Torn Apart

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Despite the fact that the drive to my aunt's house wasn't too bad, the bumper-to-bumper traffic sapped most of my energy and patience. As a result of the snow and the constant stopping for gas, the trip was a touch less pleasant.

The sixteen hours had honestly flown by, and it had given me the time that I needed to process everything that happened in such a short time. I found out I had to come live in New Jersey with my aunt two days before Lilith’s seventeenth birthday. I decided not to tell her until after she had celebrated and had a good time, but to break the news broke my heart.

Lilith is easily my first love, and to not be with her made my chest hurt. Sharp pains jutted in and out as I continued to swallow down the lump in my throat to stop the tears that wanted to paint my cheeks. The sadness lingered through my soul, and honestly, I didn’t know how I was about to survive over 1000 miles away from her...

I checked the time on my radio before I inhaled and signed loudly. It was already 1 am on Sunday. I had to be in the front office of my new high school in a little over 24 hours.

I slumped in my seat and seriously considered if this was worth it, and what the consequences would be if I ran away already and had Lilith come with me.

"Come on, Morti. Just walk up those steps and try to get some sleep." I tried to motivate myself, but I failed miserably. Nothing made me want to move. Not even the cold that started to worsen in my car now that the engine was off. I stayed in the driver's seat of my car for a few more minutes. I gripped the wheel cover so hard that my knuckles became white.

I got out of the car, already annoyed and in a terrible mood. All it took was for someone to look at me the wrong way for me to snap. I opened the trunk and grabbed my suitcase. I placed it on the snowy ground and closed my trunk as softly as I could. The dense piles of snow blocked the sound before it echoed down the street.

The sky was black, nothing but pure winter darkness. I closed my eyes to get a deep breath of the wintry air. My lungs expanded and I swore that if I stayed out here any longer, my lungs would start to crystallize from the inside.

I walked up the steps and moved the welcome mat to grab the key that my aunt had left for me. She knew that I would be coming in the night, I don't know if she knew that it was going to be this late.

I unlocked the door and pushed it open, careful not to alert the curly-haired poodle that slept in the living room. I dragged my suitcase behind me and it into the house. I looked around, not much had changed. I quickly snapped out of my train of thought and walked to the alarm that sat on the inside of the coat closet.

I flipped the cover-up and let my fingers dance around the keypad to finger in the correct combination. The soft ‘beep’ of each key got louder and louder in the pin-drop quiet house.

"3-9-4-5" I pressed the enter button with force to make sure that the outdated security system understood the input. The soft glow of the green approval light blinded me, my eyes not used to any sort of light.

With a hum, I tugged on the handle of my suitcase and stopped at the stairs. I looked up the steps and back down at the suitcase. With no shits left to give in my system, I decided to give up. It wasn’t like I needed anything out of it right now. I left my suitcase at the bottom of the stairs and walked up, empty-handed the rest of the way.

I opened the door and plopped down on the twin bed in the corner of the room, my head smacked against the thin pillow. The smell of untouched fabric wafted into the air as I pulled my legs up onto the bed so I could undo my shoes.

The shoes dropped to the ground with a light thud’ and I sighed contently as I stretched my toes out. I hadn’t taken off anything for the last 16 hours and I was sore from the trip. My butt hurt from the seat and my head hurt from the terrible drivers.

With a huff, I turned onto my stomach and pulled off the coat I had on. It dropped to the floor delicately as I held one pocket up to fish out my phone. I checked the charge and rolled my eyes when I noticed it was on 7%.

So much for the charger that I had in the car. At least I still had enough power to check in on the only person who mattered at this point.

I tapped the screen to pull up the messages app and quickly made out my message to make sure it was sent before the screen went black. I didn’t have the energy to find a charger, so while I know I will be annoyed in the morning, I could not be bothered right now.

Me: Hey, Lili. I made it.

I placed my phone down just to hear it vibrate on the nightstand next to me seconds later. My eyes had started to close and soon I was jolted awake by the second set of vibrations. I looked at the bright screen with confusion. Why would Lilith still be awake?

Lili: Thank god!

Lili: I miss you so much already.

I frowned at the screen. I had become numb to the whole situation, it didn't even matter anymore that I wasn't home. It was only for the rest of high school. I would be going back down in the summer, I would see her in a few months.

If I didn't try to keep myself calm, I would have already had at least five panic attacks. I just had to keep my head down and not get into any trouble.

Me: I miss you more.

I dropped my phone onto the bed next to me and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. The silence was loud, but also unnerving. I was used to the rustling of small children and at least one television in the background.

This was unnaturally quiet and I could feel it take over me as I yawned once more. I wonder if Lilith waited up for me? Or maybe she couldn’t sleep.

The latter made my heart sink. I hope that she would be able to fall asleep without me there.

My phone vibrated again, and I went to go pick it up. Stopped by the sound of the creaks that came from the steps.

"Morti?" My aunt's voice called out. I sat up in the bed and looked at her figure in my doorway. The tall and plump lady in the doorway evoked a sense of nostalgia.

I hadn’t been here in years, yet the only thing that changed was the hair color on my aunt's head.

"Buenos Dias, Tia," I answered. She walked into my room and grabbed my phone off the dresser.

"Welcome home. I’m so happy you’ve made it safely..”

She smiled at me before she walked closer to me. I sat up on the bed and slowly blinked. Now that I had to support my head, it felt heavy.

“Thank you, I am too.”

“How was the drive?” Her grey curls shined in the moonlight that filtered through the slanted blinds next to us.

“Long, but good.” I yawned again and instinctively covered my mouth with my hand. I lady always covers her mouth.

I opened my eyes as I heard an object lightly bang on the nightstand. I watched as Tia grabbed my phone off the nightstand, and looked down at her hand.

"This will be in my room from now on. Don't want it distracting you from sleeping."

Her smile quickly faded. She didn't look too happy about there being a phone in my room. I gulped. I didn't want there to be an issue a few minutes after showing up.

"Okay,"

I watched as she walked away with my phone in her hand. She looked over at me once more before she made her way down the stairs.

“Good night, see you in the morning.” Her whisper echoed down the covered stairwell and I took another deep breath that turned into yet another yawn. I could be upset in the morning, but my brain was stuck on tired.

I flopped back down into my bed. Lilith would probably just think that I had fallen asleep, I would just let her know the truth when I woke up from my nap. I turned to my side and closed my eyes once more. Two words replaying over again in my head as if my aunt was still in my room.

‘Welcome home.’

The more I repeated it, the less it sounded real. What was home? Was this one mine?

Soon my thoughts faded into black, overcome with a sense of uncertainty and an overwhelming feeling that I didn’t belong.