Letters With Boys

Proposal to Adjust the Pen Pal Plan

TO: Rosemary Indigo

CC: Bridget Steinfeld

FROM: Talliope Moore

SUBJECT: Proposal to Adjust the Pen Pal Plan

Good afternoon, Mrs. Indigo,

As you advised during our meeting this morning, Bridget (CC’d above) and I have joined together to write up this proposal for adjustment to the pen pal plan.

THE PROPOSAL: Bridget Steinfeld (Class President, Captain of the Debate Team, Co-Captain of the French Club, and Likely Valedictorian) and Talliope Moore (Hands-Down Best Player on the Girls’ Volleyball Team) hereby request that Talliope no longer be required to exchange letters with Seacoast student Ezra Finnigan, and that she instead be allowed to exchange letters with Kai Tolbert, who is currently Bridget’s pen pal. Bridget will continue to be Kai’s pen pal, as well, thus giving Kai two beautiful and interesting Alexandria pen pals instead of one. What a lucky guy!

THE REASON: Ezra Finnigan is a creepy, sexist, arrogant pig who treats women poorly, disregards their feelings, and even starts nasty rumors about them for no good reason. (Not that there is ever a good reason.) We even have evidence that could blow him out of the water, but will only provide that evidence if absolutely necessary, since even for scum such as him, we do not like to be rats.

HOW THIS AFFECTS ALEXANDRIA: It doesn’t, really, because everyone in your senior writing class will still be either writing or receiving a letter every day, per usual.

HOW THIS AFFECTS SEACOAST: Technically Kai will have to write twice as many letters, but he has assured us that he is okay with this. If the Seacoast English teacher really has a problem with Ezra not writing any letters, we suggest that Ezra continue writing the letters, but then the courier rips them up every day during the pass-off so that Tally does not have to be subjected to reading them.

ADDITIONAL NOTES: If you do not approve this proposal, Tally is going to say something she regrets to Ezra, and it very well might start a war with Seacoast. There for, this is for the protection of not only Tally, but also the entire school. Yes, he really is that bad.

SUMMARY: You should let Tally switch pen pals from Ezra to Kai, because if you don’t, a war between campuses will break out, and it won’t be pretty.

Thank you for your consideration!

Bridget Steinfeld and Tally Moore

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TO: Talliope Moore

CC: Bridget Steinfeld

FROM: Rosemary Indigo

SUBJECT: RE: Proposal to Adjust the Pen Pal Plan

Tally and Bridget,

Thank you for this rather unusual proposal. I do not believe it fair to require this Kai Tolbert to write twice as many letters, so I offer you a counter-proposal: one of you will continue (or start, as the case may be) correspondence with Mr. Tolbert, while the other will take up journaling during the classroom time that the others are letter-writing. As with the letters, these journal entries will be private. It is simply to encourage the art of writing.

For future reference, when writing to a superior, it might be more prudent to simply say that a male has made you uncomfortable. Threatening a war between schools seems a bit extreme.

I will mention to the Seacoast English teacher that this Ezra Finnigan student has made some of my girls feel uncomfortable. Are there any specifics you would like me to give him?

Thanks,

Mrs. Indigo

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TO: Rosemary Indigo

CC: Talliope Moore

FROM: Bridget Steinfeld

SUBJECT: RE: Proposal to Adjust the Pen Pal Plan

Mrs. Indigo,

Noted. We apologize for the “war” bit. We weren’t sure how amenable you would be to this proposal. Glad to see that, in the wake of the “Me, Too” movement and the spotlight on harassment in the workplace (or, in this place, the schoolplace), your support is in the right place. 

As for your counter-offer, we happily accept. Tally will become Kai’s new pen pal, and I (Bridget) will start “journaling.”

No need to give the Seacoast teacher specifics yet. If Ezra knows what’s good for him, he’ll leave us alone from here on out. If he doesn’t, we’ll be in touch.

Thanks!

Bridget and Tally