Thorns of Roses

Sometimes crying is fine

Song for this Chapter:

Lose you to Love Me-Selena Gomez

CHAPTER 27

CORINNE

I didn’t hear anything from Blaze since he left me home yesterday, but I heard everything from Diesel. He wanted to talk to me, I think he owe me this, and I owe him that.

For a whole day, I think hard from what I needed to do. Obviously, I need to do what I’ve been told to do, the same way I did something I was told to do for five years now.

Why am I still surprised by what happens in my life? For years that I lived with Marcus Lewis every day is a bucket full of surprises. I should be used to it, but hearing and seeing him that he doesn't really look at me as his own child is painful to me, so much pain that I thought I might die. But in my mind, maybe that's better, given the number of things he does to me, maybe it's better that he doesn't see me as his own daughter. Better we thought of each other as strangers. In that way, maybe somehow the pain and anguish of the past years that happened to me at the hands of Marcus Lewis will be alleviated.

I was caught in the dead end, Marcus and blaze made sure of it.

I don’t think I ever have a choice.

No matter how much I loved Diesel, he will suffer because of me. and all of the people surrounding us will suffer too just because of my own selfishness.

Wednesday came, and no matter I don’t want to go to school today, I know I need to. I don’t want to be left behind my class and have a hard time catching up with some lessons.

I went in early because Diesel and I were going to talk today. I don't want to go in with Carina and see that I'm going to meet her fiancé.

I don't know if Diesel and I will ever go back to the way we used to be, our old friendship where we didn't think about anyone else but just the two of us. Now, every action and word I say I have to be careful because I don't know if I will hurt my sister with what I do.

Given that she already knew that Diesel and I were in love with each other. I think it’s enough for her to be hurt. And I don’t want to add a salt in an opened wound anymore.

Diesel chose to meet me on our favorite local diner near the campus, and when I arrived, he’s already there sitting on the far end corner where we used to sit waiting for me.

The scenes are almost making me cry. Oh, how I am going to miss him even if I know he wasn’t going anywhere but we both know that this change will be bigger than us, bigger than all our fears.

I approached him, trying to be as casual as possible. “Hey.”

He stood up and hugs me tight “Hi.” He cupped my face with a tenderness on his face.

I sat down in front of him, even if we try to hide it, we both feel that there is something shifting. And it wasn't in our best control to stop it.

“You should run away.” He starts.

“What?”

I didn’t expect for him to be blunt like this, but I guess he also feels the same way I am right now. like the whole ocean is drowning you alive and you can’t even swim up because the ocean floor is swallowing you whole.

“You know what Blaze is capable of. You can’t marry someone like him.” He holds my hand, and I look at our intertwined hands, we’ve been doing this for years of our friendship, but why do I feel so uncomfortable right now?

“Die, you know I don’t have a say in this. It’s my mother—”

"Run away. Hide where they will never find you. I will take care of your Mother and her hospital expenses. Trust me, C." He looks and sounds desperate.

I smile sadly, he knows it is impossible for me to hide, especially right now I had the eyes of the Cosa Nostra and the most powerful politician in USA today. “Die, I can’t—”

“Just wait for me. I will come for you, I will run away with you. You just have to hide first and I want you to patiently wait for me.”

Did I hear him right?

"What do you intend to do to me, Die? Make me a mistress and I will fight my own sister and I know it will hurt her in the process, Die?" I asked him, I can't believe that he even thought of that as an option. No, no matter how much I love him, I will never be anyone's mistress, especially to my Sister’s fiancé.

He took a long-exhausted sigh “I didn’t mean it. Corinne, I love you—” He looks sad and helpless, it’s as if he’s mirroring the same way I feel right now. “—and right now, we don’t have any choice left.”

He is right. I saw this coming. And I’ve been thinking about this for a whole night. No matter how much I think of a way or any other option, it always brings me back to square one. And when I got tired of trying to think of a solution, I realized that maybe I can't think of a way because there really isn't an option to choose from.

I sigh and remove my hands from his, I saw the painful sting on his eyes, because I know he already know what I am going to do.

“C—”

I smiled at him sadly and did my best not to cry in front of him anymore and made it hard even more for the both of us.

“I don’t want you to hurt my Sister, Die. I know you know how much I love her more than my life itself.” I swallowed the building rock that inside my throat. “Forget about me, Die. Just like how you turned a blind eye for what I am feeling for you in years.”

I stood up, because I don’t know, I think I might cry in front of him again. He stops me and holds my hand gently. “What are you planning to do, Corinne?”

“The best way for me to get through this is just marry him, Die. That’s was all the option says.”

I walk away from him with tears on my face, my heart shattering and my life miserable.

How I longed for his love in years, and when I finally have it. It wasn’t meant to be, we weren’t meant to be.

How I wished I didn’t figure out that he falls in love with me too, maybe it was going to be easy for the both of us.

My heart dies for the same person today; One, I died because I have to say goodbye for the love he’s offering. Two, I said goodbye to my best friend and to our memories that will be never be forgotten but needs to be forgotten.

I don't know what hurts more than what is happening to me now; Saying goodbye to the person you love or saying goodbye to your best friend.

One thing I know and I am sure is; I died today.

When I get in my locker, I didn’t see Diesel nor Carina. My visions were blurry and I feel kind of sick today that I just wanted to go home. But home is more miserable than here. Should I just skip class and hide on my studio?

a hand circled my body from my behind and I jumped in surprise “Got you.”

It’s Blaze.

I turn to face him, and he’s already looking at me “Your eyes are red. You’ve been crying, aren’t you?”

I put my hands on his chest as a barrier for him and me, his hands were still on my back and my waist, holding me possessively.

“I am tired today, Blaze. Not now.”

“I see you’ve met up with my cousin this morning.”

I stiffened “How did you know?”

He clicks his tongue “I had my ways.”

“Have you making me follow?”

He smirks, didn’t even hide his sick game. “Kind of.”

“Stop that, Blaze.”

He cupped my face gently “You don’t have a say nor an option when you date m, Corinne. That’s my rule.”

“We’re not dating—”

His smiles widen “I am sure we are.” He kissed me passionately, in front of the people inside the school halls and I know they’re as stunned and shocked as I am right now.

When he finished kissing me, he looks at me so closely “Mine, you see.”

“What are you doing?”

“In that way, no one would dare to touch you, Baby girl.” He bop my nose and walks away from me “See you at lunch.”

When I looked around, my suspicion was right, everyone is looking at me as if they’re looking at Blaze himself.

Should I be thankful to him? I supposed no more snarky comments from them anymore, no more bullying, I think?

Just when I thought that it is enough for Blaze to make a statement to everyone, I was wrong.

Lunch came, and we did our same normal routine with Hannah eating with me.

“Corinne, you’re hiding something from me.” She sounds disappointed.

I sigh, knowing exactly what she meant “Hannah, The Mayhem’s and my Father decides to marry me off to Blaze.”

Hannah gasped and cover her mouth in shock “What?”

“Just know that I don’t have a choice in this.”

“I know.” She nods her head “I know how merger works.”

I nod and try my best to eat my food, but I didn’t barely touch it.

“Does Diesel know about this?”

“He’s marrying Carina in three weeks.”

“Fuck.” He mutters. “That’s—”

“s**t, right?” I tried to smile to ease the tension.

Blaze sat down beside me and I have to look up at him “Blaze what are you doing?”

“I told you, see you at lunch, right?” and starts to eat his food, he looks at Hannah. “Hey—” He’s trying to remember Hannah’s name when I know he didn’t even know it.

“Ha—Hannah.” Hannah blushed in front of him, what was that about?

Blaze nods “Yeah, Hannah.”

If I didn't feel like eating earlier, I've lost my appetite even more now.

“Let’s hang out tonight.”

I looked at him, even when he’s sitting, he’s much taller than I am that I have to look up at him. It’s like I am David and he is Goliath.

“I can’t, I am going at the hospital.”

He nods “I love to go too, I’ll come with you.”

I scoffed in annoyance “No.” I stood up, trying to break free of his powerful and possessive aura, but before I can walk away, he holds my hands tightly, not like the way Die holds mine earlier.

He didn’t even look up at me, he just continues to eat his meal when he talked “Sit. Down.” It’s just a whisper but held too much anger.

I look at Hannah who is still sitting in front of him, I sighed and sat down beside this Angry God again.

“Very good.”

He looks at me again and smile as if he just didn’t threaten me, or did he?

“f*****g Angry god.”

“Is that what you’re calling me?”

I held his gaze.

“I like that.”

Fuck him. f**k him being a psycho. I can’t believe I have to marry this Ted Bundy like of a guy.

“So—” He finished his meal and look at me again while he’s wiping his mouth with a tissue. “Hang out with me tonight after the hospital visit.”

“Oh, how I loved to.” I told him sarcastically, and pretends to be a sweet girl in front of him. He just sat down smiling at me with a f*****g lust in his dark eyes. “But the thing is, I don’t know if my Father will say yes since I’ve been missing home for four days, remember?”

His smile grew even bigger. “He already gave you a permission, Miss.”

My fake smile falls and I roll my eyes at him when I see Diesel and Carina entering the cafeteria holding hands.

Hannah choked on her food when she sees it too. talks about being awkward, right?

Blaze follow the line of my sight “Look at me when I am in front of you, not anyone else.”

And I did.

For the first time I am thankful that he gave that order, because I don’t know what I will do seeing my sister smiling sad at me while holding the hands of the love of my life.

“I’m going to go.” Hannah stood up, can’t even take the awkwardness and tension anymore. and I let her.

“I will pick you up at the hospital tonight. Next time, I want to come with you to see Anne.”

I swallowed hard and starts eating the food in front of me so fast just to ignore the lump on my throat.

I start to cry silently, and I wished no one will see me, even Die.

“No one can see you, be thankful in my huge body covering you.” Blaze says.

I looked at his body, and he is right. He’s covering me too much and no one will see me.

“The next time you cry because of another man in front of me, I will f**k you hard and dry in front of everyone.”

I nod and stifles “Okay—we’ll do that.”

I heard him chuckle low and starts to eat my fries too, casually.

I don’t understand him at all, I don’t think I ever will.

But I wanted to say thanks to him for letting me cry that I’ve been trying to stop for a whole day now.