Thorns of Roses

Life

Song for this Chapter:

Every time-Britney Spears

CHAPTER 84

CORINNE

When I thought that there would be no tragedy left to happen in my life after this, it was a big mistake for me to expect that there is a light at the end waiting for my life. Because the truth is, there isn't. Sometimes I thought, maybe I lived in this world to be miserable. I can even count on my fingers the days and times when I was happy. But I can hardly count the tears and sorrow I had in this lifetime. Is this really how life should be?

I know you will tell me; "Be strong and it's not too late." or "Be strong in your heart because you are not yet in the middle of the life that God has given you." But I have to be honest to all of you, even if you say a word, I won't listen to anything especially if you haven't experienced the pains I suffered. I have to be honest, I can't be strong and pretend that I can handle all the challenges that are thrown at me, because honestly, I'm really tired.

I don’t know if I can still endure living like this. Living like a punching bag, like a f*****g trash can. When all I wanted to do is be happy. Not rich, not have everything in this world can offer. I just wanted one thing. And that is to be happy.

Is it too difficult to give that to me?

Am I not deserving of that so-called happiness?

I must’ve done something so horrible and awful in my past life so that God will be punished me right now.

Five days,

I have been in this white walls, beige ceiling, white curtains and void hospital room for five days, and there’s no Axel Matthew Mayhem.

He didn’t show up. It is like he erased me in his life in just one snap, like I didn’t even exist. Like I am not his wife.

He didn't even listen to me, he didn't even give time for my story. It was that easy for him to end the two of us. Or maybe he has been waiting for this for a long time for the two of him and Hannah?

For five days, it has always been Diesel, Carina and Savannah.

My own family turn their backs on me, the Mayhem’s did too.

The media went wild just like a circus when the news about me and Blaze’s divorce broke out.

Although they gave me enough privacy when his team didn’t disclose the reason as to why we end our short bittersweet marriage, I was now the country’s laughingstock.

The fallen cinderella as they called me.

For five days, I don't know if my injuries or my stress included my frequent dizziness and vomiting to the point that I could barely eat. So, when my doctor noticed that, who was also provided by Havoc Mayhem, she immediately put me through various tests to find out the reason why I was sick.

Savannah was he one with me, keeping me company as I try to helped her in her sketch, that she was going to passed in fine arts. Savannah enrolled in Julliard’s too, but she decides that she will take fashion designing. And I couldn’t be much happier for her because it was her dream in the long run.

A knock broke our silence and Doctor Sterling invited herself in holding various types of papers as she walks towards me and smiled at me and Savannah.

“You feeling good?” She asks.

I nod “Yeah, kind of. If not in this nausea and my eagerness to vomit every time.”

She sighs and smile “Fortunately, I have the result for that.”

“That’s good.”

She opened the paper and starts talking in medical language that honestly, I couldn’t understand at all.

When she’s finishes, I ask her “Meaning?”

“Meaning, you are thirteen weeks, three days pregnant, Corinne.”

Her words make my world stop.

I couldn’t even move or speak as I felt Savannah’s hand rest on mine. I feel cold and clueless.

“Corinne? Are you okay?” Doctor Sterling ask me once again.

Thirteen weeks and three days, I had been r***d five days ago. Blaze and I having s*x frequently, meaning I am pregnant with Blaze’s child.

“He won’t believe me.” that’s the words I blurt out.

“I can talk to Havoc Mayhem if you want to.” Doctor Sterling offered.

I shake my head frantically “No, please no.” I held onto her hands like my life depends on it “He will take my child away from me.”

Doctor Sterling as if knowing that the Mayhems can do just that just bow her head in defeat and nod his head at me. “Okay.”

That time, I break down and cried. As they both making me comfortable, giving me the comfort, I needed.

“I can’t let them take my child away from me. this child is all I have.” I plead.

“I know, Corinne. I know. I will help you.”

That night, when I was a little bit exhausted and just tired, I thought of using the savings account that Havoc gave me to start far away from here in New York. Away from the eyes of the Mayhems. With my child. What I have in the savings account is enough to start a new life. Be able to buy a house and start my own business in a remote area. I need to be strong. I need it because my child will need me. The moment I found out that I was going to be a mother, I promised myself that I would never put my child through all the pain I had experienced. I didn't get the chance to have my second chance in life, but my child has. And I won't fail my child in any way possible. That’s the promise I am willing to keep forever.

I know this is sound selfish and full of rage. But Blaze didn’t give me the time to prove myself to him, right now, I removed all the rights he has for this child the moment he turn his back on me.

I didn’t know that you can love and be mad at someone at the same time.