I'm Fine or Am I

Chapter 1

You could say I was your typical 16-year-old girl, shy around strangers, and outgoing around my friends. Of course, I liked to go out and party who didn’t. I worked at our local grocery store and honestly it wasn’t that bad. A lot of high school students worked there, but it wasn’t like I talked to many of them because I was not in that so called “popular” group. Did it bother me, no I really didn’t care? So, one day my boss asked me to face the cereal aisle, which meant we had to make sure all the products in that aisle’s labels were facing towards the customer. That was easy enough. So, I went to the cereal aisle and to my surprise who was it, Cody Thompson, one of the most popular boys and the boy who tried to copy my paper in our World Geography class.

You have to know me to understand, I got pissed at him for trying to copy my homework. Hell, I worked hard, so he could too. I saw he was on one side, so I went to the other side of the aisle. We both looked at each other then looked back at the shelves. Finally, he looked at me and said you’re in my world geography class, aren’t you? I said yes, you’re the one that was trying to cheat off my paper the other day, aren’t you? His cheeks got red as the Capn Crunch cereal box. He was like oh yeah sorry about that. It’s okay. We started talking about casual stuff, to be honest with you I can’t remember what we said because at that moment something inside of me was bursting, but I had no idea what it was. I continued facing the cereal boxes and he would throw them at me, and then laugh. I would tell him to stop, but really, I didn’t want him to cause I knew he was flirting with me, and I liked it. My boss came to the aisle where we were at and told me she needed me back at the cash register, I was bummed, but knew our little flirting session was over. I was smiling the rest of the night.

As I was leaving that night walking out to my truck Cody yelled my name, Taylor, it was the sweetest sound I had ever heard, I stopped and turned around and it was him, I immediately smiled and nonchalantly said oh hey. He said I was wondering if you weren’t busy Friday night if you would like to go out with me? There it went again that bursting inside of me going off again, I have no clue what it is, but I replied sure I’m not busy, but I do have to work, but I get off at 8. Cody said that’s cool I can pick you up here at 8 if that’s okay. I said yes sounds great. There were a few seconds of awkward silence then I said well I better go, and he said yeah me too, I turned around and I felt as though my heart was going to pump out of my chest. This was a Wednesday, so I had to wait a whole two days. As soon as I got home, I immediately called my best friend Brooke, she screamed I screamed and she said what are you going to wear, right at that moment panic came over me! I probably tried on every stitch of clothes I had 3 times, by the time I found what I was going to wear my room had looked like three tornadoes had come through it. My mom came upstairs and was like Taylor what in the world has happened in here, and I was like I have no idea. She just looked at me and said get it cleaned up or you won’t be going anywhere. I cleaned my room faster than I had ever cleaned my room before.

It was Friday morning, and I was getting ready for school, but not only was I getting ready for school I was getting ready for one of the most important nights of my life. I was nervous all day long. I only had one class with Cody which was 6th period World Geography. I walked into my 6th period class and as soon as I walked through the door there he was, smiling and laughing talking to one of his friends. I quietly sat down at my desk and got my books out. Cody moved up to the desk behind me and said hey we still on for tonight? I turned around and said yes. He said great see you at 8. I was like okay. I turned around and there it was that bursting inside of me was happening again, I thought to myself what the hell is this? I just shrugged it off and tried concentrating on what the teacher was trying to teach. The bell rang and I was putting all my stuff in my backpack when Cody walked by and said see you tonight Taylor, I was like okay see you later. As he walked by, he brushed my hand, oh my gosh I thought I was going to melt. I went straight to my locker where my best friend was waiting for me, of course I told her everything that happened. The bell rang for our last class and let me just tell you that was the longest class I have ever been in. I didn’t think it would ever end.

On my way to work I was thinking how much I really like Cody, but I don’t know him either What if I’m making a mistake. He is in the “popular” group, and I am not. I know his friends won’t like me, and Cody will come to his senses and realize I am definitely not someone he wants to be with. A panic came over me. OMG what am I doing I am just setting myself up for failure. I have to contact Cody somehow and tell him I can’t go out with him tonight. I’ll just make some excuse why I can’t go. I know that I am not good enough for him and this is the best thing for him and me. I have made up my mind I’m not going tonight. The whole night at work I was so nervous my mind was going in 50 million directions. Brooke walked in and she was like a ray of sunshine. I asked my boss if I could take my break and she said, yes, go ahead. I told Brooke what I was going to do, and she practically slapped me, girl what the hell are you talking about, you are good enough for him, he does not deserve you! But still give him a chance! What if he breaks my heart, and she said what if he completes your heart? Fine I’ll go but if this goes wrong, I’m blaming you, she said deal!

As I go to clock out I realize this could be the beginning of something spectacular or it could be the beginning of my demise. Walking out I could feel my cheeks getting flushed, and my heart beating out of my rolling stones belly shirt. I look down at my damaged jeans and Doc Martin shoes and panic hits me. What if he thinks my outfit is hideous. Get it together Taylor, this is who you are, so either he accepts me, or he don’t. I’m so afraid he will not be outside waiting for me, but what if he is. The automatic doors open up and there Cody is with his white “wife beater.” He sees me and smiles. If his smile had a superpower it would be melting a person’s heart. When he looked at me, I felt as though I could just melt away, you ready and I said yes, if you are? He opened my door and at that moment I thought is this really happening. So, what you want to do? I said, shrugging my shoulders, I don’t care whatever you want to do. You hungry, I said not really, but if you’re hungry we can get something to eat. He said, I’m starving, so we headed to Stanford McDonald’s. I didn’t get anything but a drink. When we left we just rode around talking and listening to music, I showed him the music I liked, and he showed me the music he liked, turned out we had a lot in common, to my surprise. We headed back to our hometown and Cody looked at me and said you want to go out with me? I looked at him bewildered and said like girlfriend, boyfriend? Yes, I have thought you were beautiful since the day I laid eyes on you! There it was that bursting inside me, I pushed it down and very excitedly said YES! He patted the seat which meant for me to scoot over next to him, which I did. We got to a stop light and thankfully it was red because without delay we had our first kiss! He leaned over and his warm lips pressed to mine and the bursting that I have felt just got bigger and bigger. It was the best kiss I ever had! The light turned green and the car behind us honked its horn. Cody honked his horn back at them and I just laughed. We went to Cody’s hangout spot and of course all of his friends were there. I was so nervous, because I wasn’t in this group, and I wasn’t one of these “popular” girls. There was a thousand thoughts running through my mind, was Cody going to realize that he made the worse mistake of his life asking me to be his girlfriend, is he going to realize how ugly I am compared to all these girls, who am I trying to kid, I will never be prettier than those girls. I knew I made a mistake, because this guy sitting beside me deserved so much better than me. Cody pulled his keys out of the ignition and said hey, you in there? You look like you’re a million miles away. Oh yes sorry I was just thinking. Thinking about what? Oh, nothing just girl things. My mind was screaming, Taylor just tell him to take you to your truck, that you know he has realized he made a mistake, but what do I do nothing, just sit there and smile. He grabs my hand, and we walk towards the big crowd, my heart is beating so hard, I know my hands are probably sweaty, but he gives my hand a gentle squeeze as though everything will be okay.

I knew everyone that was there, but not once had I spoken to any of them. It was getting late, Cody looked at me and said you ready to get out of here, I said sure if you are. He tells his friends bye, and we walk to his truck. You have you had a fun time. Yeah it was okay. Knowing good and well I was extremely uncomfortable, but I did not want him to know that. Cody didn’t leave my side once. His friends surprisingly were actually okay. There were girls coming up to him hugging and telling him they love him, yes, they were drunk, but I guess it was harmless. It doesn’t matter anyways because I know this will not work, I am not right for him. Cody looks at me, what are you thinking about now. Oh, sorry I do that all the time, I am always thinking about different things, I’m silly just overlook me. We pull up to my truck and he turns his truck off, I had a fun time tonight. Yeah me too. He grabs my face gently and pulls me close to his and kisses me. It’s a feeling I had never felt before, he stopped, and he hugged me and at that moment I didn’t want him to ever let me go. He said what are you doing tomorrow night? I said nothing. Well, if you want I can pick you up at your house and we can do something. My immediate response was yes, okay! My mind was screaming, Taylor what the hell are you doing. I write down my address and phone number on his notebook. He said I will be there about 4 if that’s okay? Yeah sounds great! He kisses me one last time and I get out. He waits to pull out until I get in my truck and start it. I wave at him, and he backs out. As he is pulling away tears roll down my face because I know Cody Thompson is someone that is incredibly special, but I am afraid I will never be good enough, or even live up to his expectations.