Anxious Hart

Chapter Nine

Zack

My dreams had been filled with images from the past, the good and the bad. I was desperately trying to run from the bad, trying to bring the good with me this time. Before it had been different, so different. I ended up losing the good, the light, for so long. The shadows of the bad had darkened my life for far too long. They had been consuming, suffocating. No matter how desperate I had been to break free of their shackles to get back to the light, I was never able to get quite close enough again.

Not until yesterday.

Now the light was back. The good was back. The shackles were broken and I felt a freedom I had not felt in almost 18 years.

I could truly breathe again.

The sound of the door closing woke me from my dream. Disappointment overcame me as I realized she was not in my arms, even though the empty side of the couch next to me was still warm.

Sitting up on the couch with a groan, I looked around my unfamiliar surroundings. I knew that I was in the Hart’s home. The morning sun was just starting to rise, peeking over the horizon and through the surrounding picture windows of the room. Overall, the house was still cast with shadows, but I tell it was empty and I was alone.

Rising to my feet, I walked over to the large picture windows. Taking in the picturesque sunrise as it tried to burn through the morning haze, I could make out the distant figure of Claire sauntering along the sand, Riley chasing sea gulls with joyous barks. Even from this distance, she could still make my heart skip.

I remembered when my eyes landed on her for the first time after so many years. She looked weary, but that was to be expected with the loss of a loved one. She was even more gorgeous than I remembered. Her wavy brown hair longer than the last time I saw her. She still had those cute freckles on her nose. Her skin was a golden tan. Those hazel eyes, which I always found intriguing, seemed so lost and sad. The emptiness I saw in her eyes broke my heart.

I knew that she had been through a lot recently, but I was honestly not expecting the fragile creature I encountered yesterday. The Claire Hart I knew was not afraid to share her emotions with me, but she was a very controlled, determined, and strong woman. This version of her was shattered. It took so much of my will to just take her in my arms and hold her, but I knew anything more would be too much. We were not in that place. Not now. Not yet. Not anymore. Honestly, I was not sure if we ever would be, but I would be damned if I was not going to try.

Looking at my watch, I realized it was time for me to go. Grabbing my things, I left a note on the table with my phone number and business card. I was planning to reach out to her later to see if we could meet up to talk.

Walking down the short path, I made my way towards my mom’s house. I could see a light on in the kitchen, which immediately shot down my hopes that I would be able to sneak in without any questions. Maybe I would luck out and it would be Brittney, but I was doubtful that 17-year-old girl would be up at this hour on summer vacation.

Slipping in the back door, I tip-toed on the old wooden floors like I did in my teen years. Creeping to the staircase, I was hoping I could make my way up it undetected without an interrogation.

Tripping on the rug, I fell, hitting my shin on the corner of the wooden stair. As I sat on the landing, nursing my already bruised injury, my mom and step-sister came out of the kitchen to see me.

“Busted!” laughed Brittney.

“Just like the old days,” added my mom, raising a steaming cup of coffee to her lips.

Offering me a hand, Brittney helped me to my feet. I followed them back into the kitchen, where I poured myself a cup of coffee and sat at the table.

“So what were you up to, last night?” asked my mom as she returned to the stove, where she was cooking some eggs. Brit took a seat beside me, playfully punching my arm.

I took a long sip of coffee before I spoke, letting it wake my senses. “Working at the Hart’s. I fell asleep there.”

“All alone? That’s weird,” said Brittney.

“No. Claire came back into town yesterday.”

My mom stopped what she was doing at the stove and turned to face me, beaming. She had always had a soft spot for Claire. “She’s here? How is she? Did anything happen?”

“s**t, Mom!” I immediately regretted saying a word. There was a twinkle in my mother’s eye, and I am confident she was planning my wedding. The woman was rarely around in my youth, but ever since she had set her sight on Claire Hart, she was convinced that was the girl I was going to marry.

Not that I can blame my mom for having great taste.

Brittney held up her hand, confused. “Wait, who is Claire?”

Ignoring my little sister, I took another gulp of coffee as my mother eyed me suspiciously. “She is Bert’s granddaughter. She graduated with your big brother. They were very close back in those days. They even went to prom together. But you just lost contact after graduation, right Zack?”

Clearing my throat, I sat the mug on the table without meeting Brittany’s stare. “Basically, yeah.”

“Did you ever date? What does she look like?” Brittney squirmed in her seat, eager for more details. It was rare for me to share any information about my younger days, especially girls. I could tell she was itching for the juicy details like any teenage girl, she was into the idea of relationships and love.

But my history with Claire was not gossip to share.

Taking the final gulp of my coffee, I got to my feet and placed the empty mug in the sink. “Maybe another time, kid. I do have to get to my place before work and I need to beat traffic.”

Honestly, I could spare a few more minutes. I knew that if I did wait around that I did run the chance of meeting the person I wanted to avoid in the house. The reason my visits home had been rare since graduation as well. I honestly could not risk it, not today.

I quickly rushed through the rooms, collecting my belongings. My laptop bag was already packed, phone, charger, wallet, aviator sunglasses, and leather jacket were in hand. Even as I mentally checked things off in my mind, I knew I would likely be back within a day to check in on Claire. She was going to be my top priority, whether I admitted it or not. I could deny it all I wanted to my mom and even my sister, but I wasn’t going to try to deny it to myself.

Just as I was about to say my final goodbye, I heard a set of footsteps making its way down the stairs. Mentally cursing myself, I forced my face neutral as I realized how close I had been to escaping without an encounter with him.

“Good morning!” bellowed the familiar voice, echoing through the kitchen. The voice of heartbreak, shattered trust, deceit, betrayal. To most, my stepfather, Jim Sullivan, came across as a jovial and enthusiastic man. Personally, I never understood how someone could be so positive, especially as a trauma surgeon. The concept to me was like mixing oil and water.

Yet here he stood before me, in his cheerful morning glory. He was a few inches taller than me, slightly heavier build. His full head of hair was gray and he wore wire-rimmed glasses. Jim preferred to remain clean shaved, unlike me or my father who used to have a beard. He was also a fan of sweater vests, regardless of the season. Today’s vest of choice: hunter green argyle.

“Zack, nice to see you, buddy!” Jim grinned genuinely as he patted my on the shoulder before taking a seat by Brittany at the table.

“You too, Jim. Love the sweater,” I choked. My words were forced, just like my smile.

Brittany coughed, choking on her glass of orange juice. As the fashionable girl, she had begged her father several times to give up the sweater vest trend, without any luck.

“You know you are always welcome to borrow one if you like them so much,” smiled Jim as he accepted a plate of food from my mom. “We could trade,” he chuckled as he gestured to my leather jacket. I didn’t have my kutte with me since I was on business.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” I responded, rolling my eyes internally. I could not decide if he was being genuine or if he had caught onto my sarcasm. Instead, I just watched the trio at the table continue their conversation, oblivious to my presence in the doorway. My mother was fawning over Jim like a blushing bride, even after 18 years of marriage. My little sister was snuggled against her father’s side, discussing the plans for the day.

The scene was not reminiscent of my youth, this happy image in front of me. I grew up isolated, eating alone and fending for myself until I met Claire. Then her family took me in as one of their own.

But that was before everything changed.

I felt the familiar pang of hurt and jealousy in my gut. It had been so long ago, but it was still so fresh. I truly wondered if the sting would ever subside so my insides would not feel like they were being scalded by lava. It is not a way to go through life with so much bitterness and rage. But I have been living with it for so long, the burn is familiar now. If it disappeared, part of me worries if I would still feel alive.

Forcing down the anger, I cleared my throat. “Well, I have to take off. I’ll be back soon, I’m sure.” I gave a small salute and stepped out the door before anyone else said a word.

Traffic was still pretty light for a Thursday morning, but I was glad I didn’t wait any longer to leave. The commute from the beach could vary and I wanted to be a little early today. The haze did not give up, but turned into a misty sprinkle on my drive. I was thankful that I had decided to drive my car instead of the Harley.

It was going to be difficult focusing on my other cases after seeing Claire yesterday. All of my excitement was immediately replaced with concern. The last few times I had laid my eyes on her, she had been a ghost of the girl I knew. Even from the person I saw online or in the stories her grandparents had shared over the years, the two women didn’t match. Tales of a bold, independent fighter were planted in my mind and only fit the timeline of the girl I knew in our youth. This frail woman I met yesterday was broken and needed someone to be by her side.

She was on my mind the entire morning. I just continued to replay her words, the sadness in her eyes. Her defiant stance while she tried to stand tall, her trembling hands giving away the pain.

I didn’t realize how lost I was in my thoughts until there was a knock on my office door around 10. It was my colleague, Kyle, signaling me to our boss’s office.

Rubbing my hands over my face, I quickly checked my phone. I had messaged Claire earlier, letting her know that We should meet up soon to talk and to contact me with any issues. She only sent a simple “Ok” as a response. I decided to think of some excuse to check in on her later. Maybe I would go back to the beach tonight after all.

But now, I would have to put on my game face. I need to impress the boss.