Before December

Chapter 20: Fighting isn't a game

Lydia POV:

Sleep was practically non-existent. Every time I closed my eyes, my mind went straight back to what Grace had told me. Theo was fighting tonight. An actual organized fight. Not some stupid argument at a party that got out of hand. Not two guys shoving each other because one of them had said something the other didn't like. This wasn’t something that had spiralled out of control. People were going there specifically to watch two people hurt each other, and apparently Theo did this willingly. I didn't understand it. When Jake hit Theo at that party, Theo had hit him back without hesitation, but that had been different. It had exploded out of nowhere. This was planned. The thought of anyone I knew fighting terrified me. Fighting wasn’t a game to me. It wasn’t something you did to prove how tough you were or entertain a crowd. It was violence. Plain and simple.

By eight that morning, I'd already checked my phone six times. Grace hadn't messaged. Of course she hadn't. The fight wasn't until tonight. I knew that. It didn't stop me checking again ten minutes later. The entire day seemed to crawl. I tried watching television with James, but I couldn't concentrate on anything happening on the screen. I picked up a book and read the same paragraph three times before giving up. At lunch, Celeste made sandwiches, and I managed about half of mine before pushing the plate away.

"Not hungry, dear?" she asked.

"Not really."

Her eyes lingered on me for a second. "Are you feeling all right?"

"Yeah. Just tired."

At least that part wasn't a lie. I carried my plate over to the sink before she could ask anything else.

James was completely oblivious. He'd spent most of the morning complaining about some game he'd lost the night before, which only made everything feel stranger.

He had no idea what his brother was doing tonight. I did. And I couldn't tell him. That didn't sit well with me. I understood why Grace hadn't told him. It wasn't exactly her secret to share, and judging by everything I'd learned about Theo, he'd probably lose his mind if James found out. Still, every time I looked at James, guilt twisted in my stomach. What if something happened tonight? What if Theo got seriously hurt and James found out I'd known where he was? I pushed the thought away. Nothing was going to happen. Theo had done this before. Grace had said so. Sean would be there. Grace would be there. And now, apparently, so would I. I wasn't sure whether that made me feel better or worse.

By three o'clock, I'd started clock-watching.

By four, I was checking my phone every few minutes.

By five, I'd officially annoyed myself.

Message me already.

I tossed my phone onto the bed and paced towards the window. The worst part was that Theo still hadn't come home. Four days now.

Four whole days without a word, while he apparently hid out at Sean's preparing to willingly get himself beaten up. My worry from yesterday had slowly transformed into anger again. Maybe James was right. Maybe this was just Theo.

Reckless.

Secretive.

Completely incapable of considering how his actions affected anyone else. Not that he knew I was worried. And he definitely wouldn't know after tonight. I wasn't going there because I cared. I was going because I needed to see for myself that he was okay. There was a difference. My phone buzzed behind me. I spun around so quickly I nearly tripped over my own feet.

Grace.

Meet me at eight. I'll send you where.

My stomach dropped.

Suddenly, tonight wasn't something hours away. It was happening. And I'd already promised I was going. The message from Grace sat on my screen for another few seconds before I finally moved.

Eight o'clock.

I had no idea what someone wore to an underground fight. That was not a sentence I'd ever expected to think. I opened my wardrobe and stared inside. A dress was obviously out of the question, and anything remotely nice seemed ridiculous. Eventually, I settled on black denim shorts, a gray T-shirt and Converse sneakers, pulling a black hoodie over the top. Nothing that screamed I've never been to one of these before. Although my face would probably give that away. I tied my hair into a ponytail and looked at myself in the mirror.

This was insane.

I could still stay home.

In fact, staying home was probably the first sensible thought I'd had all day.

Theo wasn't my responsibility. He hadn't asked me to worry about him, and he definitely hadn't asked me to turn up at some secret fight to check he was still alive. James's warning replayed in my head. I just don’t want you getting hurt.

I grabbed my phone. Apparently, I was terrible at following advice. Downstairs, James was stretched across the sofa.

"Going somewhere?"

"Meeting Grace."

He glanced at the time. "Bit late for coffee."

"Maybe we're branching out."

He grinned. "Dangerous."

If only he knew.

"Have fun."

I forced a smile before leaving. The guilt followed me out the door. The address Grace sent took me to a part of town I hadn’t seen before. Gone were the cafés, flower baskets and pretty old buildings Theo had shown me. Instead, there were dark roads, metal fences and warehouses that looked abandoned.

Grace stood waiting outside one of them.

I slowed. “You’re joking.”

She looked up from her phone. “About?”

I pointed at the building. “This is where we’re going?”

“Yep.”

“It looks like somewhere people get murdered in movies.”

“That’s reassuring.”

“You’ll be fine.”

“You keep saying that without sounding remotely convincing.”

She hooked her arm through mine. “Come on.”

The closer we got, the more my stomach tightened. No signs. No line outside. Nothing to suggest what was happening beyond those walls. Everything about it felt hidden, like we definitely weren’t supposed to be there. Grace, meanwhile, looked completely relaxed.

"Sean's already inside," she said.

"Does he know I'm coming?"

Her silence answered for her.

"Grace."

"He doesn't exactly know."

I stopped walking. "You said you could get me in."

"I can."

"That's not the same thing."

She smiled innocently.

Inside, the noise hit me immediately. Music. Voices. People shouting over each other. The warehouse was far busier than I'd expected, with most of the crowd gathered around an open space in the center.

I stopped beside Grace. "Oh."

She laughed. "Having second thoughts?"

Several. "No."

We moved farther inside, but I kept towards the back. I didn't want to meet anyone. I didn't want Sean noticing me. And I definitely didn't want Theo seeing me before I was ready. My eyes searched the crowd anyway.

Dark hair.

No.

Someone by the far wall.

Not him.

Another guy laughing near the front.

No.

Theo was nowhere.

"Where is he?" I asked.

Grace glanced at me. "Who?"

I stared at her.

She laughed. "Sorry. Probably out back getting ready."

"Out back?"

"There are rooms back there."

I looked towards the far end of the warehouse. For one stupid second, I considered finding him. I could see for myself that he was okay. Ask him what the hell he thought he was doing. Maybe even convince him not to go through with it.

"Don't," Grace said.

I looked at her. "Don't what?"

"Go looking for him."

"How did you know I was thinking that?"

"Your face."

Apparently, I really did need to work on my poker face.

"He doesn't know you're here," she continued. "Maybe don't surprise him right before he's supposed to fight."

Annoyingly, she had a point. So I stayed where I was. And waited. That was worse. My palms grew clammy as the minutes dragged on.

"This is horrible," I muttered.

"Nothing's even happened yet."

"Exactly."

The waiting.

The not knowing.

The imagining.

I hated all of it.

Then the music lowered. The atmosphere changed almost instantly as people pushed closer towards the center.

Grace touched my arm. "It's starting."

My stomach dropped. A voice came through the microphone. The first fighter's name was announced. "Mason Lewis!"

The crowd erupted. A large guy stepped into view, lifting his arms as people shouted around him. I barely paid attention. I was waiting for one name. Then it came.

"Theodore Henderson!"

My heart slammed against my ribs. The cheering around me seemed to double. And then I saw him. Theo stepped into view.

For three days, I'd imagined him injured somewhere. Instead, there he was.

Alive.

Confident.

Completely at home.

He raised his fists as he turned towards the crowd, that familiar arrogant smile fixed firmly on his face.

I stared at him.

This wasn't the Theo who'd shown me around town. Or the Theo I'd teased in his school uniform. Or even the Theo who'd sat beside my bed making sure I was okay after the party. This was someone I didn't know.

Then he turned.

His eyes swept over the crowd.

Passed me.

Stopped.

Came straight back.

Oh, crap.

The smile vanished from his face. For one second, he simply stared at me. Then he lowered his hands and started towards me. Fast. People moved out of his way.

Grace glanced sideways at me. "Well."

"Don't."

"I think he saw you."

"Really? What gave it away?"

Theo reached us seconds later, fury written plainly across his face. His eyes locked onto mine.

"What the f**k are you doing here?"