number Two: 2

    Over the summer, after my father died, I just wanted to be alone. My mom thought it was best if we went to see some of my cousins and other family members down at our beach house in California. Our Oregon was getting a little depressing, you could say. I wanted Eric to come with me but, my mom said it was just going to be family. I remember when I first got there it was only two weeks after my dads death and everyone was saying;

"Oh Mary, Anna. I'm so sorry." or "My condolences.".

It was all too overwhelming. I mostly just stayed in my room reading, watching movies, and sleeping. I mostly remember one day my phone getting a buzz while I was watching some random mystery show. It was a text from Eric.

Eric: I know your inside now. I also know your in a lot of pain, but that doesn't mean your legs aren't working. Go outside, walk bare foot along the beach side. It's your time to relax and think. Yours.

I immediately took his advice and went to the small private section of the beach that we owned. The sand was so warm and smooth against my feet. It felt amazing. The smell of the ocean filled the air with it's salty smelling aroma. I saw a small cliff and decided to climb it. 

When I got to the top I saw the whole ocean. It's beauty shimmering because of the sun's glow. It took my breathe away. As I was walking along the side of the edge my foot slipped and I remember falling the ten foot drop. I thought I was going to die but, I wasn't worried. I was the calmest I had ever been. What was so bad about dying anyway? I would see my dad again! 

The next thing I remember was my mom running up the long beach to get to me. Some of my other family member chasing after her. All the way to the ER I heard he sobbing. Cursing herself for not being there.  There were many rocks at the bottom of where I landed but I landed in a small spot of only sand. I ended up with a broken ankle. 

It wasn't the worst but, all I could think about was what if I had died. I remember my life flashing before my eyes. My soul coming out of my body and see me fall down in slow motion. Thinking of how Eric would no longer have me as his best friend. Thinking of how mom wouldn't be a mom anymore. The rest of my vacation turned out to be staying inside the whole time. I ruined my moms relaxation time. Her grieving, now instead of her grieving over dad, she was only ever grieving of me. I was a monster inside and out.