CHAPTER 21 — THE FIRST TIME I THOUGHT ABOUT LEAVING
1011 Words
📖 CHAPTER 21 — THE FIRST TIME I THOUGHT ABOUT LEAVING
POV: SERA
The strange thing about fear is that it doesn’t always arrive suddenly.
Sometimes it grows quietly inside good moments.
Soft moments.
Moments that should feel safe.
That was what started happening to me with Alessandro.
Because the closer we became, the more dangerous it felt that I cared at all.
---
A few days after the storm, I started noticing how carefully everyone around me behaved.
Not around Alessandro.
Around me.
Doors opened before I touched them. Guards followed at a distance that pretended not to be obvious. Staff members answered me politely but never too personally, almost like they had been instructed not to get too familiar.
At first I ignored it.
Then I started paying attention.
And once I noticed it…
I couldn’t stop noticing it.
---
“You’re doing it again.”
I looked up from my tea to find Isabella staring at me from across the breakfast table.
“Doing what?”
“Thinking yourself into depression.”
I blinked. “That’s dramatic.”
“You’ve been staring at that cup for ten minutes.”
“I have not.”
“Sera.”
I sighed softly.
Maybe she was right.
---
Isabella leaned forward slightly.
“What’s wrong?”
For a second, I almost told her.
Almost asked if she ever felt trapped here too.
But Isabella loved her brother fiercely.
And somehow, despite everything, I didn’t want to hurt him.
Even in conversations he would never hear.
So instead I forced a small smile.
“Nothing’s wrong.”
She narrowed her eyes immediately. “Liar.”
---
Before I could answer, Alessandro walked into the dining room.
Everything shifted quietly after that.
Not because he demanded attention.
Because attention naturally moved toward him anyway.
His gaze landed on me instantly.
Always instantly.
“You didn’t sleep much,” he said.
I blinked slowly. “How do you know that?”
“There’s coffee beside your bed.”
Oh.
Right.
I had forgotten he sent things to my room without asking now.
Like it was normal.
Like I was already woven into his routines.
---
Isabella looked between us before groaning dramatically.
“This is becoming deeply unsettling.”
Neither of us answered her.
Which somehow made her more disgusted.
“I need better people in my life,” she muttered, standing up with her plate.
“You say that every day,” Alessandro replied calmly.
“And every day I mean it.”
She kissed my cheek before leaving the room.
“Try not to emotionally spiral before lunch,” she whispered to me.
I laughed softly despite myself.
Alessandro watched the interaction silently.
Too silently.
---
The second Isabella disappeared, the room became quieter.
He sat across from me this time instead of beside me.
But somehow his presence still felt too close.
“You’ve been distant,” he said after a while.
I looked down at my tea.
“I’ve been thinking.”
“That’s usually when problems start.”
That earned a small smile from me before I could stop it.
His eyes lingered on my face after that.
Long enough that warmth slowly crawled into my chest again.
It was becoming dangerous how much his attention affected me now.
---
“Will you be busy today?” I asked quietly.
“Yes.”
Meetings probably.
Business.
Violence.
Threats.
Things I tried not to think about when he sat beside me touching my hair gently like I mattered.
---
My chest tightened suddenly.
Because that was the problem.
I was starting to separate him into two people.
The Alessandro with me.
And the Alessandro everyone else feared.
But they were the same man.
Weren’t they?
---
“You’re doing it again,” he said softly.
“What?”
“Leaving mentally.”
I looked up too quickly.
His expression hadn’t changed much, but his eyes stayed fixed on me carefully.
Like he was trying to read thoughts I hadn’t spoken aloud yet.
And suddenly I felt tired.
Tired of feeling watched all the time.
Even gently.
---
“I just miss normal things sometimes,” I admitted quietly.
His gaze sharpened slightly. “What normal things?”
I hesitated.
“Going outside alone.”
Silence.
Not loud.
Not angry.
Just immediate.
Heavy.
---
“That’s not safe.”
There it was again.
That answer.
Always calm.
Always final.
I looked at him carefully.
“And if I still wanted to?”
“You won’t.”
The words came too naturally.
Too confidently.
Like my choices already belonged somewhere inside his hands.
---
Something uncomfortable twisted inside my chest.
Not fear exactly.
Recognition.
And maybe that was worse.
---
He noticed the change in my expression immediately.
“Sera.”
I stood before he could say more.
“I’m fine.”
“You’re upset.”
“I said I’m fine.”
The sharpness in my voice surprised both of us.
Silence fell heavily between us after that.
Because I almost never snapped at him.
---
His gaze stayed on me steadily.
Not angry.
Just focused.
Too focused.
“You want freedom,” he said quietly.
I swallowed softly.
“Yes.”
“And if something happens to you outside this estate?”
His voice lowered slightly.
“What then?”
I opened my mouth.
Then closed it again.
Because part of me knew he wasn’t completely wrong.
That was the worst part.
---
But another part of me suddenly wondered something I had been trying not to think about for weeks.
If safety costs this much…
is it still safety?
---
That thought followed me the entire day.
Through lunch.
Through conversations with Isabella.
Through the quiet evening rain outside my window.
And later that night, while lying awake staring at the ceiling…
another thought came with it.
Small.
Terrible.
Dangerous.
What if I left?
My breathing slowed the second the thought formed fully.
Because I realized something immediately after it appeared.
A part of me already knew I eventually would.
- Writer
