Chapter 1-1
2371 Words
Chapter 1
Ashley
Heaven and hell.
Pleasure and pain.
Here I am, moaning and writhing on a twin bed in my college dorm room, trapped between two worlds by my boyfriend’s thick, broad tongue. It keeps pulling me in two directions, caressing my throat, licking my n*****s and making its way to the juncture between my thighs. My body arches a little when he licks my c**t, and a soft moan escapes from my mouth. I reach down to grip his hair, rocking my hips a little. It feels so frickin’ good...
There’s a sudden voice in my head, one that doesn’t belong to me. A voice from my past. It rings out a warning that makes me instantly stiffen on the bed. Dominic pauses and lifts his head, giving me a stern frown.
“Relax.”
“I am relaxed.”
He gently sighs and raises himself to me. “I know it’s your first time, Ashley. I promised to be gentle, remember?”
“Yes, I remember.”
“Good.” His lips capture mine for a deep kiss that trap pockets of hot air in my chest. A searing thirst strikes me as heat flows through my body in never-ending waves. For a few moments, I can’t move or think, but I’m not complaining. The earlier tension is already forgotten. My p***y clenches when his teeth press into my bottom lip with a sensual bite.
My dorm bed creaks beneath me as we tangle in the cheap comforter I’d bought during my college freshman year. This isn’t the ideal place for my first time. I would have preferred Dominic’s apartment and his king-sized bed. But for some reason, he’s never taken me there. I haven’t really pushed the issue because our relationship’s still young. But after tonight, after I’ve given him this priceless part of me, I’m sure that will all change.
Dominic cups my breasts again and my body shudders when he takes my n****e in his mouth. He’s not being gentle this time around. His teeth nips the erect bud, and the sweet pain makes me want to grind my p***y against him until I burst into a million pieces. God, I want to come so frickin’ hard. I can’t wait to have him inside me, to shed this virgin burden. It’s been a long time coming.
As my hands grip his tank top to rip it off, my eyes roll over to the stack of books on my work desk. I should have been studying, but my roommate is out on a date and Dominic wanted to come over. I wasn’t going to turn him down. Not after holding out on him for so long. Not when I think he’s earned this precious piece of me. He’s been so patient, only settling for a kiss at the end of the night after our dates. Boys his age, they don’t do that. They run, especially after I tell them I want to take things slow.
Dominic ends the sweet-and-spicy torture on my breasts, moving downwards. I’m already missing the pleasureful sensation, but I can’t find the words to tell him I want more.
As his lips nibble the flesh below my navel, I hear the voice in my head once more. It’s my mom. I’d know that high-pitched voice anywhere. Even after all these years, she still affects me somehow.
“Stay away from boys. Boys only want one thing.”
It’s all I have left of her. Her messages. Her voice. Her genes.
Zapped by the sizzle of his lips moving downwards, I chase away those bubbles of memories floating in my head. No, Mom wasn’t always right, like all moms generally aren’t. Dominic isn’t like that. I’d followed the dating-101 for romantics rulebook. Got to know his friends, and friends of his friends. We had plenty of spontaneous dates throughout the first half of sophomore year, and he would always do the little sweet things for me: waiting for me after class, not getting handsy during study sessions, bringing me my favorite brand of coffee, et cetera. ‘The perfect boyfriend’ mug that sits on his desk? I had a mini freak out when I gifted it to him after our first month together. But he has proven, repeatedly, that I made the right choice then. Not to mention, while he never makes a show of it, he is incredibly bright, gorgeous and brawny—a trifecta that makes him a target of many roving gazes. Yet, he stays loyal to me.
“You’re...” My fingers drift to the short strands of his dark hair. Dominic lifts his head as his eyes flicker open, the blue tone of his eyes growing a hint darker.
“You’re my boyfriend-dream come true,” I mutter under my breath with a smile; a smile that reflects my faith in how solid we are, a smile that tells him I know he’s the one I want to share my virginity with. Not going to lie, it’s been quite the circus, saving it all the way into my college years, denying each guy that entered my life. Those pump-n-dumpers didn’t deserve me, Dominic does.
“I am?” he asks with a cocky grin.
I roll my eyes a little. “As if you didn’t already know.”
“Mhm-Mhm. But...” He parts my thighs, his gaze locked with mine. “What I do know is, I’m about to make you come so hard. Trust me, you won’t be leaving this bed any time soon.”
He parts my flesh, sending the reply down my throat. His touch feels like fire. His tongue is gasoline. I’m engulfed in out-of-control flames as he creates a masterpiece on my c**t, moving in slow, deliberate circles at first, then flicking so hard my eyes fill with tears. I careen off the edge when he slips two fingers inside me while still assaulting my c**t, nipping, pulling, sucking, killing me softly.
If there’s someone in the dorm room next door, I’m absolutely sure they hear my moans. But I don’t care. There’s no way to contain the erotic bliss bubbling up inside me. I have to let it all out. My body bucks like a wild bull on the bed as Dominic drains every ounce of my orgasm with his mouth. Soon, he pulls back and allows me to recover. Taking deep breaths, I writhe on the bed, still basking in ecstasy. Through half-closed lids, I watch him pull off his jeans and boxers. His c**k bounces as he sets it free. Pulling up on my elbows, I brace myself for him.
“I’ve been looking forward to this,” Dominic says, his smile making me mentally swoon.
An excited laugh erupts from me. “Me too.”
He eases over me and parts my thighs with his knees. My heart rate starts speeding. I’m struggling to breathe right.
“Gosh.” I take a deep breath, preparing for the moment of my life. A moment that I’d spent many hours fantasizing about.
His broad palms wrap around my waist, pulling my entrance closer to his hungry erection. “God, Avery...”
“Wait...” The warmth of his touch suddenly feels ice cold to me, my heart dropping into the depths of my stomach. “Avery?”
No. I must have heard wrong. But when he drops his head onto his chest with a “f**k,” it confirms my ears are working just fine.
“Avery? Are you f*****g kidding me?”
Nuh-uh. Not the closest friend I have in college. Not the girl I drag to the bakeries with me, the one who forces me to go clubbing on the weekends. She is everything I’m not - trendy, leggy, and flashy. Stunning. My insecurity instantly chips in. So does the instant devastation. I push Dominic so hard he falls to the floor.
“Listen, Ash, it’s not what you think,” Dominic says, getting up with a remorseful expression. His c**k is still hard, bouncing before him. It disgusts me. He disgusts me.
“Really? Then what is it, Dominic? Why would you call Avery’s name when we are about to have s*x?”
“I don’t know, okay? I—”
“You’re sleeping with her, aren’t you?”
Had I been blind? Did I trust Dominic and Avery’s closeness too much? I was probably too relieved when they hit it off like two peas in a pod, which was a first, because Avery usually couldn’t stand the guys I dated. I presumed I was being the ‘cool girlfriend’ by being okay with them hanging without me. God, I’m such a frickin’ fool!
I gave him my soul and he crushed it, returning it to me in ruined pieces in the middle of our most intimate moment, one that originally meant a lot to me. Now it means s**t. There’s nothing but regret from letting him get this far with me.
“It was nothing, okay? Just a meaningless f**k. It’s not like you were putting out—”
“Get the f**k out of here!” I yell, throwing his shirt at him.
He catches it, then scrambles to pick up the rest of his clothes. No sooner does he storm out than I plunge headfirst into my pillow and stay in bed for the rest of the night, crying my lungs out. Our relationship had become a pillar of my life, and now that it’s shattered, it seems everything else is coming apart now. All for giving a boy my heart when he didn’t deserve it.
The next day confirms my worst fears when I confront Avery. Teary-eyed, she confesses her relationship with Dominic isn’t the meaningless f**k he claimed it to be. It never has been. Evidently, I’m the only girl in his circle he hadn’t slept with. There’s been Mel, my study partner in Econ. Chantelle, a girl whose sister’s ass I saved last month when I baked emergency cookies for her presentation at school. Plus many others. Many, many others.
Even worse, Avery reveals I was nothing but a challenge for Dominic. He would have left me after taking my virginity. I’m too heartbroken to acknowledge how lucky I am he’d called Avery’s name last night.
Sick to my stomach, I rush to the restroom to puke the rising bile. Knowing I never was his only girlfriend puts me on a new low. Knowing I was nothing beyond a potential notch on his bedpost, my virginity, a conquest, is the lowest of low blows.
As I glance up from the sullied toilet bowl, I fall back, exhausted. Angered. And very jaded. Darkness fills my mind, the sort of darkness that would not dim even after dawn. It sends me to that forgotten place where the worst thoughts dwell. I had been fooling myself to believe I could fit in, that I was good enough for a guy like Dominic. Good looking, sexy Dominic, the guy with the beautiful smile and the irresistible charm. Did I really think I deserved a guy like that?
Of course don’t. Girls like me, with barely above average looks, I don’t match up to the glamorous girls on campus, the ones who had been spreading their legs for him. I can’t believe I didn’t see through his pretense.
Poor, gullible Ashley. Weak. You’re weak. Didn’t I tell you to stay away from boys? Didn’t I tell you they can’t be trusted?
It’s like she’s sitting right beside me, whispering in my ear. Her thin, mocking smile is imprinted on my memory. Her words are much louder now, stronger, telling me I’m not good enough. And right now, I believe her.
I wish that I could be the magnanimous forgive-n-forget type, but I’m not. I will never forget what Dominic and Avery did to me. In fact, it’s the primary material I’m now using to create the armor around my heart. I will never give another man the chance to hurt me again.
Living on campus means none of my childhood friends are close enough to offer me a shoulder to cry on. And the ‘friends’ that are around, it seems, aren't invested enough to do so. Unfortunately, Dominic and I share the same friends - when sides are picked, he scores high on desirability and I’m left with no one.
I might be alone now, but I am not lonely, I tell myself. But that doesn’t mean it’s the truth. It definitely doesn’t stop the hurting.
What makes it worse is that in the days that follow, I become a running joke amongst these non-friends, some of those jokes started off by Dominic himself. They laugh at how naïve I was for thinking Dominic would have settled for a girl like me. When I look in the mirror, the new Ashley realizes they’re speaking the truth. I am naïve. It leaves me empty. Like a castaway doll, hollow inside and cheap on the outside.
Damn it. I never judged Mel for being the college slut or Avery for being too shallow. I used to be close to all my friends, hung out with them, helped them; so much of my college life and experience was built around them. Now, they all treat me like I’ve been diagnosed with the plague. How do things change so fast? Above all, why did I let one jerk destroy so many of the things that I based my happiness on?
Even as I walk across campus now, I think I hear them cackling near the fountain in the middle of campus. Dominic sits on the edge, leaning against Avery, her expression snooty and amused. There’s no more remorse. Maybe it wasn’t even real.
The other boys probably nudge each other and laugh as I rush by, my head leaning down so my face hides behind my hair, my forefinger pushing against the bridge of my glasses to slide it further up my nose. Once I’m alone again, I close my eyes, their cackling ringing in the back of my head intending to haunt me for days.
Maybe longer.
***
- Writer
