The way I hated you, loved you, missed you, craved you

I miss you

Christmas time has come and gone three times since Jett left, that is three years without seeing him unless it was on the tv.... with his girlfriend. Ebony sees it I know she does but she never says anything, she talks to Jett all the time but I never ask about what, I don’t know if I could handle that so I put all my energy into my new business. I opened up a garage about six months ago after finishing college with flying colours, I have loved every minute of it so far apart from when I wish I could show the one person who’s option matters to me more than anyone’s. Even though I haven’t been open for that long business has been great, mainly because Eddy shut his garage down just before I opened mine leaving me the only garage in this town. It’s truly amazing the amount of beautiful old classic cars that I’ve had come in and out of this garage, it’s so rewarding that it makes all the long hours and hard work worth it. I’m in the middle of working on a car that I found in a car scrap yard, I couldn’t let it stay there so I got it. I’m going to finish fixing it then give it the best makeover that it will become my signature car, meaning it is my display car wherever I go on major events this will be the car I take with me to show off my work. This car has so much sentimental value to me a 1967 mustang. I’m painting it in a beautiful bluey/emerald colour with chrome accessories, she’s going to look beautiful and run even better. I honestly can’t wait for it to be done. 

Well its officially Christmas time again but now it’s the fifth Christmas without Jett. I feel like I’m doing a lot better, I’ve really focused on my cars, I’ve made a lot of money so I’ve been able to extend my garage size which is yet another dream come true. On another note my birthmother has finished her rehab and is now living in a support home. She has written to me twice now but I am still to open them. That’s just something I’m not ready for, I won’t let her dig her claws into me again. My birth siblings have reached out to me a couple of times apologising that I had to go through what I did when it was broadcast on the news after the man who ruin my dreams of a sporting career died in jail. I haven’t really had more of a relationship with them because they may have apologised but they still haven’t made the effort to actually have a relationship with me which is okay because I have Ebony who has become such a successful fashion designer that she has branches all across the globe, she designs my outfits for me when I have an event on which is always amazing. Ebony is always home for Christmas which is so special because she has become my family and I love her to no ends. Violet is still one of my bestest friends, she moved back to our hometown two years ago after falling pregnant and getting married. That was truly wonderful watching her grow in the most incredible ways, her baby girl Ivy is my god daughter, I cried to no ends when they asked me to be her godmother it was one of the best days of my life including when I was Violets maid of honour. My life has been pretty great in the last few years. I have even improved my physical shape somehow, I was always athletic and had a great body but since I haven’t been able to do all the sports I use to when I’m not lifting heavy things at work I’m at the gym keeping myself healthy. I’ve changed my hair colour, got some tattoos and transformed myself as Ebony says. It’s safe to say I am finally learning to accept myself and be happy. Tonight is Christmas Eve and we are all heading over to Eddies, he requested we have a dinner party tonight so who are we to let him down. I decided to dress half casual half dressed up for me, wearing a tight red T-shirt dress that finishes mid-thigh with my black crop denim jacket and my white converse with my now shoulder length blonde hair in soft beach waves. I felt just right in what I was wearing, pretty even. I made a banoffee pie cheesecake Eddies favourite for dessert. I’m still not a great cook but I’d like to say my desserts are pretty great. I set the dessert in Eddies fridge when I heard my little baby Ivy making some noise. Walking over to now two years old Ivy I picked her up from her swaying cot and gave her a cuddle getting a little giggle and smile out of my favourite human. She literally makes my heart explode she is perfect with rosy chubby cheeks, short blonde locks and breath-taking blue eyes. With my new hair you would swear I was her mother but she definitely has Violets contagious smile there’s no doubt about that. I make my way into the family room where everyone is now sitting laughing around the fireplace. I stand next to the Christmas tree and show my baby Ivy the beautiful Christmas lights and decorations, watching her face as she watches the lights change colour was the most precious thing I have ever seen in my life, Violet and Ebony laugh as they watch her face get brighter and happier as she watches the lights with so much joy. In this moment life was once again perfect. Eddies wife walks in with not chocolate for everyone, our favourite at this time of the year but what I didn’t see while I was watching my goddaughter happily take in all the colours of Christmas was something that would have my heart breaking and racing all at the same time.