Thorns of Roses

Clowns

Song for this Chapter:

Circus-Britney Spears

CHAPTER 34

CORINNE

I can't face Carina anymore, nor can I stomach breathing in the same place where she is. If this is how a guilty person feels, well I am guilty. My sister is in love with the same man I am in love with. And what's worse is that she fell in love with Diesel first. I don't know if I should tell Diesel what I found out. Our situation now, it's not just me. But for all of us, as time goes on, the knife deepens in each other's open wound. The more we pull, the more it will bleed out.

The more it became so messy, that I wouldn’t thought of getting out clean and white.

You can’t get out of this situation unscathed and still pure as you are.

You’ll be as messy and chaotic just like everyone else in this shithole we’re in.

One thing I know if ever you can get out in here, you will never be the same again as you are before.

The situation, the place, the people. They will eat you alive, they will savor you soul. Until you will leave nothing but broken hearts and tainted souls.

I am preparing for my first class since Diesel is already on his football practice this morning. When Savannah, my classmate from art approached me.

“Hey, Corinne.”

“Hey.” I removed my earphones from my ear and gave her my full attention.

“I just wanted to say thank you again for yesterday, with no offense and no malice at all, Blaze Mayhem is the most perfect prospect I ever drew.” She seems genuine, she’s not like the others. She has this same aura just like Gian is when she’s alive.

She’s timid, not in a bad way, she’s shy but she’s beautiful with her raven dark hair.

“Yeah,” I nod, remembering Blaze from last night, how he’s so mad and soaking wet. And in pain. “You’re welcome.”

“Can we be friends? I mean if that’s okay with you, I know you noticed that I don’t have anyone here in Campus—”

I squeezed her arms, I needed a friend right now too. I smiled “Hey, that would be lovely having you.”

She smiled and suddenly she looks behind me and her mouth gaped open “I—I don’t think you should see this.”

Curiosity gets the best of me again “See what?” I turn around to see Blaze Mayhem walking on the stretch of the school hallway with Hannah, I mean my friend Hannah Evans holding each other’s hand, parading each other not giving a f**k to everyone whose looking at the two of them right now.

What the f**k?

I didn’t mean for my gaze to linger to the both of them as they walk, but I am curious and shocked as hell as to what is happening right now? did something happen last night after I let Hannah follow Blaze?

Hannah looks at me and even roll her eyes at me then continue to walk with Blaze, while Blaze didn’t even pay me no attention, not that I am complaining.

When both of them is nowhere in sight, all eyes were on mine. They’re all held gazes that’s curious and shocked as I am.

Now, I look like a fool. Am I?

“I—I thought you’re dating him?” Savannah asked me.

I looked at her and try to breath “I thought so too—” Now, I am not even sure what to tell people as Blaze decides to leave me hanging, or am I the one who leaves him hanging from last night?

Fuck.

Savannah and I get on with our day, and I am glad I have her now. it’s like I have Gian back in my most desperate day.

Diesel picked me up from my last class till break time, I tried to shrug the off feeling since this morning because I am now living my dream.

I am with the one I love. And having Diesel as my boyfriend right now felt surreal, it’s like I am still dreaming.

I don’t know why I explained things that’s happening to me with Savannah, but I think she’s genuine and I can trust her with all of this s**t that’s happening to me. and I think, I owe her that in order for my new friend not to have a whiplash.

Diesel holds my hands when we entered the cafeteria, by now there’s no one exactly know that my sister and Diesel were engaged. It’s not like they gone PDA right after our intimate dinner with our family. They stay neutral and casual except having lunch together since the announcement, which I know will not generate speculation that he and Carina will get married.

And I know that people are used to how Diesel and I treat each other even in public. So, I know that no one will doubt. Except for the bruises on Diesel's face that he got last night. But knowing him, I know that others will think that Diesel just got into a fight since Diesel really likes to fight. But the odds are that Blaze also has a bruise, which I know people will speculate about. Adding to that is the appearance of Blaze with my friend Hannah this morning.

Now, I am not stupid. I know what people talks about. That Blaze had enough of me and chose to jump into relationship with my friend who betray me and Diesel stepped in to confront Blaze’s cheating that explains the bruises of the two.

Now, people will look at me like I am a sad hopeless romantic person.

Blaze made me look like a f*****g fool.

You know, normally, I wouldn’t mind. I let him go on with his life. But there’s this bubbling madness inside me that I wanted him to also looked like a f*****g fool. Give him some taste of his own medicine.

I can easily kiss Diesel right here, right now for everyone to see.

But I wouldn’t do that since Carina will be affected through my actions.

As soon as we stepped in, Blaze graced us with a look then down with Diesel and I’s intertwined hands, okay I should make him a fool a little bit. I lean even more closer to Diesel as if we are having a good time. But I am. With Diesel and Savannah.

He smirks and cupped Hannah’s face then kissed her the way he kissed me all those times.

Fuck him.

I remove my gaze from them, as the three of us took our seat and we all eats as Diesel making me feed him like a baby that made me laugh.

“You two looks perfect together.” Savannah said.

“Really? Now, I like you as my Corinne’s friend.”

That made Savannah and I laughed.

I looked at Blaze and Hannah once again even if I don’t want to.

Diesel looks at what I am looking at too. “Hey,” He holds my hands, squeezing it tight “What’s the problem?”

“I am worried about Hannah, knowing what he can do.”

Is that it? Am I just really worried about her? But why do I seem a wanted to grab her hair for betraying me?

Diesel sighs and smile “Don’t mind them. Hannah already knew what happened and yet she still chose to get herself involved. She made her choice, baby.” Baby, that’s what Blaze used to call me when we’re f**k—

Fuck, I should stop. I needed to stop. Diesel is here with me. and we’re about to start our long-awaited journey.

I nod and smiles, Diesel leans closer to me as I put my head on his shoulder, Calm.

That’s what I am feeling right now.

Diesel put a kiss on my forehead and I really appreciate the gesture, then I start feeling that someone is watching us, I looked at Blaze, and he’s occupied with Hannah’s tongue shoving inside his lips. Then I found my sister, with pain in her eyes as she saw me and Diesel.

And I removed my head from Diesel’s shoulder like the feeling that we got caught doing something we shouldn’t do.

Is this what Carina meant? That I will never have Diesel all for myself?