Thorns of Roses

Never be the Same

Song for this Chapter:

That’s Why You Go Away-Michael Learns to Rock

CHAPTER 91

BLAZE

She’s really gone.

For five years, I have waited for her to show up outside my doorstep and smile at me like she used to everyday.

For five years, I have been waiting for her call so desperately, wanting to hear her sweet voice once again.

For five years, I have been loving her knowing that in reality there’s really nothing I can do anymore.

This heart and soul were useless.

She gave me my soul back when we were just a little kid, not knowing what love really is. Too innocent to feel something.

She gave me a beat to my heart when I saw her again when we were fourteen, never imagined that the kid I used to feel comfortable with the first time, is the woman I ever loved.

I know that my regrets now have no basis and nothing more can be done. I was a coward. I was really scared, not for me, but for her to leave her forever five years ago. I have a lot of regrets that I am paying now, that she is gone. I hope she can see how much I'm struggling and hurting right now. I hope all the pain I feel now will be enough for her to have peace wherever she is now. I hope she can forgive me.

For several years, I did nothing but fulfill my responsibility in Cosa Nostra properly and well as I promised Dad. But what I'm working on now, I'm also doing to become a powerful person in the whole world and pay those who have to pay for the sins they did not to me but to my wife. So much has happened in five years that I know if she is alive, she will be proud and happy for me. But there was just one detail that slipped through my refined plans.

whatever is unexpected or whoever I didn't expect to ruin my plans then, he is still haunting me to this day.

Hannah Evans got pregnant with my child.

My son.

My flesh and blood.

I know I should be ecstatic and jumping in happiness, but honestly, I am not.

I don’t even want to feel this way with my own son, but I just can’t.

Knowing that Corinne and my child with her is no longer here with me, and now, I feel like I don’t have the right to be happy about anything right now.

It was so unfair for her.

But, I took Hannah and our child in one roof with me.

I know others will think that I'm not worth being married to Corinne to be with a woman again just months after her death.

But I have to. This is the least I can do for my child.

If I can’t promise him m whole heart and life, I promise him a good life. A best life to be precise. And even though I made it clear to Hannah that I don’t have anything to do with her anymore, I should take care of the mother of my child.

It is what it is.

Dad told me several times about the trauma I was giving Von. About me drinking a lot before going home where I pretended his mother and I were fine, until the time came when he was at the right age to understand the things, he couldn't understand yet. I don't want to be like this, honestly. But I can't go home to a house where someone else will greet me and not Corinne. I can't stomach it. That's why I drink alcohol until I'm too drunk and there's nothing else I can do when I get home but sleep.

And even in my sleep, I still see her and her only. The reason why every morning I cry before getting out of bed. Hannah saw and heard everything. I didn't plan to hide from her that I still love Corinne. I can see the tiredness and pain in her eyes. I'm not numb to not feel that. But I always give her a choice when it comes to our set up, and she always choose to stay with me.

I know Hannah wasn’t a good person, but I can see that she’s a good mother to Von. And I appreciate that.

She loves him just as much.

It's another night that I came home drunk tonight, and as soon as I opened the door, I saw Hannah standing near the door with fury in her eyes and her arms crossed as if she was really waiting for me to come home.

“You forgot what day it is.” She starts.

I stumbled inside and sat down on the couch “What do you mean?” too drowsy to talk.

“Today is Von’s recital in daycare.”

My head snap up to her and she’s trying hard not to cry but can’t do it as tears starts to roll on her eyes. “Fuck.” I mutter.

“He f*****g waited for you, Blaze.”

“I know, s**t!” I stood up but hold her arms for support. I can’t even stand straight. “I’m sorry.”

"Tell that to your son, not me." She was about to leave but suddenly I got hot from the tone of her voice which I didn't like, I pulled her close to me while holding her arm tightly.

“What the f**k did you just said?”

Her lips quivering “How long will you do this to me and your son? How long are you going to make us suffer because of the long-dead girl you're crazy about!"

I slapped her real hard, I can say that I didn’t mean to. But she has no right to roll on her lips Corinne’s name. not now, not ever.

"And who is to blame for why Corinne died? Huh? Answer me, who is responsible for why the girl I love died? Aren't you one of those people? You also have Corinne's blood on your palm of your hands. So, you have no f*****g right mentioning her name behind me or even right in front of me. You have no f*****g right."

“Better keep your f*****g mouth shut if you don’t want your son sees you too drunk and even laid your hand in his mother.” She smirks, she still has this evil inside her after all these years.

And she always has the f*****g collar on my neck just like before. She always has something in me.

I shove her away from me and starts walking on my Son’s bedroom, keeping quiet as I opened his bedroom door.

I look at him sleeping sound and peaceful but he fallen asleep disappointed with me once again.

How did my Father raised me with so much affection and attention after he had lost my Mom? I have no f*****g clue. Because right now, I just wanted to be with Corinne.