Dusk Kisses

10

"Happy birthday, ‘nak! Namimiss ka na namin dito" Manang helen was the one who opened the door for us, she wrapped her arm around my waist as she led us to our dining area, ang daming pagkain. “My god, you cooked chicken cords, manang?” she tousled my hair, and there she made me feel every little bit of her fondness for me. It hasn’t been long since we met each other but all i can say is i’m so thankful that i gained another person to treasure.

“Syempre, paborito yun ng alaga ko, e,” I returned the smile she gave me. I turned around to see kung nasa likod ko pa ba si Sy but I was wrong. I saw her taking a lot of pictures in the pool area, kitang kita sa glass window. Oh, my gosh. This selfie queen. She takes photos every chance she gets. Walang kasawaan. Porke kasi photogenic, nilubos-lubos naman na.

I just sighed and walked towards her at hinila ang braso niya, gently.

"Teka naman sandali! Ang ganda ng view, oh! Tas yung garden lights pa---ah, aray!" Tuluyan ko na siyang hinila dahil gutom na 'ko.

"Hanggang bukas pa tayo dito, wag kang parang nasa amusement park," i blurted out

she gasped with a whole lot of enthusiasm "Talaga?! Omg, sige kain muna tayo!" she touched her stomach na parang naramdaman na rin ang gutom.

Kala mo naman first time nakapunta dito. well i can't blame her, it's been years.

I chuckled when I noticed how silent Kent was. And not gonna lie, this is the first time I saw him this quiet. Nakatingin sa kanya si dad so I assume that's why he can't move freely. The moment his gaze held mine, I smiled slightly. Our encounters lately were beyond my definition of nice. We often misunderstand things, and that’s completely normal. We’re teenagers; prone to making mistakes. Who knows? Maybe we could be better as time goes by. I’m still thankful I met these people. Especially, Sy, kahit minsan---o madalas, nakakainis na yung ingay niya. 

I almost laughed at what’s in front of me! Kent is obviously intimidated by how dad throws a look on him, can’t blame him, totoo naman kasi. Parang anytime maglalabas ng laser yung mata ni Dad! I saw how mom noticed it, too but for her? Ignorance is bliss. She couldn’t care less. As always. She flashed a deceiving smile as she gestured to us to take our seats. 

I just want a peaceful night please...

"Oh, hijo? Where's your mom? Bakit hindi mo sinama si Estela?" Mom broke the silence. 

"Uhh," he looked at me in front of him before clearing his throat. "Mom has too much on her plate po.... tita, Kailangan niya daw po munang tapusin 'yon," mom nodded as she took her spoon out of her mouth.

She was slicing through her steak, hence, she can only give me a few-second-glance. "How about yung... ibang friends mo, Lauri?" Mom said as casual as she could get.

My brows flickered up, being alert to what she has to say. "They're on their way na po, kakatext lang sa 'kin" hindi na rin namin sila hinintay dahil late na rin at lagpas na sa tamang oras 'yung pagkain namin. And that’s one thing Dad has so much reserved hate for. 

"So, how's your studies?" I was a bit nervous when i heard my dad's voice. Ayoko sanang makagawa ng kahit anong bagay na makakapag lala ng kaba ko. For once.. i don't want to feel the pressure i am dealing with for every moment of my life.

"So far, so good naman po. Wala po akong nabagsak na subjects kaya i wasn't really that stressed." I smiled shortly. Good thing my voice didn't tremble!

“Wala kang bagsak?” confusion was about to crawl upon my mere existence but thank goodness, he parted his lips again to talk. “Aba, dapat lang.” he says as if failing is never an option. "How about you Kent? Kent, right? " Pagninigurado ni dad. "I heard a lot about you from my wife" He pointed at mom with his hand. "Balita ko, you're an intelligent man" he wiped his mouth with a table napkin before sipping from a glass of wine.  Even his movements make me agitated! Ano pa kaya pag nagsasalita siya.

He smiles nervously but nevertheless, still trying to make it appear normal. "If doing what is expected of me is considered as being intelligent, then I guess, I am, sir.”  my jaw dropped out of surprise. It’s not that he’s presumptuous or whatever. Kasi totoo naman, he is intelligent, pero, grabe ang yabang? Bahagyang napatawa si Dad, and that made me arch a brow. 

"There's no need to call me Sir. Tito nalang, hijo.”  he took a sip on his wine before trailing his sight back to the star. Birthday ko pero ibang tao pinag-uusapan namin, seriously? But, may I just say, I'm quite thankful, at least I'm not the one they bombard with questions.  “What are your plans after high school?" Halos malito na ang mga mata ko kung kanino titingin. One second my eyes were on Kent, another second it would trail to my dad, tapos lilipat kay mom na tila oblivious sa mga nangyayari, susunod kay Aia na naghihintay lang katulad ni Sy then soon after it'll be at Kent's again. Medyo naging at ease siya at parang nakahinga pa ng mas maayos. But peculiarly, the edginess won't just come away from his aura. Dad smirked as if he’s onto something "Travel? Year-long vacation? Sports?" Dad took a wild guess but none of it is in Kent’s interest, that’s what his face tells me.

“Straight to college, si---tito,” 

“Really? Gotta say i’m a bit surprised, hindi kasi college ang iniisip ng mga ilang bata ngayon… and know what? They have this saying--” he looked on his side, the one where mom sits at. “The yolo thing? What’s that again, hon?” 

“You only live once?” sa’n naman nalaman ni mama ‘to

“Yeah, right, that gibberish.” he continues to cut through his steak as Kent waits for whatever Dad has to say. “Kids these days are so… unfeasible, they only think of what’s happening right now and never what’s gonna happen tomorrow.” umiling iling pa si Dad. Pinariringgan niya ba ako? Ako ba yung tinutukoy niya? Dahil lang hindi pa ko nakakapagdecide for college? 

“Like Lauri Selene, here,” and just like what i thought.

I tried hard enough to stop myself from rolling my eyes but I can't really help it. So I tried executing the eye-roll very subtly. “Hindi ka pa rin ba nakapamili ng kukunin mong course?”

At that moment, I knew that this night wouldn't be my night. “D-dad, I thought w-we already talked about this?”

“Talked about what, anak?” he chuckled with the highest sarcasm he has. “You barely even said anything, you never assured me. Bata ka pa, pabago bago ka ng isip, but that doesn’t mean you’ll stick to that.”

I exhaled heavily thinking that it would calm me down. I was wrong. All I did was to contain it all inside. All of it. “Being indecisive about what I'm gonna take in college doesn’t mean I don't wanna go to college! Gosh.” They’ve been planning my whole life since the day I existed, ano pa bang mali? Tangina naman. 

“Anton…” mom already sided with dad, she caressed his hand to make him calm down. But to no avail, not a single caress would stop him.

“No, Elaine, she needs a little push,” a little push? Damn that. Every little push forms into something really big when they’re constantly pushing.

“But it’s her day.” It only took one stare from dad for mom to stand back. 

“You should be like---this guy, Kent” he looked at him briefly. “His goals are straight, not like yours. Ano na lang ang mangyayari sa buhay mo kung lagi kang hindi makapagdesisyon? Do you want me to make the final decision?” 

I scoffed, being so done over this thing. “Like what you did to Ate?” I saw how Dad’s jaw hardened when he looked at me with blazing anger in his eyes.

“Lauri.” Aia’s tone was so off. I am all aware I just hit a nerve. A nerve so sore, nobody wants to talk about it. “You wanted her to take Business ad but she wanted to take the path to med school, right? Of course, I’m right.” With my chin up, I tried my best to compose words. Ayokong mabastos sila pero kailangan nilang malaman na kahit papaano, dapat kontrolado ko ang buhay ko. Buhay ko ‘to, e. Hindi naman sila ang mahihirapan kung sakaling magkamali ako---at kung magkamali man ako, parte yun ng buhay ko.

“Lauri, tama na--”

“No, ate!”

“You did everything you could to make her do what you want.” madiin kong sabi, i was not being careful. I emphasized everything that could be emphasized. “And what happened now? She gave up some of her privileges, para lang ano? Para magawa niya yung gusto niya!” Aia has been tight with her money since she got into college. She pays her own tuition, she stopped buying things that made her happy. She stopped using that black-card-privilege our parents gave her when she was 18.  Damn she uses cheap things just like her annoying test-good-sign-pen. Gosh, she already experienced working at a call center company-- that’s the last thing I expected from her. She didn’t care about being the heir of a group of companies because she didn’t want that. It may not seem like a tremendous sacrifice but it is still a sacrifice. 

“Do I have to do that, too?” The urge of breaking down wasn’t in my plan but I think I had enough. I know I'm still young and still have a shitload of things to learn about, pero tangina naman. Karapatan kong pumili para sa sarili ko! I got distracted when the doorbell suddenly rang. It must be the girls. God, nakita pa nila Kent yung ganitong hindi na dapat. They don;t have any idea how much I wanted to disappear at that moment. "Excuse me," Dad wiped the side of his lips with his own table napkin and suddenly stood up, walked straight upstairs. 

“You must apologize, Sela. you just did something really bad. I am so... disappointed in you.” Mom threw those words, and those got mentally highlighted in my mind. 

Great. What a day.

“I’m sorry,” i licked my lower lips. How is it my fault when dad was the one who opened this topic? Hadn’t he done that, hindi na sana nagresulta sa ganito. “I caused a scene.” Bulong ko bago dumiretso sa receiving area at sinalubong sila Mae at Xera. 

I grew up living with my parents but feeling away from them. They say they only want what’s good for me pero paano naman yung mga gusto ko? Balewala na lang? Kahit hindi naman masama para sa akin? Hindi nila ako masisisi kung bakit malayo ang loob ko sa kanila. They don’t even notice whenever i’m down or whatever, ang mahalaga lang sa kanila business, stocks, investments. Yung nga yata yung first three words ko nung baby ako. They’ve been grooming me to take over our business kaya lagi na lang nila ako tinatanong kung may napili na ba akong program para kung ayaw nila, they’d disagree as fast as lightning. “Lauri,” Mom called me while she was walking towards me. I uncrossed my arms and trailed my sight away from my friends for a moment. “Pinaayos ko na yung room mo, and the guest room… incase your friend, Kent would also like to sleepover,”

From just looking at mom, I turned my whole attention to her t’saka siya hinarap. “Oh he… he’s not sleeping over, may susundo raw sa kanya.”

“He’s a nice kid, you need more people like him around you, he’s such a nice influence.” tama naman pero nakakairita lang minsan. Turning my head away, I rolled my eyes subtly. “Your dad, please be patient with him. He just wants everything to be perfect for you. Ikaw na lang ang inaasahan niya, yung ate mo, ayaw naman ng business niyan. Sino na lang ang makikinabang sa lahat ng pinaghirapan namin kung wala sa mga anak namin ang interesado sa negosyo?”

“Ma, I'm taking everything one step at a time. How could i learn kung lahat na lang kayo ang gagawa?”

“You have a point but--”

Smiling just to hide my anger is the least thing I'm good at, but I still try. “But mas tama si dad?” continuing to fake a smile, I tried so hard not to clench my jaw. “Always.” kailan ba ako naging tama? Nakakatawa. “It’s my day. And in three hours it’s going to end already. Pwede bang enjoyin ko na lang yung tatlong oras? Kung pwede lang naman po.” I politely asked mom to stop talking about how I'm always wrong.

“Y-yeah of course… go to your friends and enjoy, aakyat na ako.” she dictated to me what to do… again. They’re always like this. Subtly telling me---rather controlling me what to do. They don’t even notice it themselves. And there she left me. A tear escaped from my eye but I immediately wiped it away, being scared they might see the weak in me. I never demanded for them to be as showy and expressive as other parents. Pero ganun naman talaga dapat ‘di ba? Dapat pinapakita nila na mahalaga yung anak nila? Pero bakit pakiramdam ko isa lang rin ako sa mga investments nila? Hindi ko nga masabi sa kanila yung totoo kong nararamdaman because of the fear that they might say na nagdadrama lang ako. 

What else can I do? Nothing but keep it all to myself. Ni hindi nga nila ako binati ngayong birthday ko. I wanted to f*****g laugh at that moment but i didn’t want to come out to be as crazy as sisa. 

“Hey,” Kent suddenly appeared beside me, he was reaching for his phone on the table. “Are you okay?”

Tangina. Isang sentence lang yun pero bakit parang may tutulong luha na naman?! “Of course I am.” but I knew my eyes said otherwise.

“Should I pretend to believe you?” I let out a small laugh. It wasn’t his words that made me laugh. It was his way of asking. Parang seryoso siya na nagtatanong kung dapat ba siyang magpanggap. “About earlier, I’m sorry… i didn’t know---”

“Listen, It wasn’t your fault. That has been our problem since long before I transferred here. Wala kang kasalanan.” kahit mangalay yung panga ko, okay lang. Kahit sa ngiti lang ako magmukhang okay. 

“Not be insensitive, pwede ko ban’g malaman what course are you planning to take?”

“Industrial engineering.”

“Really?” he seemed amused but also hesitant as if he’s already doubting what i want.

“If you’re going to tell me that I don't fit in there, please know I don't care.” He laughed. The nerve?!

“First of all, ang galing, ah? Rhymes,” oo nga, ‘no. “Second, I won’t say na hindi yun bagay sa ‘yo. I was just… rather surprised. Third and last, It’s not common for women to like engineering, they often like the ones who take engineering,” he chuckled softly, looking at what’s in front of him. Our friends.  We settled in the backyard lounge kasi nangangalay na ‘ko, kanina pa ako nakatayo rito.

“You guys like some chips?” i asked the girls but they all said no, mamay na lang raw kapag magmomovie marathon na kami. “Ikaw, gusto mo?”

“Chips?”

“Hindi, ako.” His eyes wide and his lips parted I can read all of the feeling he’s been showing out in the open. Confusion, doubt (to himself, as if he’s asking if what he heard was right) and surprise. 

“What?” hindi siya katulad ng ibang tao na expressive ng nararamdaman nila kaya minsan laking achievement ko na yun when I catch him off guard. 

“I was just kidding, ano ka ba, hindi ka na ba pwedeng biruin?” i laughed because of the look in his face. “Pero gusto mo nga?”

“Ikaw?”

I nervously forced myself to smile. We’re friends, hindi dapat awkward kapag ganitong nagbibiruan kami---But why the hell do i feel like there’s something?! “Y-yung chips...” sagot ko nang diretso. Wala namang rason para magdalawang isip ako. 

“I mean, ikaw ba gusto mo ba?” he threw the question back to me.

Para na yata kong aligagang nagaabang ng pagkakataon para makalayo saglit, na pati ito papatulan ko. Kailangan ko lang huminga sandali. “Yeah, kukuha lang ako, wait,” another lie i’ve said. Tatayo na sana ako kaso bigla siyang nagsalita.

“Ako na, what do you want?” 

“Kahit ano,” he grinned as if he expected that coming. He stood up, going directly to the portable table I was beside earlier. 

I have a dry towel hanging on my shoulder, ayaw ko muna magswimming kasi nilalamig pa ako. "Hoy halika dito! Di pa tayo tapos, oy!" i heard Syrus yelled. she was so pressed. i chuckled.

"Di ko naman sinasadya! it was an accident, okay?" Maerenica made a peace sign while continuously laughing. Trying to convince Sy that she didn't do something on purpose. 

"'lul! 'wag ako! Nasinghot ko 'yung tubig! Punyeta ka." pati ang pagdiin niya sa huling salita niya ay hindi nakaligtas sa pandinig ko. Sy massaged her head at ibinagsak ang kamay sa tubig. I presume they were playing until may pumasok na tubig sa ilong ni Syrus.

"Ay hindi na, hindi na. I-i promise" i chuckled when Mae sounded like a mother, inaalo ang anak. Pinunasan niya 'yung mukha ni syrus at tsaka hinawakan ang buhok nito.

"Ay put--" we all laughed when Mae submerged Syrus' face once again.

Kahit si Xera ay napatawa nito, she was sitting at the edge of the pool; Wearing a black bralette and black dolphin shorts. Aia decided to join them kaya siya naman ang pinagtripan nila. I evaluated her look, she was wearing a white sports b*a at saka black dolphin shorts na may white stripes sa gilid.

Naglaro rin sila ng taya tayaan, it was difficult for them na tumakbo dahil nga they're in the pool kaya natatawa na lang ako kapag si Syrus na 'yung hinahabol, she'd always get frenetic!

"Bakit ba ako lang lagi niyong tinatarget napapagod na 'ko, ha!" Sy complained. She looks like a kid na nagrereklamong may langgam 'yung candy niya. Haha! "Alam ko namang maganda ako and kapansin-pansin ako, okay? pero 'wag naman sana ako lagi!"

"dito ka na nga lang pinipili, ayaw mo pa?" Xera had enough audacity to bring that up!

"Ang sakit no'n, ah?!"

"Hoy ikaw! akala mo porke birthday mo palalampasin ka namin?" I raised my brows kay Aia. Daha-dahan silang umahon lahat at lumapit sa akin. They all looked like they had plotted something just by looking at each other's eyes! naks telepathy.

I wrinkled my forehead. At first I was really clueless, pero na-sense 'kong balak nila akong itapon sa pool! I probably looked pathetic at that part where I was asking for help but all of them were in favor of splashing me into the water!

when i sank, my back arched--masakit ang pagbagsak ko dahil sabay-sabay nila akong binitawan! kung posible lang na sumigaw sa ilalim ng pool baka nagawa ko na. I felt some water went inside my ear. Alam ko ng magmumukha akong bolang tumatalbog sa tubig that is why I turned my back against Kent's sight before trying to take out the f*****g water out from my ear canal! thankfully, natanggal naman.

“You’re quiet,” pansin ko kay Kent simula nung nagdinner kami. 

“No I’m not,” he suddenly smiled, backing up his denial. If only i didn’t saw how his face was earlier, iisipin ko talagang totoo yung pinapakita niya.

I wiped my face once again to take all the dropping water out of my face. Pinunasan ko rin yung buhok ko t’saka ko sinampay yung towel ko sa balikat ko. "Should I call them over?" I asked when I sat in front of t"he lounge chair Kent was sitting on. 

"who?"

"the three musketeers?” I joked.

"Daus just got his license, i don't think he's sober right now--kasama niya si Mark. wala kang maasahan kay Kiel, Busy maging candidate for valedictorian" I nodded while I was trailing my eyes from his. I don't want him to think that I'm a creep.

"Bes hindi vitamins 'yung pagiging tanga, ha? Wag mong araw arawin!" Pang-aasar ni Sy. they're playing chicken fight.

Nahulog rin kakatawa si Syrus mula sa balikat ni Aia, sinasadya kasi nila ni Xera na umalog-alog kaya medyo nakakainom na ng tubig si Mae at Aia. My snicker urged Kent to watch the girls, too.

"they're having fun."

"yeah..." I was smiling the whole time, watching the girls.

"So should you. It's still your day... their game's kinda physical but seem fun… tara, sali tayo?" my eyes widened when he asked me. If it isn't obvious yet, I got so excited but that enthusiasm backed out when I remembered I kinda gained weight... pero hindi naman ganun kalaki yung na-gain ko!

"uh--" I paused. My brain didn't seem to recover just yet. "Are you---are you sure? I gained weight. Baka mabig--" he didn't even let me finish at tumayo na ka agad siya. He stood in front of me then leaned forward, closer to me.

"seriously?" he grinned. "what exactly.. Do you take me? a sissy" he sounded like he's ready to take on the challenge. I narrowed my eyes.

“Fine,” I raised both of my hands in the air like I was surrendering. I leaned over, "game on"

There was nothing but confidence in his face. Yabang talaga. "Okay," he smiled even wider.

"Uh... Okay----Just please, tighten your grip! Once I fall, I'll drown you down in the water!" I threatened him.

"Basta pag nahulog ka, don't panic. Nandito naman ako, i'll catch you" I looked away dahil alam kong namumula na naman ako, gosh!

It’s normal for friends to joke like this. 

I keep convincing myself na ganito lang talaga si Kent, na wala lang yun sa kanya pero bakit parang nakakainis? Bakit ba kasi ganito siya magsalita? Parang laging may laman? Tss, it shouldn't be a question anymore, of course it’s Kent; he doesn’t take everything seriously. 

He submerged himself hanggang sa hanggang bewang niya na yung tubig nasa gilid lang ako ng pool, nakaupo. I was waiting for his go signal para pumatong na ako sa balikat niya. Nako conscious pa ako ng slight kasi baka mabigatan siya sa akin.

"Oh, diba ang bigat" i tried to discourage him.

But he was one hell of a quick wit. "what? you're so light nga! Kumakain ka pa ba?" I grimaced at bahagyang tinap yung ulo niya. He just laughed. "Kasama ka dapat sa fineeding, don't you think you're malnourished na--aray!" I tapped his forehead. It wasn’t that hard naman, over lang ‘tong lalaking to.

Lumapit kami kila mae para makipagtulakan, salitan sila ni Xera. I was already holding Mae's hand at bahagyang tinutulak na sila but my attention was caught by Syrus.

"Aahon na pala ako, kabog ako 'teh, e!" She teased.

"Aia sure ka na bang di na tayo magiinvite ng boys? Baka lang naman?" syrus did her pabebe thing, she put a little amount of strands of her hair behind her ear while pouting. such a cutie. Based on Aia's laugh, I can say she's kinda aware na palabiro talaga si syrus.

"hanggang sana all ka muna" Syus frowned when Aia said that.

"edi shene all" Syrus stuck her tongue when she said the last word. her pabebe way.

"oh please, stop. Ikaw wikipedia nagdadala ka pa ng miriam webster dito, ah" i joked, though kami lang ni syrus nagkaintindihan. "What?" Kent looked up so he can see me, confusion took over his face.

"It was an esoteric joke." I backed myself up. I don't want them to feel out of place just for a simple joke."and pang maganda lang yung joke na 'yon" I stared at his eyes. 

"bakit ikaw maganda ka ba?" He pouted as i raise a brow. Hindi hindi naman ako nainis sa sinabi niya. Alam ko naman kasing di 'yon totoo. Bukod sa araw-araw ko nang nakikita sa salamin ang kagandahan ko, marami na rin ang mga nagtangkang manligaw. Lahat tinanggihan ko, I was too young for love back then. 

"'tong mukhang 'to?" i pointed my face while looking down to him, "sorry pero marami ng nabasted 'to" i flaunted.

"Let's put an end to that," he chuckled softly seconds after, then he looked away.