HOW TO

HOW TO SPUR PEOPLE ON TO SUCCESS

PETE BARLOW WAS an old friend of mine. He had a dog-and-pony act and

spent his life travelling with circuses and vaudeville shows. I loved to watch

Pete train new dogs for his act. I noticed that the moment a dog showed the

slightest improvement, Pete patted and praised him and gave him meat and

made a great to-do about it.

That’s nothing new. Animal trainers have been using that same

technique for centuries.

Why, I wonder, don’t we use the same common sense when trying to

change people that we use when trying to change dogs? Why don’t we use

meat instead of a whip? Why don’t we use praise instead of condemnation?

Let us praise even the slightest improvement. That inspires the other person

to keep on improving.

In his book I Ain’t Much, Baby – But I’m All I Got, the psychologist

Jess Lair comments: ‘Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit; we

cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only too

ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow

reluctant to give our fellow the warm sunshine of praise.’1

I can look back at my own life and see where a few words of praise

have sharply changed my entire future. Can’t you say the same thing about

your life? History is replete with striking illustrations of the sheer witchery

of praise.

For example, many years ago a boy of ten was working in a factory in

Naples. He longed to be a singer, but his first teacher discouraged him. ‘You

can’t sing,’ he said. ‘You haven’t any voice at all. It sounds like the wind in

the shutters.’

But his mother, a poor peasant woman, put her arms about him and

praised him and told him she knew he could sing, she could already see an

improvement, and she went barefoot in order to save money to pay for his

music lessons. That peasant mother’s praise and encouragement changed

that boy’s life. His name was Enrico Caruso, and he became the greatest

and most famous opera singer of his age.

In the early nineteenth century, a young man in London aspired to be a

writer. But everything seemed to be against him. He had never been able to

attend school more than four years. His father had been flung in jail because

he couldn’t pay his debts, and this young man often knew the pangs of

hunger. Finally, he got a job pasting labels on bottles of blacking in a rat-

infested warehouse, and he slept at night in a dismal attic room with two

other boys – guttersnipes from the slums of London. He had so little

confidence in his ability to write that he sneaked out and mailed his first

manuscript in the dead of night so nobody would laugh at him. Story after

story was refused. Finally the great day came when one was accepted. True,

he wasn’t paid a shilling for it, but one editor had praised him. One editor

had given him recognition. He was so thrilled that he wandered aimlessly

around the streets with tears rolling down his cheeks.

The praise, the recognition, that he received through getting one story

in print, changed his whole life, for if it hadn’t been for that encouragement,

he might have spent his entire life working in rat-infested factories. You

may have heard of that boy. His name was Charles Dickens.

Another boy in London made his living as a clerk in a dry-goods store.

He had to get up at five o’clock, sweep out the store, and slave for fourteen

hours a day. It was sheer drudgery and he despised it. After two years, he

could stand it no longer, so he got up one morning and, without waiting for

breakfast, tramped fifteen miles to talk to his mother, who was working as a

housekeeper.

He was frantic. He pleaded with her. He wept. He swore he would kill

himself if he had to remain in the shop any longer. Then he wrote a long,

pathetic letter to his old schoolmaster, declaring that he was heartbroken,

that he no longer wanted to live. His old schoolmaster gave him a little

praise and assured him that he really was very intelligent and fitted for finer

things and offered him a job as a teacher.

That praise changed the future of that boy and made a lasting

impression on the history of English literature. For that boy went on to

write innumerable best-selling books and made over a million dollars with

his pen. You’ve probably heard of him. His name: H.G. Wells.

Use of praise instead of criticism is the basic concept of B.F. Skinner’s

teachings. This great contemporary psychologist has shown by experiments with animals and with humans that when criticism is minimised and praise

emphasised, the good things people do will be reinforced and the poorer

things will atrophy for lack of attention.

John Ringelspaugh of Rocky Mount, North Carolina, used this in

dealing with his children. It seemed that, as in so many families, mother and

dad’s chief form of communication with the children was yelling at them.

And, as in so many cases, the children became a little worse rather than

better after each such session – and so did the parents. There seemed to be

no end in sight for this problem.

Mr. Ringelspaugh determined to use some of the principles he was

learning in our course to solve this situation. He reported: ‘We decided to

try praise instead of harping on their faults. It wasn’t easy when all we

could see were the negative things they were doing; it was really tough to

find things to praise. We managed to find something, and within the first

day or two some of the really upsetting things they were doing quit

happening. Then some of their other faults began to disappear. They began

capitalising on the praise we were giving them. They even began going out

of their way to do things right. Neither of us could believe it. Of course, it

didn’t last forever, but the norm reached after things levelled off was so

much better. It was no longer necessary to react the way we used to. The

children were doing far more right things than wrong ones.’ All of this was

a result of praising the slightest improvement in the children rather than

condemning everything they did wrong.

This works on the job too. Keith Roper of Woodland Hills, California,

applied this principle to a situation in his company. Some material came to

him in his print shop which was of exceptionally high quality. The printer

who had done this job was a new employee who had been having difficulty

adjusting to the job. His supervisor was upset about what he considered a

negative attitude and was seriously thinking of terminating his services.

When Mr. Roper was informed of this situation, he personally went

over to the print shop and had a talk with the young man. He told him how

pleased he was with the work he had just received and pointed out it was

the best work he had seen produced in that shop for some time. He pointed

out exactly why it was superior and how important the young man’s

contribution was to the company.

Do you think this affected that young printer’s attitude toward the

company? Within days there was a complete turn-about. He told several of his co-workers about the conversation and how someone in the company

really appreciated good work. And from that day on, he was a loyal and

dedicated worker.

What Mr. Roper did was not just flatter the young printer and say

‘You’re good.’ He specifically pointed out how his work was superior.

Because he had singled out a specific accomplishment, rather than just

making general flattering remarks, his praise became much more

meaningful to the person to whom it was given. Everybody likes to be

praised, but when praise is specific, it comes across as sincere – not

something the other person may be saying just to make one feel good.

Remember, we all crave appreciation and recognition, and will do

almost anything to get it. But nobody wants insincerity. Nobody wants

flattery.

Let me repeat: The principles taught in this book will work only when

they come from the heart. I am not advocating a bag of tricks. I am talking

about a new way of life.

Talking about changing people. If you and I will inspire the people

with whom we come in contact to a realisation of the hidden treasures they

possess, we can do far more than change people. We can literally transform

them.

Exaggeration? Then listen to these sage words from William James,

one of the most distinguished psychologists and philosophers America has

ever produced:

Compared with what we ought to be, we are only half awake.

We are making use of only a small part of our physical and

mental resources. Stating the thing broadly, the human

individual thus lives far within his limits. He possesses powers

of various sorts which he habitually fails to use.

Yes, you who are reading these lines possess powers of various sorts which

you habitually fail to use; and one of these powers you are probably not

using to the fullest extent is your magic ability to praise people and inspire

them with a realisation of their latent possibilities.

Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement.

To become a more effective leader of people, apply . . .