He Called Me Angel. Disaster Engagement Series Book 1 Free

Episode 9

When Fran left and I got out the bath and dressed I was ill and I needed to sleep. I lay on the bed and thought about what I was going to do next, god what a mess. I woke up a few hours later because the mobile phone was ringing, it was dark outside and I wondered how long I had slept for. I decided to ignore it, it was probably my mum and I knew she would have been pissed off with me because of the engagement and I was way too fragile to face her today. The phone rang and rang and it was relentless. I finally plucked up the courage to answer it. When I looked at the number I didn’t recognize it but I had a feeling that maybe Chris had lost his phone again and that’s why I hadn’t heard back from him. When I answered it I was surprised to hear that it was Stefan's manager Barry he took a deep breath "Lydia, Stefans in hospital he's tried to slit his wrists, he's ok, he did it in front of me and I brought him straight here, as far as I know the press don't know about it yet" I was in shock, what the hell was he doing "oh my god Barry are you ok?” I asked "yeah thanks Lydia you know I'm fond of that boy, I've worked for him for years but he's went off the deep end and well after what happened tonight and the things he had been saying I've decided I can't work with him anymore, I've seen a lot over the years, but this was all too much" Barry was an older guy and had managed boy bands for nearly 20 years, he must have witnessed all sorts of crazy stuff in that time but I could tell from his voice that he was shaken and I couldn’t blame him. “oh my god Barry I'm so sorry you had to see all this," i felt awful this was all my fault, I shouldn't have been so cruel to Stefan earlier. Barry gave me the details of where Stefan was and I got up and got dressed and rushed to the hospital and the Big Man was already there standing in the corridor outside Stefan’s room. "Is he ok?" I shouted as I rushed towards him the Big Man opened his arms and I practically jumped onto him. I was really glad that he was there because I didn’t know what to do. “Yeah he's fine just got drunk or whatever then cut his hands on glass or something but his manager was there and brought him straight here." I guessed that Barry didn't tell the Big Man the real story "Good I'm glad he's ok." I said and the Big Man carried on hugging me, although he didn’t know the whole truth he knew me well enough to know I needed him there with me "I'm sorry about last night Big Man Fran said I was being a pain in arse and that I said I was going to marry Stefan and that I loved him, it isn’t true" the Big Man pulled away and gave me a little smile "I know you don't like getting told what to do...especially by Franco... especially when your drunk. I knew you were just winding him up” sometimes he knew me better than I knew myself “and it worked, Franco knocked him out" I said "yeah it was funny" he said with a smirk "I suppose I better go in and see this poor bugger" the Big Man grabbed my hand “do you want me to come with you Gorgeous?" He was a good friend for offering but I didn’t want him to see Stefan and find out that he had tried to hurt himself “I do want you to come with me but I better go in on my own" he nodded his head in agreement “I will be here waiting for you” he was really sweet I kissed his cheek and took a deep breath before I opened the hospital door. I didn’t know what to expect, I knew he would be angry with me for the way I spoke to him at the hotel but I didn’t want an argument I just wanted to see if he was ok. I crept in the door and Stefan was sitting up in bed and his hands and wrists were bandaged and he was crying. I walked in "Stefan" I said and he looked around to face me. "Angel I'm sorry” he looked so vulnerable and I don’t think I had ever seen someone look so broken before “what happened Stefan?” He wouldn’t look at me “I've been taking a lot of different stuff lately and not taking my medication, I found out my brother sold a story on me to the papers again, nothing too bad but I'm in a bad way" "is that why you did this?" I asked as I edged towards him “yes and no, it was really about us, the way you have been treating me" I had to take a deep breath he had been so horrible to me lately especially hitting me but I could see he was hurt so I had to bite my tongue "Stefan you and I aren't right for each other but that's no reason for you to try and kill yourself, we have both made a lot of mistakes" he looked at me for a second or two and said "you never loved me and it's obvious you want to be with Franco, I'm heartbroken and you don't even care!" I sat down next to him “Of course I care Stefan, I hate to see you like this, but I don't want to be with Franco and I can't keep defending our friendship to you" he stared into space “I know you and Franco will never be together, I can see that now, he said after that young fan tried to kiss you that he would never want you because you are damaged goods or something" the statement hung in the air between us. "what? What are you talking about?" "I accused him of sleeping with you and he said you two just work together, nothing more, and that he wouldn't dream of going there with you because you are damaged goods, he said something happened to you when you were young and he couldn't put up with your bullshit" I couldn't believe what I was hearing, did Fran really look at me as damaged goods. Fran was the first person I had told about the abuse, but he was only 11 years old himself he didn't understand how bad it was, he told my mum and dad and that's why it all stoped but now hearing this, I felt like the breath had been taken from my lungs. I had to pull myself together this isn't the time or the place for a breakdown and I tried to never think about what happened. "Angel are you ok? You look like you have seen a ghost" "of course I'm not ok your lying in a hospital bed and blaming our relationship for all your problems when you need to admit that you need to get some help and stop depending on drink and drugs" "I want to make you happy Angel" he said trying to take my hand but I pulled away “you need to make yourself happy Stefan, you need to concentrate on getting better" "please don't leave me Lydia I don't know what I would do without you I would rather die than lose you, I promise I will get help if you stand by me, I need you" this was pathetic he was holding onto a relationship that was only a few months old and trying to emotionally blackmail me into staying with him. I felt awful that he was so unstable but I didn’t have the strength to stay with him. Stefan interrupted my thoughts "I know you need me too Angel, most of your family and friends are still in Scotland and you can't trust anybody in this business, even your band mates" "what are you talking about Stefan?" "Just that the boys have mentioned a few times that they were glad we are a couple so they don’t have to look after you as much and that you cramped their style." Oh my god is this true am I a burden on the boys? I felt terrible I had always thought that we were a little family and it turns out we are just work colleagues. I loved them so much and they just thought of me as a work mate, I felt totally crushed. "You need me Lydia, I will get better and I will look after you and make you happy I promise. This is just a bump in the road, I love you. Please don't leave me" he was really crying hard and I hated it when people cried "please don't cry Stefan you know I can't handle people crying" he started to dry his tears, he looked miserable, I was ashamed of myself for making someone feel so low "ok Stefan I will be here for you but you need to go straight into rehab as soon as we get back to London" a smile crept onto his face “of course Angel I will do anything to keep you." "We have one more show to do in a few days time, I will find a replacement opening act so you don't need to perform and then we will head straight home, but promise me you won't drink before rehab you need time to heal, "I promise Angel" he said but I didn’t believe him and I knew I couldn’t be with him, not now that he knew the truth about what had happened to me when I was a kid. I knew he couldn’t look at me the same way now that he knew, and I didn’t want to be with him if he was only with me out of pity, I had to end it with him as soon as he got a little stronger.

Chapter 14

It was the last night of the tour and that was always the best night, but this time was different because instead of being out celebrating and having fun I was stuck in my hotel suite with Stefan passed out drunk in bed next to me. He had broken his promise to stay sober, but why was I surprised? He was an alcoholic, plain and simple. His wrists and hands were still bandaged from were he had tried to hurt himself and every time I looked at the bandages I felt guilty. I felt that it was all my fault and that although he needed help badly, I didn’t have the strength to help him. I didn’t love him and I couldn’t continue to be in a relationship with him, it wasn’t fair on him. He was a nice person when he was sober and he deserved to be happy and he deserved a girlfriend that loved him as much as he loved her, but unfortunately that just wasn’t me. I had to wait until he was a little stronger before I broke up with him but it was difficult spending all my time looking after him when all I wanted to do was look after myself. I know it sounds selfish but I was young and I resented him for keeping me away from my friends and for being such a drama queen about his feelings when he never once asked me how I felt. I was really feeling sorry for myself because the boys were out enjoying themselves and I was stuck in bed with a junkie boyfriend. The boys had no idea that Stefan had tried to slit his wrists. There was no way I could have told them because I wasn’t sure of their reaction. The Big Man had text to say that they missed me and asked if I could sneak out to meet them, I just text back to say I missed them too but I couldn’t sneak out because I would pay for it in the morning so it wasn't worth it. I didn’t hear back from him which I found kind of odd but I suppose he was a young hot rock star so he probably didn’t want to sit around in night clubs texting his pathetic friend. That morning Stefan had promised to take me out for dinner after the last show. It was the first time he had felt strong enough to go out since he had got out of hospital. He seemed really excited and I was pleased that he seemed to be getting back to his old self. I went and had my hair done and bought a new dress for the special occasion, but whilst I was at the hairdressers he was in the pub and now I was all dressed up with no where to go and he was passed out cold next to me. I was feeling really low I decided to put on the TV to try and distract myself. The tv had BBC One and it was a showbiz interview show I had been on a few times. I wondered who was going to be on it tonight and then his face appeared on screen, it was Micheal Brandon. My Michael. I had seen him on tv and in magazines advertising his movies a million times and I would always turn the TV or the page to avoid his beautiful face, but tonight I couldn't. I was so low and this was making me worse, it was like emotional self harming. He was so handsome not like Stefan at all he was taller with broader shoulders. He had a swimmers body. He had thick auburn hair and blue eyes. Tonight he was clean shaved and wearing a navy blue suit and tie, he looked amazing. He was always so confident with a devilish smile that would make any woman fall at his feet, including me. The woman in the audience were screaming his name and he said with a smile "calm down ladies" in his sexy Irish accent. He spoke about his new movie that was coming out soon and what awards he'd been tipped to win and then a funny story about making the movie. I always thought his confidence came from him being older than me, but he was just born that way. He was exactly ten years older than me to the day, we shared a birthday. I continued watching him it was like I was mesmerised by him. He laughed at all the right parts and was entertaining at all the right parts, he was like an old pro. Then the interviewer asked about his love life he looked around the room and all the women screamed again. When I knew him he wasn't famous, he was just a struggling actor but he hadn't changed a bit, I think that was part of his appeal, he was just a normal bloke that happened to be gorgeous and a Hollywood actor. "I'm very much single thank you" oh god how could this man make my belly flip like that and not even be in the same room as me. Then the interviewer asked "ok so who is your ideal woman?" he thought for a moment and said "without a doubt it would have to be Lydia Knight, she's absolutely beautiful" my heart nearly stoped. Did he just say my name, did he really just say my name? I thought when he left London that he had forgotten all about me. I thought that I was in his past and he wouldn’t have given me a second thought and now he was on tv saying I was his ideal woman. What was going on? The interviewer said "oh yes shes beautiful isn't she! so that's the type you go for brunettes well I think we have a few in the audience don't we girls" and they started screaming again. "No that's not my type I'm actually head over heels just for her, I'm her number one fan, she's my dream girl. It’s a bit sad actually because I don't think she knows I'm alive" he said with a laugh. The interviewer made a face "you poor thing Mick, have you ever met her before she's so lovely" he leaned back in his chair and smiled “yes I have met her. she was a sweetheart" SWEETHEART!!!! that was his nickname for me and I was melting as he was saying it. " I actually have her name tattooed on my chest" the audience let out a big awwww, "see I told you I'm her number one fan" And then Stefan started snoring next to me. What was I doing? I was stuck in a hotel room with someone I was engaged to because I felt sorry for him. When the love of my life was on TV saying I was his dream girl. We left for the airport the next day, Stefan and I got our own plane home because he didn't want to travel with the boys and they didn't want to see him either. We stepped outside the airport and the paps swamped us, "show us your engagement ring Lydia" "congratulations when's the big day" I just stood smiling holding onto Stefan’s arm I was hiding behind my sunglasses. When we got home Stefan agreed to stop drinking. I told him if he didn't stop that him and I were finished for good. I wanted to help him more than anything else. He was releasing his single that we had wrote together in the next few months and he had to be in tip top condition for its realise. I decided it would be better if he went into rehab for a while to help with his problems. He agreed and I promised not to tell the boys, and that I would be home every Friday night so he could call me because I wasn’t supposed to visit him and it was the only time he had permission to use the phone. As he left I could tell he was scared. He turned to me and said “I love you Angel, thank you for standing by me” I felt awful, I was already planning the press statement telling everyone we had split up. I looked into his sad eyes and I could actually feel his pain but I had a dark broken part inside me and I didn’t take drugs or hurt people or myself. But I suppose maybe I was just a little stronger than him.

Chapter 15

A week had passed since we had got home from our tour. I ran into my flat and the phone was ringing. I didn't want to miss Stefan’s first call. I really wanted to know how he was feeling. I quickly dropped my shopping bags onto the sofa and ran for the phone. By the time I answered it I was out of breath, "hello" the line was silent for a second, then his familiar voice said one word "Sweetheart?" it was him! it was my Michael! I felt like I was about to faint, I couldn't believe it was actually him. He was the love of my life and this was the first time I had heard from him in two years. We were both quiet for a second because I was in shock "sweetheart is that you?" He asked "yes it's me. Hi Michael" he sighed with relief “good! you're a very difficult girl to get a hold of" I could tell he was smiling at the other end of the phone, I could just sense it. He was always doing this really devilish sexy smile it drove me nuts, in a good way and in a bad way. "Really have you been trying to get a hold of me?" I asked “I'm always trying to get a hold of you sweetheart, tell me what are you wearing?" I hadn’t spoken to him in two years and within two seconds he was trying to have phone s*x with me. I had so much to say to him and so much I wanted him to say to me but phone s*x was not one of them. "I'm wearing a black bin bag and no make up does that sound sexy?" he let a huge breath "your always sexy sweetheart" I started to giggle, "there's that little laugh I've missed so much, tell me do you still have your tattoo?" "Yes I do. do you still have yours?" "of course I do sweetheart!" He said, he was so sexy even over the phone, I was rubbing my thighs together with pure lust. "Sweetheart I need to see you and I'm not taking no for an answer" I wanted to shout 'of course I want to see you! come over here right now! I will pay your cab and I have 10 condoms with your name on them' but I suddenly remembered Stefan, oh god I had forgot about him! "It's not the best time right now eh.. but I will see you soon" "sweetheart I need to see you now, I miss you so much it hurts. I think about you every minute of the day, please see me tonight" his sexy Irish accent was too much for me to handle. I had spent the past few years wondering if he still loved me and now he was telling me that he hadn’t forgotten about me but then I realised something "are you in London?” I asked "when did you get back?" "I got back on Wednesday, I need to see you sweetheart" "hold on you got back on Wednesday and you’re only calling me now!" He wasn’t as desperate to see me as he was making out and I was livid. “I've been trying to get in contact with you for ages sweetheart" "since when?" I asked “I've been calling you on this number for weeks, I need to see you" he sounded desperate to see me but what was the sudden interest? I had been pining for him for years then he thinks he's going to come back here and snap his fingers and I will fall at his feet. Well he will need to work to get me back. It was like a switch in my brain went off "I'm sorry I'm too busy to see you any time soon" “why are you being like this sweetheart? I need to see you” but I didn’t want to listen to him. “I need to go” As I was hanging up the receiver i could here him shouting "sweetheart

I will f*****g sweetheart him the little s**t. I was so in love with this man and he hadn’t showed one bit of interest in the past two years. Why did I let him have a hold over me? Was it just because he was my first love? What I had with Stefan was far from perfect but he did love me and I would never like to hurt him. I decided to put Micheal to the back of my mind like I always did, like I had been doing for the past three years. I sat on my sofa trying to process everything that had just happened when I looked around the Big Man was standing at my kitchen doorway. "Everything ok gorgeous?" He looked genuinely frightened to ask. "What are you doing here?” I snapped "Just borrowing some vodka, fancy a cocktail?" "I've never needed one more in my life big man, I feel like crying and you know I never cry" he looked really concerned and sat down on the arm of the chair and started stroking my hair. "come on, tell the Big Man all about it" but I didn't know where to start so I just laid it all on him. Stefan being aggressive and addicted to booze. Then I told him that I had sent him to rehab. I told him about us not having s*x in ages and that any time we tried to Stefan would come before I had got my knickers off. And to top it all off the love of my life calling out the blue and feeling like I'm not good enough for him. And Fran telling Stefan about my past and saying I was damaged goods. If I was a normal girl I would have cried but I never cried. The Big Man just looked deep in thought for a minute then said “well I don’t want to talk about Stefan with you, but as for Michael he did say he was trying to get a hold of you for ages didn't he?" "Yes I suppose that is true." "And if he only has your home number and you’re never here I suppose it could be true" my god the Big Man was talking more sense than me. What was going on. "You know me and Mick. have always been good mates and you've been saying for the past few years since he went to Australia that you didn't want to hear from him, or have a long distance thing with him, so every time he asks for your email or phone number I tell him to f**k off, because it's what you say you want, but if it's not what you really want, then you are only kidding yourself and hurting him" it was like talking to Oprah “that makes sense” I said in agreement “as for Franco telling Stefan about what happened to you... well that’s totally out of line. But I don’t think Franco would purposely want to hurt you. He was probably just trying to make Stefan see that you two would never be together and maybe it was his way of warning him that you had been through a lot of terrible s**t and that he should start treating you better. Although it was a really stupid way of doing it, his heart must have been in the right place” “I cant be with Stefan Big Man. And I don’t mean because of the way he’s been behaving or the jealousy but because he knows what happened to me. I could never be with someone that knew the truth. That I’m damaged goods. I don’t think I could love someone if they knew” “you are not damaged goods, something awful happened to you that was out of your control. And as far as I’m concerned you are perfect in my eyes” “Jesus Big Man. I love this new side of you. what's got into you?" He shrugged his shoulders “I've been seeing a shrink, I’m just trying to sort some stuff out, you know the gambling and all the woman it's not healthy. I just want to start being a better person" I was in shock "Big Man I'm really proud of you, you’re so grown up" I jumped unto his knee and kissed his cheek and cuddled him “you have really impressed me with your honesty" He looked pleased with himself and stroked my arm as I cuddled into him then he said "Don't get me wrong if you asked me to bend you over and f**k you i would love it but I think I'm getting a bit better." "You are Big Man, well done" and I gave him a little kiss on the cheek and I felt really proud of him, he was one in a million.

Chapter 16

A few weeks passed and I tried not to think about Michael. I was still angry with him for leaving me all those years ago but I was also feeling guilty for the way I had treated him on the phone. I had to get my head straight before I even attempted to speak to him again. I knew I didn't want to be with Stefan anymore and that was a tricky one to get out of. He made his weekly phone call to me every Friday and every call was as bad as the last one. He would spend the whole call criticising me or crying and I’d had enough. Me and the boys were having a party to launch the new album and it was a big affair but those parties were always really boring, it was full of record executives standing around getting pissed and lots of press wanting to be the first to hear our music. Stefan couldn't come along because he was still in rehab so I just told people he was working on his album. As far as the press knew we were a happy engaged couple but it couldn’t be further from the truth. Me and the boys got all dressed up for the launch party. The boys were wearing suits and I wore a long black dress with my hair up, killer black heels and my signature red lips. We posed for photos in front of a enlarged album cover. It was the photo of me cartwheeling in Paris and the boys drunk and laughing in the background. We were standing in front of the photo doing our usual poses for the cameras. Fran had his arm around my waist and was looking straight at me and I was smiling for the cameras…,