Before December

Chapter 9

Arriving home, I wondered whether I should change or if this was the kind of fancy birthday party where people stood around pretending to enjoy themselves while drinks floated past on silver trays. I watched Theo and James when we walked through the front door, hoping one of them would give me some clue about what I was supposed to do next. Theo pulled off his tie almost immediately and disappeared upstairs without saying anything, while James headed towards the kitchen, so I followed him instead. There was absolutely no chance I was going into Theo’s room to ask him for advice. I’d made enough bad decisions since arriving in England without deliberately adding another one.

James grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and leaned against the counter while I waited for him to give me some clue about what happened next.

“So, are we changing?”

He looked down at his shirt as though the answer should have been obvious. “Unless you want to wear that to a house party.”

“Helpful.”

He laughed. “I’m going upstairs to change.”

That finally answered my question. I followed a minute later, but as I reached the top of the stairs, I heard Theo talking on the phone through his half-closed bedroom door.

“Yeah, well, Mum said I had to bring her. I don’t have a choice. It won’t spoil your birthday, I promise.”

I stopped.

Excuse me?

For about two seconds, I considered walking past and pretending I hadn’t heard him. Then I remembered who I was dealing with and decided absolutely not. I pushed open his door just as he ended the call.

“Do you seriously think I’m going to ruin someone’s birthday just by turning up?”

Theo looked at me, then towards the hallway. “Keep your voice down.”

“Why?”

“Because Mum will hear you.”

“What does that matter? Worried she’ll discover you’re not actually the charming, respectful son you pretend to be?”

He laughed under his breath. “You really do live in your own little world, don’t you?”

I folded my arms. “You’ve been an asshole since I got here.”

“That so?”

“Yes.”

Theo dropped his phone onto the bed, closed the door and turned towards me properly. “You turned up drunk, threw up on James, and since then you’ve spent most of your time shut away in your room, only coming out when you have to. You’ve made it pretty obvious you don’t want to be here.”

My mouth dropped open. “I have not.”

“You have.”

“I’m in another country living with strangers.”

“And somehow that’s my fault?”

“No, but you don’t have to make it worse.”

Theo took a step closer. “Maybe I wouldn’t if you stopped acting like everyone here is the reason you’re miserable.”

“Everyone? I don’t have a problem with James. I don’t have a problem with Celeste. I have a problem with you.”

“Funny. You’ve made that pretty obvious.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means I’m the only one here who isn’t falling over themselves to make you comfortable.”

“Comfortable?” I stared at him. “You seriously think any of this is comfortable for me?”

“I think my family have given you a room, food, everything you need, and you still look at this place like you can’t wait to get away from it.”

“That’s because I can’t wait to leave.”

His expression changed slightly, but I was too angry to stop.

“You don’t know anything about me, Theo.”

“I know enough.”

“No, you don’t.”

He moved closer again, and I hated that even while I wanted to yell at him, some irritating part of my brain still noticed how close he was. “You don’t belong here,” he said.

"So you keep saying."

The words hit harder this time, probably because he’d said some version of them every time we argued, as though reminding me I didn’t belong was the one weapon he knew would always land. Something warm slipped down my cheek, and for a second I didn’t understand what it was. Then I lifted my hand to my face and stared at the wetness on my fingers. A tear. I hadn’t cried at the funeral. I hadn’t cried on the plane. I hadn’t cried while Uncle Will packed my things or when I walked out of my house for the last time, but apparently hearing Theodore Henderson tell me I didn’t belong one too many times was what finally cracked something open.

“You think I want to be here?” My voice broke, which only made me angrier. “You think I chose any of this? My parents are dead. My little sister is dead. I was sent halfway across the world because I had nowhere else to go, so yeah, sorry if I haven’t been smiling enough for you.”

The anger disappeared from Theo’s face so quickly it was almost unsettling.

I carried on before he could say anything. “I’d give anything to go home. Anything. So if I seem ungrateful or miserable or like I don’t want to be here, maybe that’s because I don’t. This isn’t my home.”

He stepped back. For once, he didn’t have a smart answer ready.

"So, f**k you,” I said, wiping the tear away angrily.

“Lydia—”

I walked out before he could finish and slammed my bedroom door behind me. The second it shut, the rest of the tears came. I dropped onto my bed and let them fall, furious that he had somehow managed to c***k open everything I’d been holding together, and furious with everything else for giving him something to hit in the first place.

After a while, I wiped my face and decided I was still going to the party. I needed noise—music, people, anything that would stop me sitting alone with everything Theo had dragged to the surface. Theo could avoid me for the rest of the night if he wanted. I wasn’t going to stay trapped in my bedroom because he had managed to ruin my mood. I redid my make-up, changed out of the dress and into ripped shorts, a white crop top and trainers, then stared at myself in the mirror. The clothes felt better immediately, less like I was trying too hard and much more like me. But the longer I looked at myself, the more I started to doubt whether going to the party was actually a good idea. I wouldn’t know anyone, and James and Theodore would have their own friends there. That wasn't my idea of a party.

There was a knock on the door. I ignored it, but the door opened anyway and Theo stepped inside, closing it behind him.

“Get out.”

“No.”

I stared at him. “Do you ever listen to anyone?”

“Sometimes.”

“Clearly not today.”

He shoved his hands into his pockets, which I was beginning to realise was something he did whenever he was pretending not to care about something.

“What do you want?”

“James says we’re leaving in ten.”

“I’m not going.”

“Yeah, you are.”

I laughed without any humour. “You don’t get to decide that.”

“Good thing I’m not asking.”

“You are unbelievable.”

“So I’ve been told.”

I folded my arms. “Did you come in here to annoy me some more?”

Theo looked away for a second. “What I said before came out wrong.”

I stared at him.

“Was that supposed to be an apology?”

“No.”

I let out a disbelieving laugh. “Obviously.”

His jaw tightened. “I didn’t know about your family.”

“You seriously thought I’d just moved into your house for fun?”

“Mum does this.”

“Does what?”

“Takes people in. Helps them. Tries to fix everyone’s problems.”

“And that made you assume I was using her?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You basically did.”

Theo rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. “I thought you were another person who saw how generous she was and decided to take advantage of it.”

I laughed bitterly. “Charming.”

“Never claimed to be.”

“No. You definitely haven’t.”

He looked at me for a moment, then towards the door. “Anyway, now I know.”

“Know what?”

“That I was wrong about why you’re here.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Careful. That almost sounded like an apology.”

“Don’t get excited.”

There he was again. I hated that the smallest hint of his usual attitude made the room feel less heavy.

“So that’s it?” I asked.

“What?”

“That’s all you got to say?”

Theo nodded towards my clothes. “You’re dressed. Good.”

“I still haven’t said I’m going.”

“You are.”

“Why do you care?”

“I don’t.”

“Then why are you in my room?”

His mouth curved slightly. “Because if you stay here sulking, Mum will blame me.”

I shook my head. “You really are impossible.”

“And yet you keep ending up in my room.”

“This is my room.”

“Fair point.”

I almost smiled, which annoyed me enough to flatten my expression immediately.

I looked at him and said, “I’m not here for your family’s money, by the way.”

His expression shifted.

"I turn eighteen in December. After that, I’m going home."

For a second, Theo didn’t say anything. Then he shrugged. “Good.”

I frowned. “Good?”

“Means I only have to put up with you for a few months.”

I grabbed the nearest pillow and threw it at him.

Theo ducked, laughing.

“Get out.”

“Ten minutes, Wild.”

“Asshole.”

“Invader.”

He disappeared into the hallway before I could throw anything else. I sat there for another moment, staring at the open doorway. Somehow, the conversation had managed to make me feel both better and more annoyed, which seemed to be Theo’s specialty. Eventually, I grabbed my jacket and headed downstairs. James was already waiting near the front door.

He looked at me, then towards the stairs behind me. “You coming?”

“Apparently.”

Theo appeared a few seconds later, pulling on a jacket.

James looked between us. “Everything okay?”

“No,” I said.

“Fine,” Theo said at the same time.

James sighed. “Great.”

The drive to the party was much louder than the one to dinner had been. James turned the music up and talked enough for all three of us, apparently determined to fill every silence before it had a chance to become awkward. Theo said very little, although every so often I caught him glancing at me through the mirror when he thought I wasn’t looking. I pretended not to notice.

By the time we pulled up outside the house, music was already shaking the windows and people were spilling out onto the front lawn.

James grinned. “Ready?”

I looked at the house, then at Theo.

He opened his door. “Try not to ruin anyone’s birthday, Wild.”

I stared at him.

Then I smiled sweetly. “No promises.”