My Beloved Screen Partner : Destiny

Chapter 12: Beyond The Facade Part 1

Today, I arrived at the studio for a workshop. I still had several workshop sessions to complete before filming began. I walked down the hallway before finally entering the workshop room, which seemed empty. It seemed I was too early. I glanced at my watch and realized I was an hour earlier than scheduled for today's workshop. I hadn't looked at the time on my way out because I'd left from my parents' house, so I'd left before sunrise. However, upon arriving in London, I only stopped to buy breakfast and went straight to the studio without looking at the time.

I took off my shoes and walked to the end of the room where the table and chairs were. I put down my breakfast and sat quietly, looking at my phone. I planned to call my girlfriend to check on her. She'd been mad at me and hadn't responded to my messages for the past few days, but this time I didn't really care. I just continued to do what I believed was right as a boyfriend, checking in on her every day, even though she hadn't responded. I also let her know that I'd be busy, not only because of filming but also because I had the opening of my mother's new boutique, which I would be personally managing.

I ate my bread slowly, but my eyes were fixed on my vibrating phone, which showed that my girlfriend had replied to my message. I read the text message that appeared in the notification. I swallowed the bread I was chewing and then set it down before picking up my phone to open the message from my girlfriend. I wanted to make sure what she had written was true or if I had just misread it.

"I think I know why you're so stubborn about staying in that gay series. I've known for a long time, but I didn't think you'd actually pursue him even though you've been with me all this time. If being with me can't change you, then it's best if we end this relationship so you can be free to pursue him."

The message was long, and I reread it several times to better understand it. But I was still confused, and I finally replied, "What do you mean? Who are you referring to?"

Compared to her statement about ending the relationship, I was more confused by her statement about me pursuing someone. Because I didn't know who the person I was pursuing was, as my girlfriend had implied.

Not long after, my girlfriend replied with a single name, "Orion."

I paused, reading Orion's name and connecting it to what she had said earlier. Was I pursuing Orion? Did Sua know all along? What should I change? I felt like I'd given Sua my whole heart and I didn't think I'd ever hurt her feelings, let alone played with fire behind her back. But why did Sua bring up Orion's name? Orion and I hadn't seen each other in a long time, and we'd never been anything more than acquaintances. So how did Sua know about Orion?

Perhaps because I hadn't responded in a while, Sua messaged me again. This time it was quite lengthy, "I know you're very interested in Orion, but you've always ignored it. At first, I let it slide and accepted you because you never showed any interest in other men, and you never seemed to be looking for him. You were always focused on our relationship and your work. So, I trusted you all this time. I always thought that Orion might be your unrequited first love. Most people will still have some attraction to their first love. However, it's only mere attraction because they were the ones who made us humans who know love. But looking at you now, I think you really can't let go of your obsession with him, and your affection for me isn't that deep, or maybe it doesn't exist at all. So, from now on, it's best if we part ways amicably. Take care of yourself."

I was stunned by her words and remained silent for a long time, staring at the message from Sua, who was probably no longer my girlfriend. I remained silent, unsure of how to respond. As I was considering what to write to Sua, the staff began to arrive, as did the other actors. They were quite surprised to see me already inside and greeted me with pleasantries. I smiled and returned their greetings. I glanced at Sua's message again and finally sent a short reply, "I'll call you later."

After sending that text, I put my phone away and grabbed my coffee. I chatted with the staff and other actors before Orion's cheerful voice filled the room, adding to the pleasant atmosphere.

I looked at Orion, who was smiling and laughing while chatting with the others. I continued to stare at him and thinking about what Sua said. Is it true that Orion was my first unrequited love, and that makes me so attracted to him, am I obsessed with him? Orion is indeed attractive, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to him. From the moment I met him in college, I was attracted to him. But I was only attracted to him because he was handsome, had a good attitude, and interesting character. I hadn't considered having a romantic relationship with him. Or maybe I did, but then I realized that a romantic relationship with another man was something I couldn't do. Besides my image, it was also because of my parents, and honestly, having a romantic relationship with another man would be like cutting off my own bloodline. I still desperately wanted to have a child who was truly my own flesh and blood.

While there might be surrogates, or I could have a relationship with a woman to have a child while I was also in a relationship with a man, I couldn't do that. Once I've decided to be in a relationship with someone, I absolutely cannot cheat or have a child with someone else. That's simply unacceptable to me because I imagine if the positions were reversed, I would be deeply hurt by my lover. I also can't imagine if it was Orion who felt it, it would be better that we didn't have a romantic relationship and remained good without anyone getting hurt than we had a romantic relationship but Orion got hurt because of me. With my thoughts like this, am I really attracted to Orion more than I thought before?