I'm Fine or Am I

Chapter 6

There was only one more period left in the day and that whole class I could only think of how he lied straight to my face. I really do not know if I should confront him or continue to let him lie to my face. I am so confused I will just ask Brooke. The bell rang, and I head to my locker. Brooke was waiting and I could see she already had a perfect plan! So, what is your plan? Girl you need to act like everything is perfectly okay. Do you know how hard that is going to be? She said yes, I know, but this is the only way to find out what exactly he is doing. Okay I trust you, right now you are the only person that I can trust. Why is he lying straight to my face? Do I deserve this? You absolutely do not deserve this and believe me he will get what is coming to him! I promise you that. I see Cody coming up the hallway, here he comes, s**t I told him we would spend time together tonight. You must go and act normal. Okay. Call me as soon as you get home. I will. Cody grabs my hand, and we walk out.

That night I try and act as normal as possible. Cody is acting normal and seems to be having no trouble at all. I think to myself he lied so easily to me earlier, what else has he lied to me about. We stopped at the stockyards and Bryan was there. Good I thought to myself, maybe I can get him caught up in his lies. We walk up, and I look at Bryan and say wild night Saturday huh? Bryan looks at Cody, then looks at me and says oh yes most definitely. Wow I thought to myself what a freaking asshole. I am not surprised after all he is Cody’s friend and not mine. I see Brooke pulling in while we were standing there, I instantly feel happy. She walks up to me and says what’s up guys? Everyone says not much. I know Brooke is in full plan mode as we speak. She looks at Cody and says so what you been doing I have not talked to you in ages. I know it has been a while. Just working, school, and hanging out that is about it. You coming to Jen’s party Friday night. He looks at me, s**t I totally forgot to tell you about it. Yeah if Taylor wants to go. Brooke instantly said, well you know she does, and I said you know it. U just wanted to stop and say hi, but I need to get home, Taylor will you walk me to my car? Sure, Cody kisses me, and I tell him I will be right back. We get to Brooke’s car, and I tell her what the hell are you doing. Just setting my plan in motion. I just rolled my eyes. That whole week pretending to act like everything was perfectly okay, knowing everything was a lie really took a toll on me. But I have to say I did an excellent job convincing everyone, hell even myself at times. I may need to reconsider my future career plans and change to acting.

It was finally the weekend, and I was ready to just get totally wasted and forget that this week ever happened. Cody walked up and said did you want me to pick you up or was you driving down there tonight? I will just drive, so I will have a vehicle and if you need to leave unexpectantly I will have a way home. Are you sure? Absolutely. What time are you heading down there. It will be early so; I can help get everything setup. Okay babe I will see you down there, I said okay, he kissed me, of course I kissed him back and he left. As I watched him drive off I realized that this guy that has been lying to me for however long, is not a bad guy and honestly I really do love him, he makes my heart beat a little bit faster, and my smile a little bit wider, and my happiness a little bit brighter, but I don’t deserve to be lied to, and he is lying to me about something, whatever it is he does not want me to know. I turn my radio up and start driving home to get ready for tonight.

I decided to really dress up tonight, not like a fancy dress, of course not, but I put on my tight jeans, with my Rolling Stones t-shirt tied at the end and my hair fixed, I walked out of my room and my mom said wow there is the old Taylor I have not seen in ages. What do you mean. Taylor this past year you have just seemed different, like you were trying to be someone else. I realized right there and then I was not dressing up, I was getting Taylor back, and that is exactly what I needed to do. I told my mom that I was staying with Jen tonight, and okay, call me if you need me. I will. Mom said, I love you. Love you and I walked out the door. I was suddenly nervous, why, maybe because I was going to find out what Cody has been lying to me about, or maybe because the real Taylor is out tonight. Whatever it is there was no turning back now because I was pulling into Jen’s driveway. Brooke pulled in behind me. Wow girl look at you, you look hot! You know it. You ready for tonight? l I guess I am ready as I will ever be. We walk inside and start getting things ready for the party. I start drinking and begin to loosen up, people start showing up and before you know it there is a house full. Cody still has not shown up. I have already had 3 maybe 4 cups not sure let’s just say I was feeling good. I look around and see that Cody is still not here. Brooke comes up to me and says Cody just pulled in, suddenly, my heart starts pounding so hard I swear it is going to come out of my chest. I look at Brooke and say I am scared! I got you! Jen grabs my shirt, and we start dancing. For a split second I forget that my life was in total shambles. The song ends and I see Cody standing by the wall, I walk over to him, and I kiss him on his cheek, I smell something that I have not ever smelled before, not his cologne, but please don’t let me be right, please let me be wrong about this, but my gut is telling me that the smell I’m smelling is not my perfume. I smell again and without any doubt I know that it is, it is perfume from another girl. Tears instantly start to fill my eyes, but no he can’t see me crying, he can’t know that I know, I go to the bathroom as quick as I can get there. I lock the door and tears just flood out. Why Taylor, why is he doing this, what did you do this time? I hear a knock on the door, and I yell someone’s in here. Brooke said it’s me, I unlock the door and she just hugs me, I tell her that I smelled the perfume, and she said I know, I just found out some stuff. I pulled back and said what? What did you find out? You don’t want to know. YES I do! Cody has been cheating on you with Charity Grads. I sat there for what seemed like hours horrified by what I just heard. I finally snapped out of it. How long has this been going on? Not long, last weekend Cody was at Bryan’s house that was the plan, no bullshit, then that w***e Charity and her friends made a surprise visit to Bryan’s late that night, the guys were already drinking and what I was told, Cody was drunk bad! So, they all took off and went to jack black and partied. First who was telling you all this? Brooke said, Jimmy I practically pried it out of him. I told him to tell me everything or I would go tell the coach about his illegal steroid business. In my mind I knew whatever Brooke was going to tell me, was exactly what had happened. Jimmy said Cody and Charity was sitting by the fire talking and he said the next thing he knew he looked over and they were kissing. Jimmy said he yelled at Cody and said Hey bro, what you doing, where’s Taylor, and he said Charity looked at him, looked around and said well I don’t see her anywhere around do you? Then pulled Cody back into her and they continued making out, he said the next thing he knew they were walking off in the woods, she was half naked and so was he. Okay you can stop I know what happened next, they had s*x and apparently, they still are because he smelled like perfume that I don’t wear. Taylor I am so sorry. You know it’s okay, does it hurt like crazy? Yes it does, but what can I do, apparently, I am not what he wants, and Charity is. The only thing I can do is give him exactly what he wants. Brooke shouted, no you’re not, you’re not letting him off easy this time, if he wants to break up with you, then by golly he’s going to tell you to your face! So, girl go out there and show him what he will be missing! Oh, by the way, before you go into beast mode, guess who’s here? I said who? Trevor! Oh, my this might not be good or maybe it’s just what I am needing!

I walk out and run right into Trevor. Oh, I’m sorry, he says don’t be I was looking for you. You were? Yes, dance with me later? My heart beating out of my chest, I somehow find a way to be calm, cool, and collective, maybe if you really want to. You’re the only reason I came tonight. I smiled and told him I must go take care of something quick, but I will come find you later. I’ll be waiting. As I was walking away, I got a really bad vibe. I asked a few people if they had seen Cody everyone said no, where the hell did he go, I asked James and he said I think he is in there. So, I walk in the room and open the door slowly and see that he is talking on the phone. I stand there for a little bit just staring at him, he didn’t hear me walk in. Suddenly he turns around and sees me and hangs the phone up quickly, I said who was you talking to? He stuttered and said oh I was trying get ahold of my aunt, but I guess she isn’t home. I said oh it sounded like you were talking to someone. He said no, no one answered. Hum well guess I’m hearing things. You know he had the balls to say, guess so! So, I sat down beside him, and I started kissing him, I said Well if he wants s*x then maybe I’ll f**k him, and he will stop cheating on me. For the first time he pushes me away, I said what, what is wrong? He just sat there quiet. We were both sitting at the edge of the bed when I blurted out, just tell me! What seemed like hours was only minutes passed, but finally he said I been cheating on you. I looked at him and said I know. All I want to know is why? Why would you do this to me, why tell me all your bullshit lies of loving me and s**t, when in the end, you cheat on me with a w***e. I don’t know what your idea of love is, but my idea of love is not that! He sat there quiet. You not have anything to say? I do love you, I just laughed, I said no you don’t, if that is your type of love then I don’t want your love, because your love hurts, and tears me down to nothing. I don’t know why I do this, I get scared and push people away, it’s easier this way, then letting people in and then them tearing you down. So, in return you do that to other people. What am I supposed to say thanks? You know what you are the first guy that I have ever felt this much for, I will always believe that you are my soul mate, the person that I am supposed to be with, but until you see that, there is no hope for us, ever! I stand up and begin to walk out the room. Wait don’t leave like this. What else is there to say? Cody walks over to where I am standing, I don’t know what to say, but I don’t want to lose you. You don’t know what you want, I turn around to walk out the door, Cody grabs my arm, turning me towards him, and passionately kisses me like he has never kissed me before. He stops and says I’m sorry I never meant to hurt you, and I truly do Love you with all my heart! Tears run down my face, and I run out of the room. Brooke sees me and follows me. She knocks on the door, and I yell I just want to be by myself for a little bit. She says okay I’m here if you need me. I just sat in that room and cried. Wondering if I ever will truly find someone that I love so deeply for as I do Cody Hunter Thompson…………