One Summer of Lost and Found

CHAPTER 15

Inside our rooms, Crystal is helping me choose the best outfit for the rave party later. The theme is Coachella to fit the summer context. Ngayon ay pinasusuot niya ako ng billowing floral maxi dress without any sleeves and a back clothing part. It has a color scheme of cream to a soft tan. Together with the dress, accessories were put to further accentuate the bohemian theme. "Hm," she murmured, examining the fit. "I think ito na!"

She was like a tiny boss in her self-tie daffodil sundress. It suits her curves well. Sinukat niya rin ang damit niya for tonight dahil mamaya pang gabi gaganapin ang event. 

"Hoy, ang tagal niyo diyan," reklamo ni Vin from the door. Rinig na rin namin ang usapan ng mga kasama niya sa labas. 

"Luh. Nandito na pala sila. Bihis. Bilis!" Crystal whispered. Binilisan naming tanggalin ang pagkakapatong ng damit at dali daling nagpalit sa casual wear namin. "Wait lang! Uso maghintay," I said.

"Weh? Uso ba? Ayaw nga namin." It was Vin. Mabuti na lang ay natapos kami agad. Lumabas kami sa pinto to witness the bored guys in front. "All done."

"Hey, let's go to that jewelry store or something," unang pag-aaya ni Crystal. "Mahal ata," sabi ni Vin. "Bakit mahal?" Crystal asked innocently. Naglalakad kami ngayon patungo sa mga booth na nakatayo pa rin dahil hindi pa tuluyang natatapos ang piyesta. Buong linggo ata ito, eh. 

"Corny mo," sambit pabalik ng love life niya. "Hindi ako nabanat! Feeling!" Napangiti na lang kami sa pinag-aawayan nila. 

Just like the preceding days, naglakad lakad lang kami at kumain. Hindi na kami masiyado bumili at naglaro dahil paubos na rin pera namin, hehe. It was around two in the afternoon, and the rave shall start in six. Hindi ko alam kung anong dapat kung maramdaman. Naghalo halo na sila, eh. Pero ang hirap ding ipunin ng lakas na loob na 'to!

After a while, sinunod namin ang luho ni Crystal at nagpunta sa tindahan ng mga jewelry. It was simple jewelry. Hindi ito tulad ng mga mamahalin, ngunit bakas dito ang hirap sa paggawa. The accessories sold at the booth were all handmade. 

We were all peaking on the accessories displayed in the glass, whereas Crystal was on her spree. She spent less, though. Baka ngayon ay inii-spoil niya na lang ang sarili. I was also peaking when someone talked, breaking my daydream. 

"Gusto mo?" asked Kyron who was beside me. 

Ikaw gusto ko, char.

"Hindi ako accessory person," I said as I continue scanning the accessories kahit wala naman akong balak. Wala lang magawa. 

"Try lang," he said. Mapilit 'yan? Nilingon ko siya.

"Bakit bibilhan mo ako?" I joked. Umalis naman siya sa tabi ko. Yes, lumayas ka dahil baka maka-amin ako nang wala sa oras. However, after some time, he returned with a bracelet in his hand. 

"Luh, binilhan nga ako. Joke lang 'yon!" I defended pero hindi na ako nakalaban nang kinuha niya ang kanang kamay ko kung saan nakasuot lagi ang maraming bracelet upang takpan ang sugat ko... from hurting myself from guilt.

"Wala, seryoso tayo dito. Walang take back," sabi niya sabay hawi ng mga suot ko. But before putting the bracelet on me, he touched every bit of the scars left by yesterday's burden. "Weird ka," I said. Pagkatapos noon ay isinuot niya na ang kinuhang bracelet. 

Hindi dapat ako magulat sa ginawa niya pero bakit parang nanginig ako? I swear this thing is really making me insane. 

It has a copper-like chain with a single sun pendant. "Sun? Bakit sun?" I looked up to him habang isinusuot niya ito. 

"Nasa name mo," uttered Ky in a smile. "Cool pero ayaw ko bilhin," I digressed. 

"Oo nga kaya ako bumili." Binitawan niya ang palapulsuan ko nang mapansing nailagay na 'yon.

"Hoy." 

As much as possible, I do not want to have a debt with someone, more so this guy.

"Yie, arte pa siya," sabi niya sa akin. He looks like he's having fun. Wala na akong magawa! Marupok ako. I apologize. "Sige na nga. Thank you." I acted tough kahit wala na hulog na ako. Wala na ngang turn-back. He smiled again! Pwede bang huwag na? 

Nang mapansin na naming malapit nang dumilim, hinting the start of the dance party, we parted ways. 

In our room, nagbihis na kami. I wore the backless and sleeveless billowing floral maxi dress suggested by Crystal. She was always right in fashion dahil bagay 'to sa'kin. Nakita ko namang suot niya ang sundress niya kanina. She braided herself, putting a few peach hair accessories to make her braid even cute. She curled my hair a while ago at pinayuhan akong ilugay iyon. 

"Tanggalin mo 'yang mga bracelet mo. 'Di bagay sa color scheme," she suggested while fixing her hair, which she has been doing since an hour ago. She does not know about the scars, surprisingly. "Okay." 

Nagdadalawa akong isip tanggalin 'to. I slowly slid off the bracelets as if I don't want to let them go. At nang natanggal ko na, I saw how the scars pierced deeply into my skin. Kapansin pansin ito dahil marami. Ang tanging natira lang para takpan iyon ay ang ibinigay sa'kin ni Kyron, ngunit hindi pa rin ito sapat para matakpan. 

"What's that?" asked Crystal who is suddenly beside me. "Hindi ako naglaslas!" I defended at itinaas pa ang dalawang kamay na parang sumusuko.

"Ang daya! Eh, ano nga?" She tried to pull my wrist pero maagap ko itong hinawakan gamit ang isang kamay. "Secret. Walang clue."

"Okay, babalikan kita diyan." She made her eyes chinky. Now, her eyes are on the sun bracelet. 

"Yie, kayo ha, kita ko kayo." Her mood easily changed. She is now poking me. "Bakit 'di ring? Charot." Tinanggal ko ang nakakainis niyang kamay.

"No." I looked at her with a huge sarcastic smile. 

Ngayon, she's even weird. She's staring at the sun pendant. "It's pretty." She held both my hands. "You're pretty."

"H-hindi naman." Hindi niya ako gano'n kino-compliment kaya hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. I just ended up denying. 

"Yeah. Yeah. Whatever," she said. "It's my first time going to a dance with a friend kaya..." Sincerity is now within her tone.

"What about Jaya and Atasha?" sabi ko, remembering the names of her friends from her story.

"Oh, I never fit in sa kanila. They were nice as a company, but I never felt being belonged," she said in a complacent manner. "Which is fine."

"'Cause now I have you. And you're pretty," she added, still holding both my hands up. "You are too."

She's too pure. I mean maldita siya at maarte sa unang tingin pero kapag nakilala mo ay ganoon pa rin siya. However, she's more to that. She's actually more than an extravagant brat. She is someone caring who wants the best for her friends. 

"Ano ba? Maliit na thing!" she thanked with a big smile. "Let's go. Galingan ang paglandi," aya ko. 

Sabay kaming lumabas sa pintuan ng kwarto namin at tinahak ang daan patungong beachfront kung saan laging ginaganap ang mga huge event. It was decorated just like before noong unang araw ng piyesta, but what differentiates this state from before is that it has more decorations. Also, the stage is larger with larger speakers and all. Even, it was like a small local Coachella in a hometown. 

Habang papalapit kami nang papalapit sa venue kung saan gaganapin ang sayaw, lalo akong kinakabahan. Ready naman ako pero siguro ganito naman talaga 'yon.  

From afar, I saw Theo, Vin, and Kyron standing along the ledge of the sidewalk towards the beachfront. They were leaning backward with their elbows as support, laughing at some certain thing they are talking about. The guys were all wearing casual shorts and plain long-sleeved flannel shirts buttoned only by a few, revealing some skin. Nakita nila kami at agad silang kumaway. 'Yon din ang ginawa namin. "Hi! Finally."

Habang papalapit kami, nagulat kami ng may sumulpot na babae. She was shorter than Crystal and me. She was an unfamiliar face, baka taga labas. She was wearing a simple floral dress, but her morena beauty was enough to make her stand out. 

"Hi guys, date ko. Si Yani," sabi ni Theo sabay akbay sa babae. Yani waved at us, holding a smoothie on her other hand. "Hello!"

"Hello!" bati namin. Crystal was actually being friendly right now. Tama ba 'to? "Wow, papatulan mo 'yan? Sure ka na?" Ky said. "Pa-check ka eyes," sunod na asar ni Vin. 

"Fake friends," Theo said with a pout. 

"Ano?" I asked Kyron as I caught his eyes on me. "Maganda ba?" I teased. Grabe ang confidence ko ngayon. Sulitin na lang. 

"Hindi," he replied. "Sus," I said in a sarcastic manner. Just where did I get this confidence from? 

"Medyo cute ka ng slight," habol niya. "Guys, pasok na tayo," sambit ni Crystal at napatingin kaming dalawa sa kaniya. We started walking beside each other. "If you say so," sabi ko sabay ngiti.  

Pagkapasok namin ay bumungad sa'min ang isang malaking selebrasyon. It was like a party of a lifetime o 'di kaya'y nasasabi ko lang 'yon dahil matagal na rin mula sa huling pagpunta ko sa isang party.

I explored my eyes on the site. The stage was, like I said, bigger than before as well as the sound system. Marami ring tao at sadyang nakabubulag ang mga ilaw. There's music playing in the background, and it's currently on a summer pop genre to further intensify the party mood. At sa dulo ay nakita ko ang linya ng lamesa where the drinks were. "Pst. Theo," bulong ko sa katabi ko sabay turo doon. Para naman siyang nagkaroon ng kung anong spark sa mata niya. "Let's drink!"

Tumingin ang mga kaibigan namin sa kaniya at tumango ang mga ito. 

"Drink moderately. Don't get too drunk. Ayaw ko na ulit kayo buhatin. Please lang," adviced Kyron. "Oo nga. Kung ano ano pang pinagsasabi niyo," dugtong ko pa.

"Kaunti lang!" Crystal playfully said, pinching the air to gesture her moderation. "Ah yes. This is my home!" sabi nila at nagpunta roon. At siyempre sumama rin kami. Drinks are not my thing, but it's not too bad in moderation either.

We poured drinks in cups at nagtinginan sa isa't isa kasama si Yani. Itinaas ni Vin ang baso niya at nagsunuran ang iba. "Isip bata. Amp," sabi ko, but I ended up initiating, "Cheers."

"To more inuman," Ky said in a smile, revealing the dimples in his face. "Tama behavior! To more inuman!" sagot ni Crystal. "To an eternal friendship."

"Wow, eternal." 

And that's how it goes. We drank and exchanged words and stories to our hearts' content. After that, we went back to the dancefloor at sakto namang lumakas lalo ang musika na para bang pinipilit kaming sumayaw. 

I don't know if Crystal is drunk pero bigla na lamang siyang sumayaw ng kung ano ano. She was doing normal party dances but more flirty. "Sayaw!" aya sa amin. "Hindi po namin siya kilala."

"KJs! Minsan lang 'to! I thought you, people, are partygoers."

Wala na kaming gumawa kundi sumayaw. No, actually. We are not dancing. We're more like vibing to the songs in varying genres of pop, indie, rock, hiphop, and more. Currently, 1990s R&B songs are playing. It feels nostalgic, fun, and safe! Talon lang kami nang talon gaya noong mini concert dito.

"Talon lang nang talon," reklamo sa amin ni Crystal. "Do you not know how to dance?" pagtataray niya. "Dapat ba gumapang?" tanong ni Vin. "Heh!"

Hindi naglaon ay nag-iba na ang vibe. The loud sounds resonating were suddenly calm and... romantic. Wow, okay. 

The neon lights that were once switching from one color to the other were now in a stable deep red. It was the strong and serene kind of red - the one with a lot of feelings and passion. With the ambiance of the color, everyone went to their partner to do a slow dance. Some went to seats, taking advantage of the time to rest. 

Our friends went to their partners. Crystal, who is currently dancing with Vin, winked at me na para bang sinasabing, "Take the opportunity, girl!" I gave her back a "Diskarte ko 'to! Lumandi ka diyan on your own" look. Wala naman siyang nagawa kundi ibalik ang atensyon sa kasayaw. 

Wow, sana all.

"Do you want to dance?" Naunahan ako ng katabi ko. "Boo. Ew. Too romantic," I said. At hindi ko 'yon sinabi para magpakipot. Ayaw ko lang talaga. I have other ways of showing my feelings, but not this way.

"Same feels," sabi niya. "Tara. Alis." I furrowed my brows. "Ano? Sa'n mo na naman ako dadalhin?"

"Wow ha, parang ang sama ko. Diyan lang sa may beach. Alis tayo ng venue." The lights were becoming dimmer as songs switch to a different kind of romance. "Wow, ikaw? Aalis sa venue?" I asked na parang gulat kasi masiyado siyang masunurin sa rules. But to think, maraming beses niya kami itinakas. 

"Ano ba? Rebel boy ako last life," he said. "By last life, dati."

"Oo na!" sabi ko na parang ayaw ko na marinig ang mga sinasabi niya, even though I want to hear it for as long as it lasts. "So saan?" I asked in an intimidating tone.

"May alam akong daan," sabi niya sabay kindat. 

We went outside the venue na para bang bibili sa mga booth pero nang makalabas kami ay lumiko kami at umakyat doon sa pinuntahan namin dati malapit sa clinic, the overlooking view place. "Dito?" I asked. "Hindi pa. Wait ka lang. Doon pa." He pointed to the rooftop of the clinic. "Huh? Walang hagdan?" pagtataka ko na hindi niya pinansin. Instead, he lead the way up. 

"Aakyat tayo. Okay lang ba?" he asked, but before he knew it, nakaakyat na ako. 

"Oo nga pala. Monkey ka last life," he joked. "Whatever." Umakyat din siya at tumabi sa akin. It was a higher site, but the higher, the better. 

Tumayo ako at nakita ng buong buo ang camp. The red light and resonating romance from the beachfront easily outdid the lights from the booths. Although far, it mixed with the town lights well. Tanaw ko rin mula rito ang probinsya. Kita ko ang mga bahay na magkakatabi at ang mga kotseng dumadaan kahit na gabi pa. I can also see from here the ferris wheel we rode and the temporary theme park where it stood. 

Kasabay ng pagsilip ko sa pangkalahatang lugar ay ang paghampas ng hangin at tunog ng alon. "Sarap ng hangin," I exclaimed, still standing at the top of an establishment in an already-high hill. Para bang wala akong takot na mahulog.

"Ano lasa?" pang-eepal naman ng katabi ko. "Haha. Obligatory laugh," I said in a sarcastic manner but with a smile fully genuine. "Hoy, umupo ka. Pag ikaw nahulog diyan, sinasabi ko sa'yo," he scolded me. Sinunod ko na lang siya at umupo dahil okay fine, medyo natatakot nga rin ako. 

"Ang ganda rin dito, ha. Mahilig ka sa wholesome places. Tama behavior," I said out of nowhere. "Sometimes, we need places like this." His sincere comment made my face hotter than ever, antagonizing the cold breeze of the evening. Para bang napatigil na lang ako at napatingin na lang sa kaniya. 

"You're not wearing your other bracelets," sabi niya sa'kin at dahil doon ay napatingin ako sa palapulsuan ko. "Oo. 'Yung bigay mo lang."

"Baby steps. Tama 'yan," he said. He was calmer than before, matching the soothing atmosphere. "Ikaw ba?" pag-uusisa ko. 

"What's your story?" I just can't stop myself from asking.

 "I feel like I just know a fragment of you. Ilang beses na kita inaaya magkwento..." I said. He was looking at the distance and not looking at me. Mabigat ata 'to sa kaniya. "But it's okay. Baby steps nga," I ended. Baka kasi isipin niya ay pinipilit ko siya ngayon na. 

"Bakit mo gusto malaman?" he asked, back in his usual smile, but I feel its pretence. "You like me?" he tried to kid, but I was not kidding. "Oo."

"Huh? Prank ba 'to?" he uttered with a nervous chuckle. 

And just like how the lights of the beachfront and the town meet that of the moon in a glow, clearer than ever. I have to set things clear because one way or another, I am going to encounter the same problem.

"I like you," I said. He was still confused pero ramdam ko na naiintindihan niya naman.

How can he not though?! I was so obvious? 

"Like as in like. The romantic and mature one," I cleared. "That's what I felt about you, answering your question that night."

I can feel that he is stunned. He cannot find the words. 

Because neither can I...

Pero dahil kaewanan ko naman ito, I tried finding still...

"And it's okay if you don't feel the same," sabi ko.