Mistress of Blood and Fur

Chapter 15 - Triggers

Grace

Onyx and Fox annoy me. The idea of me as the chief of Opium Hills is ludicrous. There’s no way that’s allowed. I’m not saying that because I believe women should be on the sidelines. No! I’ll be the last one to say that. My mother is a trained assassin and a coven head. Great-Aunt Domino is a badass and she’s even coming over to save us all. Well, somehow. Those cops looked so sketchy during that one visit that they’d likely invent some kind of trouble just to come and see us again.

But there’s something about wolf chiefs. They rule packs by making sure each wolf is safe. They prepare for war, strategize, and set an example. Setting an example includes shifting into and embracing the nature of the wolf.

“That’s not me,” I insist, and I swear I see relief on Onyx’s Face. Fox simply looks curious. He takes everything as a learning experience, but the witchcraft supplies makes me look at him in a different light. He’s like me.

We are harboring something inside us.

**

5 years ago

The drops of blood in my underwear were signs of that I was becoming a woman. I couldn’t be a woman yet when I looked so small and young. I could even pass for a ten-year-old, and I had been waiting for this to happen. I had. Some of my human classmates had it for years now. They talked about tampons and pads, and complained about cramps. I couldn’t say anything because I didn’t have it yet.

Now that it was here, I wondered if it was a good idea to wish for it at all. There were times I wished I were a boy who didn’t have to deal with this.

“Grace, are you okay? You look a little pale,” Mom asked, but by the way her nose flared, I knew that she could smell the change in me. She wanted me to tell her. She was that cool as a mom – never pushing.

“I’m fine, mom. I went through the change.”

“The change?” she asked, her eyes dancing. I could tell she was curious. She and dad had never been typical wolves. She grew up as a witch, and my grandfather repressed my dad’s wolf for a long time. At thirteen, I would have been comparably young.

“Yes, mom.”

“How do you feel about it?”

“It’s, um, not really what I expect it to be. There’s no pain, just blood. It’s strange seeing blood.”

“Do you have supplies with you?” she asked, getting up, undoubtedly already about to find some. She knew that I was good with money. I set most of my allowance aside although my parents set up a trust fund for me and my brothers.

“I have, mom. Don’t worry.”

“Yeah, just getting you some more.”

That day started out okay. It felt normal. I was in middle school, and finally, I had gotten my period. I walked around in school, feeling a little smug. Finally, I was one of many of them. My back was straighter and my strides were longer, and I could swear, the boys were following me with their gaze. The night, however, had other plans. When darkness fell upon us, it was only then that I realized that the moon was full right on the night I started bleeding.

When I got home late that afternoon, my parents said that we were going to a party. It was a sudden invitation, in my opinion, because they usually would tell us to prepare for days. Then again, it was a Friday and we sometimes stayed out for longer than we usually did on such a day. My parents even let us stay up until past midnight. It was something that we usually were excited about. At least, Gannon seemed excited but Gregory looked so pissed I had to laugh. I felt the same way but seeing him so uncomfortable made me decide the whole thing was worth a look. It could go both ways. If I decided to stir the bad sister in me, I would find a way to tease him. If I went the other way, then I would know how to be there for him so that I could forget my own issues. That didn’t sound like a good sister to me, either. Nope.

Gregory was eleven, and he was tall and lanky. At school, he got teased a lot but he never fought back. He knew that despite his looks, he was a lot stronger than his human classmates. Even with the temper he got from our mom, he still managed to hold himself together. He said it was because he loved our family.

“We’ll try to enjoy it. There must be something there,” I assured my brother, remembering to be kind to him. It had been hard on us to fit into the human scene because of our secrets but we had been managing. “that we’d be into.”

“Grace, you know how everyone makes fun of me.”

“Not everyone. I think they’re just afraid that when you’re older, they wouldn’t be able to handle you. I mean, look at you. You’re already taller than many of the boys in my class and you’re only eleven.”

“You think they’re afraid?”

“Yes. They are, Gregory.”

We went to the party, happy to spend time with the whole family. Seven-year-old Gannon was the first one to find some kids to hang out with. It was typical for their age, anyway. They’d find someone to bond with in the shortest possible time. It was too easy for them.

My parents didn’t normally bring us to human parties, but this one was special apparently. It would be a mix of humans and wolves, some of which were as far as River’s Edge or as near as the Forbidden Forest, and the human cities between them. There would be people from Opium Hills, too.

I walked around, sipping a lemonade. Gregory lingered near me, and I could feel his apprehension rising as we saw some kids from school.

“It’s going to be okay,” I whispered, trying not to hold his hand. He wouldn’t like that – at all – not with many of his peers in the party.

By nightfall, I saw the moon rising quickly. I hadn’t noticed it that way before. It looked like it was racing up the sky, trying to reach what? I didn’t know. But I couldn’t help but feel antsy.

“Gregory, tell mom that I’m not feeling well. I’m going to the bathroom,” I said, shifting my weight from one foot to the other. My brother looked at me and thought that I needed to pee, but it was more than that.

My backbone felt like it was being broken into many pieces. My skin tingled as if spikes were about to rise through them, but nothing came. It was just a feeling. Then, I heard someone’s footsteps. Someone was following me.

“Grace? Is that you?”

It was Justin. I was pretty sure it was him. He was a cute boy in my class. We usually left each other alone, each in our own cliques, but tonight seemed like a strange night. So, of course, he would follow me.

I dared look behind me and there he was, with a lopsided grin on his face. He pulled a little at his tousled blond hair, a gesture I found a little weird. What was he trying to do? Wake himself up?

“Yeah, it’s me. I’m just on the way to the bathroom.”

“This is not the way and you know it, little Grace,” he said, pointedly looking at our surroundings. We were at the back of the house, on the edge of a forest. “Are you meeting someone?”

“N-no,” I said, a little bewildered. Didn’t he know that I had never even gone on a date? I hadn’t even had my first kiss.

“Then maybe you’re meeting me?”

I opened my mouth and closed it. I wasn’t meeting him, obviously, but the smug look on his face almost made me believe I was.

“N-no,” I managed to say, backing away from him.

“Come here, kitty, kitty. You know you want to know what it feels like to kiss someone. I know you haven’t had yours yet.”

“None of your business!”

“It’s my business now,” he said, as he trapped me against the trunk of a tree. He was about Gregory’s height but wider. Older. Nastier. My brother would never grow up to be like this asshole.

When he pressed his lips on mine, it only registered that he was kissing me. My first kiss was forced and wanted. Something rebelled against me. It was like the rattling of chains. A growl was forming in my throat. Suddenly, he smelled so good. My eyes rose up to see the full moon grinning at us, and it was then when the world darkened. I blacked out.

The next thing I knew was that I was in the bathroom, scrubbing blood from my face and arms. Relief coursed through me when we left the party an hour later because Gannon had a tummy ache. Guilt followed and rode me when the newspapers revealed that Justin D. Reed was dead. He looked like he was torn by a wild animal. Various werewolf packs had to lay low because of what happened, and only Gregory and my parents suspected that it was me all along. I spent the next few full moons repressing my wolf. I did it willingly.

**

Present day

“Where did you go, Grace?” asks Onyx, looking concerned.

I glance at his handsome face and feel some relief that even though he thinks of himself as a terrible human being, he’s a good soul.

“Knowing about Fox’s witch’s side triggered a memory,” I say honestly.

The trauma hasn’t let up. It is still there.

“Did you always know about it, Greta?” I ask my wolf.

“Do you really want to know,” is her answer.