Asmo's Love

ONE LAST TIME

COLIN's POV

I could no longer get my mind straight. I forgot everything. Forgot all of the things that I should be doing right now. Forgot that we still had our last gig to do, forgot about the disheveled and bloody state of my face, forgot about the band... Forgot about myself. All I could ever think of right now was David.

I had to see David.

My entire being felt like I was humiliated, mocked behind, and fooled badly. I thought I could actually work it out. I really thought I could make it better for me and David yet for some reason... it never would happen the way I want it to be, Things are really just going to be different than how I should expect it to be. And now, everything changed. I don't know anymore... f**k.

This was so messed up now. I tried not to be driven by my own anger and emotions... 

I got to the apartment, still deep in thoughts and befuddled and lost. I came out of the taxi that I took on my way home and did not even count the bills I reached the driver. I felt like he kind of looked at me for a second with a confused frown but I did not receive a complaint so I thought I paid enough. I walked blindly to the entrance of the building and went straight to the elevators, feeling like I was no longer alive. I became a total zombie feeling only the coldness and bitterness eating me alive right now.

I felt my phone vibrating with a call from my pocket. I pulled it out and looked at the caller ID. It was David. I did not even waste any more seconds and answered it right away and as soon as the line went through, David's voice came in like a sound that I never thought would make me feel all sorts of emotions.

"Colin, hey, I am on my way home right now, are you still at the bistro?" he asked me right away, oblivious of what had just happened to me a while ago. I contemplated telling him the truth but I already figured there was no point lying to him anymore. We were doomed.

"I am home now," I told him right away, my voice sounded very hollow and cold and I could tell that David also noticed the slight change in my tone as I spoke back to him,  "I want to talk to you, Dave."

And that was it... David gave me a clipped yes and ended the call. He probably sensed what was this about. And he might already know where it would be leading us to... If anything else... I just really want to let this all out now. Yet as I entered our apartment, no matter how much I wanted to...

I still could not make myself cry.

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DAVID's POV

I got into the apartment and the lights were off. I thought for a moment that Colin had left but when I opened the lights while entering, I jolted in surprise when I saw him just sitting by the living room. I almost screamed the hell out and felt bothered by why he was suddenly home when he was just a few hours from their last gig as a band tonight. And as I closed the door behind and approached Colin warily, I quickly took notice of the bruised side of his face and I abruptly came running to his side to ask him about it.

"What happened?" was my usual reaction and Colin did not even flinch as I tried to touch the blue spot over his cheek and sat beside him on the couch. He did not even spare me a glance as he just kept staring to a distance and let out a soft sigh. I frowned and felt even more bothered as I watched him in silence, trying to read the mood.

"Colin? What happened to you? Are you alright?" I took his face using both of my hands and tried to force him to look my way and when he finally did, Colin just gave me a dry empty look. His eyes were on mine but it seemed like he was not really seeing me at all.

"Colin?"

"Let's break up."

At first, I thought I misheard him because he spoke at the same time as me, and he said the words in a really hushed voice. But I was holding his gaze when he finally gave me a response and the remark started playing on and on inside my head. 

"What?"

"Let's break up, Dave," Colin repeated as if the mere utterance of the words the first time was not enough for me to acknowledge it. The request had me feeling all sorts of pain inside my chest. I wanted to collapse and beg and cry... But none of those seemed to come out of me as I sat there beside him, all frozen inside and out. I just let that sink in slowly... And painfully.

"Why are you saying this to me now?"

"I want to break up," Colin still insisted, no longer sounding as if he would even taking it back, "Let's end this now, David. No more lies."

"I don't want to..." I quickly replied with a shake of my head and eventually, I felt the tears falling down my eyes. My entire vision went blurry... And I can't find the right words to make Colin change his mind now.

"You had s*x with someone else, did you?" And there, right there, he finally dropped the hat without much of a warning and I tensed back, feeling like total s**t. He found me out. He found me out now... and that is why he wants to put an end to all of this now.

"Colin, let me-"

"It's okay, David," Colin cut me off as he looked away and sighed loudly, "I forgive you but... I don't want to do this anymore."

And with that, I took it as a cue to go down on my knees and beg him, feeling my whole pride crumbling down as I begged right in front of him. A life without Colin with me... A shattered reality that might never make me feel any happy at all. I can't have that. I can't let this happen right now.

"No," I said out loud, feeling like a child who had lost something so crucial as I cried right in front of Colin, choking on my own word, "I don't want to break up, Colin... I love you, please let me explain what happened... I don't want to live without you... Colin, please..."

I did not realize how much I had been weeping at Colin as he tried to comfort me with his hug and patted me on the back. I hugged him tightly, still wanting to never let go of him. I could feel the exhaustion of my whole body weigh over me but my thoughts and emotions kept me going as I clung to Colin's arms and kept asking for forgiveness and another chance.

Before I knew it, I was already pulling back, and I was going on for a kiss. My lips stung as I hit his in a clash, no longer minding how messy and clumsy it felt like. All I could ever think about was not wanting to let go... I just want to feel him around him. I wanted to make him feel how bad I wanted him not to leave me... But as I try not to let go of him, Colin made no move to pull away. And instead, I felt him kissing me back. Softer than I was doing and even more giving and gentle... It made me cry more as I felt the tears pouring continuously over my cheeks as I slowly went softer for him and let the passion and love took over me.

We eventually ended up on our bed somehow and I was already out of my shirt and pants at that moment and I was now pulling the sweater off of Colin as he sat back and stripped off of it and kissed me once again. This felt as if we were trying to go back to the start... his kisses, his touches, his caress, and the way he bites over the sensitive spot on my neck... 

I could feel everything that he wanted me to feel right now. 

It was so tender... so meaningful, making me feel so emotional as he slowly took me and entered in no such hurry and gently made love to me. I was so lost in it, and I almost forgot where I was, what actually happened before this, and how did we end up there. I can only feel and think of one thing...

Colin. 

And as the minutes continued and we made love another round, I was soon brought into slumber against the comfort and embrace of David. I was hugging him before I dozed off. But when I woke up... he was no longer beside me. The entire room was silent and it was already dark outside. I suddenly felt the panic consume me as I sat up and looked around, completely confused and scared. 

Then I saw it.

I would have mislook it if I didn't try to find any signs of Colin but the thing just sat there... for me to see right away. It was a letter. And I could already tell that Colin wanted me to read it...

I hesitated at first, cause I already kind of knew what it might entail but I still picked it up and opened it with a heavy heart. And as soon as I read the first few lines of the short letter, my heart eventually sank. I was already crying and soaking the paper in my hands with heavy tears... All just for the first few lines that immediately drew the line now of where I should be expecting Colin in my life...

"Dear David,

I'm sorry... but I can no longer do this with you..."

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