Yearning For A Bullet

Shoot Me

Wyetta's POV

    As I lay here on the ground soaking in my pool of blood and taking in the last breaths, my life flashed before my eyes in a quick reel. My chest didn’t tighten in pain nor did I feel remorseful for dying so soon because there was nothing worth remembering or crying over. My life in my memories was black and white and the only color that I remember is red. The color of blood and agony.

    Even in the last moments, when I should be begging for forgiveness from God, that is if he exists, for all the lives that I have taken and all the families I have ruined and the countless sin I have committed, I still didn’t feel an ounce of guilt for my crimes. I never felt regretful for my actions because I knew what I was doing and I was ready to be resented for it but there is one thing, one single thing that I wish I never did and it is the sole action of mine which haunts me even now.

    I recall the memories of how my life got me to this end. I remember as a child, my life was very colorful and even though I knew what my future will be like I still avoided it thinking as long as I ignored it, my life will be as blissful as it was then but I was too naive. My pretentious world where- everything will work as I wish it to be, was never the reality and the realization was too cruel to bear.

    I remember the last time I laughed was when I was playing with my parents in the backyard of our house, I remember their soft smiles and their happy faces as they watched me play but don’t they say that happy times never last long? One moment I was playing with them and in another we heard gunshots ringing in the air followed by the painful shouts of men guarding us outside. Before we knew it, there was a flood of blood coating our once green backyard.

    My father rushed us out while he remained with his men to fight. I yelled and sobbed for my father to go with us but he promised to come back for us. My mom dragged me to escape as we made our way through the secret tunnel with guards following us shortly. Gunfire echoed loudly behind our backs and I could feel my mother’s hands shaking with fear but even in her worst times, she was comforting my cries. She hugged me tightly to her and ran with me towards the exit, the footsteps growing closer on us. The exit was right in front of us, just a few more steps and we would be out and away from all this danger, just a few more steps!

    A loud shot pierced our ears as our heartbeat quickened and sweat droplets fell from our forehead while we kept our eyes on the exit but we all didn’t expect the bullet to hit right on the back of my mother. She staggered in her steps and her head rolled back in excruciating pain as she shrieked loudly, the guards immediately shielded us but they were quickly outnumbered. My mother who was jolting in pain didn’t loosen her grip on me even though she was evidently stumbling in her steps. Watching her in affliction and suffering brought more tears to my eyes as I cried for my mother. She remained strong, even though a slight movement was hurting her like hell, she remained standing and without looking back she walked towards the exit.

    I tried to remove my head from her neck to look at her but she kept a tight grip on the back of my head, maybe it was because she didn’t want me to see her in pain. As soon as we were out of the tunnel, she put me down on the ground, never looking down at me while I kept staring up at her. Before I could ask her anything, more men came by as backup and some of them went in the tunnel to look for enemies while others went to search for my father as per my mother’s order.

    But soon a badly injured man came in sight with the report that my father has passed away, my mother who remained strong even after taking a bullet tumbled down in weakness upon hearing the news of her husband’s death. It was more deadly than the life-threatening bullet in her back. I didn’t know what to do, I was confused whether I should help my mother or mourn for my father but soon my mother who was only sustaining her life to see her beloved once more passed away soon after the news.

    I would have never guessed that the day which started out so perfectly would end up so miserably. I lost my parents right before my eyes and I couldn’t do anything. This angered me and also made me helpless at the same time. I was treated like a princess by my parents but what now? What was I to do now?

    The future that I detested so much sought me out in the most wicked manner possible and before I could even touch my parent’s body or watch them buried, I was dragged away by the men working for my parents in the name of ‘protection’ and ‘training’.

    I remember the first time I was bullied; I remember the names they used to call me and I remember their ugly faces when they snarled. I remember being slapped for being a brat, starved for being picky and ignored when I cried. No one was bothered about me anymore. These people were not only malicious in their actions but also with their words!

    I was tortured, I was abused, I was raped mentally and stripped off any feelings of compassion, kindness, softness, happiness, and affection. I was thrown into the world of ruthless people filled with obscene and gruesome intentions but I learned to survive. I killed my innocent emotions with my very own hands and smoldered my soft heart into a hard rock and finally arose from the ashes of my previous life of a weak and vulnerable child to a strong and heartless woman.

    This filthy place filled with disgusting and despicable people had become my home. I no longer wanted to run away from my fate, from reality and my heritage. I was no longer the child who was worried about her future. I no longer cared about what will happen in my life or whether destiny will make me stand on the threshold of gun point again. I didn’t care about anything anymore.

    As the fear of death abandoned me into this violent world of guns, cigarettes, gambling, blood, and life, my perspective towards life got thinner and thinner until there was no shine left in my eyes. 'Life' that I once valued had become a living curse for me, family that I once cherished had become a burden on me, the smile and laughs that I once loved had become repulsive for me and the barbarity that I once hated, became my life.

    The hatred that I once disliked had become my tool to take lives, the pain and violence that I once feared now calmed me down and the people who slaughtered a person's life, his ambitions and grieve his family had now become my subordinates. Funny, how there was nothing funny left in my life yet I led a prosperous life as the sole heir of the underworld.

    Taking lives, spilling blood, watching people cry had me soulless. There was nothing in the world that could move my dead heart and even my hands never trembled on the gun. My eyes never blinked with tears while pointing a gun at someone's forehead until it was the head of that person.

    "Shoot me." He whispered with a soft smile as he got onto his knees and looked directly into my eyes but a sleek tear betrayed his courageous charade.