Anxious Hart

Chapter Four

Two Days Later

Stretching my neck, I forced my focus to remain on the road. It was only a few more hours. Just a couple more hours of driving and then I would be home.

Home. The idea was bittersweet. The thought of the ocean air, the beach, was welcoming and singing to my soul. There were memories that cast an ominous shadow over my homecoming.

Leaning back against the headrest, I forced myself to not dwell on the darkness of the past. I knew that I would have to face my demons eventually. I knew that I could not run from my fears forever. But it did not mean that I was eager to address the trauma once I stepped out of my car. After all, my mind was already buzzing from the past few days and the events which unfolded.

Before I was able to get too lost in my thoughts, a ringing interrupted the music playing quietly over my stereo. Glancing at the display, I noticed the number was for my Aunt Alana. She was married to my Uncle Sean and lived in Nebraska. She had taken me under her wing while I was in college, attempting to care for me in the absence of my grandparents. While she meant well in her own way, my aunt was not exactly the best moral compass. She could be self-centered, materialistic, and rude. She had her moments of clarity that were few and far between, but her integrity was driven more by her love for my uncle’s checkbook. That’s probably why she never divorced him, knowing he had never been faithful a day in their 35-year union. It was sad to me, honestly.

Despite all of her flaws, she was still my family. She was one of the few elder women left in my life and I wanted to honor that. Was our relationship perfect? No. Occasionally toxic? Yes. But it was all I had.

With a sigh, I cheerfully answered the phone. “Good morning, Aunt Alana!”

“Where the hell are you?” barked a voice on the other line.

“I’m sorry?” I almost did not recognize her at first.

“Claire Elizabeth Hart,” my aunt spat quietly into the phone, “I am at the Capital where your gorgeous fiancé is giving a speech with the governor and you are not here. Where the hell are you?”

“Oh.” I rolled my eyes. Aunt Alana had set me up with Andrew and was always encouraging me to stay with him throughout our ups and downs, which was exactly why I did not call her. “Yeah. That’s done. Over.”

“What?” she whisper shouted into the phone. I could hear her heels clicking in the background. Mentally I could see her in a garden dress with pumps, balancing a mimosa and her phone while shuffling through the crowd and trying to not slip on the marble floors.

“He’s a lying, cheating, man w***e. I’m not marrying that!”

“But he’s gorgeous, charming, and the two of you were so perfect together,” scoffed my aunt.

My mouth dropped. “You cannot be serious!”

“Claire, darling, you’re such a dreamer. No relationship is perfect. And we as women tend to make the most sacrifices to keep our men happy,” she responded in a matter-of-fact tone.

“Oh my god, that is so not true!”

“But I am,” she stated as she swallowed.

“Are you drinking?” I asked.

“Only a mimosa, and don’t change the subject.”

I rolled my eyes and cleared my throat. It was tempting to ask how many drinks she had prior to her current mimosa. Knowing my aunt, this was not her first, especially if she was at a social event. I knew it would not sway her opinion on my ex-fiancé or the sanctity of marriage and monogamous relationships. Given her marriage, she was not one to offer advice.

“He’s a man, after all,” she continued, slurring slightly. “I mean, it’s not all his fault. Part of it is his nature, but I’m sure you could have done more to keep his attention if that was such a concern to you, my dear.”

Her last remark hit my chest like a fist. My mouth gaping, the words began to tumble from my mouth. “Excuse me? Did you honestly just defend his cheating as his nature and turn the blame to me?”

“Claire, you obviously deprive the dear man. You are so focused on your storytelling that you forgot about him.”

“Because it’s my career and it’s my life too!”

“Don’t be upset with me, dear. Auntie Alana just wants to make it better. I know Andrew loves you and he will forgive you and take you back because that is just the decent man he is. You need to stop chasing those silly dreams of yours. You fantasize and make up those little tales, which has always been a fun hobby, but Andrew is a man who wants to take care of you, pet. Settle down and come back to him.”

I could feel the bile rising in my throat. The audacity of this woman. It would be a lie to say her words didn’t hurt, drunken or not. But I had to place my attention on the remainder of my drive.

Taking a calming breath and swallowing my nerves, I forced myself to speak in a calm, even voice. “Andrew’s lack of commitment not on me. I was nothing but loyal and dedicated to that prick for 10 years of my life and he took that for granted. I’m sorry you can’t see it that way. Enjoy your drinks. I need to focus on my driving.”

“Driving? Where are you-“

“Talk to you later.” I ended the call before she was able to finish her question.

Biting my lower lip, I struggled to prevent the tears welling in my eyes from falling. The last two days had already been so grueling and exhausting. My eyes were so red and swollen from all the tears. I could feel the familiar ache and burn before my cheeks were stained again as I began to cry.

Pulling over to the side of the road, I rested my head on the steering wheel. Screaming, sobbing, I released my anguish into the air. My palms slapped the wheel, taking out my aggression.

When the adrenaline stopped pulsing through me, I stopped and just sat…staring at the road .

After a few moments, a timid Riley slowly moved from his spot in the backseat to rest his head on my arm. His sweet brown eyes raised to mine, silently assuring me that he still loved and supported me.

A small smile tugged at the corner of my mouth as I scratched behind his silky ears. “Thank you, buddy. I love you, too.” I leaned over and gave him a kiss on his head.

He began wagging his tail, which made a loud thud-thud-thud sound against the seat. Then he reached up and licked my nose, kissing away my tears in the most pure, affectionate form of canine love possible.

I laughed, wiping my face and pushing him back. “Ok, ok. Thank you. Now, go lay down.”

Smiling, Riley jumped back into his spot and grabbed his bone, eagerly chewing on it. The very tip of his tail wiggled to and fro, showing he was pleased and content to continue the trip.

Smiling in the rear-view mirror at him, I let out a deep breath. It was just us now.