Letters With Boys

Bridget and Kai, Week 16 - January

Hey Bridge—

Are you still speaking to me? I’m really embarrassed about how drunk I got on Saturday. Please don’t hold it against me. I’ve always been a lightweight, and I didn’t realize that you were such a tank, and, well, trying to keep up with you got the better of me quick.

I can’t remember everything I said to you, but I seem to recall saying that I was in love with Tally and that I wanted a second chance with her. For the record, that’s not entirely true. I mean, I probably am in love with her, but as I’ve said before, I’m not sure I can forget all the things that went down between us, even if she could.

Anyway, enough about that. Have you heard how Mem’s audition went? I vaguely recall you saying you were thinking about reaching out to Taylor, just to clear the air—you know, besides the message you sent her at Christmas. I think it’s a good idea and am curious to know if you went for it.

Love,

Kai

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Kai,

Of course, I’m still speaking to you! Drunk Kai is officially my favorite person. You were honestly a laugh riot, even when you were at your most pitiful. (That sounds mean, but I think you know what I mean.) I hope you get that drunk at my party on Saturday.

You did indeed talk about Tally a lot on Saturday. I think the part you’re forgetting is where you said you were resentful that she forgave me before she forgave you. Well, first off, I forgive you for that comment, even though it wasn’t really fair. Second, to explain why it isn’t fair, it’s because A) We’ve been best friends our whole lives, therefore have major seniority over you and your, no offense, fleeting relationship and B) I groveled harder than you.

Which is really saying something, because I am a very prideful person and don’t like to grovel. So that shows you how much I love Tally.

Speaking of loving Tally, yes, you mentioned that, too. As I mentioned above, groveling would probably be a good first step if you want her back. But honestly, I can’t tell you for sure what she would say. We haven’t talked about you. We haven’t talked about much of anything, really; it’s a slow recovery for the two of us.

What did she say to you, anyway, that you’re so upset about? I mean, obviously it hurt you that she didn’t forgive you for keeping my secret, but did she say something else? Something mean, perhaps?

Mem’s audition went great—she got the gig. I do plan on reaching out to Taylor to tell her thanks for hiring my bud and to make sure we’re good (“good” being relative, I suppose), but I haven’t actually worked out the guts to do so yet. I’ll keep you posted.

Love,

Bridge

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Bridge,

I’d rather not tell you exactly what she said to me, as it was hurtful towards you, as well, and the last thing I want is to cause even more problems between the two of you. Suffice it to say I know that she said it in the heat of the moment and didn’t mean it, but it was a topic that I’m particularly sensitive about, and therefore it hurt that much worse coming from someone who I love.

It’s for that reason that I’m not quite so sure about the groveling. I’ll think about it, of course. Groveling to get her back sounds a lot less painful than wallowing in the self-pity I’m currently in. Maybe I’ll think of an Option C by the time I get to your house on Saturday.

Happy to hear that Mem got the gig, and that you’re going to reach out to Taylor again. I hope you two find some way to get past what happened, and maybe even to be together. I may have only seen you in the same space for the five minutes it took her to accidentally out you in front of your best friends, but you seemed to make a cute couple.

Love,

Kai

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Kai,

Well, we have good news! Aim and Fire, AKA Mem and Taylor’s band, will be performing at mi casa this weekend!

Kind of crazy, isn’t it, to think that the last time she was at my house, my biggest fear was her outing me to my friends, and now my biggest fear is… well… her ignoring me?

Shit. I’ve been so pro-having-her-play-the-party, I forgot that it’s kind of going to be the same situation as before, other than the fact that you guys know.

It’s almost like I should come out to the whole school in the next two days. Is that crazy?

And if I come out to the whole school, what are the chances that my parents find out?

Oh, God. Please help.

Love,

Bridge

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Bridge,

I’m pretty sure you should come out for yourself, not for the chance to be with someone else. That being said, you coming out for any reason at all seems to be better than you not coming out, so maybe I should just shut up and let you do it. 

(Have you done it yet?)

I feel the need to warn you that, yes, your parents probably would find out eventually. I doubt anyone’s going to write some, public post about you in the next few weeks, or whatever, but somewhere along the line, something will show up on the internet, or in the school paper, or whatever, that outs you. So, if you’re going to tell your school, you should probably tell your parents, too.

Just try to remember that these are good things, Bridge—and not just for the sake of getting Taylor to forgive you.

You’ll finally get to be yourself if you do this—not just around me, and not just around the girls, but around everyone. No more hiding.

Call me if you need me. If not, see you Saturday.

Love,

Kai