4. Crushed
729 Words
Jamie The opened behind me. I spun around, my stomach lurching and heart in my throat. Pa was in the doorway, eyes narrowed, mouth in a perfectly straight line.
I remained silent, standing up to meet his eyes. As much as I wanted to melt into a puddle of tears and disappear from the face of the earth, I would meet this like a man. I’d own up, try to explain, and hope for forgiveness.
“Do you realize what you’ve done?” Pa asked, cold fury dripping from his voice, “Of all people, I never would’ve thought you.”
I met his gaze firmly, though inside I was dying. “He was trying to spike her drink. It was an accident.”
“Family over friends, and especially girls!”
“It was an accident. I’m sorry. I know I was wrong, but-”
“Sorry doesn’t bring your brother back from the dead! I’m done with you!” Pa turned to leave.
I took a step forward, “Pa, please. I did what you said! Own up. Don’t make excuses. Explain why I did wrong. Apologize. Face it like a man. I did the best I could, please, rethink. Forgive me.” I was desperate. Maybe they needed time, but I needed forgiveness. I was angry enough at myself without them telling me how awful I was…
He turned slowly to face me. “There will never be forgiveness for the murder of your own brother. Over a girl.” Spit smacked the floor by my feet before the door shut with a bang and Pa was gone.
I sank down onto my bed. This was it, then? How long before they decided to banish me or have me taken away?
But they didn’t come. Nobody came, all day and the next night went without a single word or sight of another person.
The next morning I mustered up the courage to go out. I stood at my door for nearly an hour, telling myself that they’d had time to cool down. That they wouldn’t hurt me, words couldn’t hurt me, I’d be okay. Maybe this is what they were waiting for, for me to come out and show that, I don’t know, I wasn’t guilty because I could bear to show my face? Some weird thing like that?
Finally, I opened the door and stepped out into the empty hallway. Silence. Slowly, I made my way out towards the living room. I stopped in the doorway, seeing Ma, Pa, and my brother David. How would they react?
Although they were all facing me, besides David’s eyes flicking to the doorway and quickly away, nobody paid me any attention.
I hesitated for a moment, before walking into the room and sitting down in an empty chair. And waited. I doubted they, Ma especially, could ignore such an audacious move.
“How was school yesterday David?” Pa asked, pointedly not looking at me.
“Oh, fine, I got a 100 in math.” He responded.
They continued talking about mundane subjects, pretending I wasn’t there. Occasionally throwing in things suggesting that David was an only child.
“So did you decide which of the three bedrooms you wanted? Nice to have so many choices!”
“Nice not having any competition for grades around here, isn’t it?”
“You should invite some friends over, with nobody your age here it must be pretty lonely!”
After the last sentence, I got up abruptly and went back towards my room, stopping in the doorway just long enough to say, “I hate me too, happy yet?” Before storming off.
I buried my face in my hands after I locked myself safely in my room. I wasn’t going to stay here, there was no way I could. Not with them the way they were.
I got a plan… A plan that might make them sorry and I might feel a bit better. Before I left, I wrote a note explaining exactly where I was going and why.
If this didn’t get them to rethink, nothing would.
- Writer
