Blood of Ash

chapter 16: Asher POV

Despite what she said, I knew she was scared and was having some regrets. Of course she would be regretting things. I was very careful that she didn't see me act the way I did with the pack. I mean, I wasn't actively trying to hide my personality, but I never wanted her to have to see that side of me. I never saw the need for her to see the aggressive side of me. Of course, she caught glimpses sometimes, like when I attacked Jackson at school. I was spiraling. I needed to calm down, but I had become somewhat reliant on Bells to keep me calm. Since she wasn't here I was struggling. She had left without changing back into her dress that she wore to school, so I shoved the extra pillow into the dress and cuddled with my face buried against it.

I was just slipping into a light sleep when a voice intruded in my head. Alpha?

I groaned. Yes?

Forgive the intrusion. I realize you were starting to sleep. Nothing but respect and apologies came through emotion wise. I noticed something about your dynamic with Luna Bella today that I would like to bring to your attention, if I may.

Make it quick, Adam.

Yes, Alpha. Basically, I'm concerned that there's something more than the mating bond connecting you two.

Like what?

There's any number of possibilities, however the bond you two have seems much stronger than a normal mate bonded pair. If I may speak frankly, I'm surprised you were able to hide her being your mate from us all these years.

What do you think is the most likely probability?

Witchcraft?

I shook my head and felt the growl travel through the mind link. Not possible. I checked everyone in her family when I went for family gatherings. There are no witches in her bloodline.

Apologies Alpha. Could it perhaps be...?

I froze. The implications of where that thought was headed was too much. There was no way the Goddess had blessed me in that manner. I highly doubt it.

He bowed mentally and left me to my thoughts. It wasn't long before I felt a gentle caress against my mental barriers followed by a questioning tug on our bond. I responded in turn with a slight rumble of pleasure, before opening my barriers to her. Asher? Why do you seem so sad?

I glanced at my mirror before realizing just how pathetic I truly looked. It's nothing, Bells. I was just in a bad mood. Did you make it home?

There was plenty of hesitation. Not exactly.

Where are you?

I'm safe, Ash. Don't worry. I just...didn't feel like going home just yet. I needed to think.

Just tell me you're at the cabin at least please.

I felt her smile. I am. I promise I'll let you know when I get home.

I was starting to drift off again when I heard a knock. I could tell there wasn't anyone knocking anywhere in the pack house, so where was the sound coming from. It took me several moments to realize that what I was seeing was a memory, but it wasn't my own. I was inside Bella's house, but it was years ago. Back when Jackson tried to claim her.

I (she?) opened the door to see 12 year old me standing there, cheeks flushed in excitement. "Ash," She/I exclaimed. "What's going on?"

She/I felt something strange in our tummy at the sight of my flushed cheeks. I grinned and said, "Come on, Bells! Don't tell me you forgot your own birthday!"

She blushed and followed me grinning from ear to ear. We arrived at the cabin and I (the me experiencing these memories) cringed at the embarrassment. This was the day I had intended to confess everything to her. This was the day I gave her the necklace and almost kissed her. She/I turned around while 12 year old me put the necklace on her. She felt a flutter in her tummy as my fingers lingered on the back of her neck. She blushed and felt some sort of excitement as I nuzzled her neck. She turned around and hesitated slightly while thinking Kiss me Asher. I want to know how it feels. I watched and felt her disappointment as the other me smiled a bit before stepping back. It's okay. You probably just weren't ready yet. I watched as the other me left and she stayed behind in that cabin. I had no idea she had stayed at all that day. As soon as I was gone, she relaxed her grip on her frustration and I suddenly smelled her arousal. She/I knew what s*x was of course, but we'd never felt any sort of arousal or anything before that moment. She clutched at the necklace I gave her and felt all sorts of pleasure as she briefly grazed her breast, so she started exploring. I witnessed in surprise as she made love to herself for the first time while fantasizing that it was not her hand touching her, but in fact was mine.

I snapped back to reality to the sound of chirping birds and the scent of cherry blossoms surrounding me. I groaned as I knew without looking that I had a major hard on. It had been a decent amount of time since I had woke up with a hard on. I was so out of it, I didn't even realize I wasn't alone in the room until she touched my arm. I jumped in surprise only to instantly relax. It was just Bella. Wait. Bella?! I blushed like crazy as I remembered the dream I had just woke up from.

She smiled at me and said, "Hey, Ash." I looked around confused. My room was always locked. How did she get in? "You always leave your window unlocked dummy. It's not that hard to climb your wall." At my visible confusion she said, "I don't know what happened. I was in the cabin, thinking about..." she trailed off while blushing. "Well, it doesn't matter what I was thinking about, but suddenly I felt you tug on the bond, until I finally left to come see you."

I swallowed thickly. "Bells? What were you thinking about?" She flushed crimson but refused to answer. "Bells, do you remember your birthday when I gave you that necklace and took you to the cabin?" She nodded but still refused to look at me. "Bells?"

She growled in frustration, "Ash please stop asking me. And stop calling me that for now please."

I hesitated before following our bond over to her end and being blasted by the thought This is so embarrassing. I turned her to look at me and softly said, "What's embarrassing, Bella?"

I felt her internal cringe as she looked me in the eyes and said, "It doesn't matter, Ash. What do you want to know?"

I gently said, "Did I mess up that day?"

She hesitated. "What do you mean?"

"I had planned to tell you everything there at the cabin after giving you your necklace. Was I just clueless? Because I thought I had the whole mood set perfectly and was about to kiss you when I felt your hesitation and fear. But...I just had this dream, where it was that whole incident from your eyes and you were begging me to kiss you in your mind. You were aroused so much, but I never smelled it. I watched as you watched me leave just to love yourself, imagining it was me. So you tell me. Is what I saw just a dream?" She hesitated again. "How many times did I mess up, Bells? How many opportunities did I miss? Please Bells. Tell me."

She pressed her forehead against mine. "You don't want to know, Ash." I pressed for answers one last time. "Ash, nearly every time I was at the cabin, I was imagining those things. Whether you were there or not."

I groaned and pulled her close, kissing her hard and apologetically. "I was so stupid, Bells. I have no idea how I missed any of this. My only guess is that i was mistaking some of your feelings for mine. Let me make it up to you?"

~some time later~

We were laying in bed, cuddled together and she was playing with the hairs on my chest. To think that I had waited so long to love her. I gently kissed her forehead. Every moment we spent living each other was even more amazing than the last and I always felt amazed how quickly I wanted more. She made some unintelligible nose and turned my head to look down into her eyes. I smiled as she said through our bond I love you, Ash.

I rumbled, I love you too, Bells. Thank you for accepting our bond.

She looked confused. What's the difference between communicating through our matter bond and communicating via mind link?

There isn't too much difference. The primary difference is that we can talk not only here, but also through our feelings. There's no hiding in the mate bond. Is there anything else you wondering?

I do have a question. I thought you were adopted and didn't know your parents? I winced and nodded. Then how did you become the leader of your pack?

Firstly, as the Luna of the pack, you need to remember that terminology is important. The leader is ALWAYS an alpha or Luna. Secondly, I found out after my dad died. At her confused look I said, "I can show you if you like." She nodded and I gently pushed the memory across the mate bond.

It was Bella's 12th birthday still. I had left the cabin and already nearly tore out Jackson's throat for what he had said about my mate. Alex came into my room and said, "Hey, you have a letter."

I tore open the letter in a fit of rage and froze as I read it's contents.

My dearest boy,

I hope this letter finds you well. By the time you read this, I'll already be dead. You never met me. The person you knew as your father was not the man who gave birth to you. I've watched you all these years and I know how hard it's been. I wish I could have been present in your life, but it would have put you and your sister in danger. The truth is, Your mother and I were mates. However, she was already happily married to someone else and had no desire to take on the responsibilities that she would have had to if she and I had completed our bond. We had a secret relationship for months and that's when you came into existence. Your sister knew about our relationship and a few days after you were born, your mother got sick. She died very soon afterwards. Your father discovered our relationship at the funeral. I put everyone's lives at risk that day and your father paid for it. I knew then that I couldn't raise you to be who you were meant to be. You and your sister were put up for adoption together, however I made sure it was with a family that could be trusted to protect you. I had intended to bring you back when you turned 16 and were able to start your training, however it doesn't look like things are going to go as planned. Simply put, you are more powerful than you could have ever thought. You are the son of an Alpha. My only son. That means you are my heir. You sir are the next alpha. Go to the address on the back of this letter. You'll find the pack house. They teach you everything you need to know. You've grown to be such a fine young man, son. I'm aware you found your mate already. I hope you never have to experience the pain I went through when I lost your mother. I don't have anymore time, son. I love you.

I growled and did the one thing I could think of to find peace. I followed the mate bond to seek some solace in Bella's uneventful world. I then went straight to the address on the letter where I met the pack. Since then, most of the older generation either resigned or died and was replaced by the current younger members.

Bella gasped as we withdrew from the memory. I smelled her sympathy but at the same time, I smelled an underlying hint of fresh arousal. She blushed as I raised an eyebrow at her and huskily said, "Get back over here, Bells. We'll finish our conversation later."

She giggled as I pulled her back on top of me and kissed her as her hair fell like curtains around us.