The weight of the crown

Chapter 11

I wandered down the corridor, feeling the curious glances of people as they passed me.

As a princess I was used to attention, I was used to paying attention to every mistake, every step, every word, but there was always Tomas who attracted most of the attention.

But now I was alone, and I couldn't really escape to my room, because here my mistake could be more deadly than I'd like to imagine.

I walked on until I got to Laura's room. I was afraid I might disturb her, but I was surprised to discover that her door was half-open.

I peeked in, noticed that the room was empty.

When I walked inside, I could feel the light in the room. On her brown desk were a few candles that gave warmth and light in the room.

On the wall opposite her bed hung drawings or cards on which she had written in ink or drawn figures.

There was something beautiful and special about the simplicity of the painting but still in some of the dresses and costumes that were so creative and so different from what I was always used to seeing in the palace.

"Alexandra, I did not expect to meet you here." I heard Laura's voice and jumped in the light that she had caught me in her room.

From my brief acquaintance with her, I knew she wouldn't really be angry with me or say anything bad but would be happy to have a friend.

"I know none of them seems majestic enough, but I'm a bit fed up with all the fancy costumes, I'd love to feel like a normal girl, even if it's just what I'm wearing," she smiled.

I could understand what she meant, too good even.

I always wonder why it was me, why I was born to this role, with this responsibility.

I could be born in the village and be a simple girl, Who walks in the fields or runs in the rain back home in order to not get wet, I wanted to be this girl, the carefree girl who could do what she liked.

"I love it, Laura, your drawings are beautiful, you should be proud of them," I told her frankly, as I noticed a slight blush on her cheeks, decorating them with a pinkish color that matched the color of her lips.

"I saw you met our father, how did he treat you?" Laura asked quietly as we sat on the edge of her bed.

"He was very nice," I said, and then remembered William's words, "Do I have any reason to think differently?" I asked curiously.

Laura looked at me and surveyed my face, she no longer smiled as before but looked more serious, it was the first time I had seen her like that.

"You have to be careful," she said quietly as if it were hard for her to consider her words.

I tried to read between the lines, was her father just very tough, or did he not love England so much that he might be very skeptical about me, and maybe he was just busy with his work and so he didn't have much time to spend with his children.

  Is this a hereditary passage that both Laura and William speak so mysteriously that I have to crack the message that through what they say?

I meant to say something else, but Laura didn't seem to be going to cooperate with me, at least not about this.

"You're coming to the ball tomorrow, right?" She asked, and although I knew she was trying to change the subject, I decided to let her go.

"What ball?" I asked in confusion.

"The- ball" she emphasized and looked at me, perhaps trying to figure out if I was serious.

"When a member of the royal family is about to get married, or there is a union between countries, a big party happens, all the courtiers or important people come together to celebrate the event, so you can get to know more people to cooperate with in the future," she explained.

I hoped I didn't look frightened, because unfortunately, all I felt was a combination of fear, pressure, and panic.

As if I wasn't nervous enough to come to Ireland, I would be surrounded by unfamiliar people, and even worse, I would be the center of attention, with no way to escape or hide.

"It'll be all right, just remember to enjoy it and see everything with a positive eye," Laura said calmly.

I looked at her in disbelief, wondered how she could be so optimistic all the time as if she had no fears.

"I can't, Laura, I'm in a country that until recently was an enemy state for me. If I say the wrong thing to the wrong person, I can ruin everything." I began to say,.

I felt the tears about to break out, and I didn't want to cry, especially in front of Laura, who was so kind to me.

"I mustn't disappoint my family, I must not disappoint England, I must not-" I said, but I could not finish the sentence, I must not disappoint William.

I don't understand how after his behavior toward me I care so much about what he thinks of me, he's just another prince.

He's just another royalty who doesn't really see me as more than a spoiled princess, that's all he's for me, and I mustn't forget it.

"You won't disappoint anyone," Laura told me as she hugged me softly.

"I don't know Laura, I feel like I do not know anything anymore," I said quietly.

It was true, I no longer knew who was an enemy and who was a friend.

Not long ago everything seemed so clear. 

My life in the palace, my relationship with Thomas, my parents' expectations, but everything has changed.

My fear is that I'll change too, and not for the better.

I stood in front of the mirror and scanned my image again. The green dress fitted my eyes, a diamond necklace encircled my neck and my brown hair was pulled up in a Chinese braid.

I looked at the crown I held in my hands, not ready to put it on my head.

I wanted to feel like it was another ordinary night of wandering around the palace, that I wouldn't have to deal with anyone, curl up under the covers and disappear, but I suppose it was too late, I couldn't really retreat long ago, and especially not now.

I lifted the crown and placed it carefully on my head.

I walked a few steps toward the large doors decorated with gold ornaments. When the guards saw me they shook their heads slightly, one of them walked toward the handles, and as soon as he opened them wide so that the big hall was revealed in front of me.

I stepped cautiously forward, afraid to fall and embarrass myself even before the evening had begun.

The hall was decorated with ice sculptures in the form of swans, the chandeliers in the ceiling lighting up the room in a glittering light that made a light sparkle appear in each of the silver in the room.

Many people were present in the room, most of them dancing to the violins, and some of them stood to talk to each other.

I scanned the room quickly, hoping to find Laura, but instead found William and his father, talking to someone I didn't know.

I was surprised to find how handsome William looked at that moment, his black hair was smooth and pulled back so that his features and brown eyes could be seen better, his clothes were in the colors of gold and white, a successful combination.

I hurried to get rid of the thoughts in my head when I looked at him, I could not think of him that way, I had to be focused, and more importantly, to survive this evening.

I turned to look at his father, who laughed at the words of the man next to him. The sounds of music combined with the people who talked in the room made me feel a little headache, I never liked balls, and that's something that probably will never change.

I was so busy looking at William and his father that I didn't notice that the music had stopped and people's eyes were on me, and within a few seconds the eyes of the King and William.

My skin was hot, and I was almost sure my cheeks were flushed now. 

I stepped cautiously forward, trying to look at a certain point on the horizon, one that would distract me from all that was happening around me.

My head became dizzy, I heard whispers that I was gradually growing stronger, I breathed deeply, and I was sure that in a moment I would faint, that in a moment I would fall and embarrass myself against all the people in the hall.

I was surprised to feel a hand on my back, giving me stability. I looked up, surprised to meet brown eyes that questioned me quietly.

"What are you doing?" I whispered to William quietly.

He didn't answer, and instead, he held my hand carefully, as if every step he made toward me was calculated in advance.

"You're shaking," he said quietly, while he completely ignored my words, and unfortunately he was right, I really was shaking.

We walked slowly toward the center of the hall, as people cleared the way for us, and each time a few of them came forward.

Finally, we reached the center of the hall, all the people still standing motionless, but this time they seemed to be waiting for something, all eyes on us.

I was about to ask William what it was, but suddenly I heard music, it was pleasant and soft, quite different from the little grating music that sounded when I entered the hall.

Before I could speak, I felt William's hand twist around my body so that I was facing him. One hand holds my hand and the other on my back.

He approached me and quietly whispered in my ear "Follow me"

For a moment I was confused, but then I looked at the people in the room who now stood in pairs, William took a step forward and I took one backward, then another step, until all the steps became part of a dance.

I loved the warmth of his body, I loved his closeness, but at the same time, I hated the fact that I enjoyed dancing with him.

I must not forget that this is a small part of who he is, that in a moment he will leave me alone and I will have to deal with all these people, That he's only doing what his parents ask him to do, that's what he has to do.

The music stopped, And as I expected, William moved away from me slowly.

"Your Excellency" I heard a relatively deep voice and turned slightly, to a man who looked about sixty, his white hair up to his shoulders, his eyes were green, but it was green, like a tropical forest after heavy rain.

"My name is Gabriel, I am one of the king's advisors," he said, squinting a little, trying to remember if I had seen him in the discussion I was present in, but the truth was that I really didn't remember anyone from that day.

"I'm so excited about the upcoming wedding, I saw how you behaved in the discussion with the king, I have no doubt you'll be a great queen for Ireland," he said with a big smile on his face, While it took me a few moments to digest what he had said.

Queen of Ireland.

It was hard for me to think of the fact that I wouldn't be a princess anymore, I would be a queen.

Thank you," I said after a pause of a few seconds, at least one of the King's advisers, and in the meantime, it was more than enough for me.

He nodded slightly and walked off. At the moment, another person approached me, but I knew him well, I recognized him from the evening my father spoke to him, it was the French ambassador.

He bowed slightly and smiled softly, "Is everything all right, Your Excellency?" He asked when he noticed my confused confusion.

"Yes, of course," I said, although I still wondered what he was doing here, Thomas was already engaged to Charlotte.

" Can I have this dance?" He asked politely, and I nodded slightly.

I went over to one of the more empty parts of the hall while he put his hand on my back.

"You look beautiful tonight, Your Excellency, but I came to warn you," he said quietly to me as he danced, occasionally looking in the hall as if checking that no one was listening.

"What do you mean?" I asked quietly, as I looked in the hall too, people seemed so relaxed and smiling, servants passed golden glasses full of wine to the guests.

"You are a threat to them, and as long as you are here, you won't be safe, "he said quietly, speaking seriously and looking clearly on his face.

"Scotland, is that the threat you mean?" I asked to see if I understood his words correctly.

"Scotland was never the only threat to England." He shook his head.

"Because now there is an alliance between France and England, I believe that I have to give you all the information that can contribute to you and benefit France too. You have to be careful. And if you're engaged to the Prince of Ireland, that doesn't mean you're safe, just the opposite. "He went on, making me look at him in confusion.

If not Scotland, So who does he mean?

"Please be clear, who wants to hurt me?" I asked him and just as he was about to answer came the King of Ireland himself, his eyes scanning the ambassador.

"Your Highness, I have only come to wish success to Princess Alexandra, I am sure she will be a great bride." He walked away slowly, not before he gave me another look.

"Your Highness," I said, bowing slightly.

"There's no need for that," he said, smiling warmly, wondering if a man who looked so kind, had another side that I couldn't see.

why Laura and William were careful when they talked about him. Am I so naive that I can't notice that?

How are you adapting to living in the palace? " He asked as he looked at the dancing people, he held a glass of wine that was decorated with bright red stones.

"It takes time, but the palace is beautiful and the servants are kind, it will be hard to leave," I said, wondering if he'd noticed I was lying, at least for the last part of the sentence.

"I'm happy to hear, I can't wait for the wedding.  The country has to celebrate after everything that has happened," he said.

"Excuse me for asking, but what happened?" I asked curiously.

"I'm sorry, but I think it's a conversation for another day, this evening is meant to celebrate your engagement and the existence of a strong alliance, not painful memories of the past," he continued, and I nodded slowly, though curiosity began to bubble inside me.

I remembered everything I read about Ireland, but aside from the difficult war that took place a few years ago, I didn't know anything else, I didn't know if his intention was for the wounded and dead soldiers.

I had the feeling that it was something else, and I was ready to stay and figure that out.