Forbidden Desires: the step brother who ruined me

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Chapter 13

Rubben

She left. I said it was right........ blazing hell it wasn't.

She walked out without saying a word. I stood at the door. I didn't move, didn't say a word. I badly wanted to. But this was best. The distance. The drift. It was best.

Lies....all lies

*10:14 PM*

I shove my hands in my pockets. They’re shaking. If she sees, she’ll stop. If she stops, I’ll drop to my knees.

Good men let them go. Good men keep them safe.

I’m not good.

But i will try for her.

She reaches the gate, didn't turn that sound broke something in my chest

Her gray shirt is in my hands. I don’t remember grabbing it. It was on the bed. Now it’s crushed in my fist.

I bring it to my face. Breathe.

Soap rain, The way the sky smells right before it falls apart.

This is best, I tell myself. Harlan won’t chase her if she’s not mine.

Best for her.

For me? It’s like someone took a rusty knife to my ribs.

........

Mara finds me, she took a step closer, she's still in My shirt, it hangs off her , her legs were bare

“You look dead,” she says.

she sat close , so close her perfume hits me , suger , cheap and loud ..

It’s not Lia.

Lia doesn’t wear anything. She just smells like skin. Like clean. Like something I don’t deserve.

“Good she’s gone,” Mara says. “She made you soft and weak

“Say her name again,” I said , “I’ll put you through that wall.”

Mara looks at me like I’m a safe. Like I’m Carter.

But she’s warm. She’s here.

And I’m so cold I can’t feel my face.

Empty is a sound. It’s screaming in my ears.

I need it to stop.

“You want me,” I say. Not a question.

Mara’s tongue touches her bottom lip. “Always have, Rubben.”

She wants the name. The money. The power.

I don’t care.

“Fine.” I stood My head swims. “No talking. No names. No lies.”

Mara stands too. She steps into me. Her chest hits mine. Her fingers hook my belt. “Anything you want.”

.....

Mara pushes me back. My legs hit the bed.

Her hands go to my jaw. Nails. Cold.

And for one second, I break.

I see Lia.

Not naked. I’ve never seen her.

Not under me. I don’t know how she’d feel.

She looked up. Green eyes, big , scared

Like she knew I’d ruin her.

Like she’d open the door and let me.

My chest splits open.

No.

I grab Mara’s wrists. Hard. Shove the picture down. Bury it.

I don’t want to feel. I want to kill this feelings.

So I kiss her.

not the soft or slow kind , hard, teeth tongue anger

She tastes like wine. Bitter. Old.

I didn't stop

I need the noise. The fire. Anything......

Mara gasps into my mouth. She likes it. Her hands rip my shirt up. Nails scrape my stomach.

I broke the kiss, Grab her shirt and tore it

Buttons hit the floor, her skin hot and pale

She’s on me. Mouth on my neck, claiming.

I close my eyes. .......... mistake

I growled and flipped, now Mara's under me, her leg locks around my waist.

I growl. Flip us.

Now Mara’s under me.

Mara’s hand goes flat to my chest. Right over the scar. The one I got from Marriott Belt buckle. Ten years old.

I catch her wrist. Squeeze till her eyes water. “Don’t.”

“Why?” She’s panting. Hips moving under me. “She left you, Rubben. I’m right here. I’m real.”

She’s right.

Lia is gone.

She’s at someone else's arms . Right now.

Is he sitting close? Is his hand on her knee? Is he telling her she’s safe?

Jealousy is a beast. It claws up my throat. It’s in my teeth.

I stop thinking.

I don’t want Lia in my head while I’m inside someone else.

So I move.

hard , deep and fast

The headboard hits the wall. Again. Again.

No love. No want.

Just hate. Hate for the empty. Hate for me.

The bed is loud. We’re loud.

Mara likes it. Her nails dig into my back. Cut me. “Yes. Like that. God.”

She says my name. Over and over.

_Rubben. Rubben. Rubben._

It sounds wrong.

It sounds like a stranger.

Because every time she says it, I hear Ruben in my head.

Soft. Quiet. The way Lia would say it.

If she ever touched me.

I go harder. Like I can pound the thought out.

Like I can f**k Lia out of my head.

I can’t.

She’s there. Behind my eyes.

At the table. Scared.

_Don’t hurt me,_ she didn’t say.

But I am.

Right now.

Sweat runs down my back. Mara’s legs shook

She’s close. I know. I feel it.

I don’t care.

This isn’t for her.

This is for me. This is to kill the Quiet

she says my name. Digs her heels into me.

I don’t stop.

I keep going. Through it. Past it.

Until it hurts.

Until I hurt.

*1:40 AM*

Mara is under me. Smiling. Touching my face. Sweat on her skin. “God, I missed this. I missed you.”

I didn’t miss this.

I got up and went to the bathroom, door locked

Mara is in my sheets. My bed.

She’s on her stomach. Looking at me. Lazy. Happy. “Come back to bed, baby.”

Baby.

“Get out.”

Her smile cracks. “What?”

“i said get out"

She sits up. The sheet falls to her waist. She didn't care. “You can’t be serious.”

“I used you.” I met her eyes. Mine are dead. “You used me. We’re done.”

Her face goes red. Then white. “You bastard”

“Leave.” I took a step. “leave don't make this worse.

She moves fast. Grabbing clothes. Hands shaking so bad she drops her shoe.

At the door she turns. Eyes wet. Full of hate. “She won’t come back. Not after this. Good girls don’t forgive men like you.”

“Out.”

The door slams.

The house goes quiet.

It’s worse than her screaming.

I sink to the floor. Back to the bed. Head in my hands.

I’m not dirty because of Mara.

I’m dirty because I wanted it.

For one hour, the noise stopped.

For one hour, I didn’t think of Lia.

Now she’s back.

And she’s louder than before.

And I hate myself.