The weight of the crown

Chapter 12

I stood in front of the carriage, its white color makes it stand out against the almost black sky.

I was ready to return to England, to a relatively safe and familiar place. Right now my head was full of thoughts.

Since the ball, I haven't stopped thinking about what the king told me but equally couldn't stop thinking about what the French ambassador told me. Two different things, but both of them made me curious.

On the other hand, I don't think that if I ask William or Laura for an answer to what their father meant when he spoke to me, I will get one.

It seemed that the beautiful and magnificent palace concealed far more secrets than I expected.

I wanted to go to England, take part in discussions with my father and Thomas, and try to find out more about England's enemies, maybe even go into the area close to Scotland, maybe I could get information out of someone, the only question was how, how was I going to do all this?

"Are you going, princess?" I heard a deep voice awakening me from my deep thoughts.

William stood on the path in front of the carriage. He looked as elegant and handsome as ever, but something in the way he spoke was different, he didn't sound angry, disappointed or just indifferent to me.

I couldn't help but think about the way he danced with me yesterday at the ball, or the way he held my hand, carefully but still with a clear intention to give me stability.

"Yes, I think it's time for me to go back to England," I said, looking at the servants who had loaded my things on the carriage, now they were walking toward the palace, while they bowed slightly as they passed us.

Only William and I were left, and the horses were obviously harnessed to the carriage.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked quietly, wondering if it was wise to talk about his father again, he didn't seem particularly fond of him. He just nodded slightly, beckoning me to keep talking.

"Your father, the king, he said something about some incident, something terrible that happened a few years ago in Ireland, you may have an idea of what he could have meant?" I asked.

I could hear the hesitation in my voice, the last thing I wanted to do before I returned to England was that William would be angry with me again.

He looked at me for a few seconds, perhaps because he was angry that I asked the question or because he was trying to figure out how to answer her.

"I don't think I can tell you yet, it's something that no one in my family likes to talk about," he said in a serious tone, and I understood that I wouldn't get an answer from him about it, at least not now.

I didn't mind, because I knew he gave me the most realistic answer he could, and that was enough for me.

"Thank you," I said quietly, turning slightly into the carriage, ready to leave.

"Have a good trip," he said, apparently wanting to say something else, he opened his mouth but immediately closed it. He looked at me for a moment and then turned and walked toward the palace.

"Is that what you wear to your brother's wedding?" Erika asked as she looked at herself in the mirror once again.

She was putting her hand back in her brown hair that was smooth and curled at its edges. Her lips were bright pink and she wore a bluish dress.

I knew she wanted to look good because of the number of people who came to the wedding, especially because of the number of boys.

I never understood why Erica, who was beautiful and talented in playing the piano and in speaking to people, was so eager to find a husband.

She is a young girl and a wonderful girl, but she still tried to impress the guys whenever she had the chance.

My dress, which was white, a color that suited this festive event. My brown hair was scattered too, but my hair was different from hers, looking messier. A slight blush enveloped my cheeks.

"I love that look, it's gentle and simple," I said curtly as I ran my hands carefully over the thin canvas.

"I guess you're right," she said as she lay on my bed, not really caring that her dress would wrinkle.

She put her head on one of the pillows and immediately got up and picked up the pillow so that she could see my book hidden under it.

"Are you still reading these stories?" Erika asked me as she paged the pages until she stopped on a particular page.

"Hercules' Heroic Tales" she read from the book and I giggled as she began to read the words dramatically, "Hercules was one of the greatest heroes of Greece, the son of Zeus"

"Leave the book, we'll be late, and I really don't want to be late for Thomas's wedding," I said, trying to take the book from her hands, but she just moved a bit and pretended to be interested in the story.

"Hey, you haven't told me how was your stay in Ireland," she suddenly said and left the book on my desk.

"I prefer not to talk about it, I stayed mostly confused after my stay there," I said, trying to find the right words to describe the general experience from the place, but of course Erika didn't like general or short words.

"I promise that I will tell you everything when the wedding is over. Right now we should start walking," I said quickly. 

I wanted to see Tomas in front of me in this important moment in his life, and I had to get there on time.

"All right," she said in defeat, rising from the bed, and to my surprise, her dress looked smooth as before, flawless.

***

The corridor was decorated with white flowers that were in brown vases. On the walls were chains of blue flowers.

There was a long white carpet on the floor, which I could see was drawn to the end of the corridor, to two large brown doors.

On the horizon, I saw Thomas.

His blond hair pulled back, and he kept moving his hands, once he ran it over his clothes, once more in his hair, then combined them again and then decided to straighten his crown.

He was so stressed, but I envied him for remaining as sure of himself as he could, I don't know how at my wedding I wouldn't be crushed under the pressure.

When Tomas does things, they look simple. When I try to do them, I understand how hard they really are.

I walked toward him as Erika walked toward the entrance to the Great Hall.

"Thomas," I said. He turned his head toward him, and when he saw me a huge smile appeared on his face.

"Ally," he said excitedly and hurried to hug me. For a moment I forgot about the quarrel I had with him, from what he told me.

I couldn't trust him anymore, but he was still my brother, and I still loved him, after all.

"Charlotte is a lucky girl," I said quietly as he continued to look at me with his blue eyes.

It was funny how I never liked blue eyes, something about them seemed cold and distant to me, but when I looked at Thomas, the color reminded me of a blue sky or an endless ocean.

It was never as cold and hard as my parents, and I knew that as a king he would behave differently, he Would be better.

"William too," he told me back, making me look at him in confusion.

I didn't want to mention William, but I didn't hate him that much, but I knew I would never love him, it just wouldn't happen.

"Please don't mention him," I said quietly, "this is your day, you have to concentrate on it and Charlotte," I said, but he just shook his head and chuckled.

"You're right. And because this day is about me, I want you to listen to me, at least today " he said quietly.

"When I was told I had to marry the princess of France, I was sure I would see her as a good friend, but when I met her, I realized how wrong I was that she was much more than that." He went on and saw how his voice became softer when he talked about her, he was so in love.

"What I'm trying to say is that it could happen to you too if you open your heart to him if you show him you care," he said, and I knew he was speaking from his heart.

"I can't Thomas, it's not easy, things have never been as easy for me as they are for you"

"Nobody said things could not change," he said again, and before he could say another word, a servant ran toward him and whispered something to his ear.

Tomas nodded for a moment and then looked at me, "I have to go out in a few minutes"

"I understand, good luck Thomas," I said quietly, and walked toward the hall, looking back at him as he pressed his hands together.

When I entered the hall, I was surprised by the white colors in the room, white flowers, white tablecloths, white chairs, and of course white curtains that covered the big windows.

Many people have been dancing in the room, most of them dressed in colorful clothes. Some of the guests sat and talked to each other, some of them standing at tables that were full of food.

I recognized Erika speaking to a handsome young man while she was holding a glass of wine. I grinned when I realized how quickly she had managed to find someone to talk to.

Suddenly there were trumpets and as soon as the music stopped. The doors opened wide and at that moment Thomas entered the room.

He seemed confident and he walked slowly and confidently, as soon as he noticed me among the guests, a slight smile appeared on his face.

As soon as he reached the end of the hall, the door opened again, and he turned away and so did all the other guests.

Charlotte entered the hall.

I was in all kinds of weddings because I was a princess and a relative of various royalty, but Charlotte was really one of the most beautiful brides I  have seen.

She was wearing a white dress that covered her arms. The dress ended in a relatively long trail that was embroidered with small flowers.

Her hair was bunched in a bun and a delicate crown of diamonds lay on her head. She moved slowly as she looked forward toward the end of the hall, she looked confident and she was upright, but when I looked at the bouquet of flowers she held, there was a faint tremor.

It's funny to see how much she and Thomas are alike, both afraid and excited, but they still show confidence and power, as if nothing can break their strong facade.

As she approached Tomas, a slight smile appeared on his face. He held her hands lightly, presumably to calm her or him. The ceremony itself was beautiful, Charlotte and Thomas did not stop smiling, they seemed to be in their own peaceful bubble, and I envied them for it.

That they have found love, that although they are both going to rule two states, they are still together, they will support and love each other, they will maintain a stable and strong rule.

I wanted exactly the same thing, but as a princess, I've learned that you can never get what you want.

I walked toward my room as soon as the number of people in the room began to shrink. Tomas kept smiling all evening, he and Charlotte danced endlessly, while the guests laughed or spoke in loud voices that filled the room.

"Alexandra, where are you going?" I heard my father's loud voice. I turned slightly as my father appeared in front of me.

"I'm going to the room, the evening is almost over," I said quietly.

"It's not over, there are important things I have to talk to you about," he said in a serious tone.

He started to walk and I started to follow him when I knew that something serious had happened. We walked toward the conference room, which was empty.

On the long table was a huge map marked with various ink marks. Suddenly the door opened again and a soldier entered, and I knew he was from England, by his uniform.

There was a thin scratch on his cheek, and there were traces of blood on his uniform.

"What happened?" I asked when I'm not sure I really want to hear the answer.

"Scottish soldiers attacked us at the border. We were too few soldiers and we were not prepared for their attack." The soldier said, and it sounded hard for him to say the words as if he had come directly from the battle here.

"Alexandra, one of the advisers of the King of Ireland, told me that he had a discussion with you, that he offered you the opportunity to defend this area." My father said stiffly, and now I knew why he had called me here.

He must have thought I hadn't thought strategically, that I hadn't thought of England, that I was too naive to rely on the words of others.

"Dad, that's not what you think, I did the best thing for us," I said quietly, but he just shook his head.

"I thought that I taught you properly, that you have to defend yourself first, we don't have enough soldiers, and every other person is always a critical factor for us to take into account. If you insisted on bringing the force here, all of this would not happen. "My father told me in a hard, cold tone, and I felt as if I were about to cry in front of him.

All I wanted was to do the right thing, and I did not seem to know what it was.

"I thought that was how I showed our commitment to the alliance, which we are not allowed to-"

"I thought I could trust you, that after all your mistakes you learned that you had to think about others, that you need to use your judgment"

"It's not like that," I said, feeling the tears slowly falling down my cheeks, "I'd never want to hurt anyone, I thought I knew what was right"

I no longer cared that I was crying in front of my father, because I was sick of pretending I didn't care, that what he was saying didn't hurt me.

He didn't seem to care, he ignored me completely and now looked at the soldier, he approached him and told him a few things in his ear, so I could not hear.

Then he turned toward me, looked at me with disappointed eyes and left the room.

At that moment I sat down on one of the chairs when the tears continued to fall, and I really did not care if that soldier was still in the room, because he must be just as angry with me.

"Your Excellency" I heard him say in a weak voice, I wiped my cheek and looked at him, seeing a soldier coming straight from the battlefield, I couldn't imagine what it was like to be in such a situation.

"When I tried to escape from the battlefield, when all the soldiers were already wounded, a Scottish soldier came over to me," he began to say, and I listened to him intently, "I was sure he was going to kill me, I had no sword or any way to defend myself. He did not try to hurt me, "he said.

"Why not? " I asked.

"He wanted me to give you a message," he said, and my body tensed.

The soldier opened his palm, which now shows a note inside it, "He brought me this note, and then he told me to go"

"You're sure he said it was for me, he must have meant the king or my brother, or maybe-"

"He told me to give it to you, he was very clear in his words," said the soldier, handing me that tiny note.

"Thank you," I said in a slightly trembling voice.

The soldier nodded and intended to leave the room, but he stopped just before he left, "Don't blame yourself for what happened Your Excellency, you cannot know what would have happened if you had acted differently, and I am sure you made the choice that seemed to you the most logical at that moment," he said, Then he left the room and closed the door behind him.

I sat with trembling hands, wondering whether to open the parchment or not.

With great apprehension, I opened the card with only a few words on it, but they were enough to scare me.

"Our next goal is the palace, and if you don't want anyone hurt, you have to follow the instructions that will be given to you later on"