Heart of Steel

Happy Tears

I shot bolt upright in my bed, shaking uncontrollably, cold sweat covering my entire body from head to toe. It took me a full 5 minutes of deep breathing to calm down. The dream I had woken from felt so real that I knew it consisted of real memories. I had a million questions racing through my mind. Who had been with me at my mom's grave? Who was it that my dad and I had been arguing about? Was that person the issuer of the ring Nikki had given me in the hospital? Was it also the person Kendrick had referred to as 'my little friend'? And WHAT THE HELL was that conversation in his office about? There was suspicion that my mother's death wasn't an accident either?!? How much time had elapsed between each of those memories? This was the strangest situation in the world! UGH. I got up and walked to the bathroom without my walking stick, determined to do it on my own. I splashed cold water on my face and stared at my stark white reflection in the mirror, still breathing heavily. After returning to my bed and lying there for what seemed like hours, trying unsuccessfully to quiet my racing mind, I decided to go out onto the balcony connected to my room.

When I opened the sheer curtained door and stepped out onto the cool wooden deck, I recalled the memory of sitting on the swing at the far end with a coffee cup in my hand that I had originally seen in the hospital when I had smelled Shane's coffee. This had been my favorite place at home. I absolutely loved sitting on the swing at any time of the day, but especially at night. The dark gray metal awning that hung over most of the porch stopped just before the swing started, leaving me free to gaze up between the wooden beams at the sky above. I also remembered how I had often enjoyed eating breakfast at the small wrought iron table across the porch with 2 matching chairs sitting opposite each other beside it. I laid on my back, knees bent so I could fit my whole body on the cushion of the swing and stared up at the beautiful night sky. There were no clouds that night, so I could see thousands of stars. Suddenly a sad and lonely feeling overtook me. I actually missed the man who, for some odd reason, I couldn't seem to remember. I missed him like crazy. What I did remember is the feeling I had gotten when I was arguing about him with Kendrick. I loved that man. I knew it, somehow, inexplicably, I knew. But he must not have felt the same way about me. Otherwise, where was he? Why hadn't I seen him or heard from him? Tears leaked out of my eyes and down my cold cheeks. It wasn't cold outside, but I was still feeling chilly from the cold sweat I had woken up in. I imagined myself in the arms of the man I had been so in love with as I closed my eyes and enjoyed the midnight summer breeze.

A few hours later I was awoken by the bright warm sunlight that came peeking over the Horizon, greeting me like an old friend. I had the feeling that by far wasn't the first time I had fallen asleep on my porch swing. After yawning and stretching, I stood up slowly and made my way back inside, crawling into the bed and pulling my smooth silky sheet and fluffy baby blue comforter over my head. I wouldn't have minded staying in bed for the next couple of days. My mind and body both felt exhausted. Yet no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't force my brain back into sleep mode. I began to wonder what I had been doing in Kendrick's office the day I had heard him talking to that Johnson guy. Was that what I had been hoping to hear? Or was I searching for something? Had he caught me after Johnson left? Either way, if I had found out something, I couldn't recall it now. I decided it was time for another escapade into Kendrick's office.

I planned to allow Gladys to bring me breakfast and Rosalie to come attempt to help me get dressed (though I was going to politely show her that I could do it on my own) so as not to raise any suspicions, then tell them I was going to go explore the giant Library on the first floor. If I remembered correctly, there were French doors on the East wall of the Library that led right into Kendrick's office. Gladys brought me chocolate chip pancakes, an old favorite, with sausage, bacon and 2 eggs over medium and some orange juice. I took the tray out onto the porch, still in my pajamas, and ate at the little table, enjoying the sunshine and the sounds of nature. After eating and allowing Rosie to braid my hair (she had insisted I let her do at least one thing so she wouldn't feel useless), I fed her the Library story and to my slight surprise she bought it. Apparently Sam had told her I was quite the bookworm before the accident. I couldn't help but wonder if this reputation was accurate or if I had merely spent a lot of time in there because of the privacy. After all, that had been the room where Kendrick had caught me and my... whoever he was, doing something not so ethic.

The Library was about the size of a small church. There were at least 15 different sections of books on shelves that stretched from the ceiling to the floor. Each section had one of those fancy rolling ladders so one could reach the book they were searching for, and there was a computer desk in the middle that housed a sleek looking laptop that no doubt held the records of the hundreds, maybe even thousands of books that surrounded it. I was darn near tempted to actually explore the place, but then I remembered my mission. I crept nonchalantly towards the doors that led to my father's office and peeked inside, checking to be sure he wasn't in there, before opening the doors and stepping into the room. It looked exactly like I had remembered it from my dream, with 2 windows on the wall behind the desk that displayed the sunlight shining through the open blinds and built-in shelves on the wall opposite the French doors, which dawned even more books. I decided to start with his desk, rifling through the paperwork in the drawers and on top of it. I was looking through the bottom drawer on the far left which was full of unlabeled files when my breath caught in my chest and my heart seemed to stop. I had heard the ice cold voice of my father coming from the cracked door at the front of the office, which meant he was walking down the main hallway, headed right for it. I bolted into the closet a few feet from the desk and quietly closed the slatted folding door just in time.

"-better have a good reason for dragging me into my office this early in the morning, and on your off day no less, Samuel." He finished.

"I need to talk to you about Kasey. She asked me how I knew you well enough to call you Kendrick yesterday." Said Sam as I peered through one of the slats and watched him sit down in one of the crimson leather chairs in front of the large desk.

Kendrick made his way behind the desk and sat down in the expensive rolling chair that matched the color of Sam's chair, rolling his eyes.

"And your point is?" He asked, sounding much less than amused.

I could see Sam's face redden in indignation.

"My point is that I won't lie to her about that again. You can blackmail us all into keeping quiet about her relationship, and even about the accident and her mom, but I will not lie to her about who I am. She doesn't have anyone else, Kendrick. She needs me to be there for her and she deserves to know the truth."

Kendrick slammed his fists down on the desk, causing me to jump slightly but thankfully silently. Sam, however, didn't even flinch.

"Everyone makes me out to be the bad guy! You all seem to assume that I have less than good reasons for wanting to keep her in the dark! Has anyone stopped to consider that I'm doing this because I want to protect her? Because it kills me that I couldn't save her mom and maybe I'd like to try and save her? Can anyone even believe that of me?!"

He stood up as he said the last sentence, face bright red and voice breaking on the final word. He turned his back on Sam and stared out the window behind his desk that was closest to the closet, shaking slightly. Sam stood up and slowly walked around the desk toward him.

"I do." He said quietly.

Kendrick shook his head rapidly a couple of times.

"You're just saying that." He said without looking away from the window.

"I'm not. Kendr- Dad..." Sam said, extending his hand out to cup Kendrick on the shoulder.

I froze in complete and utter shock. Even the breath in my lungs seemed solid. Kendrick craned his neck to look into Sam's eyes.

"I believe you."

Kendrick was apparently beyond words. He gave Sam one swift nod, and then to my astonishment, he smiled.

I swayed on the spot in total disbelief and incredulity, then lost my footing and toppled backwards onto the floor of the closet with a loud crash, bringing the silky suit jacket I had grabbed to steady myself down on top of me, hanger and all.

"What the hell?" I heard Kendrick say.

Sam opened one of the closet doors and stared down at me, a look of surprise and confusion on his face.

"Kasey?" He said tentatively.

I peeked out from behind the jacket in embarrassment.

"Um... hi." I managed to mumble.

"What the hell are you doing in my office?!" Said Kendrick, clearly outraged.

I opened my mouth to retort, but couldn't seem to find the words. He drew in a sharp breath, let it out through his nose, then shook his head back and forth slowly, eyes closed. Then he opened them and looked at Sam.

"You deal with this. I can't handle her right now."

Kendrick turned towards the main door and walked quickly out of his office.

Sam helped me up, his face looking as red as mine felt, averting his cobalt blue eyes from mine.

"Are you okay?" He asked, holding firmly onto my arms to make sure I was steady.

I flung myself into his chest and wrapped my arms around his waist, bursting into tears yet again. He responded with a quiet chuckle, then wrapped his arms around me, sighing into the hug.

"So I guess you heard us." He said, sounding nervous but also happy.

"I did. And now I'm crying again, of course." I said, taking back a step to look up at him.

He smiled.

"At least they're happy tears this time... Aren't they?"

I nodded, grinning joyfully.

Sam is my brother! I thought excitedly.