What A Year

But why, Guadalupe's pov

I’m in a cave. The walls bleed with melting colors that blend together.

Soft voices soon swell into loud echoes.

I fall to the floor, covering my ears from the noise.

Then, something sweet in the air.

I open my eyes and a young girl of about ten or eleven stands in front of me.

She’s speaking, but I can’t hear.

Bracing myself for the screams, I lower my hands.

But it’s only silence.

Then, our scene changes.

Now, t’s me and her sitting around a campfire in the same cave, but without the bleeding walls.

I can’t make out my face as clearly as hers, but I feel that it’s me.

We both smile at someone who’s with us.

Finally, I turn to her, “I’m sorry, I don’t remember you.”

She smiles and the scene rotates like a movie.

The person we’re smiling at— Sebastian.

My heart flutters and flops.

“How can I feel so much for someone so deeply, without even remembering them?” I whisper.

“Could be your destiny,” she says.

“How are you in my dreams anyway?” I ask. This feels soft and disorienting, like how a dream could feel.

“Oh, I told you about my nightmares once. You said I could come to you whenever I needed to get away. But this time, I felt like you needed me.”

I give her my full attention, “And who are you?”

“I’m Lilah. Sebastian’s little sister. And I’m eleven—so you were right.”

I raise an eyebrow in confusion.

“You were thinking earlier that I looked ten or eleven,” she says casually.

I turn away and build my mental brick wall again.

The ease with which they slip into my mind doesn’t sit well with me.

Was I oblivious to it before?

“Well, thanks for checking in on me Lilah, but why would I need you?”

I turn around when she doesn’t answer.

She’s gone.

A door opens in the distance, and I hear someone call out.

“Guadalupe?” I close my eyes and focus on the hospital room.

I remember the feel of the blanket beneath my hand.

“Guadalupe?” The nurse says again.

When I open my eyes, I’m back in the hospital bed.

“I’m awake,” I announce to the nurse as she turns the light on.

She comes in and checks my vitals.

I take the medicine they’ve said will help with eating and some water.

“I’m ready to take a shower,” I tell her once I’m done.

“Of course you are, honey. There’s a restroom right outside your door to the left. Your mama already left some clothes in there for you.”

She helps me stand and together we shuffle to the door.

When we make it to the restroom, I see Tonya waiting for me.

“Let me know if you need any help hun,” the nurse says. “Ms. Tonya, the doc said to let her do as much as she can alone. To help some of the stiffness in her body.”

Tonya gives me a look and opens her mouth.

“Mom,” I say, which stops whatever words she was about to hurl, “Please, just let me try. I promise I’ll call you if I need you.”

“Ok,” is all she gets out as the nurse helps her out.

I sit in the shower chair and after minutes of silence, I let the tears flow.

I cry without sound.

Screaming out into a world only I can hear.

Who am I?

Then, something warm and soft flows through me.

There’s no doubt in my mind who it is.

Sebastian’s kindness and warmth passes through me.

I pull from his strength and lift myself out of my despair.

I shower and scrub every last inch of myself until my skin turns a hard, angry pink.

I put loose-fitting clothes on and stand in front of the mirror.

The person staring back at me looks, defeated.

My eyes are sunken in and my features sharp like glass.

I stare more intensely, trying to remember myself, but nothing clicks.

I’m just a girl with dark green eyes and stringy black hair.

I call for Tonya to help me to the room.

“Thank you for giving me the chance to do that on my own.”

She looks at me surprised, and smiles. “Zeke and Victor will be here with lunch.” Her phone rings, “Speak of the devils.”

As she answers, I notice a vase of flowers on my table.

“The guys are coming up. Oh, Victor sent you flowers. But, he usually sends you roses,” she says.

I walk slowly to the table, already knowing who sent them. “What kind of flowers are these?” I ask. “They smell amazing.”

“Those are lilies and orchids. Kind of like the ones Mrs. Hernandez grows on her front lawn.” Her voice trails off as she has finally figures out who sent them.

I pick up the note:

Guadalupe,

I’m relieved you’re awake.

I know things must be confusing right now. If you’d like, I’d be happy to answer any questions you have.

I’ll stop by later after your visitors leave.

—S.H

A goofy smile spreads across my face.

“Let’s just get through this part with Victor and then we can discuss Sebastian.” She says, clearly annoyed.

Something in the air shifts.

“That’s them. But, something feels off.” She says.

Her eyes flash between brown and violet, feeling the disruption.

They knock at the door.

I open it to see Victor and a very intimidating looking man.

“Lupe,” he says grabbing my hand, “you are truly a miracle.”

I smile at him as he enters the room.

I turn back to Victor and gone is the quiet hesitation from yesterday.

Today, he meets my gaze full force.

Something about it puts knots in my empty stomach and I force my eyes away

“Zeke made enchiladas if you all wanna go ahead and eat,” he says, holding up a bag of food.

Tonya and I sit on the bed with our plates while Zeke takes the chair and Victor sits on the floor with his back against the wall.

At the first bite, I close my eyes.

It’s heaven.

“This is amazing, Zeke. Thank you so much,” Tonya says for us both.

We eat in silence, and instead of awkwardness, it feels cozy.

Like we’ve done this before.

And we probably have.

I speak before I can stop myself. “I think we should talk about that night. I don’t like this emptiness. I have no real connection to anyone.”

I stare at my empty plate.

Where had that come from? I had no intention of saying those words out loud.

Zeke nods in agreement, “I think Guadalupe is right. We should finally hear about that night,” he says, looking at Victor.

Victor speaks, “Lupe and I have this cave we like to spend a lot of time in behind Zeke’s house, in the woods. That night, we were there.” His gaze sweeps over me and leaves me shaken.

The cave in my dream?

“We had our whole lives planned out in that cave.” He says.

“You told me about a dream you had the night before. So, I went to talk to a seer who lives just outside of town.”

“A seer?” Zeke asks.

Tonya stands sharply. “What did you do!”