He's all that
875 Words
Song for this chapter:
Stone Cold-Demi Lovato
CHAPTER 66
CORINNE
When I went home, the home suddenly felt uncomfortable.
The cozy feeling, I have felt the first day I stepped my foot inside this home, is replaced by pain and nothingness.
I still love him, I do.
And I know that whatever I do, I hurt him. In many ways I couldn’t even realize.
He’s in pain, the way he cries and bent all his anger on the Angry God tells it all. I can also see that he loves me, he loves me in his way. Even though I still didn’t know what’s holding him back, what’s caring him? What are he afraid of?
Above all the people I know in this world, Blaze is the only I know whose strong enough and had the courage to do whatever he wants, even if the whole clan of Cosa Nostra is bared on his shoulder, he will do whatever he wants when he wants it.
He doesn’t get scared easily, not just to anyone.
He was even the one who took me under his wing when Diesel couldn’t even do that for me.
He helps me thousand times before, and by marrying me he’s still helping me.
I love him.
That’s the easiest and simplest form of word I can ever tell him.
I didn’t know how or when it starts, but I just look at his eyes all I can see is safety, calm and contentment.
He showed me all that.
He’s a man in every word I mutter since then, the man of every colors I see, the man of every song I sing. He’s all that.
But honestly, how can I make him believe that what I feel is true? That I didn’t just love him because it is convenient for me?
How can I make him believe if he himself doesn’t want to believe the truth either?
I get it, he’s mad or angry at me for not telling him about Diesel’s betrayal.
How am I supposed to say something like that? When I knew that the Mayhem’s are ruthless and cold, they can even kill Diesel, they’re own flesh and blood when they found out about what he did.
I can’t afford to have my best friend’s life depends on me.
The house is dark and quiet, I am too exhausted even if it's just a quick shower. I don't know if Blaze will come home after what happened, I don't know what will happen to us next. Everything is a blur. If back then there was no concrete certainty of what we really are, it has become even more blurred now.
There’s not even a line anymore.
I dialed Diesel’s number and he instantly answered in one ring.
“Hey, you okay?” He asks on the other line.
I smiled, nothing will change between me and Diesel, he’s my best friend. When I don’t have anyone else, he’s there. “I am. Die, did Blaze talked to you after the event?”
“No, why? What happened?”
I sigh and cry, trying not to make any sounds. “Die, he figured out about you and Marcus—”
I heard him took a deep breath on the other line. “Is that so? Is that why he’s mad because you didn’t tell him?”
“I guess so.” I sob. “Die, I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what they’re going to do with you. I can’t lose you, Die.”
He chuckles, but I know him better than that, he’s nervous too. “You silly little thing. Nothing will ever happen to me, I won’t go anywhere.”
“Promise me, Die. Please promise that you will try your best to talk Blaze about it, explain yourself to him. Made him believe that it wasn’t your intention now. please, Die.”
“C—”
“Yeah?”
“I want you to calm down, take a rest and sleep. We’ll talk tomorrow. Are you home already?”
I nod even though he can’t see me. “Yeah. Just got home.”
He sighs “Take a rest.”
I sob “I am afraid to even shut my eyes off, Die. What if I—” I can’t even finish what I am going to say. “—what if I wake up and you’re not there anymore.”
“C, I just told you, I won’t go anywhere. I’ll talk to him and Uncle Havoc tonight, I’ll set up a meeting.”
“What if you just run away with Carina? Run away as possible.”
“That wouldn’t help, C. Sleep. I will be fine.”
“Promise me, Die?” I wipe my tears, slowly calming down.
“I promise.”
“I love you, Die.” I sob, “I love you and you are my best friend.”
“I love you too, C. Nothing will change about that.”
I smile and hang up the phone. I start feeling alone in the dark again.
That night, I didn’t get Die’s advice by heart, because I fell asleep with the bottle of scotch on my hand.
- Writer
