Thorns of Roses

Occupied

Song for this Chapter:

Traitor-Olivia Rodrigo

CHAPTER 21

CORINNE

What is the most difficult thing when it comes to love?

Is it hard to love and the person you love doesn't know how you feel about them?

Or it is more difficult that you love someone and they are fully aware of what you feel for them but chose not to do anything about it?

For me, no matter what the situation is, as long as you know how to love, it's difficult and painful every single time you know how to love.

There is nothing more or nothing more because everyone who knows how to love has their own pain that they’re trying to hide. A different kind of love, a different kind of pain each of everyone.

I had love Diesel for years that I don't know what else to do besides love him. Secretly or not, I did nothing but love him. So, how can I get up in the morning and face life knowing that what I feel for him should be vanished, shoved down to the ground of the earth and forget everything I feel for him because now, he was going to marry someone else?

What's worse is that he will marry my own sister.

What am I against? The question is will there ever be a fair fight? Because I know in myself that it's over, it's over. Because no matter how much I love Diesel, it cannot be compared for me being Carina’s sister. Because even before I fell in love with Diesel, first I became a sister.

It’s over before I even begun.

Blaze told me that Diesel knows what I feel for him, so I guess he already chose the path he wanted to take on.

I never felt that Diesel loved me as much as I loved him. It means that he just sees me as his best friend while he looks at my sister with adoration that I asked for so long and waited for him to look at me the same way.

I was in the arms of someone who I never thought would be by my side and who would provide the comfort and distraction I needed last night. The rain is still pouring hard outside, but I can see the light of the sky on my ceiling. Blaze's arms were wrapped around me and I let him. I needed someone. He offered me something that was very hard to refuse. If Diesel and Carina know my true feelings for Diesel, the least I can do is to save my pride while I smile and clap in front of them as they announce their upcoming wedding. Also, this is the least I can do to save each of us from the awkwardness of my love for Diesel that I now know will never be reciprocated.

Not now. Not ever.

How can you unloved someone you love?

Maybe you can’t, even if you tried. Maybe you'll just get used to it and your heart won't love them like the love you gave them before?

Maybe if I see him with my sister more often, reality will slap me hard that we can’t be together.

This is the end of the line. There’s no hope for Diesel and me.

Last night, when Blaze f****d me hard, he let me cry on his arms after that.

And I do appreciate him for that.

He’s calms and at peace last night before I fall asleep. And I don’t know what happened next.

I know my Father will scold me because I didn't come home last night, but now, I am too exhausted to make excuses to him. I just want this day to get over with.

I slowly stood up from the couch and took my clothes and put them on one by one. I fished my phone out of my bag and opened it, because I shut this off last night, but surprisingly I didn't receive any voice mails or texts from my father. It pained me so hard when I saw Diesel's many calls yesterday and I read his texts one by one that he was worried about me. I sob quietly, and wipe my tears right away. I don't want Blaze to see me cry again and look miserable again.

He won’t feel sorry for me.

Actually, he doesn’t need to be sorry for me because what we have is just friendship that he offered me when I have no one.

We’re nothing just friends.

Maybe right now, he sees me as a pitiful clingy woman who can’t let go of him even if he already drew the line between us.

It’s all my fault after all, I crossed the line. I expected too much. I fall in love hard.

It’s all my fault.

I need to correct everything as much as possible.

“Thinking about my offer?”

Blaze’s voice makes me jump from behind.

I spun around to find him already sitting on my couch naked and taking a drag of smoke.

He looks gorgeous and sexy as hell.

“Yeah, how long have you been awake?"

“Enough to see you cry again.”

I chuckle “We need to go. Dad might be mad at me again for staying out all night.” I told him, ignoring his remarks.

“I already called him last night, I told him you are with me.”

“What?”

“Do I have to repeat everything I will say in front of you?” Another drags of cigarette.

“Thanks, I guess.”

“I won’t get a thank you as a payment.” He stood up and start dressing.

“Then how much?”

“I didn’t meant money, Silly. I am much richer than you.” He scoffed.

“Then what?”

“Kiss me.”

The look on his face is serious that I flinch. He made me does this every time. He always getting me off guard.

And I hate it.

When I didn’t move or answer him, he talks “Let’s get breakfast, I’m starving.” He put on his white shirt and leave the studio without looking back.

I didn’t understand him at all, he has this infuriating look on my eyes every time he’s looking at me that I can’t quite pin point. He’s acting like he likes me or interested in me but I know that a devil like him can’t do that.

Is he a f*****g psycho?

Does he have this desire to have s*x and kill the woman he set his eyes on?

I don’t know.

Is this how he lures Gian to his tactics? Making her like a likeable person then when she’s already vulnerable and caught feeling he killed her?

I don’t know what his deal with, but one thing I know is he is keeping me occupied.

He keeps me from thinking of the pain by loving Diesel.

And he’s someone I might need.