Dosed

Chapter 2: Twenty Minutes

Swimming in the crystal clear water, I see fishes and sunlight pouring through the shallow waves. What a glorious place to be, swimming and smiling, Brody pointing excitedly to an eel as he magically unwinds from his hiding place. How did I get back here? This paradise, this glorious pool of eternity, bejewelled with colors so rich and alive that found no restriction in penetrating your skin and rejuvenating you with light.

My skin is tanned and taut; this is the trip we took to Mexico before Lily was born. What a trip, we were so in love, so passionate. We could hardly keep our hands off each other. We found a small hut by the beach and convinced the owner to go stay in our hotel so we could stay at his as he had a better view! We slept on the beach, drank tequila with the locals and loved every minute of every day we were together. The sun would blaze down on us and the pure white sand would stick to his muscular tanned frame and look like diamond flecks in his hair. He was gorgeous, everyone loved him and when he brought out his guitar and sang an old Spanish love song to me, I knew I was where I belonged. He was my world, swimming in the sea with him was like travelling to the moon, I trusted him completely and swam with him till we were exhausted, astounded by the fish and corals that came to life when the sun hit them. When we could no longer swim we would lie on the beach and bask in the glorious sunshine then with a renewed vigour we would fall into each other and challenge each other’s passion time and time again. It was bliss, we were so happy but that one night… black clouds rolled over our piece of paradise and the wind ripped through the trees warning us that good times will end and happiness is futile… it got dark… its getting darker… I don’t want to go! I have my babies now… I have real love, a place in this world…. Please let me get back to the light. I am struggling now but I feel like I am being held under water… my soul is screaming, it is not my time, how does it get so dark so quickly?! Keep to the light, the light that shone down, that lighted up the seas and made the fish look like firecrackers and the coral dance… Go to the light Soleil, love is not lost, it is there…

I came to and saw a blurry vision of Rodrigo kicking Brody in the side. He was screaming at him and cussing him telling him he was no man and he wished he had killed him sooner.

“Rodrigo, what is going on?! What happened? Where are Lily and Jason?” I barely whisper, my throat sore and crumpled.

“f*****g hell Soleil you're alive, this asshole isn’t going to live through the night! Just say the word Sol, I’ll f*****g kill him and make him disappear forever… “ he shouted, fury and panic making him spit, his face is bright red.

“No Rigo, he’s not worth it… where is Lily?” I plead.

“She came to get me! She shouldn’t have to see this Sol, poor thing, she and Jason are with Nana but f*****g hell Sol, you need to go to the hospital sis. He seriously messed you up!” The worry in his eyes jolts me back to my place in this hellish nightmare.

“You want some more b***h?! You’re not a man you are a dog!” he screams as he lodges his foot into Brody’s ribs.

I look at Brody, he must have taken a beating while I passed out, Rodrigo is sweating and he is b****y and curled up in a ball whimpering, flinching every time Rodrigo moves. I am so grateful for my brother from another mother at this moment tears come to my eyes that I can’t hold back. Nine years ago we moved into this little two bedroom cottage in a predominantly Latino part of Los Angeles. We couldn’t afford much more and seeing as my mixed heritage led people to assume I was Hispanic I had no worries about fitting in. In fact the neighbourhood felt like a family and everyone looked out for one another but expected the same in return. Gangs patrolled at night time but you knew it was as much for your safety as for their livelihood. No one came to our street who wasn’t welcomed, the boys kept a good eye out and looked after the older residents. So long as the drugs and the violence was left to the gangs and on the streets no one said anything and just respected each person’s place in the workings of this extended family. Rodrigo had been in the g**g for the last eight years, we watched him step up to his responsibilities by choosing to leave school and do the only thing he thought he was good at, street life. He lived next door to us with Nana, who was his real grandmother but everyone called her Nana and his two younger sisters. Cousins and other grandchildren often stayed with Nana when things got bad in their own homes and she took in everyone, no matter what they had done. Her rules were simple, no drugs, no guns and a lot of respect. That was all that was allowed in her house, in return you would be showered with love, care and a hot meal at any time of day. I knew right now Nana had some cookies and milk dished out for the kids and was probably watching the Disney channel with them cuddled up on her super stuffed couch. She was the grandmother I never knew but always wanted and now I wished I had listened to her when she told me Brody would go bad all those years ago. Now the old woman was looking after his kids and I knew she was not going to let them go until he was gone… far away gone…

“Sol, I’m serious, I’m about to call an ambulance your head is covered in blood, there is blood on the doorframe and your clothes are ripped. What the hell did he hit you with?!”

“Jason’s belt” I whispered.

“You serious! That’s it this piece of s**t is going tonight, no Cracker Jack junkie is going to do this and think I’m going to watch this happen.” Rodrigo rained down a few more punches on Brody, who by now was just a pathetic heap on the floor who kept whimpering. I knew on top of the beating he had taken that the pin pricks of his lack of brown were kicking in… he started gagging and shivering. I just hated him more but I knew I would never be able to live with myself if something happened to him at my own hands or hands that also pushed my kids on the swings in the park or cooked them snacks after school. Rodrigo was twenty-two years old, he was too emotional to deal with this in a way that would not change his life forever.

Me and Rigo were tight, despite the six years difference in age we were like twins. I knew him better than myself and often times we would meet up in the kid’s treehouse, share a beer and dream. Dream about where we would go and what we would be. I would tell him all about my latest film projects and he would tell me about his adventures on the streets and all the girls that fell at his feet (or slapped his face). We shared everything, we were closer than any other siblings I had seen. Brody resented that so much but never made an issue out of it because he knew Rigo and his boys ran the streets here and as they were always ready to help me out around the house it gave him the chance to sneak off and work on his habit. The kids loved their Tio and whenever they saw him would follow him around or help him work on Nana’s garden. He would take them out in his convertible and play his music loud and they thought they were the coolest kids alive. He attended to their sugar habit with great attention and frequent trips down to the market where, no matter how much I protested, he would take every chance he could to convince Nana that they needed fresh cookies and chocolate milk to share with him on the porch as the sun went down.

No. I could not let Rigo do anything to Brody, I knew he would kill him, I knew he could make people disappear but no, deep down he was good and deserved a life free from the same guilt I would feel if we got rid of Brody permanently. Besides, this crumpled up, shaking, pile of rotten flesh wasn’t worth much more. He had killed any ounce of pity my love had turned towards, as much as I wanted him dead I still felt that pang inside me that knew somewhere deep within him was my love, my joy, my hero. Like a soldier he had been shot down and maimed, crippled by a barrage of pointed pricks that hunted out and killed his healthy veins and turned the light in his eyes into darkness. He had chosen that over us, he had chosen short term over long term and that never stopped hurting. I stood up painfully again, turned to Brody now and felt like I was in complete control.

“Get up! You have twenty minutes to get whatever you want and then Rigo will take you down to the bus station,” my voice sounding like an acidic witches curse.

“What you do from there is up to you but one thing you can not do is come anywhere near me and the kids. If I see you or any sign of you I will let Rigo unleash hell on you quite happily and I will dig the hole you will lie in. Do you understand?” I demanded.

“Soleil, please don’t do this, help me clean up, remember you said you would. I can’t do this on my own, I want to be with you forever, you are the only happiness I have in the world. Please Sol, give me another chance. I will leave and sort myself out; give me a few days then I’ll come back and we can try again. I can’t believe what I have done to you, I’m sorry please believe me I am sorry.” He spilled out his pathetic body begging like a scared little rat and tried to get up, apologise, beg and defend himself from Rodrigo all at once.

By this time he is on his knees and looking like a sinner repenting at the alter. His frame was racked with fear and uncertainty but sadly his mind was still only focusing on his fix. I know his going away for a few days is code for staying in a rat infested hole shooting up as much brown as he can score by stealing from me or any mug he can find. He’ll come back then, sorry as anything and we’ll carry on for a few months. I’ll ignore his habit and watch him piss away all the money we pull in, money I wanted to have for the kids, money I wanted to take the kids to Mexico with and watch them run on those golden beaches and swim in that underwater paradise.

“Like I said, twenty minutes. I’m going to the bathroom to clean up as much as I can and you are packing you retched f**k. Take whatever you want, take the TV, the money jar, the bed I genuinely don’t give a s**t. Whatever you take is yours and that is the end of us. What you take is our settlement; you have no right to anything or anyone in these walls after the next twenty minutes. Rigo watch him but let him have whatever he wants and whatever his pathetic a*s can carry. I don’t want him coming back for anything so make sure he does a good job,” I commanded.

“Brody, if you do not listen to what I am saying I am calling the police now. They will take one look at me and lock your pathetic a*s up for a long time; then how will you fix up? You going to let those boys do you up the a*s so you can pay for your supply. Tell him how it works Rigo, tell him what happens to a wife beating junkie when they go in…”

Rodrigo actually chuckles and his whole six foot six frame seems to relax as he imagines Brody in prison. “She’s right prick, one phone call and the pigs will have you locked up. I’ll tell them what I saw and make sure they know you had your hands around her neck and was not going to let her go. You were halfway to killing her when I got here and booted your a*s off her. They’ll believe me no doubt, the five-o around here know me and know how I look after my own. You will go down asshole and I’ll chuckle the whole time..”

I searched out Brody’s eyes one last time, a small part of me wanted to see that soul that once matched mine, the other part of my complicated heart that knew me and understood my unsettled being. I knew it wouldn’t be there but I wanted to be sure. He had his head down; he knew the game was over. He was defeated and drawn out and the thought of the police was heavy in his mind.

“Look at me” I whispered.

He looked up quickly, hoping to be met with eyes of love and forgiveness instead meeting a searching cold stare. I searched, something inside me pleaded to find him but the pain and anger still racing around my body cut my compassion short.

“I thought so, you are dead inside, and I’ll never forgive you for this Brody. Get up and twenty minutes start as soon as the bathroom door shuts. I’ll leave your toothbrush outside on the floor.”

I started walking towards the hallway, he got up and reached out to touch me as I passed, Rodrigo immediately jumped in front of him and punched his hand down.

“You will never touch her again, comprende?!” Rodrigo roared at him.

“Goodbye Brody, take one last look at what you did to me, to us and to your kids. I loved you but now I don’t, I just love the idea of being free from you and all the darkness you allowed to shadow the light we once enjoyed” I said calmly and softly.

His eyes welled up, but by now I could barely see him, one of my eyes was swollen shut and the other one had dried blood gluing my eyelids together.

“Soleiel, I’m sorry, please think about this” he pleaded.

“Twenty minutes, I’ll have a shower and clean up a bit then I want to come out to peace and quiet. I need to go see the kids are okay. You just go.” I reached out to find the wall and used it as a guide to get down the hallway and away from this unreal horror happening in my house.

I carried on walking, “Hermano, if he touches my equipment, murder him. Anything else let the rat steal away. He is going to need something to survive on and then he is on his own. My hands are clean.”

“Goodbye Brody” I called back over my shoulder as I limped down the hallway. “Please never get in touch or visit. By now I had reached the bathroom door, I walked in but didn’t turn on the light, I didn’t want to see what I had allowed Brody to do to me. I grabbed out at the toothbrush pot and chucked it outside. “Time starts now!” I shouted and slammed the door.