I'm Fine or Am I

Chapter 3

It’s been about 2 months since Cody and me broke up. Has it been hard you can say that? It has been a lot of pretending and crying behind closed doors. But you know me I never want to burden anyone with my problems. I don’t think he is dating anyone, but of course he has f****d girls. I do keep up with the gossip, I know I shouldn’t, but I do still love him. As for me well let’s just say I have reformed per say. We have been having a lot of parties at my friends Jennifer’s house, her mom and dad are cool, they buy all our alcohol and let us throw the best parties. I am practically drunk every weekend. So, this weekend we are throwing a hell of a party. Brooke said she is losing her virginity this weekend; lord help us all if she does. I am at my locker getting my books for my 6th period class, when Brooke runs up to me and says omg you are never going to believe who is coming to our party this weekend? I was like who? Brooke said brace yourself. At this point I was thinking she was going to say like Billy Corgan the lead singer from the Smashing Pumpkins the way she was acting, but there she said it, my jaw dropped, I thought I was going to pass out. She said Taylor did you hear me? I said yes, I have to get to class. Walking to my class, I was in shock did I hear her right, is Cody coming to our party this weekend, why? Doesn’t he know that I will be there, is he trying to punish me? I walk into class who is the first person I see, Cody. He smiles and I just walk to my desk and sit down, I didn’t smile back or anything. What is he trying to do, torture me? I feel tears fill up in my eyes, and as I start to get up Cody is standing beside my desk. You okay? Yeah, allergies you know this time of year. I just settle back down at my desk. He says I hear you and your friends have been throwing some awesome parties. Yeah, I guess so. Your friend Jennifer was inviting everyone the other day, and a bunch of us was thinking about coming. I said cool the more the merrier. The teacher walked in and said if everyone could take their seats. Cody said, well I’ll probably see you there. I nonchalantly looked at him and said cool. That whole class I couldn’t concentrate on anything but the upcoming weekend, and Cody. Why is he doing this to me? The bell rang and I quickly got up and walked out before Cody could say anything else to me.

That whole week I spent thinking about how I was going to handle this weekend if he did show up. I eventually decided that I was going to be me and have a wonderful time dancing, drinking, and doing what I have been doing. Friday night came and we were all getting ready. I wore some black loose jogging pants, with a tank top, Jen wore the same except a different color top, we wore comfortable clothes because we would dance the whole time. My favorite drink was Jim Beam and coke that was the only thing I ever drank, well except when I was drunk then I would drink whatever I got my hands on. By 8 o clock Brooke, Jen, and me were already tipsy. It was winter so of course it was dark outside. There was probably 20 people at Jen’s house, but Cody was not there. I looked at Brooke and said hell I guess his b***h ass decided to find a w***e to f**k. When I start talking like that, I know I am wasted. Everyone was having a wonderful time talking, laughing, and dancing. I saw this guy that looked familiar, but I just couldn’t for the life of me remember who he was. Then I hear the name Trevor Braun, omg that guy could not be the Trevor Braun I know. I walk up to this mysterious guy, I poke him on his shoulder, and he turns around and looks at me, I don’t think I know you. You sure about that?. I look at him confused, no it can’t be, you cannot be Trevor Braun! Yep here I am in the flesh. I said damn what happened to you? The last time I saw you, you were, he interrupted me and said scrawny. I wasn’t going to say that. I went to the Marines. Yeah, I can tell, looking good. OMG did I just say that out loud, thinking to myself. Jen saved me from embarrassment when she grabbed my arm and pulled me to the living room to dance with her, because one of our favorite songs was on. “Pony,” by Ginuwine. We started dancing with each other like always, then Bryan one of our friends joined us, along with Brooke. Brooke whispered in my ear that Cody had just got here, suddenly, my heart began to pump fast, then out the corner of my eye I spotted him standing against the wall watching me, staring a hole right through me. Did I like it, yes, did I dance a little more erotically, of course I did! But what I wasn’t expecting is what happened next. My song went off and I was walking towards the kitchen, when Keith Sweat’s “Nobody” came on, suddenly someone grabbed my hand, and I turned around and it was Trevor. He led me to the dance floor where he started grinding on me and I was like okay, what is a girl to do, so I played along. I did happen to glance at Cody and all I could see was complete anger on his face and his cheeks were as red as I have ever saw them. Why was he mad, he didn’t want me anymore? What did he think I wouldn’t move on? I just pushed all those thoughts out of my mind and concentrated on me and having fun. After the song went off Cody left, he didn’t say anything to me, he just left. I worry what I may have done, and really hope he doesn’t go out and do something stupid, but like I said I must concentrate on me and having fun! That night oh did I have fun! Let’s just say I will never forget Trevor Braun. He helped me open my eyes again and helped me realize that even though Cody will always hold that special part of my heart I can move on and be happy. I think……………………

The rest of that weekend was spent recovering from that Friday night, except I had to work on Sunday, and it was my long shift because Sundays was truck days. I was pushing it to get to work on time, like always but I pulled into the parking lot at 8:55 am I had to be at work at 9. I was trying to gather all my stuff when I looked up and was shocked to see Cody. What the hell is he doing here. He isn’t on the schedule today. My mind instantly started to race. I said maybe he is just here picking something up for his aunt. I grabbed the rest of my stuff and rushed inside. I walked to the time clock to clock in and was fumbling to find my name tag in my purse not paying attention when I run smack into no other than, yes, Cody. Oh sorry, he didn’t say a word he just nodded his head. I walked on and heard the dreaded sound of the time clock. Oh no he was clocking in; he is not on the schedule. Any other day it wouldn’t really bother me, but Sunday’s I am not at the cash register, I am in the back helping with the truck and stocking, so I will be around Cody face to face all day long. All I can say is this is going to be an exceedingly long day. I walked to the back and one of the girls I work with was standing at the back door. The boss called and said truck will be here any minute. I was like great can’t wait. I heard about the party Friday night. What did you hear? Oh, nothing really, just that it was a happening party. I was like oh, yes it was fun for sure. Just as I said that Cody walked in. I really don’t know if he heard me or not. Genie asked Cody what are you doing here you’re not on the schedule for today. Yeah I know, I’m filling in for Steve. She said oh that sucks, he has that long shift like Taylor does. I was like great could this day get any better. We were all just standing there waiting on the truck. Genie says I’m going to run to my car for a minute and I was like okay, our manager on Sundays was David and he was so laid back, he didn’t care what we did as long as the work got done. It was just Cody and me standing in the back, the silence was so thick in the air, you couldn’t see your hand in front of your face. Cody blurted out did you f**k him? I didn’t say anything at first because I wasn’t sure if I had heard him right, I said what did you say? He said I asked did you f**k him Friday night. I said how is that any of your business. I just want to know. I’m sorry but what I do in my personal, private life is none of your business, I am not trying to be rude or be a b***h, I promise I’m not, but you really have no right to ask me that at all. I don’t get you at. You confuse me so much. Why’s that? Well for one yes I did, break up with you, yes only because you were standing there and I knew that was what you were going to do, so I just made it easy on you, and then you come to the party Friday, which is perfectly fine, no problem, but you get all mad when you see me dancing with another guy. Why is that? You call that dancing, it’s more like f*****g with clothes on. I look at him, whatever Cody if you can’t talk to me, rather than act like my father then this conversation is over. Wait, okay yeah did I get mad, yes, I did, because I wanted that to be me dancing with you, not Trevor. When those words came out of his mouth tears instantly swelled up in my eyes. Taylor you, me us together, it scares the hell out of me. I look at him puzzled. What I mean is I have never felt the way I do about a girl the way I feel about you. The tears that were swelled in my eyes just started running down my cheeks. He wipes them away. Taylor, I told you that I loved you, I meant that, and the truth is I never stopped loving you this whole time. My heart was pounding so hard that feeling in my stomach was happening again, oh no what do I do. He grabbed both of my cheeks and pulled me to his and he kisses me, and I kissed him back. I missed those soft wet lips, but I can’t do this. I pulled away, I can’t do this and ran out. I ran to my manager, David and told him I was sick and had to go home, I clocked out, ran to my truck, and cried all the way home…………….