Heart of Steel

A Different Side

I woke up on the day of my scheduled driver's test overwhelmed with sadness. It wasn't until I saw the date on the giant digital clock on the wall at the DMV that I realized why I felt this way. It was my mother's birthday. Gladys and I had talked about it the week before, but I had tried not to think about it in the coming days because it made me sad. Now it seemed as though it had crept up on me. Sam patted my shoulder, bringing me back to the present. I looked at him and noticed a look of pity on his face.

"You miss her, huh?" he asked.

Duh! I thought derisively. I just nodded and resumed staring at the wall. He wrapped his left arm around me in a half hug and squeezed gently.

"It's a rough day." he said quietly.

"Is your mom's birthday difficult?" I asked, after a few moments trying to fill the silence.

He nodded.

"Very difficult. So is Thanksgiving. That was her favorite Holiday."

I placed my left hand on his, which was still resting on my shoulder.

"I'm glad we have each other." I said without looking at him.

The instructor had said that I passed the test with flying colors! Thankfully Kendrick hadn't forced us to drive the terrible instructor car to the DMV, so Sam let me drive his truck home. I flashed the proof that I had passed the test in the air gleefully when we walked into Kendrick's office. He looked up from his computer screen, squinting to see through his reading glasses, then his face broke into a wide smile.

"Well done, kid!" he said joyfully.

"There's a surprise for you in the back lot!"

A surprise? The 'back lot' was a parking lot across the small road around our 6 acre lot where Kendrick's extra vehicles were parked. It was also where the Security Guards parked their cars, and where John left his car while at work and the limo when he went home. I turned to Sam with an excited look on my face, which he returned with a mischievous grin, telling me that he already knew what it was. I spun around and practically ran out the side door of Kendrick's office, cutting through the Library to get to the back Foyer. From there, I shot through the Sun Room and down the concrete steps, turning right at the fork of the stone path instead of going straight, which would have led me to the pond. I could hear that Sam was right on my heels but I didn't slow down to look at him.

"Wait!" he called, clearly out of breath.

"You're going to need these!"

This got my attention. I stopped and turned around to see him catching up, holding a black key fob with a curvy T symbol on it. I sprinted across the small access road to the back lot and searched around wildly for a car with the same symbol. Then I spotted it. Parked in the front row, closest to the road, was a gleaming teal colored Toyota Prius. It was glorious. I clicked the unlock button on the fob and watched the lights blink twice, enjoying the chirping sound it made. My new car. I had a car! I beamed up at Sam.

"This is awesome!"

We went back inside, a lot more slowly than we had on the way out, so I could thank my dad for the car. I was so excited. He smiled and nodded, then resumed working on his computer. Classic Kendrick. He was due to leave for another business trip that afternoon. This was apparently a very important one, as he was bringing James with him for the first half. James was going to fly out with him and then return on his own in a few days. This meant that he was leaving Shane in charge. Shane was James' second in command due to the fact that he had worked there longer and had more experience than Sam. He was even going to be staying at our house until James got back. This made me feel uneasy, as Shane and I had barely spoken in the last 6 weeks. I could have sworn the conversation we had in the Gym was the last time he had actually looked me in the eyes. It wasn't like we didn't have the room, but I still felt like I wouldn't be able to sleep as well knowing he and I were under the same roof. He always acted so stiff and odd around me.

Sam and I said our goodbyes to Kendrick and decided to take my new car for a test drive. We took it to pick up lunch at my favorite café, the one that Sam had taken me to the first week I had come home, and then went back to the house to eat it. We had told Gladys our plans so that she wouldn't have to make lunch, so I was surprised to smell the delicious scent of something baking when we returned. After Sam and I had lunch in the Sun Room, being that it was a nice crisp Fall day, I ambled into the kitchen to see what she was up to. When I saw the dark red cake sitting on the counter, I practically burst into tears.

"Mom's favorite!" I said as Gladys wrapped her arms around me in a comforting hug.

"I thought you might enjoy it." she said with an encouraging smile.

I nodded fervently, happy and sad tears flowing down my cheeks.

"You're the best, Glady."

After I helped Gladys ice the cake and we indulged in a few slices, I called Rosie to see what she was up to on her day off. She said she was planning to take Carl to Ball's Bluff Battleground for a short hike. I asked if she wanted some company, and she said she'd be happy to have some. I told Sam about it and asked if he wanted to go get Bash and bring him along. Of course, he was in. We decided to take his truck since my car was brand new and Bash was bound to scratch something, or at the very least drool. Sam said he wanted to take a detour before we got to his place, and I didn't recognize where we were until I saw dozens of headstones in the field in front of us. We were at a graveyard. More specifically, the graveyard where my mother had been buried. I stared straight ahead, willing myself not to cry, until Sam spoke so quietly that it was barely more than a whisper.

"Do you want to go see her grave?"

I turned my head very slowly until I was looking into his piercingly blue eyes. I screwed up my own, swallowed, then closed them, breathing deeply.

"I... don't think... I'm ready." I said with much difficulty.

As much as I felt like I wanted and needed some real closure, now that I was here, staring at a field full of dead decaying bodies and wondering which one was my mom's, I realized that I wasn't mentally prepared. Sam took a deep breath, nodded slowly, then pressed the brake with his right foot and reached for the gear shifter.

"I've been here before, you know. On her birthday too." I said somberly.

Sam gaped at me.

"You remember that?"

"I dreamed it. But yes, I know it was real."

"Do you... remember-"

"Who I was with?" I said, finishing his sentence.

He nodded slowly, studying my facial features.

"No. But I know it was him."

"Your..." he began.

"Yes. My... whatever he was. What was he?" I said, looking at him hopefully.

"You know I can't tell you that, K." Sam said softly.

Now it was my turn to nod.

"I'm sorry. I just thought you might-"

"It's fine, Sam. I get it. Thank you for bringing me here.” I said forcing a fake smile.

When we arrived at Ball's Bluff, we found Rosie and Carl lounging in the grass near the parking area. She stood up when she saw us coming, greeting us with a wave and a wide smile. Sam gave her a long hug and kissed her on the forehead to say hello. She broke free of his grip after snuggling into his chest to hug me around the neck. I loved that girl.

We decided to go on the Interpretive Trail Loop as it was less than a mile long. Carl and Bash jogged happily beside us as we walked, tethered by their leashed harnesses. Rosie and I took a few pictures with our phones and we even took a selfie of all 3 of us. Sam wouldn't smile until Rosie playfully slapped him on the arm. After we finished the trail, we walked around the park, reading the plaques and looking at the battleground monuments. I snapped some pictures of Rosie, Sam and the dogs in front of a genuine cannon with gigantic wheels with Rosie's cellphone. It took a few tries to get one where both dogs were still and both people were smiling. Then I grabbed the dogs' leashes and led them back a few feet to sit in front of me while I took a picture of just their humans. After I got a good one of them both smiling, Sam turned towards Rosie and stared into her eyes longingly, then leaned in and kissed her. I quickly captured it on Rosie's phone, knowing she would appreciate that later. Sam wasn't big on PDA. As I watched Rosie smile affectionately up at Sam, freckled cheeks blushing furiously, I couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy and near crippling pain.

If this were a perfect world, my guy would be here with us too. I handed Rosie her phone and began to follow her and Sam back to the car, lost in thought. Where was he now? Had he remembered that today was my mom's birthday, since he was the one that took me to see her the first time? Was he thinking about me? Did he still love me? Sam said he missed me, but how did he know? Was he just saying that to make me feel better? Suddenly I was jerked back to reality by an excruciating pain in my right foot. I had obliviously stepped on a slippery tree root and rolled my ankle. I immediately collapsed to the ground, pain shooting down my foot and up my leg. Sam and Rosie raced to my side, calling my name and asking if I was okay. Sam picked me up and carried me to his car while Rosie unlocked it and opened the back door. They helped me prop my leg up on some random objects and sweatshirts Sam happened to have in his backseat, and then Sam headed to my house. He must have asked me about 17 times during the 15 minute car ride if I was okay.

He called Gladys when we were about 5 minutes away and asked her to roll my wheelchair outside from the side kitchen door, which had a small concrete ramp leading to a paved area where caterers could pull up to bring food for parties. After we parked beside the kitchen, Sam came around and opened his truck door, reached over to pick me up again, then stopped mid-reach and turned to his left to see Shane stalking up to him looking absolutely furious.

"What the hell Sammy!! You took her hiking?!" He bellowed.

"Listen, it was no-"

"Don't try to tell me it was no big deal! You know how clumsy she is! You might as well have taken her cliff diving!"

I stared wide eyed and open mouthed at Shane's face, which was contorted with anger, wondering why on Earth he was so upset. I was so shocked that I didn't even acknowledge his slight about my clumsiness. Sam took another step towards his truck, but Shane swooped in front of him and scooped me up off the seat, cradling me in his arms. The second he touched me, my heart began beating wildly in my chest and my hands automatically clasped together behind his neck. I hoped wholeheartedly that he couldn't feel how fast it was beating as he held me close and began walking me towards my wheelchair.

"You need to calm down." Sam said serenely, although he flashed Shane a warning look that I didn't quite understand.

"Calm down?! You want me to calm down?! She's my-"

"Your what, Steel?" Sam retorted, a little less calm this time, his eyes bulging slightly.

Shane froze, a look of horror plastered across his magnificent face. Then he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He sat me down gently in my chair before he spoke again.

"My... responsibility. The Senator left me in charge, so it would be my ass on the line if she were seriously injured."

Sam gave Shane a stern but appraising look and then politely apologized. I was floored. I was beginning to think nothing that happened in this house would ever make much sense to me. Sam wheeled me into the Living Room and helped me prop my foot up while Gladys made me an ice pack. He offered to stay for a while but I knew Rosie was waiting for him to go get Bash from her apartment. He had told her to take both dogs there so he could get me home. I thanked him for his help and sent him on his way. Although it was still early, I was in a lot of pain and I felt very tired, so I decided to ask Gladys if she'd help me get to my room. She happily agreed, but was intercepted by a menacing look from Shane.

"I'll do it."

Neither of us argued with him. Once Shane had helped me into my bed and propped my ankle up, he asked if I wanted him to bring my dinner up when it was ready. I politely declined and told him I was just going to go to sleep. He protested until I finally agreed to eat something, then went downstairs and came back a few minutes later with a ham and cheese sandwich and some potato chips. He told me he'd come back for the tray, and when he did I was stricken with a sudden idea.

"Hey, Shane?" I said timidly.

"Hmm?" he replied, holding the tray with the remains of my mostly eaten sandwich on it.

"Do you think you could carry me out to my deck, please? I love sitting on the swing but I don't know if I can hop that far."

I have to confess that the only reason I asked him to do that was because I wanted to be in his arms again. I just couldn't help myself. He stared at me for a full minute before nodding and sitting the dinner tray down on my nightstand. When we got outside, he sat me down gently on the swing, grabbed one of the wrought iron chairs from across the deck for me to rest my foot on, then sat down beside me. I smiled at him in thanks and then leaned back, craning my neck upward to see the night sky.

"Can I ask you a question?" I said quietly.

"Sure you can, but I can't guarantee an answer." he said as he stretched his hands back behind his head and clasped his fingers together.

"Was the fact that you're in charge really the only reason you were worried about me earlier?"

Shane turned his head to the right and gave me a long, calculating look.

"Do you really think anyone who has worked closely with you and your family for this long wouldn't care about your safety?"

Wow! That took me by surprise. I honestly had no idea how to respond to that, so I just looked back up at the stars, deep in thought.

"It's breathtaking." I said in awe after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

"Yeah, it is." Shane whispered.

I turned my head to find his hazel eyes staring directly into mine, and my breath caught in my chest. Adrenaline and something else I didn't quite recognize seemed to course through my veins. He shook his head quickly back and forth and cleared his throat, then tore his gaze away, looking up at the stars. We let a few more minutes go by before Shane stretched his arms above his head, then lowered them onto the back of the swing, his right one resting extremely close to my shoulders. Without the order from my brain, my head instinctively moved into the curve of his arm to rest on his chest. He stiffened very subtly for just a moment, then relaxed. I had a feeling he was smiling, but I was terrified to look, so I just kept staring at the stars, enjoying the cool night air and Shane's presence.

"I should go. I need to check on the rest of the house." He said suddenly.

I nodded and allowed him to carry me back to my bed. I thanked him for helping me and he just inclined his head at me in answer as he backed out of the room. I had seen a completely different side of Shane. And although I wasn't sure if I was going to see my mystery man in my dreams that night, I was almost certain I would be seeing Shane there.