Mending Her Broken Heart

Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Desperate

2 AM.

2 AM and I'm still awake. Facing my laptop and trying so hard to find any updates about her. Her and her resort at Las Vegas.

The Bellagio resort.

After I heard from mother that she's back, my appetite immediately backed out as I followed what my mind told me to do. And now, here I am. Searching and searching. I admit that it's been 4 hours now since I started searching for some updates. 4 hours but I still can't get enough. I can't get enough of everything that I am reading. But even though I'm reading tons of updates and articles about her present life, there's this one question that Google can't answer.

Is she still thinking of me?

After 3 years, I'm still stuck at this phase everytime I hear her name or anything about her. 3 years and I'm still not making progress. 3 years and I'm still wanting to talk to her and be close to her just like before. It sucks, you know. Things are always better before. Because before was the time when I felt like I'm the luckiest man in the world. Not until she chose to marry the man that never made her feel love. I was there. I was one of the witnesses of their meaningless wedding. And nothing is more painful than seeing the love of your life marrying someone that's definitely not you.

But damn it! Whatever she does, I don't know why but I never felt anger towards her. My system could never feel anger towards her. And it never did.

It's clear to everyone that she chose that man over me. It was a goddamn fixed marriage but she didn't hesitate and immediately agreed.

That's when my world crumbled down as I lost interest and belief in love.

But even though it happened like that, I was never mad at her. I was in pain and it felt like I will never be okay again. It took me a year to recover. I might be okay but I'm not fine at all. I know that. Deep down, I can still feel that my heart is still hoping. I can't fool myself. And I'll never fool myself. The hope within me might be small. But that small creature is giving me a little light knowing that she's back now.

She's back. But there's a Him.

Even if she's back, I can't do anything but watch her from afar. She's married. I need to stop myself from being like this everytime she pops out of nowhere. This already happened a lot of times now. But I'm still in this phase.

What do I have to do?

Why is it so hard to erase this little hope?

I can't live like this.

This woman took a part of me.

The most important part of me.

Why does it have to be like this?

Why does she have to make me feel so damn in love if she's not choosing me in the end?

3 years. 3 years up until now, I'm still asking myself questions that I've been asking myself from the moment she walked out of my life. I was left with no choice. I forced myself to move on. To forget her, to unlearn every scrap of her, and to unlove all of her. I know her more than I know myself. I don't even think that's possible. But because of her, it became possible for me to know someone more than I know myself. Every little thing, every little detail, and every little lie, they're still inside my head like I don't want to forget them. I'm trying so hard but it wasn't enough.

A small amount of hope is still within me.

I sighed. What do I need to do?

Think. Think, think, think.

Think, Schyler!

You're a CEO. You can solve everything.

This is easy. Of course you can do this. Think of an effective way to erase this little hope within you.

I'm desperate to find a way to discard this little hope. Because this little hope can grow if I will let it stay within me. This little hope can make me feel those unexplainable emotions again towards her if it'll stay within me. I should make sure that this little hope won't last. I badly want to approach her without thinking about the past. I want to be in front of her without feeling weird and nervous. I want to fully recover and accept that she wasn't really the one for me.

She might have realized that earlier than I did that's why she made her own move to secure both paths. I didn't know where it all went wrong, but it's fine. It's okay. It's all done. I can't do anything about it but to overthink about its thousands what ifs.

My eyes were all over my laptop. I was reading fast and viewing every picture that every preview of each article shows.

And then, an idea came into my mind.

I immediately typed on the search bar.

My best friend was always by my side through my ups and downs before. And he once told me, "If you can't win over fear, just do whatever you f*****g want with fear." I'm afraid that I might not be able to face her because of this little hope. But I will. I will face her with fear. If ever.

I was about to type the last word but my phone vibrated. It was placed beside my laptop.

Without second thoughts, I took my phone and saw that my secretary messaged me. Saying that Ms. Johan wants a copy of my schedule. My forehead's surface was immediately ruined. Why would she want a copy of my schedule?

I typed a message as a reply to my secretary. I told her not to give what Ms. Johan wants and just ignore her if ever she'll push my secretary to give in. She's just being desperate again. That woman. She's starting to push my buttons again. I'm starting to doubt her answer when I asked her if she had already moved on about what happened 2 years ago. A lot had happened in my life if we're going to talk about before. It was a mixture of best things and worse things that happened in my life. But nah, that was before. I'm sure Francisca had already moved on. She wasn't attached to me that much.

After I sent my reply to my secretary, my attention came back to my laptop. I stared at the images that Google had shown me.

The images were all her and her husband.

They both looked happy. So happy.

They're both smiling ear to ear and were showing some teeth. You can see that they're truly grateful and now in love with each other. I'm sure that after all this time, she learned to love him after leaving me behind. It's not that hard.

I picked up my phone again and dialed my secretary's number.

It only took her a couple of seconds to answer.

"Yes, sir?"

I don't know why, but my secretary made me chuckle when I heard her sleepy voice.

"Bellissa? Are you okay? You sound very sleepy. I'm sorry for calling you this late."

It took her a while before saying a word. And she also did chuckle too, "It's fine, sir. It wasn't you who disturbed my sleep. It was Ms. Johan." I shook my head as a thought about Francisca made it into my brain. I even heard Bellissa yawning and complaining about what Francisca did from the other line. I just let out a small laugh and she definitely asked me why I gave her a laugh. But I shrugged it off and told her what I wanted her to do for me instead. So that she could go back to sleep that Miss Francisca Johan disturbed.

"I'm really sorry for calling you this late. I really am. But can you please book me a flight to Las Vegas?"

"H-Huh? Sir?"

"Can you please book me a flight to Las Vegas?"

I waited for her answer because it took her a while and I heard her yawn again before answering me.

"Of course, sir. I can book you a flight to Las Vegas. But Las Vegas, sir? Are you sure? As far as I remember, you—"

"It doesn't matter anymore, Bellissa." I sighed. I waited for her answer for a couple of seconds. It was getting all silent. She's probably thinking why I wanted her to book me a flight to Las Vegas. My secretary knows very well how I hate Las Vegas. Everyone does. But this time? I'm going to push away the hate and just face everything coming for me. Or it's the other way around. I'm going to be the one coming for the fear.

I heard from mother that she's back earlier.

But I know how impatient Kaden is.

After the day she got married, she immediately moved to Las Vegas with her husband. Her parents are still in Chicago. And she visits them very often. She visits them everytime there's an occasion. Yesterday was her father's 65th birthday. I wasn't even invited to the celebration, how come mother thinks that she's really looking for me?

Kaden is probably on her way back to Las Vegas now. I don't know why but since the day she left Chicago, it was like she never wanted to be here anymore but has no other choice but to visit sometimes because her parents wants her to.

"Done, sir. Your flight is scheduled on Monday, two days from now."

I licked my lower lip before answering her.

"Thank you."

"You're going on a vacation, right sir?"

I sighed, "Right."

"But why not use your private jet instead?"

"Ahm, public transportation is more fun."

"Wow. I didn't know you're into fun stuffs now, sir."

That made me shake my head a bit. "Well, people do change, Bellissa. Now go back to sleep and ignore Ms. Johan. Good night and thank you for your time."

I heard her sigh, "My pleasure, sir. Good night too."

The moment she ended the call, I immediately put my phone down and went to the kitchen to drink some water. My throat is needing some water.

When I entered the kitchen, I immediately felt someone else's presence.

Someone is with me.

Seriously? This late?

I walked towards the refrigerator and took the glass-made pitcher from the inside. I ended up drinking two glasses of water. I didn't know I was that thirsty. When I went to put back the pitcher inside the refrigerator, I closed it and crossed both of my arms in my chest.

I looked at the wall clock,

3:15 AM

"Seriously, Spencer? This late? I thought you wouldn't come home."

A smile was formed by my lips when I saw my younger brother came out from the dark side of the kitchen.

"How did you know that I'm here?"

I glared at him, "You left your suitcases beside the couch. And I knew very well that those were yours."

He smirked, "Fine, fine. You're the best when it comes to everything." He even rolled his eyes. "Whoa. Easy there, young man. What are you talking about?" I chuckled before giving him a meaningful smile as I walk to him. I gave him a hug and I tapped his shoulder. "So, how's the fashion week in Paris?" His face went in disgust after hearing my question. I grinned because I have an idea why. "Tiring! Worst fashion week of all time. I don't even know why I went to Paris and joined Lucan. That jerk. Psh." I laughed and shook his shoulders a little bit. I didn't know that he would really join Lucan. All my life, I saw these two became enemies and best of friends in every week of the year.

"Man, I guess your trip to Paris was terrible."

He blew out a loud breath, "You said it yourself." Even shook his head and was out of focus for a moment. But his focus immediately went back as he looked at me like he remembered something.

"Don't you know? Kaden's currently here. I saw her at the airport when I was about to take my flight to Paris. She arrived. I saw it with my eyes, brother. Have you talked to her?"

It was my turn to shake my head a bit. "No. And why would I talk to her? I didn't even knew the day of her arrival. I'm not interested." Liar! You're a liar, Schyler Dael. A huge fan of lying. "Oh, I thought you guys finally talked to each other again." Disappointment was shown by my brother's face as he walked to the refrigerator and took out a single in-can beer.

"Hey! It's almost 4 AM. You should be in bed now, Roan."

He mocked me, "Nye nye, you should be in bed now, nye nye. Geez, brother. I'm not a 13-year-old boy anymore. I'm 26! I can decide on my own now."

He, then, opened the in-can beer he was holding and immediately drank it off. It took him seconds before finally stopping drinking for a bit. I observed his face and I can clearly see that he's exhausted. Just like what I said, he should really be in bed now.

"By the way, I'm going to Japan tomorrow."

I blinked, "Japan? What are you going to do in Japan?"

He replied with a sigh and, "Well, relax. I really find Japan such a good place to relax." He continued drinking from the in-can beer that he was holding. Before I even know it, he was already done drinking as he trashed the can. This brother of mine really loves drinking different alcoholic drinks. Is that a bad thing? I mean, he's younger than me.

"Good night, brother. I'm going to my room now. I really had a bad trip. Thanks to Lucan."

I nodded and also said my good night to him. I watched him walked pass by me as he went upstairs.

My eyes suddenly darted at the floor.

I'm thinking of her again. Is going to Las Vegas a good idea? Or I'm going to end up hurting myself instead? I really don't know but I also really need to face that woman. The moment I'll set foot on Las Vegas, I will do everything just to talk to her. Even if she looks at me like I haven't moved on yet. I fear her because of this little hope inside me.

Well, I am going to fight my fear and this little hope.

After a couple of minutes, I finally decided to go to my room and sleep.

I just hope I won't end up regretting.

I am desperate to fully recover.

Let's play fire with fire.