She was Her Desire

Will Jess know about Stacy and James?

Stacy had gone home the following day. Jess had been sleeping on the couch, waiting for you. She had waited up for Stacy but then fell asleep. Stacy picked up a blanket and covered her as it was way too cold. She wondered how Jess couldn’t feel it this whole time. She went to the bathroom and this time she felt worse. She couldn’t recall anything about last night no matter how much she tries. However, she was sure she had been involved with James. She blamed him for everything, she was gay and she felt a little violated. She could not share it with anyone, and yet, she could not pretend that it never happened. She was not going to be deceitful.

Jess had woken up when she heard the shower start. She looked around and saw a pile of clothes, Stacy’s clothes. She knew it was her and hoped she was okay. She was a little mad over her going missing on her. Stacy didn’t take long before she came out of the bathroom, wrapping a towel around her beautiful body.

“Are you okay?” Jess asked. She had been worried that something may have happened to her.

“Yeah.” Stacy said. She could not face up to Jess, who was now sitting on the couch she had been sleeping on.

“That’s it? You are not even going to explain yourself.” She said.

“Why you are mad now?” Stacy asked. “I felt the same way when you didn’t come home.” Stacy said.

“Hold up, am already going through hell because of that one day. So where were you?” Jess asked. She had never seen Stacy act weird as she was now.

“Now you are interested.” Stacy responded.

“Wait, now you are being super annoying with your rude responses. What’s going on?” Jess was concerned.

“I’m annoying? Maybe you should check that with your other girlfriend.” Stacy said before she hopped in bed. She needed to get lots of rest before she could talk to Jess.

“Have you been drinking?” Jess asked.

“Look Jess, I need to get some sleep.” Stacy said, brushing her question off.

“Okay.” Jess went to the kitchen and made herself coffee. She took her laptop and started checking her emails. She would go back to work the next day which meant that she had to catch up. She also and a book she was writing but had been stuck. Going through it all would help her get busy before she Stacy woke up. She needed to have a conversation with her before they both got back to work. She needed to save their relationship and she hoped that Stacy wanted the same thing.

It wasn’t long before Stacy woke up.

“Hey.” Stacy said, startling Jess from where she was sitting. She had been busy the whole time that she had lost track of time. She looked at the right corner of her laptop and it was already past midday. She looked up and turned the chair to face Stacy. She stood there in all sexiness. However, there were some things they both needed to clear up.

“Happy new year Stacy.” Jess said. She was trying to control the sadness in her voice but she couldn’t. She had been hurt but the fact that Stacy had not come back home to her. She had wanted to be with her while crossing over the year but then there she was.

“Oh, happy new year to you as well.” Stacy said, walking to the couch. She turned on the TV.

“You do know we need to talk. I can’t take it anymore.” Jess said. Every part of that statement was true. She couldn’t take it anymore.

“Yeah, I do know that.” Stacy said. “Now am here, let’s talk.”

“So you want to tell me whatever happened to you last night? You came home looking like you’ve been homeless.” Jess said.

“Nothing much happened, I got pretty drunk though.” Stacy said. She hope that Jess would not ask for more details.

“Sounds like you had fun. Who were you drinking with?” Jess asked. Something seemed off with Stacy and she was going to get to the end of it.

“James and some of his friends.” Stacy said. She knew that the name James would probably cause an uproar in that room but she couldn’t lie.

“Who’s James?” Jess asked.

“The guy you were so mad about?” Stacy said, that was the only way she could remind her.

“Uh, okay.” Jess said. She was not sure how to react but she was a little jealous. She could not think of Stacy cheating on her with a man.

“I bet you had fun, huh.” She continued.

“Yeah, it was fun.” Stacy said. All this time she felt like she was lying about everything. She felt filthy, how could James take advantage of her? She wonders. However, seep down she knew that she was also to blame. She could have stayed home and maybe she wouldn’t have done everything she did.

“Anyway, I’m really sorry I was not honest with you. The truth is, I thought I had feelings for her but I am sure I do not right now. You are the only girl I want in my life.” Jess said. She was seriously sorry and nothing would make her happier that getting back together with Stacy.

“I don’t know Jess, it kind of felt really bad you know. I thought we were happy.” Stacy said. She wanted to keep this conversation going but she couldn’t. Her phone buzzed and she picked it up. It was James. He had texted to know how Stacy was doing. She didn’t want to hear from him.

“Who’s that?” Jess asked. Controlling herself to not outburst at her. She hated it when she used her phone while they were in the middle of a conversation.

“It’s just James.” She answered.

“Umh, him again. You’re texting now?” Jess asked. She stood up and walked over to where Stacy sat.

“Are you jealous?” Stacy asked. She was trying her best to not tell her the truth. As much as she was angry, she felt pinned down by guilt. She never wanted to lose Jess and she wasn’t sure if she would forgive her if she told her the truth.

“Yes, I know I messed up but you are still the girl I love.” Jess said. Stacy looked deeply into her eyes and all she could see was the misery in her. She had always been able to tell whatever Jess was feeling through her eyes. She wanted to forgive her and tell her that it’s okay. But she couldn’t, she was not going to lie to her just so they could get back together.

“I know baby.” Stacy couldn’t help herself. She remembered all they good times they had had together and there was no way she was going to give it up.

“I know you may not be ready but come on, don’t give up on me.” Jess said. She knew that it was going to take some time before everything went back to normal and she was willing to wait. For her she would do literary anything.

“I really don’t want to lose you either.” Stacy said. As much as she was hurting, she knew that she loved her.

The two ladies hugged and Jess felt like it was back to normal. She swore to work on their relationship and that’s exactly what she was set to do. She held Stacy in her arms. It felt like it had been forever since she did that. She had been miserable without her and so was Stacy. She laid her head on Jess bosom and that’s where she belonged. She was so much in love with her nut she was scared, scared that they would not be together for long. She was afraid if Jess found out she would leave her and yet again she hated lying to her. She placed alight kiss on her lips and they both cuddled on the couch. After all they had been through, it was a good day to sit at home and watch. Stacy switched off her phone when Jess put on a movie on TV.

All along, Stacy was thinking on how she was going to come clean with Jess. There was no lighter way of explaining what she had done. A part of her was angry at herself while another part hated James. Deep down she knew she felt that way because she wanted to believe that James had taken advantage of her, she wanted to believe that she had not taken part in all that. She was a little lost. How was she going to explain this? She was freaking out.

Days went by and everyone went back to work. Jess would see Scarlet in the office but she never talked to her. She hated the awkwardness between them. She hated all the bad choices she had made recently. As much as she would have loved everything to go away, it didn’t. She had to face it up. One evening, Scarlet approached her about some work. She wanted help with finding some co-ordinates and Jess was ready to help. If anything, she was not going to let her personal life affect her professionalism.

“Kindly help me with these ones, I can’t find them anywhere.” Scarlet had said, approaching Jess’ office.

“Did you try to search them online?” Jess asked.

“Yes, but there is nothing.” Scarlet said.

“You should have called the manager” Jess offered. She still couldn’t understand why she had to come all the way to her office yet she had a phone in her office.

“I did and he said that I should ask you.” Scarlet said.

“Very well then, leave the list on my table.” Jess said. All this time, she avoided looking up to face her.

“But they are urgent.” She insisted.

“Okay, pull up a chair.” Jess offered.

The two ladies worked tirelessly until Jess realized it was getting late and she had to go home. When they were finished, she rose up and packed her backpack. Scarlet just sat there. She wanted to talk to her but Jess was not willing. She wanted to put it all behind her, which was a little selfish but for Stacy she was willing to do anything. She had never been in love like that before.

“So now you are just going to walk out and leave me in your office.” Scarlet said.

“And what else am I supposed to do?” Jess asked.

“Oh, you’re rude now.” She said.

“I didn’t mean to be rude, I just don’t see why I should stay any longer. We are done.” Jess said.

“Maybe you are done, I’m not.” Scarlet said.

“Well, as you said, maybe I am done.” Jess said and walked out.

On getting home, Stacy was in the kitchen. Jess walked up to her and kissed her on the lips. This time she did not resist. She was making dinner for both of them as Jess had told her she would be late. However, she had not told her she had been left with Scarlet. She had loved the peace they were having.

Stacy’s phone buzz, Jess did not pick it up as she was playing her video game with her friends online. She didn’t have a reason to snoop around her phone anyway. Stacy reached out, picked it up and put it down. Her face was full of disgust but Jess didn’t notice. She was too busy.

“I’m going to bed now.” Stacy said after a while.

“Okay, I’ll join you in a few.” Jess said. She wanted to log off but it was getting better. She didn’t stay up for long.

As she slipped in the sheets, Stacy’s phone buzzed again. It was unlike Stacy to text with anyone. Jess stretched and picked it up. She was heartbroken on reading the message.

“So you won’t talk to me after what happened between us the other day”

The message read. Jess had never felt the pain she did at that moment. She only hoped that she was wrong, that nothing harmful had happened between them.