What A Year

But why, Guadalupe's pov

I stand in a cave where the walls bleed colors, melting and blending together.

Soft voices start to swell into loud echoes. I drop to the floor, covering my ears from the assault.

Then—a hint of something sweet. I open my eyes to a young girl who couldn’t be older than eleven.

She speaks, but I can’t hear. Bracing myself for screams, I lower my hands.

Nothing. No sound comes.

And then, the scene changes.

It’s me and her sitting around a campfire in the same cave, but without the bleeding walls.

I can’t make out my face as clearly as hers, but I can feel that it’s me.

We both smile at someone who’s with us.

Finally, I turn to her. “I’m sorry, I don’t remember you.” She smiles, and the scene rotates.

The person we’re smiling at— Sebastian.

My heart pounds and flops at my feet. His hair waves eerily in an unfelt breeze, light surrounding us.

“How can I feel so much for someone so deeply, without even remembering them?” I whisper.

“Could just be destiny,” she answers.

I study the scene more closely, trying to pull forth some emotion. But, the pull to Sebastian is all I feel.

“How are you in my dreams anyway?” I ask. “This feels like a dream would.”

“Oh, I told you about my nightmares once. You said I could come to you whenever I needed to get away. But, this time, I felt like you needed me.”

I turn back to her. “And who are you?”

“I’m Lilah. Sebastian’s little sister. And I’m eleven—so you were right.” I raise an eyebrow in confusion.

“You were thinking earlier that I looked eleven,” she says casually.

I turn away and build my mental shield again.

The ease with which they slip into my mind doesn’t sit well with me. Was I oblivious to it before?

“Well, thanks for checking in on me Lilah, but why would I need you?”

I turn around when she doesn’t answer—she’s gone.

A door opens in the distance, and I hear someone call out. “Guadalupe?” I close my eyes and focus on the hospital room.

I remember the feel of the blanket beneath my hand. “Guadalupe?” The nurse says again.

When I open my eyes, I’m back in the hospital bed. “I’m awake,” I announce to the nurse as she turns the light on. She comes in and checks my vitals.

“I’m ready to take a shower,” I tell her once she’s done.

“Of course you are, honey. There’s a restroom right outside your door to the left. Your mama already left some clothes in there for you.”

She helps me stand and together, we shuffle to the door. When we make it to the restroom, I see Tonya waiting for me.

“Let me know if you need any help hun,” the nurse says. “Now Ms. Tonya, the doc said to let her do as much as she can alone, to get some of that stiffness out of her body.”

Tonya gives me a look and opens her mouth. “Mom,” I say, which stops whatever words she was about to hurl, “Please, just let me try. I promise I’ll call you if I need you.”

“Ok,” is all she gets out as the nurse guides her out.

After minutes of silence, I finally let the tears flow. I cry without sound. Screaming out into a world only I can hear.

Who am I?

Something warm and soft flows through me.

There’s no doubt in my mind who it is. Sebastian’s love and warmth pass through me. I pull from his strength and lift myself out of my despair.

I shower and scrub every last inch of myself until my skin turns a hard, cold pink.

I put loose-fitting clothes on and stand in front of the mirror. The person staring back at me looks, defeated.

My eyes are sunken in and my features sharp like glass. I stare more intensely, trying to remember myself, but nothing clicks.

I call for Tonya to help me to the room. “Thank you, for giving me the chance to do that on my own.”

She looks at me surprised, and smiles. “Zeke and Victor will be here with lunch.” Her phone rings, “Speak of the devils.”

When she answers, I notice the vase of flowers on my table.

“The guys are coming up. Oh, Victor sent you flowers. But, he usually sends you roses,” she says.

I walk slowly to the table, already knowing who sent them. “What kind of flowers are these?” I ask. “They smell amazing.”

“Those are lilies and orchids. Kind of like the ones Mrs. Hernandez grows on her front lawn.” Her voice trails off as she has finally, now figured out who sent them.

I pick up the note:

Darling Guadalupe,

I’ve dreamt of your eyes since the first moment I saw you.

I hope to feel the sensation of your small soft hand in mine.

I will see you later today when your visitors have gone.

Always yours,

S.H.

A goofy smile spreads across my face.

“Let’s just get through this part with Victor and then we can discuss Sebastian.” She says, clearly annoyed.

Then, a shift in the air, like someone flipped a switch. A strong presence.

“That’s them. Although, something feels off.” She says. Her eyes flash between brown and violet, searching for the disruption.

I open the door and immediately can tell it’s coming from Victor.

Gone is the hesitation from yesterday. Today, he meets my gaze full force. I force my eyes away and focus on the man who stands behind him.

“It’s really great seeing you up and about, Lupe.”

Before I can speak, he pulls me in for a bone-crushing hug.

They step inside and tension hangs in the air like fog.

“Zeke made enchiladas if you all wanna go ahead and eat,” Victor says, holding up a bag of food.

Tonya and I sit on the bed with our plates. Zeke takes the chair, and Victor sits on the floor with his back against the wall.

At the first bite, I close my eyes. It’s heaven. “This is amazing, Zeke. Thank you so much,” Tonya says for the both of us.

We eat in silence, and instead of awkwardness, it feels cozy. Like we’ve done this before.

I speak before I can stop myself. “I think we should talk about that night. I don’t like this emptiness. I have no real connection to anyone.”

I stare at my empty plate. Where had that come from?

Zeke nods in agreement, “I think Guadalupe is right. We should finally hear about that night.” he says, looking at Victor.

“Me and Lupe have this cave we like to spend a lot of time in behind Zeke’s house, in the woods. That night, we were there.” His gaze sweeps over me and leaves me shaken.

The cave in my dream?

“We had our whole lives planned out in that cave.” He looks away and I can breathe again.

“You told me about a dream you had the night before. So, I went to talk to a seer who lives just outside of town.”

“A seer?” Zeke asks.

Tonya stands sharply. “What did you do?”